Real World: The End

Previously: Did you know that Hair is annoying? Well, he is. In fact, he’s UNBELIEVABLY annoying. And, oh, awesome- he’s back to do a photo shoot. I thought they did that crap at the beginning of the season for precisely this reason?

Next time do a little pre-production.

Jimmeh and Meathead play-fight as she tells us that their situation could go either way. She so wants him, and he is so not having it. Jemms: If you love something, set it free.

Or kick it in the nuts. Either way.

Preston asks Eyes what he thinks of the roommates. Oh damn, Eyes smokes? We’ve reached the season finale and suddenly he’s not perfect! Anyway, Eyes says Preston and Jimmeh could be real friends outside of the house. Meathead would be a friend, but not an especially close friend, because he says stuff that Eyes does not want to be associated with. He likes Starfish and doesn’t really know Lips, so there goes my plan for an Eyes/Lips hookup. And he earns even more awesome points when he says that he regrets his early flirtation with Ruthie Jr. and wishes he hadn’t even gone there.

Preston says he feels bad that none of them could get through to Hair. Oh Preston, trust me, IT’S NOT YOU. A baseball bat to the head wouldn’t get through to him, he has got some undiagnosed mental issues. And I don’t mean OCD. And then Eyes earns even MORE awesome points by saying that he doesn’t feel bad for Hair and Hair didn’t respect any of them. Then he says this is all something to look back on and laugh at.

One of Starfish’s many creepers has apparently been deemed worthy of being identified, as she tells us “This is Graaaaant… We… met on St. Patrick’s Day.” Oh, would you look at that? He told his mom and sister that he has a crush on Starfish… “Which is serious stuff.” They smooch.

Ruthie Jr.’s friend Lila calls to tell her that Pablo declares his New Orleans visit his “biggest mistake of the year.” That sounds like a bad movie trailer. Pablo’s message to Ruthie Jr. is that if he wanted to be with someone who walks all over him he would have gone back to his ex. Mi scusi? What show was I watching, because there’s no way that jackass has any right to say that shit. Lila gives it to her straight: he doesn’t respect their relationship. Ruthie Jr. tells Lila to tell Pablo that she will not answer his emails because she’s so angry after the shit she just put up with. Good for her. Then she goes on to say that she’ll THINK about talking to him when she gets back, but she’s not a little bitch and she’s done with guys like him. Even better for her. It would be awesome if she kept her word.

Love hurts.

Preston is as baffled by this as I am, and Ruthie Jr. says he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. Ruthie Jr. tells us that when someone takes advantage of her, walks all over her, and doesn’t care how she feels, she’s done with that person. Silly me, all these years I’ve been clinging on to people who take advantage of me, walk all over me, don’t care how I feel. I’ve been doing it all wrong! Thanks for the enlightenment.

Various roomies gather in and around the hot tub. Grant is there, and Starfish tells us she likes him more than she planned. I honestly do not know why we’re bothering with him at this point in time.

Man, that water probably needs a shower by now.

Eyes and Meathead have decided to take on the challenge at the Creole Creamery. It’s 8 scoops of ice cream, 8 toppings, half a can of whipped cream, and 8 cherries. Damn, that’s no joke. If you finish it, your name goes on the wall. Now, I love ice cream as much as the next person (in fact, probably more), but I would never do this because it has the potential to ruin ice cream for me forever. Also, there’s a new frozen yogurt place near where I work, and they keep advertising “frozen yogurt your way.” You know what frozen yogurt my way is? ICE CREAM.

I did it my way.

Meathead regrets the gummy bears, which are now rock solid. Eyes says he should have gotten all one flavor. Ooh, good one. Jimmeh shows up. Oh, and various other roomies and friends were there the whole time. Starfish says they both got a look in their eyes at the 30 minute mark, knowing that they wouldn’t make it. Cue Meathead outside vomiting up ice cream, gummy bears, and maybe a pancreas or a spleen or something. We get some fantabulous close ups of it, chunky with gummy bears and all. Eyes throws up in the bathroom, so we don’t have to watch. He tells the guy behind the counter there’s no mess. Thoughtful, responsible, clean. Love it.

All over our floor.

Starfish, Eyes, and Meathead arrive for their last day at Habitat for Humanity. They’re finishing up the house we saw at the beginning of the season. Eyes tells us the three of them have formed a bond by working together. Wacky wobbly ladder hijinks ensue.

Hey, remember the first or second episode when Preston and Lips decided to intern for a radio station? Well, we’re back to that! They’re interviewing locals in order to determine the three foods one must eat in New Orleans.

Ruthie Jr. tell us she knows Elie has “his own reasons” for his behavior during the visit. If you call being a douche “reasons” then sure. She says his actions made it seems like he doesn’t care about her even though she knows he does. She has to think, or something. Hey lady- Actions speak louder than words. Stitch that onto a pillow or something until it sinks in.

