Real Housewives of NYC: It’s The Economy, Stupid!!

Real Housewives of NYC

By YentaPatrol | Saturday, April 25, 2009 | 12:30 pm | 24 Comments

Tagged: funny, hilarious, real housewives of nyc, recap, spoof, TV, tvgasm

Dear Gasmi,

This week it’s Halloween in hausenfrau land!! All of our ladies are ready and willing to entertain us with a variety of costumes, and, really, this week is a lot like our own private freakshow.

I’ve got my gummi bears, my tequila (because the good Lord knows this show needs the strong stuff), and some chips for throwing diversity. Shouts out to Twunty for the boobs pic, and “Cheers” to anybody willing to take the jump…

We start this week at Lulu’s townhouse with Rosie asking plaintively “is Vicki coming home this weekend?”

“Any minute now” Lulu tells her, because why bother to give your nanny/housekeeper/cook advanced information about household events. To be fair, I’m sure it’s easy for little details to slip your mind when your living on a liquid diet of champagne. It’s October and Victoria has managed to avoid coming home for two months. No wonder Rosie sounded so plaintive, all she’s had for company is a twelve year old boy and Lulu. I bet she spends seventy percent of her time picking up dirty socks and throwing out empty champagne bottles. I’m totally impressed that the Countess seems so together when she runs to answer the door; something that she’s clearly not accustomed to doing.

Victoria hugs her mother and like any normal teenager promptly throws her coat on the stairs. The Countess is horrified, simply horrified, or at least she would be if she wasn’t a wee bit tipsy. As it is, she’s inspired to break in song.

Seriously? A little more musical theatre and I predict Victoria is never coming home again.

Lulu tells us that she’s sure that Victoria misses Rosie at school, because without Rosie there’s no one to wait on her. Sure, Lulu, whatever lets you sleep at night. I’m sure that Victoria missing Rosie has absolutely nothing to do with missing the surrogate mother who’s actually raised and nurtured her up to now.

Victoria is a gorgeous young woman and school does seem to be a good thing for her; exposing her to new and exotic experiences and all. You know, like shopping for clothes at Goodwill. A revelation that inspires the following expressions from the Countess.

Poor Lulu. I think she would have been happier finding out that Victoria had been introduced to a crack house.

The BBC network has been busy touring America to talk about the economy, and at the suggestion of Jill’s sister they’re making a pitstop at JZ’s freshly renovated condo for a quick interview. Sadly, JZ seems to be under the impression that BBC stands for Better British Cottages.

I’m totally convinced that JZ’s sister set up this interview to make her sister look like an idiot. I’m not saying that JZ isn’t a warm, loveable person, but there’s no way she’s going to come off looking like anything but a totally spoiled nimwit in an interview that contrasts her lifestyle against the economy.

This interview is just painful to watch. When the interviewer comments that it’s hard to see the economic crisis around JZ’s life, she’s totally confused. Her voice has that hint of panic that comes with the realization that you’re lacking the most important accessory for the season, but you can’t quite figure out what it is. Before she can use her lifeline, she’s being asked if there’s “any guilt about this economy in this city that you lot caused.” Gulp! “Absolutely.” Gulp! Smooth JZ, real smooth. I’m sure that everybody who’s saved; handled their finances responsibly; worked hard; and watched their retirement accounts shrink like a perverse magic trick really appreciated JZ’s lecture on spending less than they have. I know I did.

Ah, well, moving on. What does JZ say to somebody in Africa who says it’s not fair she has so much money? Finally, a question JZ knows the answer to. Without blinking an eye, or giving it a second thought, she delivers the most politically incorrect answer ever: “Life’s not fair.” Thank God she added that little detail about a charity raising money for a schoolhouse in Africa, otherwise she might have come off as sounding kind of entitled. And really, it’s not that JZ feels like she’s entitled to her wealth and luxury. Nope. She deserves it because she does good things every day. Important things like holding open elevator doors for people. That might not sound like much, but I’m telling you when you’re late and rushing for an interview a person who holds the door for you is right up there with Mother Theresa. I love you, Jill, but you should NEVER. EVER. Talk about the economy.

