TV Social
Recent Comments
- spababe: I love Ronnie he makes my day
- labowner: I am assuming since others were at the taping and dinner the WTF were Glade and...
- Russell: I really think Penn should have won, but Trump has such a hard-on for...
- chaosbutterfly: I don’t want to be anyone’s mom right now, but Jeff, I will be your...
- labowner: Respect my Authoritah!
- labowner: Hot I was on the same line of thinking. Jeff although physically impossible, I’ll be...
- featherhead: @sheesh and Gypsy – I don’t think they have a name for the show,...
- misszar: I just read that Farrah inked a deal to star in a...
- Gypsy: As do I @Plock. Good-ness.
- Gypsy: Wow, just…wow.
- spababe: I love Ronnie he makes my day
-
Dear Gasmi,
This week we get to know a little bit more about Old Leather Face and even the Countess comes off looking good.
I’ve officially gone to the dark side, and I’m balancing a whopping pile of whip cream on an even bigger sunday. It just adds a whole new level of pleasure to be stuffing my face while I’m watching these skinny women dance for the cameras. On the other hand, its going to be a bitch to clean off my TV screen. Sigh! So, grab yourself some less messy food, or not, and join me after the jump…
This week the editors start off by attempting to convince us that Old Leather Face has an interesting story line.
They’re probably desperately hoping that she hauls off and punches someone, but no luck. All we get in the opening segment is a giant model horse. And, oh yeah, Leather and her assistant go through her pile of social invites. Really, the pile of invites has been done to death on this show, and nobody does it better than Silex. Seriously, if you aren’t reading them off against a background of active demolition, I don’t want to hear it. Leather mentions that people often wonder how she makes her money. Really? I was kind of assuming that she was burning through sugar daddies, but what do I know? Maybe an occasional freelance article and a column in a limited circulation magazine pays well enough to support a “fab” lifestyle in Manhattan nowadays. For her sake, I hope I’m right about the sugar daddy, because with Page Six Magazine being cut back to a quarterly publication, she’s going to have to cut back on her time in the tanning booth. I’m guessing that the horse shows up on Ebay any day now. But the really important information gleaned from this opening segment is that we’re starting New York Fashion week. Woohoo!! I have to say that even in my solid, middle-aged, dog walking, teenage driving, parental years,when sweatpants and jeans are the only possible sane options, I love watching the fashions that come out each season and following the designers. Sigh!! Fantasy world here I come…
JZ is all about fashion week as well. And she’s pretty much living out my current fantasy. Crap, I’m green to the gills jealous, and pausing to go find my emergency stash of Jelly Beans. Not only can JZ afford to visit Zang Toi at his studio, she is among his bestie clientele. I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure that I can afford to look in his studio windows. Sigh!! I would so love to spend an afternoon being dressed and spoiled by the little guy.
In honor of fashion week, the Zangster is throwing a fashion luncheon for JZ and her recession proof friends. Sadly, the Zangster is all about starving in the name of fashion. After two weeks of dieting, I am soooo over that. I’m telling you, jelly beans over ice cream is totally the way to go. OMG, I’ve got to say that JZ is rocking his clothes. And here’s a new concept “age appropriateness.” JZ utters words that I never thought I’d ever hear on a housewife episode: “It’s a little too whorey for me.” Holy crap!! That is a revolutionary statement!! Countess I hope you’re sitting up and taking notes. Not that JZ’s above flashing a little flesh or a little snark. After all, she’s pretty sure that the rhinestone waterfall that Zang is foisting on her as a necklace is impressive enough to stand alone. Hell, she could have walked out naked with that necklace, but then again she’s not Alex. Easy there, JZ. Let’s not be giving Silex any ideas or next thing we know they’ll be pounding on poor Zang’s door in a desperate haste to buy the damn thing, and you know nothing good can come from that. Another naked picture of Alex isn’t going to be good for anybody’s retinas. Not to mention that Simon would probably fall for the Zangster and it’s just going to be really awkward for everybody. Zang isn’t above a little ass kissing either. He’s all about assuring JZ that she’s in a “runway” zero, which according to the assistant’s expressions translates to ‘if it helps get it out the door call it a zero’.
I probably shouldn’t worry to much about Silex stalking Zang, after all, they’re really beyond the whole Manhattan scene. You know, patronizing top designers is really passe. They’re more into discovering talent, that is cheap enough to afford cutting edge and grateful for any attention up and coming. Or, as Alex tells us in her best patronizing voice, “people that don’t live in NYC might not know that there are cutting edge designers that choose to base themselves in Brooklyn.” Thank you Alex. If only I had known about the hidden world of high fashion and luxury lurking in Brooklyn all those years ago when I lived in NYC.
The designers that Silex have discovered go by the name Christina Dean. And their clothes seem nice, so I hope they do well. But it has to suck having your designs shown right after a segment featuring one of today’s top designers. Simon is lounging at his ease ready to give everybody the benefit of his eagle eye fashion sense. Even bounding out of his chair to demonstrate where the fabric is going to fall by grabbing at Alex’s rib cage. He does his pitiful best to turn on a lascivious expression and push up against Alex’s breasts with the back of his hand. Oh Simon you stud. Seriously, under other circumstances I would probably find this gross, but with Simon it’s just another eye-rolling event.