Preston feeds her a pastry and blows confectioner’s sugar all over her face. Haha Preston, good one.

Last chance to just stare into these eyes.

The Habitat trio are at the house, along with the girl who’s buying it and her cute little kids. Starfish tells us she remembers day one, before the house was built, and now it’s a home. She’s so deep and articulate. The Habitat people present the girl with the key to her new home, and she gives a big thank you to everyone who worked on the house.

Starfish gets all crazy emotional, crying and hugging and whatnot. She never expected volunteering to change her as a person. She’s come so far guys! She hasn’t blacked out in weeks, and she probably hasn’t killed anyone either! She might not be too sure about that last part, though.

I finally figured out how to get a free house!

A big ass Edible Arrangements fruit basket arrives at the house. Oh, what do you know? Jackass Pablo has sent this as an apology to the roommates. While apparently saying shit about Ruthie Jr. to people. She thinks it’s good that he sent it, because now she can use this as an excuse to go running back to him.

Preston sits Ruthie Jr. down for a fireside chat because, as he puts it, “girl needs a wakeup call.” Good luck with that, buddy. He tells her Pablo made her look like a total idiot, and asks her what she gets mad at Jimmeh for. Ruthie Jr. claims that she doesn’t let him walk all over her, and Preston says it seems like the relationship is “very much on his terms.” She says she needs to figure it out. Putting aside the fact that he was a drunk asshole, is there ANYTHING appealing about that ridiculous specimen? I just don’t see it.

Oh, joy. The roomies are getting ready for their photoshoot and Hair is back. Awww, Meathead getting powdered up. Hair walks in and Lips tells us that his mere presence is filling the house with tension. People want to say things to him but they’re holding it in.

Hair asks Preston for a cigarette. He says he doesn’t have one. He tells us he doesn’t care if he ever sees Hair again. Well, neither did I, and look where that got me. Preston lights up his own cigarette, and Hair is deeply offended that he didn’t share. Somehow, this does not end with another flashback to Hair rubbing Preston’s cigarettes on his ass. That was merciful of you, Bunim-Murray. Thank you.

The roomies have their photoshoot while Hair tells us that everyone’s fine and acting like nothing happened, but “deep down they know they’re douchebags.” DUDE. It’s actually more that everyone EXCEPT FOR YOU knows that YOU are a douchebag. This kid is still making my skin crawl. During a break, Hair gets on the phone with brother and breaks some opera glasses. Luckily, I don’t think anyone was going to use them. He tells us the roomies were bored without him. Then he gets off the phone and walks over to Eyes, who is sitting with his eyes closed on the couch. Hair starts poking around near his junk, and poor defenseless Eyes is startled awake.

Hair then tries to sneak up on Meathead, but gets caught. So instead he tries to cuddle him. Meathead tries to laugh it off but seems pretty weirded out, saying he feels scared instead of safe in Hair’s arms.

More photoshoot, and then they’re done. Hair immediately leaves, telling us he’s glad he doesn’t have to stay here. You and me both, fucktard. Jimmeh calls a “bye” after him since he just walked out without saying anything. Meathead says it was good to see him, and they can be friends as long as they don’t live together. Seriously, dude?

Meathead is going to give an interview to Lips for her food segment, and he hilariously does a quick vocal warmup before bringing up crawfish in a ridiculous voice/accent and saying “that gunk that comes out of their head is dee-lish-iss!” TWSS. Lips is cracking up and I’ve got to admit, that was pretty amusing.

Could you maybe put on some shorts or something?

 

Preston and Lips give an interview before their segment airs on the radio, while the rest of the roomies listen via laptop in the kitchen. The roomies are all very impressed with Lips’ radio voice. I’d say she has a face for radio, but that’s mainly because her lips take up half the television screen. Preston mentions puffing the confectioner’s sugar in people’s faces. Lips tell us the interning was “probably one of the best” things she did in New Orleans. My, what a glowing review. She’s happy to have it on her resume.

Meathead and Jimmeh toss the pigskin. That’s not a euphemism- I know clarification is necessary with these two. Although Jimmeh is wearing a bikini for no apparent reason. Then she catches the football between her legs. I couldn’t make that up if I tried.

Poor people version of the ThighMaster

The roomies and their friends are having a big crawfish dinner for their last hurrah. Starfish pleads with them to go to crawfish heaven as she drops them into boiling water. She totally broke into her high school to save the frogs from being dissected, didn’t she?

