Real Houswives of NYC: Simply FUBAR

16 Comments

1. 1
   shantigal
   Posted May 2, 2009 at 4:40 pm

   Leather, just say no. It’s probably too late for her, I’m sure the brain damage is irreversible at this point. I still, for the life of me, cannot understand why Leather’s doctor decided to install her boobies nearly in her armpits and why she hasn’t had corrective surgery yet.

   Agreed Yenta, Silex are totally hang-outable. I’d like to see them go shopping for those human leashes. The VanKempens are the one family I would not have a problem with seeing them put to use.

2. 2
   gypsymom27
   Posted May 2, 2009 at 6:50 pm

   I cannnot believe just how out of it that “Leather” is. It was like she did not even remember saying the mean and nasty things that she said to Bethenny. I love Bethenny, she is the kind of woman that I was before I had my kids and became a stay at home mom. And I also think that Simon and Alex are severely misunderstood ~ LOL!! The funny thing is that they remind me of my husband and my best friends when it comes to the renovating and shopping and whatnot!! Take care and thank you for the fun and amusing reviews of the show!! Rock on Mama!!

3. 3
   crt123
   Posted May 2, 2009 at 8:04 pm

   Great recap as always, and I have no paranoia to report this episode. Kellly is delusional and bless anyone who has to deal with her..I had a room mate like her, pretty people get away with a lot, like being CRAZY. I want to know what counter top Silex chose, since granite is sooo 2007. I tried to post a link, but can’t, but I found a wonderful painting we should get for Yenta as a housewarming present..it’s at charity buzz,lot 94503..amazingly it has 2 bids already..

4. 4
   renata
   Posted May 2, 2009 at 8:49 pm

   After last week’s episode I went on the Bravo site and read some of the h/wives’ blogs. The one by Kelly made me mad again! It is soooooo painfully obvious that this woman is totally insane, it is not even funny anymore. She was reporting on her ‘spat’ with Bethenny, but all the stuff she did and said she was accusing Lady B of doing!!! I then read all the comments under that post, and finally my sanity came back and my view of the world was confirmed as normal. From over 400 comments (and I read every single one), there was ONE!!!! only that was sympathetic to Kelly. Everybody else is of our opinion, that she is a total nut jub, habitual liar, and shameless social climber. If you want to have some fun, read those posts.

   I found one interesting tidbit there. As you must remember, this stupid bimbo answered Ramona’s question ‘Did you go to college’ with ‘Yes, Columbia’ !?!?!? And I almost fell over. I mean, WTF???? How is it possible – she is a complete MORON!!! How did she get in, let alone finish such prestigeous university?? Well, the truth is that she went to something called ‘Columbia School of General Studies’, which is a completely different thing than the Columbia University. I wander if everything in her life is built on pulling shit like that – telling a lie, but not really, and putting herself in a better light by omission.
   HATE, HATE, HATE this ho!!!

   And a final thought – I do not know what her deal with Max is but you are absolutely right about her – you put into words what I was not able to express: she behaves like a stupid dog bitch in heat. Really really sad and pitiful…

5. 5
   pixielated
   Posted May 2, 2009 at 9:41 pm

   Well, Yenta, you’ve redeemed yourself for all those pictures of Leather with not one, not two, but THREE hot guys! Thank you so much.

   Why doesn’t Brad arrange with Mario to get rid of Bobby? It’s a win-win for both of them.

   It’s too bad Silex have this social climbing thing going. I think they’d be fun friends if they’d hang out with some normal(er) folks. Bethenny might be fun, too, but I’d be afraid she’d talk shit about me behind my back.

   Bethenny was on Martha’s Apprentice, not Donald’s. And she has her eye on bigger things: A-Rod. I wonder if they are seeing each other now?

