Real Chance of Love: Pitching and Bitching

When I heard about this show, I thought it would be couples at a dude ranch, riding and roping to win a date with a cute cowboy. I was wrong, very wrong.

On this week’s show we see the women audition for an infomercial to promote Real and Chance’s product lines. While they might not win an Emmy anytime soon, it’s pretty funny watching them squirm. Amazing that women who take their clothes off in front of a room full of people, are shy when a camera is on. Maybe they should have stripped while pitching the products to relieve their nerves. Now that, would be a different kind of infomercial.

We also find out that life in a house full of women is not always blue skies and happiness. And it’s not just Blonde Baller stirring up trouble. P.S. is a bit of a bee-yotch and shows her true colors in a way that is offensive to everyone, even me

So let’s not waste anymore time as we watch the ladies pitch new products in an audition for an infomercial to win a date with the Stallionaires. It’s mighty good TV viewing this week partners, strap on your chaps and get those spurs on your boots and mosey on over to a wild west saloon. Have the bar keep pour you a shot of whiskey and light up a Camel unfiltered cigarette and step into the real true cowboy life of The Real Chance of Love.

See you after the jump, Yee Haw!!
We begin this week with Mamacita pondering her fate as a “Real” girl instead of a “Chance” girl. Last week, Mama had a date with Chance that ended in him puking into a shrub while she sat alone at a table. Mama also thought that Chance was mean to her during the date and she was very upset. So when Real offered her a chain, she jumped over to Real’s team and avoided being cut from the show. I was impressed that Mama used her head a little to stay on the show.

By changing teams, Mama is hoping Chance will miss her and want her back. She doesn’t think she has anything in common with the rest of Real’s women because she has big boobs. Seriously, would she and Spanish Fly be on this show if they didn’t have big boobs? They’re not exactly conversationalists. They just giggle and jiggle, in fact we should be calling them Giggle and Jiggle.

No matter what anyone says to Mama, she thinks her breasts are the reason she and Real don’t have a physical attraction. After listening to Mama’s ridiculous baby voice complaining that Real is not interested in her boobs, Real leans in to reassure her and says the words that could make any woman melt. Just 5 little words sure to convince even the most skeptical woman that she is special. Real whispers “You got my jeans up.” How could anyone resist a man that talks like that?

Meanwhile, Chance is in another room rubbing P.S.’s neck and back. She tells him she has a headache and that he is making her feel better. The other girls are wondering what PS is up to because she is supposed to be a “Real Girl”. I don’t think this part was really proof of PS being undecided between the two. The only thing that this is proof of is that P.S. is a whining, needy woman with no class at all. She just wants to constantly point out that she is so much smarter and classier than the rest of these women. P.S. is trying to put herself up on a pedestal instead of down in the coral with the rest of the herd.

Sassy on the other hand, is sick of PS and sees this as the perfect opportunity for her to badmouth her. Sassy tells PS that she doesn’t like “flip-floppers” (a term for women who
change teams on this show) and then she walks outside. PS follows Sassy to confront her.

Sassy accuses PS of liking Chance and not belonging on the Real team. PS says she wasn’t doing anything wrong and then she says “I come from a rich-ass family, I don’t have to deal with this s@@t!” After yelling at Sassy, PS runs into Real and tells him he needs to “straighten her little ghetto-ass out.” Ooh, that is not the best choice of words. She says ghetto like she means something else. PS talks to Real like she ordering her lunch from a waiter and like she is the star of this show and he should jump and do whatever she wants. Something tells me that Real does not appreciate being treated like a servant.

When PS orders Real to straighten out Sassy, something in her tone makes Real think that PS might be a high maintenance woman. Duh.

PS is either delusional or high if she thinks she is so much above all these other women. She has been right down there in the muck with these ladies since day one. There is nothings that screams “Rich-Ass” or “High Class” about P.S. I think PS sees herself as a mix of Princess Grace and Mother Teresa. That’s not even close.

