Tex Ritter was known as the singing cowboy. He’s also known as the late John Ritter’s father. Tex could really sing, so could Roy Rogers and Dale Evans, so I guess it’s not so hard to see why our Stallionaires are also into singing and why at some point, we would all have to listen to the whole herd of women on this show sing. I wish I could say it’s a pleasant surprise. Their singing is about as pleasant as sitting on a cactus when you squat down to pee. And remember, singing can call all kinds of savage beasts from the wild. You never know who might show up at your door.
“Hey baby, were you singing that song for me? You make me wanna put on my thong and my watch and get down with my bad self. Do you know ‘Muskrat Love’?”
Hold onto your earplugs or just turn off the sound for this week’s episode “Call of the Wild”. See you after the jump!!Before we begin this week’s recap, I need to address a problem with this show that is making it unwatchable.
Basically this show has evolved into 3 major activities (1) The girls have a challenge (2) the winning team goes on a date with the guys and (3) there is an elimination. Not much to look forward to other than the occasional fight in the house. This show has nothing more to offer than that and I think even the women in the house are getting bored with each other.
The worst complaint is BB is a back stabber and Flirty is as dumb as she is pretty. That’s it. This formula for a reality show is so over, jumped the shark, and all the other things you can say when something is old and tired. Take notice VH1 and bring something new to the reality show genre. Thank you for letting me blow off a little steam.
This week the women learn that our Stallionaires love animals. All kinds of animals and they want to do something to raise awareness for endangered species. So the women are divided into two teams. They are given the melody of a song and each woman has to write a verse about a particular animal. The whole team will sing the chorus of the song together.
Some people love animals too much.
The women were given one hour to write the lyrics to their song, then they were off to a recording studio for a quick run through before singing. The two teams were (1) Last of Dying Breed and (2) Exotic Endangered Species.
All the women before they sing their songs. No one is angry at this point.
So the women all get assigned a particular animal to sing about. Some of the women look scared or confused. But Sassy says she is a musical genius, I guess we’ll find out. The Stallionaires brother Micah, who guest starred as “Bigfoot” on this show is the guest judge this week. Our girls one hour is up so they move to a recording studio.
Up first we have “Last of A Dying Breed” This team includes Mama who has enormous boobs of which she is very proud. Unfortunately, she can’t sing and would be wise to just stand there and jiggle. Pocahontas, is gorgeous, she also can’t sing. Next is Spanish Fly who has the distinction of being the worst singer of this dying breed. Finally our musical genius Sassy sings and who knew? She wasn’t lying, she was awesome.
This girl just heard Last of the Dying Breed sing, poor thing.
Next up is our Exotic Endangered Species. First up is Doll, she is no singer and is very, very bad. Blonde Baller was a good singer and Flirty wasn’t too terrible. But when they sang the chorus of their song “animals are awesome” they really did well. It was a good hook for the song and the judges all liked it and were swaying back and forth and cheering the ladies on.
The winning team doing their chorus “Animals are awesome, awesome”
They finished their song and it was time for the Stallionaires to make their decision. Although they complimented both teams, they picked Exotic Endangered Species. So Blonde Baller, Doll , Baker and Flirty win a date with the guys. Of course, the other team “Last of a Dying Breed” was not happy and began to sit around and complain about everything.
So the girls on the winning team have dates with the guys. The first date is for Hot Wings goes out with Chance and Classy goes out with Real. They go to a nice Italian restaurant and seem to have a nice time although Real eats spaghetti like a pig and talks while eating. It was pretty gross. After dinner they go home and that’s the end of the date.
Shut your mouth when you chew, please! Ick, I’m not sure but winning a date with this doesn’t really seem like a prize.
On the second date, Blonde Baller and Flirty go out with Chance and Real has a one-on-one date with Doll. Blonde Baller is angry because she doesn’t get to be alone with Chance and Flirty is taking over the conversation.
Flirty should have kept her mouth shut, she proceeds to tell Chance all about her DWI, she was robbed twice and she lost her dog. It makes Chance wonder what kind of person Flirty is and who are her friends. Chance tells her that she should hang out with different people, that way she won’t have so many problems.
Flirty didn’t really appreciate comments about her lifestyle or her friends. But it was probably good for Chance to find out what kind of person she is, in other words, she just completely ruined her chances of winning this competition for the last girl standing.
Blonde Baller has been stewing all night about not getting any alone time with Chance, but as soon as Flirty finishes, Blonde Baller fills Chance in about the women in the house. Basically Blonde Baller throws everyone else under the bus. She’s lying about some of the things she says, but for the most part, she’s spreading lies about all the women.
Blonde Baller is throwing people under the bus left and right. Is anyone still buying that she got her nickname because she likes to play basketball?
Meanwhile, Real and Doll have gone to his room and Doll is wrestling with him. They are jumping on the bed and rolling around. It was very entertaining and you can totally see that both of them are having fun.
Meanwhile Baker is yelling at anyone who will listen. Blonde Baller says she can’t argue with any of the other women because they are dumb. It took this many weeks for BB to figure out that the women were dumb? My dog knew that after the first episode.
And this brings us to one of the most iconic scenes in all of reality TV. Mama is wearing a bikini and sitting on a bar stool with her legs apart. She seems like she is very comfortable. She is talking with the girls and then she says “Just wait, I gotta go pee in the pool”. No one says anything to her and off she trots to go pee in the pool!!
Ummmmm, she pees in the pool.
Word to the rest of the women, stay out of the pool.
Spanish Fly is worried about whether or not she’ll be eliminated, so she puts on a blue tube top and some high waisted black spandex pants and heels and goes up to see Chance. First, she gets to his room and can’t get the door open. Apparently she’s never had to turn a door knob before.
Doors can be so hard to open!! Spanish Fly wants quality time with Chance, but it’s hard to have quality time with someone who is vacant inside.
When she finally makes it inside the room, she sits on the bed with Chance. So she starts talking to him, and he is getting so bored he almost falls asleep. Even Chance says he can’t hang with this girl, she’s just too boring.
When Spanish Fly goes to leave, she can’t figure out how to open the door AGAIN!! It’s the same door so turn the knob and pull the door. After she finally figures it out she leaves the room. Chance just shakes his head, he can’t believe she can be that dumb. But you have to know that she is a very special kind of dumb, the whole door knob problem was really funny.
Mama decides she needs to see Chance too. She’s wearing a very small and tight dress and she sits on the horse in his room. Then she proceeds to throw Blonde Baller under the bus. While she’s doing this she bounces around a lot and giggles. She’s very pretty, but between her giggling and her tight clothes, I think she’s as boring as Spanish Fly.
Next up it’s elimination. Real picks Hot Wings, Classy, Poca and Sassy. Chance has Doll, Mama, Baker and Flirty. So the bottom two this week are Blonde Baller and Spanish Fly. Chance tells Blonde Baller he likes her but she’s gossips a lot and talks more about others than she does about herself and Chance. Spanish Fly is beautiful, but there are no sparks, she can’t “conversate” (which isn’t a word by the way) and that really turned Chance off. So chance picks Blonde Baller.
It’s down to these two which one will survive the elmination? No one cares.
Spanish Fly isn’t very upset but she does say that she has a personality. I guess she must have left it at home or maybe it’s stuffed in her bra somewhere.
Well, we are down to nine women. Until next time. Giddy up!! Hi Ho Silver and Away! Happy Trails and all that crap,,,,,,,