In a bizarre moment, Silex explains that they have just too many clothes to buy more, Alex kind of throws out that she’s still holding on to her maternity clothes. Ah yes, those elastic waist, pouch front, mom jeans. Now that’s a nostalgic moment. Since most women that I know actively look forward to burning the darn things, I’m starting to wonder if they aren’t foreshadowing yet another little bundle of dysfunctional joy. But no. In one of those head smacking TMI moments, Simon shares that since Alex took him to their vet and had him neutered any more offspring won’t be from him.
JZ’s plowing ahead with planning her charity event for Creaky Joints, and she’ s enlisted the help of Christina DeSimone, executive director of People Reaching Out, to get the ball rolling. People Reaching Out is a really cool organization. They’re specifically targeted at helping smaller lesser known charities that might have trouble getting funding. The first event meeting has Bethenny, Crazy Eyes, and JZ, along with Christina DeSimone, all working through the details of the event. In a heartwarming “Aha” moment, echoed simultaneously by the thousands of voices in her cranial chorus, Crazy Eyes suddenly connects the dots between her daughter arthritic pain, to Allie’s arthritic pain, to a benefit to raise money for research on arthritis. Illuminated by the glow of a thousand lightbulbs, Ramona blinks obsessively, then pops her eyes wide open, before sharing how the event became so much more personal to her. Yay relevance! I’m so proud of Crazy Eyes. She’s gone through an entire planning session without any of her “special moments”.
In the typical ADD Hausenfrau fashion, we’re already leaving the Creaky Joint planning meeting to go to Russell Simmon’s fashion show. This is the third Russell Simmons event we’ve had showcased this season. Now that Russell and Kimora are a thing of the past, I for one am pretty sure that Andy Cohen must having dreams of playing hide the schnitzel with Russell, because, seriously, 3 episodes? Oops my bad. Andy’s not the one hunting Russell’s schnitzel after all. According to Leather, the hausenfrau’s invites to Russell’s fashion show are solely due to her. Because, you just know, he’s her BFF. Too bad she didn’t get the invite to his Hampton’s party. I’m getting a little tired of Leathers’s verbal social masturbatory sessions. Her habit of name dropping is almost an obsessive compulsive pathology.
For a split second I thought Crazy Eyes was going to luck out and Silex wouldn’t be able to navigate the ropes to get into the show, but Alex is still sober enough to figure it out and manages to steer Simon into the tent. Poor Silex, being seated slightly away from the main hausenfrau clump, they’re running the chance of missing out on their share of the camera time. But clever inebriated Simon is always one to think on his feet. There’s nothing that the hausenfrau cameras love more than confrontation. Like a flash he’s up in Crazy Eyes’ face. Seriously, how many people walk up to someone who doesn’t like them and demand a kiss. Not too mention that it’s kind of creepy. I’ve never actually pepper sprayed my nightmare neighbor, but if he ever started demanding kisses, I just might consider it. I’m hoping that Simon moves on to harassing Old Leather Face. I hear she’s got an awesome right hook.
Crazy Eyes is babbling about wanting to “blank” Simon and at first I’m thinking that the editors are trying to bleep out some really obscene threat. Then I realize that Crazy Eyes just wants to blank him out, as in make him disappear. Personally, I’d be taking her words pretty seriously. I mean what if Mario wanted to give Crazy Eyes an early birthday present? But, like the lush down at the seedy local bar, Simon keeps pestering her. At least he hasn’t started falling down yet. Crazy Eyes is never one for restraint and you know with all those voices in her head she has any number of complaints about Simon to choose from. It must have been a relief for her yammer out her list: “You have no depth”; “I feel like you’re a shallow person”; “You’re too feminine”. With each complaint Simon visibly deflates just a little bit more and I’m feeling kind of bad for the poor fellow. It’s hard to watch a grown man tuck his tail between his legs and squat to dribble a small puddle of submissive pee. Thankfully, Alex manages to drag him away before he actually lays down on the floor and rolls over on his back to waves his legs in the air.
After getting his belly rubbed and lapping up a small dose of liquid confidence from Alex’s emergency supply, Simon is much more the thing. He wants us to know that Crazy Eye’s was clearly speaking out of her tuchus. After all, just look at his fashion sense, it’s just so clear that he’s a manly man with a deep personality. Hell, he even rates his own seat in the front row this season. No more being relegated to sitting behind his wife, Simon’s totally come into his own as a housewife. Now, could a shallow, feminine man have accomplished as much?
It looks like Count No Neck has once again fled the country, and with her daughter having fled to boarding school, the Countess has nobody to bring to the fashion show. She probably thought of bringing Rosie, because that would look great on camera, but then she’d have to pay her for overtime. Lucky Noel. Not only is he named after a Christmas carol, he’s been chosen to be his mother’s date. I’m sure a fashion show is a high treat for an adolescent boy. Right up there with skate boarding and break dancing. Russell Simmons must have be having a hell of a time filling up his front row seats, if he’s willing to comp old Leather Face six tickets.