So onto this week’s challenge. The boys gather all the women together and divide them into two teams. They tell the girls that Real is developing a line of hair care products so he can share his haircare with the world. Real has very pretty shiny hair and I could see how other people would want to know which products he uses to get his hair to be so soft and shiny.

His brother Chance is developing a line of skin care products. The skin care includes a lip balm and a sunscreen and some other lotions and face cream. The skin care line and hair care lines both look like decent products. They have mostly natural ingredients and the packaging looks good.

Each team will develop an infomercial. One team will do the hair care line and the other team will do the skin care line. The team with the best infomercial will win a date with the guys. They give the girls one hour to work on the pitch.

Team one must make the presentation about Chance’s Skin Care line. Team one includes Hot Wings, Blonde Baller, Baker, Flirty and Spanish Fly. Team two is PS, Sassy, Doll, Poca, Classy and Mamacita. Team two is promoting the haircare line.

Both teams pick the host, writer, director and begin to work on their presentations. It’s obvious right away that PS’s team seems to be very organized and they are confident they will win this challenge and get a date with their man. They are looking at this like a professional work assignment. Basically it looks like they are all just posers trying to act like they have done ad campaigns in the past. I guess if you count being strippers and as a PR job, you have a point.

Over on the other team, Hot Wings is the host and the other girls are helping. Hot Wings looks lost and says “Trying to read and host is like trying to be the President of the United States.” I had no idea that Hot Wings even knew we had a President, good for you honey!!

Meanwhile back on the other team, PS is once again making a bad comparison. I wonder if she knows she is saying these things out loud?

PS says that it’s like the Strippers (other team) vs. The Office girls, she knows they are smarter and she knows they will do a professional job. I don’t know about who is smarter, but BB doesn’t think an hour is enough time when you’re working with brain dead strippers.

BB makes good observations and does not mince words, she tells it like it is. That’s kind of refreshing. Plus, no one on the skincare team looks like they are worried except for Hot Wings and that’s only because she is the host. Oh well, if they lose it’s only one challenge lost right? Plus, they have all the big boobs on this team, except for the biggest boob, Mamacita.

The women all pile into separate vans and head to the studio. At the studio, they are introduced to the guest judge for this episode, it’s the famous long haired high energy Tony Little! This guy knows all about being successful in an infomercial.

Here we go, this is Tony Little not Little Tony. I was wondering why he was dressed like Elvis.

Tony tells the women they need to be high energy and do something that will make someone want to buy what they are selling. If people are bored, they will just change the channel. The girls are each given 15 minutes to practice on the set and then it’s show time.

First up is Hot Wings group pitching the skin care line. I was expecting a really bad performance, but surprise, Hot Wings got the high energy excitement from Tony Little and she really stepped up and put on a good show. As the different ladies stopped by to try the products, it was a little unorganized, but it was funny, not a bit boring and Hot Wings was a really good host. They guys were all laughing and nodding their heads. Good Job ladies, no one saw that one coming.

So now it’s time for PS’s team. Mamacita and Classy are hosting together. Mama proves that there is little to nothing inside her head. Unfortunately for Classy, every time Mama has a line, she just sits there and smiles. She forgot everything she was supposed to say and there were a lot of awkward pauses with Mama just sitting there giggling.

Mama did not take this challenge seriously even though some people need serious help with their hair. Like the lady below who is losing her battle with her hair which is in danger of taking over the planet!

Mama’s giggling is pissing everyone off, but she is dumbstruck and can’t say a word except “ummmmm” or the ever popular “iiiiiiiiiiiiii”. When someone asks her a question she fumbles it and she is terrible. The only thing worse than her not having anything to say when they were introducing the product, is when she has nothing to say when someone asks her a question. It makes me wonder how she interviewed for this show.

The only bright spot during the audition was when Doll came out and said she used the products on her hair . Doll was really a good and pleasant host. She should have been the host. Doll was the most natural speaker and they didn’t use her until the end. Most people would have changed the channel after the first few minutes.