For her part, Leather has been working hard to ensure that the legal community is solvent during these difficult times. Between her boy toy assault charges and being sued for ripping off the concept for her owl pendant, I’m guessing that Leather’s lawyer is her biggest fan. It’s probably a good thing that Leather is focusing on her career. She’s going to have some serious legal bills to pay, and new head shots are a good start. Of course, it can’t be easy trying to model with a prematurely cracked, cured, and dyed face, so it’s no surprise that Leather’s wearing jeans one step away from assless chaps.

Leather is quick to assure us that taking good pictures is not easy at all, especially when you’re supposed to look like a woman. Seriously, thank God she’s got that hair going on. But Leather’s not done with sharing the psychological trials of being a model. You see, being photographed breeds insecurity. Well thank God something is breeding insecurity for her.

All that self-love is just so inspiring for Leather. After all, nothing gives the promise of elegant party favors like your half nude body splayed across the invitation. I can’t even imagine my husband’s expression if I suggested this to him.

After that up close and personal look at Leather, I’ve got a whole new appreciation for how attractive Lulu is. Of course, Lulu has certain advantages. Her breasts aren’t struggling to leap off her body in different directions, she’s actually built like a woman, and her face doesn’t beg to be used as shoe leather.

Lulu and Victoria have hit the streets for a day of shopping and they start out with a local street vendor who promptly relieves the Countess of $150.00 for two necklaces. Way to support the local economy!! But the Countess has more important things on her mind. She’s on a mission to buy Victoria enough clothes that she never. Ever. Has to go to Goodwill again. You totally have to love the blond woman who keeps sneaking into the background. You just know she’s got her friends over, eating popcorn and watching for her cameo.

The Countess is convinced that there’s no treat that compares to watching your mother try on clothes in the dressing room. It’s truly amazing how each of these women suffer from rampant delusions. As bad as I’m feeling for Victoria, I feel even worse for her little brother. On the other hand, if Lulu keeps hauling Noel along to fashion shows we may have an early favorite for winning the kiddie version of Project Runway.

Halloween is right around the corner and that means costume party time. In JZ’s recession proof world that means serious business. We’re talking months of costume induced anxiety for her and her dog. Personally, I’m sure the people hosting any party that killer makes an appearance at are fervently hoping for a muzzle. But, sadly, there’s no sign of a muzzle in the totally ridonk outfit that JZ’s designer has come up with for the pooch. JZ is going as a blond bewigged Elle from Legally Blond and her dog is taking the part of Bruiser, in drag. I really can’t blame her for attacking the costume.

Five minutes of commercials…

Followed by five more minutes of commercials. Seriously, Bravo needs to give us something a little spicier for that one minute of footage that they’ve been sliding in each week. If they want me to sit through that many advertisements, I’m at least expecting a shot of Simon and Mario rolling around on the ground together. They don’t have to explain it just show it.

Over at planet Silex, Alex and Simon are doing some costume shopping as well, except that they’re calling it fashion. Simon has bought Alex that one special thing that no woman can do without;

Remember the good old days of Lucy and Ethel, when you could just grab a bag, snip a few holes, and go to dinner? Who would have thunk that a few decades later a burlap corset would be going for $7,000. Never mind that it must itch like crazy, the price is worth it because the money is all going to charity. So really, awww. And the designer Maggie Norris is totally right, a burlap corset definitely draws attention to non-profits in a very different way from the normal t-shirt or baseball hat, especially when you wear it to opening night at the opera.

Crazy Eyes has been spending her time holed up in her bedroom with her serial killer husband, her apparently normal daughter, and a home camera. You know, nothing good can come of this.

Thank the Lord, they’re not indulging in a passion for homemade porn. Instead, they’re making an audition tape for the Home Shopping Network, because Crazy Eyes has a dream. She dreams of a day when she only has one voice in her head, her husband no longer prowls the streets at night, and she has her own jewelry line on the Home Shopping Network. I’m telling you, I’m inspired just thinking about it. What’s more, it turns out that she’s actually managed to foist her jewelry line on to HSN. Just think we were there to see the original audition tape, which, sadly, looks pretty bad.