Maybe our editors are thinking that more exposure to Leather is going to magically make her more charismatic, along with softening her skin and fixing her implant issues. It’s not, but I like seeing them try. I’m also beginning to think that Leather is being forced to carry out some contractual obligations that have to do with socializing with the other hausenfrau. She’s ostensibly meeting Lulu at the Malo store to shop for clothes, but she ain’t buying and she looks pissed as hell at being forced to be there. Leather kvetches that she doesn’t like shopping, she doesn’t like trying clothes on, and I’m thinking WTF? And why are you here? On the other hand, Lulu seems pretty sober and I haven’t heard the Countess title, or any snippets of Harlequin advice, so I’m proud of her. Maybe she found an AA meeting for d-list royalty. Lulu is working the diplomat angle telling us that Leather is really shy and it takes a while to get her to warm up to people. It’s probably embarrassing to go out in public with a face that looks like a saddle, so I’m feeling for the woman, but seriously stay out of the tanning room for a few months. It will make all the difference in the world. It’s really kind of touching to see how hard Lulu is trying to make this a fun outing for the narcissistic little tramp. It’s like watching a nanny with a really spoiled sulking teenager.
When Leather finally comes out of her sulks, Lulu asks if JZ called her about the Creaky Joints charity. ‘Oh No’, Leather says all innocently. Well, maybe. Leather isn’t so good about answering her phone, smirk, smirk. Hate! Seriously, talk about rude, nasty, social climbing, face time, wannabes.
I never thought I’d say this, but I’m feeling a little bad for the Countess. it seems like she’s been stuck with entertaining Leather. I’m guessing that Leather doesn’t think any of the other hausenfrau are worth her time. We’ve moved from the Malo store to the Malo fashion show. Lulu tells us that she’s happy to be sitting in the front row more often this year. Awwww, Countess that sounded kind of humble and nice. I’m glad that the ladies’ fifteen minutes is giving them a social boost. Well, except for Silex. Silex’ fifteen seems to have back fired leaving them entrenched them in Brooklyn. But at least they’re making the best of it. After all, how many New Yorkers get to live in a construction zone and float in a plastic pool. Lulu whiles away the time before the show gossiping about Crazy Eyes and Simon’s history. I’m so glad to know that gossiping behind people’s backs isn’t a breach of etiquette.
Leather can barely manage a polite smile, much less an expression of rapt interest. At least she kept her head turned in the Countess’ direction, even if her eyes were dangerously close to disappearing into her skull in an attempt to follow all the interesting people walking by. Realizing that Leather was close to injuring herself, the Countess took pity on her and brought the conversation back to Leather, asking about JZ’s charity event. At the sound of her own name, Leather’s gaze snaps back to the Countess and her expression becomes almost animated. It’s so nice to see a woman with a real passion in life. Sadly, it turns out that Leather’s not particularly happy about being included in JZ’s charity meeting. When she signed on to the show she didn’t really think that the producers were serious about that socializing clause. After all, shouldn’t it be enough that they’re getting to film her own fabulous life? Besides, Leather doesn’t have time to support her own charities. The Countess looks intrigued and asks, ‘What charities are those?’ Yes Leather, do tell. What charities do you support? Leather doesn’t even blink when she answers simply “I don’t do charities.” Right. Another nutjob. Yeah, I know we already knew that. I’m just confirming it in my own mind. Leather’s not done with her kvetching. Not only is she not happy about JZ including her in the charity event, she’s not happy about JZ putting her name on the list of people supporting it. It’s like JZ’s co-opting Leather’s celebrity status. You know, it’s got to be hard for celebrities like Leather and Angelina Jolie; everybody wants a piece of you.
JZ is back at the Zangster studio of eating disorders having her makeup done before the fashion lunch. And, of course, gay husband brad is there to do her makeup. Somebody needs to feed JZ pretty because the poor woman’s on the verge of fainting. It just isn’t good when you’re so delusional that you’re calling for sugar in the form of a diet coke. Like any good starve yourself for fashion New Yorker, JZ’s been indulging in that late summer pasttime of swooning on the afternoon sidewalks and then trying to convince herself that it’s just a heat allergy.
JZ lets us know that having a personal relationship with a designer is a privilege, which is kind of humble and nice, but next time she might choose a relationship with Russell Simmons. You don’t have to starve yourself for his clothes. This luncheon doesn’t have the usual hausenfrau ladies, which is kind of surprising. Especially when JZ explains that the prices might be a little beyond the regular girls’ price range. Then in a classic bitch slap, JZ quotes Crazy Eyes saying, “You can’t invite everybody to everything,” adding “so I didn’t invite Ramona”. Seriously, somebody needs to feed this woman, before her inner beyotch takes complete control. The lunch was a success. JZ looked gorgeous, the food looked gorgeous, and the models looked gorgeous. My only complaint is that Zang traded in his kilt.
