Real Housewives of Atlanta: Scrambled Egos: Twisted Ankles, Broken Dreams

Hi Gasmii– It’s another action-crammed episode of RHOA, with special emphasis on how selfish Kim is, how talented Kandi is, and how insecure NeNe is. There’s blood, sweat and tears. There’s a pop song hook that gets stuck in your brain and keeps repeating itself when you’re trying to write your Melrose Place blog for TVGasm. There’s just no Ed. Well, practically none. And Msjaqmills, I went and watched that Bravo extra video you mentioned and was whorified to discover Ed never gets around to shucking down for the camera! Girl. I felt like a fag hag on prom night! So, yes, Gasmii, some things never change. On with the ho’s!

Private Gym. Sheree receives personal training from Cliff, Atlanta‘s top fitness coach and interview-informs us that he trains all the top celebrities in town. Since Sheree is not only a top designer but one of Georgia‘s top single ladies, she feels paying Cliff’s high rates is “not a luxury, it’s a necessity.” Sheree proudly interviews that she has “the body of a hot 25-year-old.” Me, too, honey. His name is Martin. He was one of Australia‘s top male models, before moving to L.A. and snagging a top agent here as well as a top recap artist as his girlfriend. OMG– I am totally feeling competitive with Sheree! That is not a good feeling, Gasmii. Please excuse me while I text my trainer and add an extra session.

“Did someone just turn the AC on? ‘Cuz I suddenly feel a terrible chill.”

OK, I’m back. Sheree’s trainer is also something of a gossip, and says she should have been at Door 44 last night. Apparently this is a major club full of the kind of high-end people someone of Sheree’s fame and stature would be right at home with. Cliff asks what kind of man Sheree is looking for, and she hilariously acts all eHarmony with it, listing her mate’s preferred qualities like she’s a sweet, reasonable human being and not a delusional sociopathic twat: “likes to laugh, likes to have fun, of course you know God-fearing, you know, like to travel, you know, stable… I don’t want a guy who’s not taking care of HIS responsibilities. I have kids, so if he have kids, I don’t want, like, a deadbeat dad.”

She tells Cliff that her dream-date having one or two kids would be okay. What about three or four, Cliff asks. “Little ones?!” Sheree squawks, imagining diaper-clad toddlers flinging poo at her couture. Cliff presses and asks what she’d think of a “good man” who had three kids, ages 2, 4 and 5. He should be with their mother, she says. Sheree interviews that she hopes if her new man has kids, they’ll be teens or older. She adds that she’s “very picky” and can afford to be– she knows her “self-worth”. Cliff interviews that if Sheree feels good, “she work out good, and if she feels bad, she work out bad.” So he’d like to improve her attitude by fixing her up with a suitable guy. Now he just has find someone he despises who’ll also accept fix-ups from him.

Parts of Sheree may be very well-preserved, but she’s no spring chicken, as her slightly squishy upper arms amply indicate. I wouldn’t even be mentioning this if she wasn’t such an egomaniacal cooze-bag, but she is, so let me point out that the flappy skin up there makes it look like she has a prolapsed anus under each arm:

Right anus-pit

Left anus-pit

Range Rover. Lisa drives NeNe to phototgrapher Derek Blanks‘s studio so they can drop in and try to take a peek at the shots from the alter-ego photo shoot. On the way, they speculate about what Kim & Kandi have been up to with the song “Don’ Be Tardy to the Party”. Lisa thinks Kandi will do a good job, which is the same as saying that Kim will suck up her own part.

Derek Blanks Studio. Derek looks a little ambushed by their unannounced visit, and says he can’t show them anything before the unveiling. Over 300 people have already RSVP’d, so Derek wants to rent a house to throw the alter-ego black-tie cocktail party in. He’s making up a coffee-table book of the photos, which will be on display along with the exhibited prints. He refuses to give NeNe and Lisa a preview and shoos them out of his workplace.

Outside, Lisa tells NeNe the party will be the first time she’ll have seen Sheree since Lisa’s fashion show, to which as we all know, Sheree arrived two hours late with a flimsy excuse about attending her son’s recital. Lisa recounts how Sheree sashayed in and demanded to see Lisa’s clothes, to which Lisa totes blew her off. And, Lisa adds, Sheree was dressed way too casually, in “jeans and a hoodie“, which Lisa also took as a dis. Lisa says she’ll attend Sheree’s fashion show, on time and dressed. If it ever happens… which we all know is highly unlikely.

“Welcome to your She by Sheree internship. I designed the uniform myself.”

Excelsior Bodybuilding Show. Sheree and her bitchy ex-model pal Tania are prowling around backstage checking out all the Speedo-clad male and female muscle-heads. They find Trainer Cliff, who’s fagged up in a Chippendale’s ensemble: fedora, peekaboo cut-out tuxedo jacket and man-panties. “Absolutely no body fat!” Sheree squeals. Cliff tells them to sit down in the Green Room, he has a surprise for them.