Crazy Eyes has a prepared shpiel for the tape, and she wants to run through it without anybody making faces or comments. I’m wondering if that includes the production crew, or if at this point in the season they’re all popping so much xanax that nothing fazes them. Crazy Eyes starts speaking slowly and clearly with all sorts of random pauses thrown in. “Jewelry (pause) Will (pause) Stay with you (pause) Forever.” Listening kind of becomes a game of figuring out where one sentence stops and another begins. However, Avery isn’t enjoying it and promptly complains to her mother about the long pauses. Crazy Eyes always open to constructive criticism promptly tosses her daughter out of the room.

Simon, Alex and their two boys are sitting out on their stoop carving pumpkins. Seriously, how do we go from burlap corsets to such a sweet normal family life? It’s nice to see that they’ve settled into life in Brooklyn. Now, if they could only finish their house, because it looks like Alex is aging by the episode and it’s asking a lot of granny to live in a demolition zone.

Something about the way Simon tosses his scarf over his shoulder and strikes a divaesque pose on the stairs while demanding, “How do I look, darling?” is making me a tad bit suspicious that he’s been sneaking some nips out of the apple brandy. Poor guy. Alex might want to give Sharon Osbourne a call to get some advice on how to deal with an aging lush for a husband. I’m pretty sure Sharon would never leave Ozzy alone on the front stoop in a befuddled state wondering where everybody went.

It’s time for the people/pooch halloween party. JZ, Bobby and Killer are decked out in their Legally Blond costumes. It’s too bad they couldn’t find a character for Brad to dress up as.

Crazy Eyes shows up, minus her husband, and dressed like Robin hood. I’m guessing that Mario is above the whole Halloween thing, and, really, for serial killers it must seem like a lame amateur night. Apparently Crazy Eyes skipped the chapters with the Merry Men, because she couldn’t think of another costume for her dog and was stuck dressing her as a “mini me” canine version of Robin Hood.

Crazy Eyes is thrilled with Bradley and his walking floral arrangement, that is until she sees Lady B skating behind him in her roller disco outfit. Holy Crap, Crazy Eyes can scream. Girlfriend just loves her some rollerskates. Thinking that his roses inspired this sudden burst of enthusiasm Bradley lights up in pleasure, until Crazy Eyes elbows him aside in a mad rush to hug Lady B.

Crazy Eyes tells us that when she saw Lady B’s costume she “almost peed her pants and laid on the floor.” Damn that medication. Just once, I would like to see one of these ladies snip that fine thread connecting them to reality and really go for it. Don’t be shy, lay right down and have at it.

Lest we forget about this season’s main event, the Creaky Joint Charity, we have a short segment with JZ and Lady B. scouting the Hudson Terrace as a possible location. I sure as hell hope that they don’t have far to walk because Lady B is looking like her feet are killing her.

JZ has got some definite ideas about the menu she wants as opposed to the menu being offered. I’m so glad I don’t work in customer service. If nothing else, reality TV has taught me that people are a real pain in the tuchus.

Alex and Lady B. are meeting over lunch to discuss the new Skinny Girl logo. Just once I’d like to hear Alex say, “I’m good” when someone asks her how she’s doing. Instead, there’s always some drawn out dramatic answer about how demanding their so called fabulous life is. Today she’s all like, “I always say we’re burning the candle at both ends and holding a lighter in the middle.” Well at least that explains why she looks like she’s aged about forty years since the beginning of last season.

Lady B is having a little love fest over Alex’ work, which is kind of weird since in a recent blog she seemed to be pretty down on both the logo and Alex. But whatevs, now she’s all like “you really get me. You can handle my humor because you’re thick skinned.” Thick skinned probably isn’t the reason that Alex can handle Lady B’s humor. After all, Leather’s got the thickest toughest skin around and as Bethenny points out, Leather doesn’t like her humor at all.