Leather’s on her way to an interview and she’s opted for that casual just rolled out of bed look. You know the one where you grab you partners shirt and putter around the house. Since Leather’s near six feet, I’m guessing she’s dating the Jolly Green giant.
She’s interviewing the designer Jill Stuart and it’s classic Leather meh segment. She does take the opportunity to tell us that she gets a lot of interviews with people who don’t do interviews because she’s associated with integrity and quality and kisses their asseswouldn’t write anything that she wouldn’t want to be written about her. After all everybody she interviews immediately becomes her best friend, and she’d never say anything bad about her besties.
Leather’s hair must be standing on end, because JZ and Bethenny are busy dishing about her over a cozy dinner at Cirque. JZ is thinking that Bethenny has a little competitive issue going on with Leather, but whatevs. I’m thinking that Leather could earn a little dislike all on her own. Bethenny’s dishing about how Leather not only snubbed her in the past when Bethenny was no more than a pretty face on her boyfriend’s arm, but she also attempted a driveby on Bethenny’s then boyfriend. Yawn. Seriously, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet. now that was a snub. Kelly Bensimon, who? That’s more of a ‘what a beyotch and move on’ kind of scenario. JZ could care less about the snubbing, she wants to know why the woman doesn’t she wear a braurrr. It’s a tough word for a Long Island girl to pronounce. In principle, I totally agree with JZ. Given their tendencies to go their separate ways, I really don’t want to see one of Leather’s breasts wandering around on its own.
Moving on to the Jill Stuart fashion show. One of Bravo’s PAs must have put in a call to Jill Stuart’s publicist because out of the blue Bethenny got an invite. How cool is that? Bethenny arrives and takes a moment to type something into her blackberry. Glancing up she looks less than thrilled to see Leather descending on her. Not too worry though. Before Bethenny can fully raise her head to return Leather’s greeting, Leather’s flitted off in search of more interesting face time possibilities. With Silex seemingly blacklisted from most Manhattan events, Crazy Eyes doing her best to act sane, and Kelly refusing to interact with anybody lower than a Countess it’s been a tough season for the producers, but they’re going to give us some drama if they have to draw up seating charts for the rest of the episodes. What a coinkydink that Leather ends up seated right next to Bethenny. I love those awkward, totally makes me squirm, kind of conversations. Seriously, talk about arm wrestling your way through a social event. Leather is trying to invite Bethenny to a party, which would be nice if she wasn’t so intent on enacting the role of Lady Bountiful doing a favor for her social inferiors. Bethenny doesn’t actually haul off and give her the finger, she does worse. Nothing puts the kibosh on name dropping as a pastime quite like knowing the people better than the name dropper. For her part, Leather is just thrilled that they have mutual acquaintances. Yeah, right! Leather just can’t understand why Bethenny isn’t nicer to her, after all, Leather’s taking the time out of her busy celebrity life to actually talk to Bethenny.
We end this week with a second event planning meeting for JZs creaky joints charity. LIke any other super important celebrity, Leather manages to rolls her own creaky joints into the meeting roughly a half hour late. Personally, it surprised the hell out of me that they got her to she show up at all. Bravo must be seriously enforcing their contracts. But Leather wants us to know that she’s not one of those flaky people who are late all of the time. Nope, she’s one of those way too busy, important people. You know, Leather and P. Diddy; so much in common, so little time. JZ takes a moment to explain to Leather that Allie’s arthritis is the incentive for the event. Like any other person, who’s completely divorced from normal feelings of empathy and concern, Leather utters a charming “How cute!” WTF? Seriously, my friends dog is going to have puppies, so I’m collecting newspapers for the whelping box. How cute!! My child has arthritis, so I’m working on an event to raise funds for research. Wow, that’s awesome; that’s great; I wish you the best; I’m sorry for Allie’s struggles. Anything but “how cute!”. Sadly, Old Leather face isn’t done there. Nope, she’s on a mission to teach those producers that they can lead a horse her to water a planning committee, but they can’t make her participate. Christina Desimone explains that all the women present will be co-chairs of the event and that their names will be on the invitation. And Kelly is all like “No. I don’t ever lend my name to events.” The other woman blink and look at her in astonishment, but Leather is firm. After all, how else is she going to protect her name from overexposure.
Realizing that that the women in the room are thinking she’s a fruitcake are just way too ignorant to know who she is, Leather adds that she came to the meeting to find out what’s going on. And even though she met Allison once before and she thinks she’s just adorable, you know, like my friend’s puppies, Leather’s not adding her name. JZ is awesome. She just says ‘fine, it’s better if it’s just the five of us’. I so hope that Bravo is thinking the same thing. Leather babbles on about being happy to attend the event, and if you ask her to do something she’ll do it, but don’t assume she’ll do anything. Now that she’s an important celebrity she’s doesn’t have to do the kinky ses stuff anymore. Besides she literally has about two more minutes before P. Diddy picks her up in his helicopter. Not really, but it would have been a nice touch. The woman next to Bethenny leans over and asks ‘Who the fuck is she?’ Bethenny answers without missing a beat, “Evidently she’s Madonna.” LOL.