6. 6
   LastCall
   Posted May 2, 2009 at 11:15 pm

   Thanks, Yenta! I deliberately avoided reading your last couple recaps because I hadn’t watched the episodes yet…never could manage to find time to watch them. But after catching up by watching Saturday’s marathon, I came back here and caught up with all your recaps too. And, as usual, they were both delightful & spot-on:-)

   I’ve disliked Kelly from the beginning, but after witnessing the little act she put on in Ally’s bedroom w/ Bethenny, I now officially hate her. I’d really like to smack that pork-rind-esque face of hers. Great screencaps BTW! During that scene I got so pissed off at Kelly that I literally lobbed my box of low-salt Triscuits at the TV.

   Regarding Silex’s “decorating” scheme, I’d been thinking the place looked like an
   old-timey bordello, but your description is more apt. It totally does like like a cheap Chinese restaurant.

   And, like you, I’m also finding Silex more tolerable lately. For all their many faults, they seem to be the least malicious people on the show. Also, I recently read the comments on the Cobble Hill Blog as well as the Brownstoner, and it looks like every single commenter (who has actually met them) is of the opinion that Alex and Simon are in fact very nice, friendly people. Now if they could just get their brats housebroken, I might even start to downright “like” them. Never thought I’d be saying anything like that.

   Cannot wait for the donnybrook(s) we’re going to see (allegedly) on the RHoNYC reunion show. The suspense is already killing me. Yenta, please, please, please tell me you’ll be recapping that stuff too!

7. 7
   LAjane
   Posted May 3, 2009 at 11:39 am

   I’m about ready for Bobby to dump Brad in the East River too. I dunno what it is about that guy, but he annoys the crap outta me. And he’s everywhere, all the time!

8. 8
   AnneM
   Posted May 3, 2009 at 2:08 pm

   Yenta,

   Wonderful job as usual.

   I think Silex’s house looks like The Best Little Whorehouse in Brooklyn.

   I didn’t think it would be possible for Silex to make their house look worse than their wardrobes, I was wrong.

   Maybe Alex is actually a gay man. That would explain a lot.

   Love and luck darling Yenta,

   TVannie

9. 9
   Viane Slice
   Posted May 3, 2009 at 4:11 pm

   Hey

   Nice that Silex finished their townhouse…I think. The living room or whatever-it-was description was apt- looks like a cheap Chinese restaurant. It’s so dark. I would become depressed just walking into that room and red is my favorite color. I think if they really wanted black, gray, and red for the room they should have chosen a much lighter gray, maybe a dove gray. Then accent the gray with bright red and black. That cloth they picked out would have been great in small increments. I did like their kitchen. It was very nice. I would have loved to see the rest of the renovations “ if they have been done. I dunno “ living in New York and basically redoing a whole house for $200,000 sounded a little low to me. I always figured at least $50,000 would go toward the kitchen alone. Nevertheless, they’ve grown on me. This season they actually seemed like nice people. Maybe it’s because from the get go you know where they stand, unlike some people…

   Which leads me to Lady B and Leather’s non-conversation. I had to look at that twice to understand that the exchange truly made no sense. Leather is out of her gourd. I realize that she reminds me of an ex-friend of mine. We broke up because she would inveigle, lie, and manipulate to make herself look better and be in control. She was very passive aggressive like Leather- nothing was ever wrong cause she was such a great person, the problem is you and it’s beneath her to indulge in your drama (though the cause of the drama is her). If you read Leather’s Bravo blog you would laugh “ as usual she didn’t acknowledge any problem “ she’s so great everyone’s so great- why would ANYONE be mad at her???

   I thought Lady B’s date was soooo cute. I hope it goes somewhere. Not necessarily real deep relationship but a nice Maxie type friend. Someone who looks good and says nice things and knows how to have a good time. Those are the best guys to have until the real thing shows up.

   I’m looking toward the finale. Is the spit and twine that’s hold these pseudo friendships together finally going to fall apart? Can’t wait to see…

   Viane Slice

10. 10
    pixielated
    Posted May 3, 2009 at 4:43 pm

    Sorry, I guess I got Brad and Bobby confused. Imagine that!