Speaking of Leather and her well weathered skin, the night of her Halloween party has arrived. The hausenfrau make their respective appearances. The Countess is the first to get her picture snapped. The photog is a fan of ANTM and he’s all about bitching that the Countess isn’t varying her poses enough. Sorry, fellow, Lulu could care less about your petty bitching. She’s already won her title, and not even a divorce can take it away from her. I’m pretty sure she flipped him the bird as soon as she was off camera. Bethenny’s still in her Roller Girl costume because this is a recession and she doesn’t need four costumes.

Leather’s idea of sending out invites seems to mean standing in the middle of Times Square and handing out cards to whoever wanders by. Between the totally random cross section of guests, the party boasts a cash bar and a lack of music. Totally. Lame. I’d be a tad bit pissed too. Especially when the fabulous hostess fails to make an appearance. Who knows maybe she didn’t feel like she could make good on the implied promise of her invite? Actually, despite what it says on her blog, it turns out that she was an hour and a half late because she had invited Plum TV over to her apartment to film her getting ready for the party.

JZ and Bobby arrive in some gorgeous period costumes, only to find themselves looking totally out of place like some antique dolls that accidently wandered into a pawn shop.

Alex and Simon show up dressed as Sara Palin and a moose. I wonder how Alex convinced Simon to forgo the cross-dressing part of Sara Palin in favor of crawling around behind her on all fours dressed in a moose costume? The only benefit that I can see is that he’ll be closer to floor when he inevitably drinks enough to start falling down. Still I’m not sure that’s enough to compensate for the complete destruction of his last shred of dignity.

Not only is Leather is still AWOL from her own party, but her party is sucking big time, and our high maintenance hausenfrau are less than pleased. Finally, the moment I’ve been waiting for! I get to hear the Countess utter those fateful words, “Off with her head!” Oh, Lulu, I truly love you.

By the time Leather finally shows up, the hausenfrau have gone on their various ways, with Lady B making a grand exit rollerblading backwards up Broadway looking like a lost tranny hooker.

Maxie didn’t bother with a costume because a loin cloth was so much easier. And nothing says paid escort for hire quite like wandering around virtually naked. Of course, he could have paid a little more attention to that loin cloth, even Tarzan managed a certain level of neatness. Leather’s chief concern is that that as a mother she has a responsibility not to look trashy in public. And kudos to her. Not everybody could pull off her costume without looking trashy. It’s a total testament to her manly shape and obvious implants that I’m more focused on trying to figure out if she’s possibly a post-op tranny than the complete transgression of taste and elegance she embodies.

Well, Gasmi, that’s it for this week. Only two more weeks to go, and I think it’s safe to say that our poor editors are scraping the editing room floor. On the other hand, I think the reunion is going to be a doozie. These women really don’t like each other. I can’t wait!!

Hugs to everybody for sticking out the season this far.

Heart

Yenta

***To read Chapter Seventeen of Yenta’s novel, The Traveling Prayer, click here.

Comments (24)
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24 Comments

1

crt123

Posted April 25, 2009 at 5:57 pm

Great recap..One question though…..what did the BBC interviewer mean when he said the recession was caused by “you lot”? Did he mean Americans, rich people..but certainly he didn’t mean Jewish people..because that’s kinda what it sounded like to me..I’m not usually that sensitive and or paranoid, it seemed like a strange thing to say though..
2

yeschef

Posted April 25, 2009 at 6:53 pm

He is refering to Wall Street. New York with all the banks, lenders, mortages, stock market.

This whole sub prime mess and derivates came from Wall Street. So a lot of the blame for the economic downturn across the world is on the wealthy New Yorkers who caused the downturn due their greed imploding.

Jews are in favor of Usury laws last I checked and the whole mess was caused by getting rid of those Usury laws.
3

pixielated

Posted April 25, 2009 at 9:51 pm

Unless JZ or her husband are bankers or mortgage brokers, I don’t think we (or the BBC) can blame them for the recession. How about the politicians who loosened the laws governing mortgages and banking practices. And how about real estate agents who were selling houses to people who couldn’t afford them? And the people who were buying homes they couldn’t afford? There’s plenty of blame to go around.