It turns out to be a potential fix-up for Sheree! He’s a Huge Slab of Beef who’s judging today’s competition. Sheree interviews that having an NFL player ex makes people think she only digs “jocks”. “I’m over them,” she sniffs. Better be careful, Ree-Ree– if you start dating metrosexuals, you’re way upping the chances they watch Bravo and have already witnessed your adorable cunty antics . As Beefy prattles about fitness modeling and photo shoots and caloric intake, Sheree glazes over, interviewing that he’s “soooooo not her her type”. “He talked about himself the entire time!” she interviews, offended.

While they’re sitting backstage listening to Beefcake tell them he’s not into fine dining (“Food is a means to an end… I can go to Costco and get 10 steaks.”), they’re missing Cliff onstage, where he preens with three other identically barely dressed stud-muffins. Cliff returns to the Green Room and Sheree is flummoxed at having missed him. She interview-blames Beefcake and says Cliff is a better trainer than he is a matchmaker.

“…Stop by the Rite-Aid. I need hair relaxer and feminine wipes. Also, I want you to put a cottonmouth in Kim’s mailbox. Then pick the kids up from school. Thanks, Boo.”

Kandi’s Home Studio. Kim and her boobs arrive, wearing a gauzy pink peasant dress that would be perfect for a XXX-rated Stevie Nicks video. Kandi introduces Kim and the twins to her sound engineer Salasi and producer Don Vito, who helped Kandi “flip the track to the song”, which is music biz lingo for turning shit into gold. Kim’s huge, pink-frosted duck lips make her look like The Joker in drag as she interviews that she had no idea Kandi had a full recording studio at her house. Kandi interviews that if she’s going to be involved in this project, it needs to meet certain standards of quality: “This is my career. I cannot be attached to wackness.”

They prepare Kim by reminding her she told Kandi she wanted the song to become something that could be released as a single, then play her the country demo, which I presume is by her daughter’s guitar teacher, who I think wrote it. Kandi stops the demo and sings the melody Kandi says she heard in her head the first time she played the demo. Kim stares at Kandi in hilarious amazement/disbelief, unable to comprehend this creative process. They start the new track. Kim is blown away.

Kandi explains how Kim will sing the hook and NeNe can do some of the backing vocals or else split up the verses with Kim. Kim is almost in a daze to find herself at the center of something this real/professional/good. Kim tells them she’s always dreamed of being a One-Hit Wonder, which they find hilarious, but we know she’s absolutely not kidding and in this moment Kim’s actually very appealing. Then Don says they’re about to record Kim singing the hook and she starts to freak. “I’m not wantin’ to sing!” she squawks. Kandi and Don stare at Kim, dumbfounded. WTF?!?! Adios, Very Appealing Kim, you were only a mirage on a desert highway. Standard Edition Nightmare Kim is back.

“See what happens when I cover my titties? My lips look all clowny and over-inflated. It’s all about balance, y’all!”

Kandi interviews her unpleasant surprise at Kim’s reticence: “I got the producer, I got the engineer… she comes to the house and acts like she doesn’t wanna go into the booth… HELLOOOO! Do you think we just like to flip songs?!” Kim tells Don that “if you sing me a song, right now in my ear, I could probably duplicate it. But that doesn’t mean I could take that song… and go sing it by myself.” Oh, Kimmy. You finally get the chance to become a pop starlet and you’re chickening out. Kandi interviews that she thought it was understood that Kim would record vocals. Yes, obviously! What exactly did Kim have in mind? Did she think Kandi would record the vocals and then Kim would slut around lip-synching to them in a video, like Black Box? What would they call it? White Snatch?

Kandi assures Kim that no one’s looking to make her sound bad or embarrassing. Kim interviews that her traumatic experiences with super-producer Dallas Austin and no-nonsense vocal coach Jan Smith in Season One have made her too terrified of sucking to continue. Cue FLASHCUT of Jan: “What’s goin on with your voice, Kim, is you don’t know what you’re doin.” Kim tells Kandi that the phrase “don’t be tardy to the party” sounds “silly”. Instead of grabbing her by the wig and screaming “WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DRAG ME INTO THIS!??!” Kandi says that the expression “No Scrubs”could sound silly to some people, but it became a #1 record (in case you didn’t know, Kandi wrote this TLC song and made buckets of cash with it).

“I’m not saying you’re the worst singer of all time. Okay, wait… yes I am.”

Kandi shows amazing patience, sweetness and professionalism here by gently suggesting that Kim just sing the hook today (the title), then Kandi will finish rewriting the song, demo it with Kim’s hook in the background, and give it to her on CD so Kim can rehearse profusely before recording the rest. Kim interviews that the pressure to perform in front of such top-flight personnel as Kandi and Don was almost unbearable– “I wanna be perfect. I don’t wanna mess up.” She finally agrees to go into the booth and “horse around”, which Kandi is fine with.