    But I’m sure Mario would be more than happy to help out.

11. 11
    FloOkY
    Posted May 3, 2009 at 7:20 pm

    In the Silex kitchen scene, Bravo cuts to a closeup of the “Monogram” label, same as on “Top Chef,” and Jill reads her line “Monogram, oh I love G.E.” (The stove gets so…hot, and the refrigerator, it’s so nice and cold) LOL! There’s your answer as to how they did the renovation so cheaply.

12. 12
    njgasmifan
    Posted May 4, 2009 at 8:30 am

    Thanks for the great recap Yenta darling! (now that the deal isthrough, does that mean we all CAN come over and watch the show with you?

    You make this dreck worthwhile – your compararision of Silex’s home to a Chinese restaraunt had me in serious giggles.

    Silex’s children should be on a leash. They do not have any boundaries, and Simon just reinforces their behavior by rough housing with them in the store instead of telling them to calm down. That said, they do seem to have a more normal family life than others, and if they weren’t such fame grabbing social climbers, they might even be a bit (just a bit now) likeable.

    Leather needs a psych ward stat. I love how when she has nothing left to “argue” she just says the other person’s name louder along with the word “stop”. Honestly, I have met more coherent people at Grateful Dead shows. The baby talk Hiiii Byeeeee makes my skin crawl. Agree with Lastcall and others that the reunion show should be held in a ring and is going to be scored in rounds….

    CONGRATS on the house Yenta – it’s a lotta stress getting there, but I am sure it will be worth it in the long run. Hugs.

13. 13
    J-Mo
    Posted May 4, 2009 at 10:06 am

    Yentaaaaaaaa, OMG this shit is so out of control, and I LOVE it!

    Regarding Silex’s house… true story, last summer my BF and BFF and I took a driving vacation through the southwest, from Phoenix to L.A. up the coast to Monterey and San Francisco, and then on up through Reno and down to Las Vegas… on the way through central Nevada we happened to pass by a brothel called “The Shady Lady Ranch” (we did not go inside, we were too frightened of the thought of what was going on in that doublewide set back so far from the road) and when we returned home I checked out their website and saw that they have an “Oriental Room” with a “bed fit for an emperor” and the SECOND I saw Silex’s new color palette I thought to myself “I have seen this before” and now I know where!

    OMG and could Leather get any more off Planet Earth? I feel like we’re watching the gradual decline of David Silver or Kelly Taylor on 90210 when they got hooked on drugs… maybe A&E needs to step in and host an intervention, but that would end all the fun.

    LOVE LOVE LOVE your writing, Yenta, you always clock all the best shit about these people. I can’t wait for the reunion episodes!

    love, J-Mo

14. 14
    NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted May 4, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    I think we’ve covered the “Kelly is batshit crazy” spectrum, so I’ll ask a real question of all of you: How much of the hausenfrau’s antics are really them being them, and how much of it is them playing along with the producers? Because I honestly can’t beleive that some of what we see can be real, even coming from an obviously morally bankrupt social strata that whose actions would appear alien to 99% of humans.

    I seriously think the producers said “Here, Alex, we’re going to strap this feed bag across your boobs, and then you hit a benefit party, like everything’s normal.” And Alex says “sounds like a hoot! Let’s do it!”

    Or that Jill doesn’t know EXACTLY what image she’s creating with quotes like “I know the economy is bad, but Bobby wants to buy me a $16,000 bag, so I’m going to let him!” It’s too ridiculous not to be made up.

    And Bethanny charges “thousands of dollars to do live appearances”, but has so little recognition factor that she can’t give away a free muffin at Whole Foods?

    Nobody is this dumb, or this clueless as to how they’re going to be portrayed by a reality tv show in this day and age. I think everybody (including Kelly, some of the time is just playing along.)

15. 15
    yentapatrol
    Posted May 4, 2009 at 2:39 pm

    Dear Gasmi;

    Are these hausenfrau messed up or what?