Sorry to be so preachy. That interview did seem to be a setup.

When she was all dressed up as Marie Antoinette, I expected her to proclaim, “Let them eat cake.”
4

J-Mo

Posted April 25, 2009 at 11:13 pm

OMG, Yenta I’m doying heah! You nailed this episode to the wall and then stuck darts in it!

First off, JZ and the economy… when she blew $16,000.00 last week on a plastic-y looking purse (in Day-Glo croc-skin or whatever) I knew there was no way she had any clue.

Brad needs to stop proclaiming his gayness, because he truthfully has zero taste… perhaps he’s really trying to get all up in JZ’s hoo-hah?

Alex’s Feed-Bag Blouse? At the Met? Really? I applaud the charity sentiment wholeheartedly, but somebody please tell me she still wound up on a worst-dressed list.

I also have to love how Crazy-Eyes says she’s not intimidated by rich or powerful or famous people, but her tween daughter strikes fear in her heart… most likely because that little girl knows all the really GOOD dirt on her.

Loved Bethenny as Roller-Girl (she meant Heather Graham’s character from “Boogie Nights” right?) and the girl can actually SKATE!

And as for Leather’s awesome party? Girl, I feel you about the randomness thing. It didn’t look like she even knew ANY of those people that were there, it looked like a crapfest of epic proportions. Plus, if Silex had THAT much time to pose for photos in their silly costumes then it can’t have been all that A-list of a gig. Did you also love how LuLu tripped and almost went flying as they were on their way out of it? I can’t wait for Round Two between Leather and Lady B this next week!

Awesome job as always, love your writing!

love, J-Mo
5

here4beer

Posted April 26, 2009 at 3:05 am

I think the BBC guy was referring to Americans in general when he said “you lot.” That’s how I took it, anyway.

I really hated that corset on TV, but I have to admit that Alex looks really lovely in that picture. I’m not sure if burlap is appropriate for opening night at the Met, but she still looks great.

Yenta, I can’t believe you made us look at all those horrible pics of leatherface, and didn’t include a pic of Max in his loincloth! D:
6

Viane Slice

Posted April 26, 2009 at 5:04 am

Hi!

I’ve been lurking for months and finally decided to join. You guys have the best recaps ever. They are totally hilarious.

I won’t lie: this week’s episode really made me squirm, especially watching JZ being grilled about the recession in her fabulously redecorated (gag) dwelling. She should have said something graceful like, “I am aware there is a recession. I am also aware I’m one of the lucky ones. That’s why I give back and help the less fortunate¦” then she could segue into her charities especially building the schoolhouse in Africa. Where’s her PR person? Someone should have been right there to head off that train wreck.

About Silex: is it me or do they seem better when they aren’t trying so hard? When they aren’t being rabid attention grabbers, both Alex and Simon are good listeners, can be thoughtful and insightful and obviously love their kids. Why can’t they just be that way all time and stop trying to show how luxurious their life is when it’s obvious that they are high middle income people trying to live the life of the uber rich in New York? Because let’s be honest: if they could afford to live in Manhattan, they would have. If they could afford to rent a massive cottage in the Hamptons or go to St Barts during the in season, they would have.

I did like that feed bag corset. Quite honestly it was well made but where would it have been truly appropriate to wear it? At work on Friday casual day I guess?

Leather needs to get out of her delusional little world. She’s nasty and condescending and when she blogs on Bravo she does the best spin on her behavior. She either doesn’t acknowledge it or she blames it on the other person. During her confrontation with Bethenny she actually blogged that it was Bethenny who was in the bar alcove lurking to accost her. Uh huh. I know editing can twist things, but I don’t think they could twist Bethenny walking to the exit and Leather is already there, no way.