Leather doesn’t like being laughed at, which is kind of strange because I’m guessing people have been laughing at her for a really long time, but probably behind her back. Anyhoo, she’s a little sulky that the hausenfrau aren’t more appreciative of her, and JZ’s affair is just way too much pressure. Leather doesn’t need people pushing her or calling her names. and it’s all Bethenny’s fault. Bethenny’s just a big, blue, bullying meanie, but Allie’s still adorable like a puppy. Awwwww.
Well, Gasmi, that’s it for this week. I love you all and totally appreciate everybody that stepped up and ate something fattening for me over the last couple of weeks. I’m now working to return the favor.
Hugs
Yenta
***To read Chapter Thirteen of Yenta’s novel, The Traveling Prayer, click here.
36 Comments
Leatherface is such a f*cking bitch and that is putting it nicely. and I totally got Bethenney’s point about the snub…it’s like I was nothing before, but now you need me and my cameras so now you want to be all up in my face. F her! Her kids are going to be name dropping, drug addict, loose vajayjayed brats with a huge ego and sense of entitlement.
Seriously, who says on camera that they don’t do charity work in the age of OBAMA?
Dear Yenta,
Those women are crazy, all of them.
First let’s talk about Leather. After watching last week’s show I decided to do a little homework and find out more about Leather.
So I checked and it turns out she is from Rockford Ill. Rockford Illinois? I thought she said she grew up with a lot of famous designers. I didn’t realize that there was a huge fashion thing going on in Rockford. If there is they certainly hide it well.
And then I thought well maybe she met them at some fancy boarding school. It said she went to an elite private school.
It turns out the private school she attended is also in Rockford. I hardly think that Tommy Hilfiger or maybe Calvin Klein went to school in Rockford Illinois. I bet they can’t even find it on a map.
Now I’m no snob, but the way Leather drops names I thought she might be from Paris or at least Greenwich, Conn. But no, she is from Rockford. No wonder she and Alex get along. Alex is from Kansas another midwest Gal.
I’m from Wisconsin, I went to a good school, I have great friends and I love living here. The only name I drop is to tell folks where I got our dogs and what vet we use. I have no need to say I know somebody famous.
And then the other thing from last week was Simon. When Alex was trying on clothes in that designers showroom, Simon said if Alex gets pregnant it wouldn’t be his because he had a vasectomy. I wish I hadn’t heard that.
He probably thinks it makes him more attractive to women because he can’t get them pregnant. Alex probably even worries a little that he might run off with someone else. Yuck, I don’t think she has anything to worry about and I really wish I didn’t know about the vasectomy. But I am glad he can’t reproduce anymore.
You are a gem Yenta,
Love and luck,
TVAnnie
Kelly did make even Countess LuLu look nice this week, and that is an achievement. She is unbelievable. She doesn’t have time to support her own charities, but she doesn’t have any? It’s “cute” that Allie has arthritis? What a loon. Thank God for Bethenny – she makes this show watchable. I CAN’T WAIT to see the smackdown between those two next week.
My complaint about this season is that so many of the scenes are obviously forced so they have some footage. LuLu going to Kelly’s for lunch? You know that never would have happened without Bravo forcing them to. But what is it about these NYC gals that keeps me watching? I was never interested in watching the OC women, and the Atlanta ones were just trashy, but something about this nutty group keeps me glued to the TV every Tuesday night. Sigh. I guess I’ll just have to go with it and see it through!
Thanks for the great recaps!
Well, I guess Kelly isn’t dull anymore. Delusional, narcissistic, and self-satisfied, but not dull!
BTW not only isn’t rheumatoid arthritis “cute,” it’s not about “creaky joints” either. That’s osteoarthritis.
I’d like to see Kelly fall off that horse a few more times.
Linda, I think it’s because at least a few of these women have redeeming qualities, at least to me. Yeah, they are funny and crazy, but not as alien as the OC wives or the zany Atlanta wives.
I think it would be helpful if all the shows had at least one fairly normal, “voice of reason” type. Their reactions would be priceless and would give the viewers someone to identify with.
Yenta! I hope you didn’t get too much of that delicious ice cream all over your TV. I try to eat dry goods during this show so it’s easier to clean up later.
What a fucking bitch leatherface is. It really is BAD when I am liking LuLu more than this one.
The whole name dropping thing is so annoying and I really hope Bethanny sticks it to her good next week. Leather seems like one of THOSE girls. You know the ones. They always are SO much more fabulous than everyone else. Just ask them.
And being late for the meeting? R-U-D-E. That is one of my all time pet peeves. No, you weren’t late because you’re oh so busy, you were late because you’re a rude obnoxious bitch who thinks you’re better than everyone else. Crawl back into the hole you came out of.
Wow. That was harsh. Maybe I need to eat something.
Love you Yenta!