Gahhh, so much food! I’m kinda hungry. Jimmeh is very sad to say goodbye because she cares about her roommates and loves New Orleans and it’s never going to be the same. Damn, just got a wave of nostalgia for the apartment I had with my college roommates. They line up along with water at sunset looking like a postcard… and then ruin it by yelling at each other. Then some of them throw up devil horns and they just yell at the water.

We should have drowned Eyes when we had the chance.

Wooo, last bar night! Tequila shots! Meathead doesn’t want to leave. Ruthie Jr. is already crying. Starfish wants to see Grant again. Preston caught the feelings from Mutey. Or from sharing a bedroom with Jimmeh and Meathead, it’s tough to tell. He says he wants the last face he sees in New Orleans to be Mutey’s. They kiss good night and Preston locks the gate while Mutey wanders off into the night looking like he’s 14 years old.

The rest of the roomies (minus Lips) are walking home. Wacky shopping cart hijinks ensue, as Jimmeh gets in and Meathead hops on for the ride. Of course, they eventually takes a spill and Ruthie Jr. gets all mean, no-fun mom on them and tells them to get out.

Eyes hangs up Alex the telephone, which is weird because I didn’t know he knew anyone else. Have we ever heard him talk to or even about any of his friends or family? Ruthie Jr. says she doesn’t want to pack, and she’ll back in Dreary Dearborn the next day.
Preston has fixed himself up a nice bubble bath, with bath salts and everything, but Meathead is unwilling to have any of that pesky peace and quiet crap. He promptly starts throwing everything he can find into the bathtub, from plants to human skulls to a lovely plastic Mardi Gras lady. Preston decides he might as well go for the girl since she’s in there and all, which prompts Meathead to smack Preston’s bare ass until Meathead falls headfirst into the tub. Very dangerous, but he’s not hurt so it’s hilarious!

Even trees have to keep their balls clean.

Preston says goodnight to Ruthie Jr. and Starfish, who says she doesn’t want to go to bed because she doesn’t want today to end, because that would make it tomorrow. What a sparkling sense of time she has.

Meathead pushes his bed over to meet Lips’ bed, and declares he wants to sleep between Lips and Jimmeh. Then he suggest sleeping sideways so he doesn’t have to be in the crack… of the beds, people. Jimmeh tells us she doesn’t want to leave, because she found herself and found a family. So DEEP. There’s one every season. In bed, Meathead lets a huge one rip. Always the charmer.

Families fart in bed! WAAAHHH!

A few pretty scenery shots of New Orleans. I’m going to miss those. I’m a sucker for pretty scenery. Actually, I’m going to be in New Orleans myself in less than 24 hours, so I supposed I’ll see some pretty scenery then.

Preston joins the clusterfuck in Meathead and Lips’ room. Jimmeh asks what happened in that room, and in that house, then answers her own question with “Life happened.” Lips awesomely says “…what?” That’s what you get for trying to philosophize and get all deep in thought this early in the damn morning.

Various getting-ready shots, the most important one being Starfish putting on her favorite hair accessory. I love it when things come full circle. Or in this case, full star. (Leave me alone. It’s late, and I’m tired.) Oh, and a shot of Meathead’s ceiling planter covered in panties. Did he hook up with anyone besides Jimmeh this season?

Sir, I’m gonna need to see your panties.

Preston says this sucks, as he’s about to go back to Boston, “broke-style.” They sit outside on the steps, and Starfish makes up some superlatives: Lips gets “Best Radio Voice” which I suppose is better than Best Radio Face. Ruthie Jr. gets “Best Voice.” Jimmeh gets “Most Improved.” Ha! Sometimes Starfish is awesome. Jimmeh tells us it’s a hard day and the experience changed all of them, but it’s coming to an end.

And here’s our first goodbye: Preston. Mutey shows up in a cab to pick him up. Hugs all around, but his most notable goodbye is the one with Meathead, whom Preston calls “the most lovable jackass I’ve ever met.” Meathead plants one right on his lips and says Preston opened his eyes and he’ll miss him. Preston says this helped him become comfortable with himself. The roomies tell Mutey to keep in touch too, although I don’t know how he’ll do that since he doesn’t speak. Perhaps he’ll email. Eyes is amazed that Preston the heartbreaker was the one to find love in New Orleans. Then he says Mutey “has tamed the giant beast.”

Last chance to see Randy Jackson young again.

As the cab drives away, Mutey speaks! He tells Preston he’s excited to go to Boston. Awww, bye Preston! I ended up liking you quite a bit.