Also, all these women provide commentary on what is expected (or women think they are expected) to look and act like to be approved in today’s society. I think the youngest is in their late 30s yet all of them are striving one way or the other that they have not aged past twenty nine years old tops. What ever happened to aging gracefully and showing class and elegance one has attained through years of experience? They are all fairly attractive for their ages. I thought Crazy Eyes looked good for 45. But never ever even on their best days will they be cute, flirty girls again. Is it fear that they will no longer be considered sexually viable to men? Think of the women we know who would considered beautiful even when they were older: Audrey Hepburn, Lena Horne, Jackie Onassis, Eartha Kitt, and Coco Chanel who was known to captivate men until her death at 87.

I watch how these women interact with the daughters, these budding beauties who will in a short time shine like stars, given the chance. But the way they are shown on TV those poor girls might have to seize the chance to be their own person. I’ve watched Victoria look like a cornered rabbit when confronted by Luanne. I’ve watched Crazy Eyes’ daughter cringe in horror because of her mother’s insistence to act like a Playmate at the Playboy mansion. I’ve watched JZ’s daughter look on in sullen silence at her mother’s antics. Leather’s daughters are treated like recruits in bootcamp.

I’m hoping maybe it’s just editing, but I think the Housewives will have jealous fits when the daughters start their own social lives being everything the Housewives have lost and try so vainly to regain.

Okay, I’m off my soapbox. I promise no more rants. This is just my first time, don’t hate me ::::big liquid eyes::::.

Fight the power,
VS
7

yeschef

Posted April 26, 2009 at 5:41 am

“Where’s her PR person? Someone should have been right there to head off that train wreck.”

Uh this type of train wreck is quite common now. There was a wife of a TARP receipiant who had an article on how hard it was for her and the disdain it generated in the people who read it was of epic proportion.

Here are the some whines this person wrote about.

“I haven’t even looked at spring clothes… Like so many others, I’m shopping in my closet.”

“This year, of course, entertaining our crowd [for my husband's birthday] at our usual multi-star Michelin hotspots would simply not do…We ultimately picked the cozier restaurant-even though it ended up costing us more, so eager was the more chic outfit to host the party. Why spend the extra bucks? Because our chosen place is distinctly low-profile and rarely mentioned in the press.”

“I drive the family crazy by switching off the lights every time we leave a room.”
8

uglycutie

Posted April 26, 2009 at 9:03 am

Although I did find the JZ interview with the BBC HI-larious, I think it would have been even better had the DisCountess had an opportunity to answer the question about what she would say those in Africa who think it’s unfair she’s living the life she lives.

I think it may have gone something like this: (in a condescending tone and a voice that sounds like she just smoked 3 packs of cigarettes) Oh, honey, you don’t have to tell me what’s unfair. I grew up very poor. I am Native American, you know. But I was open and tried different things and it landed me a Count and, now, here I am. Maybe if those girls in Africa wore more supportive bras and considered giving skin bleaching a shot, they too may have a chance of living this life.” Long pause. “Love that Simon Cowell.”
9

ohionancy

Posted April 26, 2009 at 9:14 am

Did anyone else find it odd that Luann did not seem to know anything about what her daughter had been up to away at school the past two months? She was questioning her about the food & did not know she had been attending dances. It was like she had not spoke with her at all since she had left!! I found that so sad. I’m sure they have phones there – she doesn’t call her!!
10

pixielated

Posted April 26, 2009 at 12:24 pm

I think Lulu would have had something to say about Africa since the Count left her for an Ethiopian!

Ohionancy, all those questions Lulu asked her daughter might have been set up so the audience could get some info on Victoria’s activities.

Viane Slice, When I was reading what you said about the daughters, I thought that it is probably a good thing that Victoria is in boarding school. That will prevent any competitiveness from Lulu and let her develop her own (albeit privileged) view of the world.
11

FloOkY

Posted April 26, 2009 at 1:26 pm

Hi Yenta, great recap, funny stuff, thanks.