SWAK, PottyMouth
I was really surprised at Lulu’s graciousness this week too. You know she had to be dying to dish about the neighborhood where Kelly has chosen to live, but she didn’t. Good little Countess. She did however, manage to get in one morsel of self importance when she said she was glad she could help the designers by wearing their clothes, sitting in the front row and being photographed. She’s such a giver.
Jill and Bethanny are priceless. My old roommate, also from Lawn Guyland, said braur
and the other one that cracked me up was drar-wer for drawer.
Kelly, Schmelly-ugh, what a waste of fabulous legs. (Yes I’m jealous). Hope her parents didn’t fork over too much for that fancy private school. I could barely understand her mumbling when she was interviewing Jill Stuart. I can only imagine what her articles look like before her editor gets ahold of them.
And dearest Yenta, we thought spring had sprung, but alas, there was snow atop the daffodils when I awoke this morning. Looks like a comfort food day to me.
Thanks for another great one! Love, Shanti
My lord Leather is intolerable. Even when the Countess is being a semi-royal beeyotch she’s not as obnoxious as that woman. And did anyone else think Leather looked really broad in that wrap dress? Lulu looked great in it, but when Leather put it on it was like watching a football player in drag. Lulu must have quite the poker face the way she was fawning over how amazing she looked.
Thank you for making me laugh yet again and calling Leatherface out for the fake, social climbing nightmare that she is. Is she really 39? She looks like she’s pushing 50 with a vengence.
Who’s taking bets that Kelly won’t be back next season? I’ll see your jellybean sundae and raise you a pitcher of long island ice teas! Here’s hoping.
I’m sorry but I can’t stand her. She’s not even fun to hate, like Ramona or Lulu. Actually, I think that it would be wise if Bravo replaced her with someone who has more of a personality, like the dead horse in her living room. (too harsh?) Meh.
Love you and a big kiss,
Twunty
I’m so glad JillZarin got the perfect opportunity to get Ramona back for the cooking party snub. She’s the best housewife of all the shows. And I really really dislike “Madonna.” What is with her taking sneaky looks at the camera? She does it in just about every segment she’s in. Is she making sure it’s still pointed at her? All she had to do was be nice, somewhat likeable, and she could write her own ticket, but instead she has a court date and (hopefully) a pink slip from the Real Housewives.
Great job Yenta (and glad you are back with us on the dark side….).
Well, Kelly went from boring to bitch in nothing flat. Dumb bunny, too – when she was talking about all that she does and said she “writes for articles” it made me pity the person who edits for articles.
JZ’s line about “wearing nothing but the necklace – but she’s not Alex” was the line of the show for me. Loves me JZ! Loved how JZ tried to move the Creaky Joints meeting along – “that’s ok, it’s better with just us 5″. It killed me when Miss Important said “I only have 15 more minutes I can spend here” and then spent 13 of those minutes going on about why she could not lend her name to the event. STFU already – I have been involved with non profits, and everyone knows what being on the committee entails.
I thought Crazy Eyes was quite restrained when drunken Simon was invading her space at the show. Personally, I would have used the pepper spray.
AnneM – great comment and agree 100% that although it was certainly TMI, I am so glad to hear there will not be any more VanKempens running around stabbing burgers.
My money is firmly on Bethenny for the smackdown – I’m loading in extra, throwable junk food for the show.
And BTW – I have now discovered that the RHONJ are actually quite close to my home! Not that I think I will run into any of these woman at the Dollar Tree…
Yenta, you make me laugh week after week – thanks for sharing your awesome wit with us! xoxoxo
njgasmifan:
Maybe you’ll run into the N.J.H.W.’s at Pathway if not the Dollar Tree. Please report back if you do, that would be awesome.
Hi, I can’t wait for the NJ Housewives. I just hope it’s not an embarrassment. Someone asked what fruit they are going to hold up. I grew up in NJ and it seems everyone has (or used to have) a dairy up the road, so I was thinking maybe a bottle of milk. Or maybe they will have a sense of humor and hold up a can of hairspray.
The NJ accent is mostly the same as NY; the major difference is it is rhotic. “Joisey” does not exist. The schools are good so I don’t foresee the grammar issues of the RHWOA.
FloOky: I was thinking they NJ wives might hold up tomatoes. Cans of hairspray would be hysterical though!
Holy hell! Count No Neck has dumped Luann! He’s been having an affair with a woman in Geneva. And, just a month before her Class with the Countess book comes out. Ouch!
Yanaja: Thanks for sharing. It’s good to know what you really think LOL
AnneM: Thanks for all the detective work. I so wish they had featured you instead of Kelly on the show. You wouldn’t mind moving to NYC for a while, would you? That way we could spend our Tuesday nights cheering on a nice, intelligent, funny person, instead of cringing every time Leather opens her mouth. The folks in her hometown must be so proud…
LindaLC: I agree the scene with Lulu at Leather’s for lunch was kind of awkward. It must be fun to be a producer on the show, kind of like being God; you and you go here, you sit there, you and you have to talk to each other…Sigh. Maybe there’s a 12 step program for hausenfrau addiction that I can join?