    Shantigal: I’m honesty wondering if Leather’s, um, physique(?) dictates the placement of her breasts. Her shoulders are so frigging wide that unless they were out of bounds huge blow up bubbies there has to be a big space between them. It’s almost like she’s not really built for breasts, which kind of leads to some other speculations…

    Gypsymom27: Isn’t it amazing how having kids completely changes the nature of your life? I’m not sure I was ever as
    “high-powered” as Bethenny, but I had a pretty fun, career oriented life. I hope if Bethenny does have kids, she some manages to embrace the inevitable compromises.

    crt123: Paranoia is always welcome : ) I meant to write something about the counter tops, but I completely forgot. Sigh!! Thanks for the housewarming thoughts, but it’s going to be a while before the place is fully inhabitable. Now it’s my turn to renovate…hmmmm, I wonder what brothel red and black look like?

    Renata: That Columbia thing has been bothering me as well. I’m thinking it will come up at the reunion, but if not I’ll work it in. I have really hard time reading Leather’s blogs as well. As a recapper I feel obligated to do it, but oy, she makes me nuts.

    Pixielated: Thank you for setting me straight on the Apprentice show with Bethenny. I completely forgot she was on Martha’s season, and not on Donald’s.

    There’s a blog for the neighborhood that Silex live in and Simon seems to post some. I have to say that his blog and his posts that I’ve seen make him sound pretty normal, but then they pull weird stunts like claiming to have book deals that they don’t have…I’m not sure if it’s naivete on their part or if their really obnoxious in real life. However, they are steadily growing on me.

    LastCall: I’m definitely recapping the reunion. I’m totally psyched, as well. I love the picture of you throwing your box of Triscuits at the TV. You know the saying: TV is a way of letting people into your living room, who you’d never let into your house : )

    LAJane: I’m so tired of Brad. In a city full of totally cool gay men, he’s the best they can come up with?!? Good Lord, just grab somebody off the street whose clothes match and it would be an improvement…

    AnneM: “I didn’t think it would be possible for Silex to make their house look worse than their wardrobes, I was wrong.” Hahahahaha Luvs it. Hot red and black just are not relaxing colors, but maybe Silex is color blind?

    Viane Slice: I totally thought Philippe was adorable, as well. If Bravo is going to keep introducing people for the sake of giving them face time, I hope they’re going to be as pretty as Philippe : )

    FloOky: I would promise to say good things about GE everyday, if they would give me a few items. What do you think my chances are? Oh yeah, I’m an ordinary mortal. Sigh…

    njgasmifan: Thanks so much for the kind words. The more I see Leather, the more I’m convinced that she really is mentally ill. At this point, it’s getting beyond funny and into really alarming behavior. I really wonder if Bravo is going to sign her for next season.

    J-Mo: What an awesome story. I love that there’s a real life brothel out there mirroring Silex’s taste and “flair”. I would love to e-mail the link to them–I wonder if they’d laugh? Heart, darling.

    NotWithoutMyTV: I’ve wondered alot about how much is staged on this show. I’m sure there are “suggestions” on the part of the producers, but I’m equally sure that some of these women are just bizarre. I’m not sure that any producer could have pulled off the Gretchen/Jeff/Slade fiasco, if she wasn’t a “unique” personality all in her own right. I’m also pretty sure that Kelly is truly messed up, but that’s from a certain consistency she seems to maintain in a wide variety of settings. I don’t know…you can’t fix crazy, but you sure can exploit it.

    You guys are awesome!! I can’t wait for tomorrow. I’m already stocking up on snacks…
    Hugs,
    Yenta

16. 16
    njgasmifan
    Posted May 6, 2009 at 9:02 am

    Somewhat interesting article in a local paper today about the RHONJ – I can’t post a link here but if you visit northjersey dot com the home page rotates through stories, and this is one of them.
    Yenta, you will love this – will you be recapping this show??