I don’t want anyone coming after me with flaming pitchforks, but I just need to rant for a minute. The purpose of the questions by the slimy, sanctimonious BBC reporter was intended to make Jill look bad or otherwise get a rise out of her for the article; it makes for a “better” story. He misses his own demeaning racism by just happening to bring up “someone from Africa” as if that’s the lowest thing on the planet he could think of. Larry King, being mildly retarded and lacking even one ethical molecule, is an easy, transparent interviewer to watch to see the hackneyed technique. “Who did you dislike most while living in the house?” “So how long have you been an alcoholic?” “What’s your biggest complaint about the film’s producer?”

I was dismayed to hear Jill agree with Slimeball that she should have guilt. She and her husband employ and provide a livelihood to, presumably, a fair number of people in their community with the business they built.

The bag was probably comped just like the other goods and services in the show.

Regarding the feed bag, it was chosen by someone who owns a denim ball gown, don’t forget. I don’t dislike them as much as some, it’s fun to watch and they seem like nice people. I just wouldn’t get drunk alone with those two, I’m afraid something kinky and gross would happen, and I’d be fumbling with the lock on the front door in a horrified panic.

Thanks again for the fun recaps; I can’t wait till next week when Kelly makes another ass out of herself!

~Floo
12

nyc cookie

Posted April 27, 2009 at 12:43 am

ok–I just want to say that after a lifetime membership in the itty bitty titty club, looking at Kelly’s girls (boobs–not her kids!), I am so glad I never did anything about them. I am now 37 and still an A cup, but they look normal–even after 3 kids. Sometimes to feel extra sexy, I use those chicken cutlet things. But at the end of the day, they come off when my bra does and it feels great. Also, I was wondering, if you have an augmentation done, do you still have feelings in your nipples???
Also, I have posted on Kelly’s blog about 3 times this week to stop saying she graduated from Columbia. I went there, and she is giving the University a black eye (pun intended! lol) I don’t mind claiming Barrack Obama as an alumni, but please Kelly keep Columbia out of your mouth–you are embarassing the school.
13

nyc cookie

Posted April 27, 2009 at 12:46 am

Sorry forgot to add that my comments have not been posted on her Bravo blog, and I doubt they will be!
14

Baxter

Posted April 27, 2009 at 5:54 am

Great Recap! Your comments about Kelly have me rolling. They are all so true.

I have to disagree about Jill and the BBC interview. I thought she did a good job of dodging his obvious digs at her. I think I would have lost my composure after his “is it your lots fault” question. Jill’s wealth comes from fabric not Wall Street. She has no reason to feel guilty.
15

yeschef

Posted April 27, 2009 at 8:37 am

“Also, I was wondering, if you have an augmentation done, do you still have feelings in your nipples???
”

There are women don’t have any feelings in their nipples prior to augemention but do after.

It depends on a variety of factors. Some women get real amorous after a boob job which do have a number of legimate reasons some women have fairly large breasts and the augmentation can make them look more natural and don’t sag.
16

NotWithoutMyTV

Posted April 27, 2009 at 8:50 am

They always cut away for reaction shots of the hausenfrau’s children whenever they’re around to witness the Fabulousity of their mothers. Is that look of faint shock and hurt Victoria always seems to wear in response to the Countess, or is that just how her face looks? Either way, I feel bad for the kid, who seems basically nice.

I’m really not looking forward to Bethany vs. Leartherface, Round Two. The first one was really… disturbing, and Round Two just seems like manufactured drama. If two women REALLY hate each others guts and livers, and yet keep seeking each other out, you sit there wondering “why?”, and then you remember “Oh, yeah. Producers.”
17