Pixielated: Thanks for your input on Allie’s arthritis. I wonder why Jill named the charity “Creaky Joints”? Maybe because that’s what most people think of with arthritis? At any rate, you inspired me to look up the condition and Poor Allie…
Pottymouth: I am so switching to dry goods for tonight. Not only did I have ice cream on the TV, I had smears of doggie saliva from my dogs helpful efforts to clean the screen.
Shantigal: I’m so sorry about the snow dump. I HATE THAT. But hang on, I do think we’re almost there. I can see some grass in my back yard and a few bulbs are pushing there way up through the snow. Last year one of my crazy writer friends was blaming their case of writers block on the long winter. So they defrosted their window boxes with pots of boiling water and then planted a mess of flowers just to make life a little better. This year the same friend shoveled the snow off her deck in early march and ran electrical lines out so she could sit outside with space heaters keeping herself warm and pretend that it was summer.
LAjane: A really cynical part of me keeps wondering if the producers aren’t pairing Leather up with Lulu to make the audience appreciate Lulu more. I have to say intentional or not it does seem to be working.
TwuntyMcSlore: I hope you’re right about Leather not being back next season, but I suspect the money will be too much of a temptation unless the producers axe her. If I’m right, I’m going for both your pitcher of Ice Teas and my jelly beans!!
FloOky: You are so right about Leather self-sabotaging. If she had just acted like a decent person, it would have been really easy to get the audience behind her. Either she wants to be hated or she really has absolutely no self-awareness. I’m not sure she’s smart enough to play a villain, so I’m voting for number two.
I totally appreciate your input on the “Joisey” versus “Joyerrsey” accent. Can you suggest an appropriate phonetic spelling for the state name, before I start out offending the entire state?
Love the hairspray idea : )
Njgasmifan: OMG you so have to start staking out the RHONJ houses. I bet Flipit would give you a press badge…
I’m in Bethenny’s corner as well. Seriously, I feel like I’m getting ready to watch a prize fight. Heh-heh
Hugs,
Yenta
Kit9: WHAT!?!? Where did you see this? OMG, I’m looking….
I am ready to stake out the new HW! (Flipit, call me about the press badge!) I suspect they live in some of the exclusive gated communities, but will of course report any HW sightings…and if I have to visit the Fountain Day Spa or Riverside Mall to do research, well I’ll just suck it up in the name of journalism.
FloOky is right- Jersey has lots of different accents/inflections. But, there are a lot of variations. Jer-say, Joisey, Jers-zee. Depends on where you are and where the folks originated from. My personal peeve is the “aks” for ask – I do hear that more often than I’d like.
I think they will use tomatoes but I adore the hairspray idea!
Yenta, search faster – we are dying for this info on Count No-Neck!
Okay, the best sources I can find are Page Six and Gawker. Both say that Count No Neck has taken up with an Ethiopian woman in Geneva. The scoop is that she suspected something was going on and he wouldn’t return her calls on the subject. Apparently, he decided breaking the news via e-mail was the way to go. I’m thinking a new chapter in the etiquette book? I’m actually feeling a little bad for the Countess. Yes, she does get to keep the title.
Njgasmifan: I so want to go to the spas with you…all in the name of research of course : )
Wow, thanks for the info Yenta and kit9. That is a lousey way to hear that your marriage is over – I do feel a bit sorry for Lulu….
Yenta darling – two eyes are better than one, so let’s go!
I still think Kelly’s dress is the same one worn by Veruca Salt in Charlie and the Chocolate factory or at least inspired by it, just like her ‘hairstyle’. Thanks for the HILLARIOUS RECAPS!!!
c.
Dear Yenta,
I wonder how the NYC moms would get along with me? I would laugh at Alex and Simon and tell them to get their own life, instead of trying to get one from some high sociaty folks. I would also tell them that no one likes children without manners. I would tell Ramona to get longer skirts not because she doesn’t look good, but because she’s over 50 and it’s the right thing to do. I would also ask her to get valium to keep her from bouncing off the walls so much. I’d tell Jill she’s lovely and how nice she and Bobby are and I would be a good shoulder for LuLu to cry on. I would completely ignore Leather and Bethenny would be bored silly talking to me. I’m guessing she and I have nothing in common except that I think she is very funny.
I would need you and Flippit to help counteract all the craziness in the lives of our housewives.
I feel bad for the Countess. At my age, we have a lot of friends who found out that their spouses were cheating and it has ruined so many marriages and broken up families. I’ve been disabled for the past 3 years, I can’t get around much, I can’t drive and we live out in the country so when your family breaks up, it’s very isolating. Even when you are surrounded by people it is isolating to lose your spouse/partner.
Maybe this explains why she is so abrasive this season and why she went off on Ramona when Ramona said the count was old. It has to be hard for her and knowing it was going on and then being on a reality show and having kids. It’s going to hurt her and the kids for a long time. I think Noel was pretty close to his Dad. I think Victoria may be relieved at his departure.
Poor Luann. I hope Simon doesn’t hit on her.
TVannie
Ohhh…I know we are in NY but can we go to Cali for a second? I was reading yesterday that Vicki received death threats!
ps…the Luann story is the biggest thing splashed on the front of page six!