It starts to rain, so the roomies take their stair sitting party into the living room. (I guess? I don’t know, there’s a couch.) They sit around in silence until Eyes announces that he and Starfish have to leave. Much teary-eyed giggling ensues as Starfish hugs everyone goodbye. Then Eyes and Ruthie Jr. have a long hug goodbye as Eyes tells us she’s grown a lot as a singer, but she needs to forget about Elie if she’s going to make it. Man, what a waste. In the end, it comes down to the fact that she’s way too immature for him. Then Eyes says goodbye to Lips and tells her he’s going to be able to dunk on her next time he sees her (referring to basketball, in case anyone was unclear). She gives him a hilarious “Sir!” that seems to mean “bitch, please!”

Starfish and Eyes are glad they get to leave with someone. Starfish says the whole thing feels like a dream. She has a thank you letter for New Orleans that includes “letting us jump on the Saints bandwagon,” and everything else from various parts of the season. I actually like Starfish a lot too. She’s weird but nice. And it’s hard not to love Eyes. Besides being delicious eye candy, he’s smart, funny, and seems really nice. He made me LOL with several one-liners throughout the season. Talk about the whole package.

Love the package.

The rest of the roomies sit in silence until Meathead says what you all knew he was thinking: “Three of you. One of me. Confessional. Orgy.” Ruthie Jr. says that’s been his dream since they got there. Duh.

He doesn’t get a chance though, because a cab shows up for Ruthie Jr. and Lips. Meathead tells us he and Lips formed a brother/sister relationship, and they got closer by sharing a room. Then he says one of these days he’s going to “try out those lips” and apparently she knows what he’s talking about. So much for brother/sister, because that would be a nice big ew.

Ruthie Jr. is surprised at how much of a bond she has with her roommates. They’ll be special to her from now until death.

Lips is happy she got to gain radio experience and learn the elementary concept that RED MEANS RECORD. Don’t think I forgot about that, lady. She got to experience New Orleans in a unique way. Lips was mildly entertaining, but she was really on the sidelines the entire season. Total benchwarmer.

Ruthie Jr. didn’t think she would leave Dreary Dearborn until she was 23 or 24, but she thinks she stepped forward in New Orleans. Now she feels like she’s stepping backwards but has no other choice. This girl needs to get out of her own way. She needs to make a decision to stay in Dearborn or get out. Either way she needs to dump the douche. I’ll be honest, she might be my least favorite roommate now that Hair is gone. Hopefully she just has some growing up to do.

Move, girl! They need waitresses in New Orleans, too!

Jimmeh is sad to leave, but Meathead says at leas they went out with a bang. Maybe they christened the confessional? We don’t get any clarification. Jimmeh says they had some good times and wild nights. Her hand is on his shoe but he could not care less about that. And then a cab pulls up. “Uh oh,” articulates Meathead. It’s for him.

Jimmeh starts sobbing when she hears that he’s leaving. She buries her head in his shoulder and he wraps her up in a nice big hug. She tells us that when Meathead walked in she never expected anything to happen. But then the “Jimmeh’s first white boy” bet turned into “hooking up and having a good time.” She says it’s a strong bond unlike anything she’s every experienced before… “it’s real.” As opposed to all of the apparently fake bonds she’s had before. Hope that makes you feel good about yourselves, everyone from Jimmeh’s past!

As they walk out, Meathead gives her a quick kiss on the lips like he’s being sneaky or something. And with that, he’s gone. He might have been my biggest roller coaster this season in terms of likability. I know you guys have mixed feelings about him, but I just can’t hate him. I don’t like him as much as I did at the beginning of the season though.

Jimmeh wanders around the sad, empty house, telling us how much she’s going to miss everything as we cue up the Memory Clips. We get a flashback to the “big-ass cockroach,” the Great Interruption of Jimmeh and Meathead’s bubble bath, Meathead’s GODAWFUL bathing suit, etc. Jimmeh says the city and the experience are magical and she’s forever grateful. She puts on a nice Dick Tracy hat and drives herself away from the house. I really liked her a lot more than I expected I would.

Well, there you have it Gasmii: season 24 is dunzo! Not gonna lie, I’m a little sad it’s over even though I’m pretty sure I would start to get sick of some of the roomies if it went on any longer. But with the exception of Hair being one of the most hatable roommates in Real World history, I didn’t really hate any of the others. They had their moments (not you, Eyes, you’re perfect), but for the most part I liked them. I missed a few seasons, but this has been my favorite one since San Diego ten seasons ago. I like that the roommates mostly got along and had fun, but were still entertaining. What did everyone think? Favorite roommate? Least favorite (besides Hair, because that’s too obvious)? Oh, and how annoying were those few minutes of seeing him back in the house?

And finally, thank you all for a fantastic season. I loved reading all of your comments and opinions, whether you agreed or disagreed. And to those of you who disagreed, thank you for making intelligent arguments that gave me something to think about. Now I’m off for a little vacation and I’ll be back in a few weeks to cover The Challenge: CUTTHROAT. I’ll be practicing my tangram puzzles in the meantime!