2MUCHBRAVO

Posted April 27, 2009 at 9:52 am

Pretty good epi. Love the recap and pictures Yentl! OMG! how can Kelly wear anything that accentuates those wandering bubbies?? How could she not sue her plastic surgeon? Oh, that’s right, she’s usually the one *being* sued.
I thought all the ladies (Simon included) looked pretty good in their costumes. JZ’s designer friend must’ve taken some upholstery fabric right off the bolt for Brad’s suit!
On Kel-Kel’s Bravo blog she said her kids had Halloween and she lost track of time. She also said her parents were in town (and, uh, you were hosting a party). Perhaps she could have A) left her parents in charge of TrT’ing with the girls or B) decided that if Halloween is too special to miss with her girls and might conflict with her party, she should schedule said party for another night. She allegedly hosted the party for the son of a friend who ‘she would do anything for.’ Anything except host his party like a responsible adult. And, Kel, an open bar isn’t the same as a cash bar (cheap dumb bimbo).
Did anyone catch the 6 inch scar on Max Max’s tum tum? Yowzaa! Can anyone explain how putting on panty hose, a one-piece bunny suit, pumps and throwing your hair in a ribbon can take 1 1/2 hours? What do you all think she meant when she said, “It’s not nice?” She had just “explained” her lateness, but also talked about how she looked all over for the other ladies and found out they had left. I think she was referring to them. She’s not nearly deep enough to realize it’s not nice to keep all your guests waiting. (Anyone see a similar theme with the Ginny Hilfiger party?)
Did that fashion photographer make anyone else’s skin crawl? Ewwwww.
18

NotWithoutMyTV

Posted April 27, 2009 at 11:05 am

2MUCHBRAVO, you said:

“Did that fashion photographer make anyone else’s skin crawl? Ewwwww.”

This kind of exposure to alternative lifestyles is why I value Bravo so much. I have limited exposure to just “plain old gays” in my personal life, so, without Bravo, I would have no idea that there are all these gay subtypes, like “flaming gay men who like men but pretend to like women too when TV cameras bath them in the light of notoriety”, or “flamboyant hairdressers/clothing designers who secretly aspire to be asexual tweeners for all eternity.”

It’s like having the weirdest characters in the world come into my living room several times a week. And then blotting out their existence with the remote any time I wish.
19

lexxi1129

Posted April 27, 2009 at 4:20 pm

Oh, Yenta – you knows I loves ya, but I can not believe you didnt mention how Silex let one of their children hold a big assed knife while they were carving the pumpkins. Did anyone see how big that knife was?!?!? The camera person only zoomed in on it for like 5 times…

Great recap, tho!
20

PottyMouth

Posted April 27, 2009 at 9:14 pm

Yenta! That picture of Kelly’s boobs is beyond disturbing. I thought Lynne from OC had a bad boob job, but this is something beyond bad. Grotesque. Nightmare-inducing.

What a bitch Kelly is. I couldn’t believe she had the audacity to act upset that everyone left her party when she couldn’t even bother to show up on time. It’s not like she was only five minutes late. It looked like she was over an hour late. Hate her!

I agree that the reunion should be a doozy. Can’t wait! In the meantime, I’ll have your recaps of the rest of the season to look forward to!

SWAK,
PottyMouth
21

pixielated

Posted April 27, 2009 at 9:17 pm

Don’t you think that the guy on the right in that picture of Kelly-of-the-wandering-boobs looks like he could be Kel’s bleached, leather-faced brother?

You have gotta start giving us some pictures of Maxie as a reward for putting up with these hos.
22

FloOkY

Posted April 27, 2009 at 9:36 pm

Anyone see Kelly’s entry on awfulplasticsurgery? It’s called “Kelly Bensimon’s Breasts Horrify the Web.” AHAHAHA I’m sorry I actually defended her once. Can’t wait to read when Max says he was hired; it was just a modeling job.
23

viane slice

Posted April 28, 2009 at 12:50 pm

Pixelated, that guy on Kelly’s right is Laird Hamilton who is married to Gabrielle Reece who is on the left. He’s a famous surfer and she’s a supermodel. I tried to send a link to show a good picture of them but I couldn’t. There are plenty of pics of them on the net. They’ve both been featured in People’s Most Beautiful issues.
24

TinyT

Posted April 30, 2009 at 12:24 pm

Oh dear Yenta,

Thank you for such excellent commentary…priceless! Only your comments make the show watchable.

I have a question. Why do we refer to Ramona’s husband as a killer? I missed that reference somehow.

Thanks again!

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