I think that Simon was mentioning his vasectomy much for the same that reason that vasectomized men want to talk about it. Their saying hey look at me- I have so much sex, I am such a virile, hormone crazed sex god that I had to get a vasectomy to keep all uterus empty of my offspring. Once again Simon uses a sledgehammer instead of a scalpel in declaring his sexuality.
Since I can’t have enough of the real housewives…brains…I need brains. I have begun to read Simon’s personal blog. And yes you too can get his status updates on Facebook…brains… You think that you have seen the depth of his narcissitic delusions on the show, but nothing compares to the his blogs. Simon is a crack addict, giving head in a bathroom for another hit, but only for that one more hit- kind of delusional.
Oh but why single Simon out? Doesn’t fit that everyone on the show?
Wow, Yenta, looks like the breaking news is blowing up over here! I was watching this episode last tuesday with my mouth completely open in a very unlovely yawp during the entire Arthritic Awesomeness segment, I just could NOT believe that Kelly was such an ungracious bitch, and I thought JZ handled it PERFECTLY, that was genius on her part. I’m so excited for tonight’s episode to see the smackdown between Leather and Bethenny! You are an awesome writer, BTW, and I love your style!
love, J-Mo
njgasmifan: Isn’t that an awful way to find out about a marriage breaking up–especially after 16 years. I wonder if he’s going to text message his kids with the news?
Chask70: I think you might be right about the dress. Also, I realized on my doggie walk today that it’s the same dress worn by Wednesday from the Adam’s family. Head slap!
AnneM: I wonder if you’re right about the Countess losing it this season because of stress in her marriage? Yikes!
Tillee: I saw the death threats for Vicki–I swear it wasn’t me! I have to say that I’m a little suspicious that she’s manufacturing drama to get her contract renewed. For what it’s worth the rumor mill has it that Kelly Bensimon’s smackdown of her boyfriend was manufactured for publicity/contract renewal as well.
Areyoucliff: You are too funny. There’s a really funny segment/video of Simon and Alex on the TMZ site where they’re both pretty plowed and he’s just dreadful–but funny…
J-Mo: I feel a little bit like the grasshopper receiving praise from the master–you know wax on, wax off. Thank you so much. You and Flipit are totally my recapping idols. BTW both my husband and son have now seen your video and they’re now Ms. Ebony fans…
Hugs,
Yenta
I can’t believe that Vicki recieved death threats, she is so plesant, I can’t imagine her upsetting anyone????
I had totally forgotten about Wednesday Adams wearing Kelly’s dress too -that dress must be a cinematic legend!!! Re: The Countess Divorice Scandal, do you thing her book with be dis-’counted’ -ba dump bump. Can’twait for tonight!!
“. Their saying hey look at me- I have so much sex, I am such a virile, hormone crazed ”
More likely the reasoning is that hey ladies since I cannot knock you up “why not have sex with me?” A lot of men have a belief that fear of being pregnant is what motivivates women into not having sex. Plus hey no kid no proof of adultery that would stand up in court.
” I have to say that I’m a little suspicious that she’s manufacturing drama to get her contract renewed”
I don’t think this suspicion is grounded in reality. There is ample history of such threats being made by fans against a character on a tv show for both fictional and real conflicts with the costars. Wheter it be a reality or fictionalized show this has happened before. If some of the stalkers hadn’t been arrested the tv star would have likely been killed.
Ha, not only is Lu-Ann getting a divorce but she plans to keep her title regardless. Hahahaha that is HYSTERICAL.
“Countess Luann de Lesseps and Count de Lesseps
Divorcing – 16 Years
The ‘Real Housewives of New York City’ star plans to keep her title, despite the split.” from PopEater.
I guess from now on she is Countless de Lesseps…
Still think it sucks that he did not have the balls to talk to her face to face or even by phone. After 16 years, a spouse deserves better.
njgasmifan, I do agree with you, regardless of how long a couple is together, this technology-age trend of breaking up via IM, Facebook, e-mail, et al., is HORRIBLE.
I don’t want to say its karma for the way she has treated others in the past, but it is somewhat a possibility…. treat others the way you yourself would like to be treated. Pretty simple…
Chask70— dis-counted… hahaha that was HILARIOUS!
It is unimaginable that a man of the Count’s stature would stoop so low, but reading all these comments makes me think…..maybe he really hates her far more than we could know and has no regard for her whatsoever! wow, can you imagine?
“It is unimaginable that a man of the Count’s stature would stoop so low”
Me thinks you haven’t read much of the history of people with titles nor of this particular counts marriage history. He was previously married three times. Me thinks adulterly has been commited before.
Wouldn’t it have to have been the countess herself who broke the story to Page Six? There’s no story that anyone hacked her email account.
Since he lived full time overseas and just dropped in from time to time, there were no bombs dropped here.
I wonder if Kelly Bensimon’s “imaginary boyfriend” Maximillano Palacio (she can’t spell his name correctly) broke up with her via email too.