I have to admit, I was totally shocked at Hot Wings pitch. When she was rehearsing she was awful, but she really took the advice from Tony Little seriously and she acted very excited and eager to talk about the skin care line.

And as far as Mama and Classy? Well, they were boring, unorganized and had a lot of awkward pauses. The Stallionaires pretend to fall asleep while the hair care group was performing. The boys liked Doll and wanted to know why she wasn’t the host. Personally, I’m wondering why no one is accusing Mama of being a traitor and purposely ruining the sales pitch. Maybe they aren’t as suspicious as I am or maybe they realize she’s not smart enough to do that.

The boys give their critique and so does Tony Little. He tells the skin care group that they had high energy, were funny and he liked it. He said they were a little unorganized, but they made up for it by their delivery. On the other hand, the other group was slow, no energy and had everyone changing the channel. So the winner is the skin care group.

However, PS is about to shoot herself in the foot again, she says that the other group was “ghetto” and that her group was professional. If they wanted them to just act stupid and laugh, they could have done that, instead they gave a professional performance.

And then PS does it again, she says her group is like the ladies from “The View” vs. Ghetto. Oh, my. I don’t think this went over very well. She says Ghetto like she is saying the n-word and that is not missed by Real and Chance.

The winning team gets to go out to a club for drinks and dancing. Hot Wings is pouting in a corner because Chance is making out with BB and Baker. Except for HW, all the rest are having a great time.

The next day, a tattoo guy comes to the house with his needles, art books and ink to do tattoos. Some of the girls are actually getting tattoos to show their love for the guys. I guess they don’t realize that after the show is over, the tattoos remain. Just ask the stripper from Rock of Love who sports “Brett” on the back of her neck.

I can’t imagine just opening a book and pointing and saying put this on my back or ankle. Bad haircuts grow out, so do perms and bad dye jobs. Tattoos do not go away unless you pay a lot of money and then it hurts more to get the tattoos off than it does to put them on.

Can you guess who gets a tattoo on her boob?

Baker, gets the word “Stallionette” across her side. Chance likes it. BB thinks the women getting tattoos to prove their love for the guys are stupid. I agree, but it makes for good TV. I can’t wait until they try to explain it to their friends.

Chance is flirting with Mama. He tells her that she should go back over to Real, but she likes Chance and no surprise here, she wants him back. Real says he is suspicious that Mama might be a “flip-flopper”. Gee Real, you think she’s just with you to make your brother jealous?

Sassy and Real go to the pool alone to talk. Stay out of the water, Mama’s been peeing in it.

Hot Wings, not wanting to leave good enough alone blows up at Chance when he is joking around with her. Not a good impression right before eliminations. HW can’t take a joke and she’s still angry that Chance was making out with everyone but her on their group date. HW does not like to share anything especially her man.

So here we are, it’s elimination time. Why don’t they do this inside the house? It’s obviously freezing outside, the women are standing on risers shivering in tiny little dresses and no underwear. The guys are wearing parkas. Ahhhh reality TV, making scantily clad women shiver for over 20 years.

First up, Chance gives his first chain to BB. She is very happy to be the first one picked this week. Before Real gets the chance to give out a chain, PS interrupts him and says she needs to talk to him. Real is surprised but let’s her come over.

PS tells Real that she doesn’t want to be here anymore because it’s making her into someone that she doesn’t like. That’s code for “I look like a racist idiot and I don’t want more of my real personality to be recorded for all to see”

But before she can leave, Real has something to say to her. First, he was not going to give her a chain anyway, he was going to cut her. Second, the reason he was going to cut her is because she offended him buy the use of the word “ghetto”. The way she said it and what it implied, she doesn’t know who he is and what he came from. Face it PS, you’re racist and were using the word “ghetto” for something much worse.

The guys decide that since PS is gone, no more eliminations tonight, but they have one change to make. Mama goes back to Chance’s team and she couldn’t be happier. It’s about time she made it back to the guy she really liked. She just couldn’t relate to a man who didn’t surround himself with enormous breasts.