Kim interviews that aside from giving birth to her kids, she’s never been in a position where she had to face her fears. If she keeps dropping three grand on designer husky duds for Ariana, she’ll certainly have bankruptcy to contend with. But this is it– this is her time, and she knows it. Kim gathers up her floor-length skirt and goes into the booth. She puts the headphones on over her wig, then calls Kandi in for more moral support. Kandi warns her that not every line is going to be good (oh, you have no idea, chica!), but Kim needs to just keep going. Kim says that she’s feeling a different energy this time, and thinks she’ll loosen up soon. She reminds Kandi that this is her first time on the mic since that dark day with Dallas. Okay, she’s ready.

Kandi interviews that Kim is totally cool and confident with the outward appearance part of being a pop star (wig, make-up, tits), but when it comes to the music “she’s just totally broken down”. Take One: Kim sings the hook to the backing track. It’s nothing special, but it isn’t ear-poppingly bad, either. Take Two: A little better– she’s more relaxed. They tell her she can come out of the booth and Kandi, Salasi and Don applaud. Kim scurries out to smoke and call her BFF, Cori, who gives her a nice pep talk as Kim marvels at Kandi’s wonderful energy and how great it was to face her fear. Of course, she hasn’t heard the results yet. Don comes out and tells her they’re ready to continue. Kim stubs out her cigarette and tosses it off the porch. You can take the girl out of the trailer park…

“But how did your tits look?!”

Kim interviews that she’s full of anxiety waiting to hear what she did. They hit Play and there it is. Kim sounds perfectly fine for an unsweetened vocal by an untalented woman. Kim breaks down, weeping. Trying to preserve her eye make-up, she tells Kandi what a huge step this was for her. She’s scared to continue, but Kandi is super-supportive and tells her to put all the negativity out of her mind. She can’t let the hatas bring her down! Kim tries to interview outside the guest house/studio and is too choked up to say much more than “I did it!”

Kandi interviews that Kim “did a lot better than I thought she would”. Next step– get NeNe in and see what she’s got. Oh but wait. Kim to Kandi: It’s, like, positive energy, like, I think honestly if I came here in my own space in my own time and just like kinda chilled out, like I’m not so sure that I think NeNe needs to be on the song at all.” Kandi is, again, unpleasantly surprised by this selfish bullshit. Kim pulls herself together outside long enough to interview that she’s “so overwhelmed with emotion… and it’s my moment” and she doesn’t want to share it. Asshole! They play Kim’s vocals again and NeNe, Don and Kandi dance. Kandi says that the “next stop” is a choreographer for Kim. HAHAHAHA. Don initiates a group hug “so I can get close to some boobs!” You’ve got the right talentless wanna-be for the job, brutha!

Throwaway Minute du Jour: Lisa & Ed‘s tract mansion. Lisa is doing a promotional photo shoot for her clothing line, Closet Freak. May I suggest your husband Ed completely naked standing in a closet full of CF fashions in bright colors that contrast well with his rich, chocolaty complexion? No? Dammit. A make-up artist paints Lisa’s face as she discusses her concept of the shoot with photographer Allen. Are they not allowed to give his last name due to contractual obligations with Derek Blanks and Drexina Nelson? Lisa offers up the useless “Clean but edgy at the same time”. Brilliant. In her defense, maybe Ed decided to give her another of his patented candle-lit massage/bubble bath combos (with no farting this time) just as she started to conceive the shoot and that’s why she’s got nuthin today. They go onto Lisa’s back terrace and start shooting. Lisa’s Gay, stylist Tracy Sipp stands behind Allen offering posing suggestions like a kiddie pageant mom.

“Flirt with your judges! Watch that flipper! Shake it, girl! You ARE the next Universal Mini-Miss Grand Supreme!”

NeNe’s tract mansion. It’s the night of the Alter-Ego photo exhibition party. A make-up artist slaps war-paint on NeNe’s face. NeNe interviews that despite her self-imposed title of Director, Derek refused to let her choose or even see the final photos. “That was one piece of the deal he wanted to keep control of,” NeNe prissily says, surely pissed that she couldn’t wreak passive-aggressive havoc by selecting fug shots of the other Wives. NeNe confides as much to the make-up gal– having to let someone else choose which photo of her to be unveiled is causing major anxiety. “It never works out,” she whines. Now she knows what the hot messes on Make Me A Super-Model go through every week

Kim’s townhouse. Kim primps for the party. Her 12-year-old daughter Brielle (how many issues of Penthouse did Kim have to go through to find that name?) wants to know why Kim buys dresses that are too small for her and notes that what Kim’s wearing makes her ass look big. Charming! “This is Dolce,” Kim says, unfazed.

NeNe tells her make-up artist NeNe needs to speak to Kim about the song NeNe still thinks they’re doing together. NeNe says she called Kim today to discuss “an agreement” about the project and Kim didn’t return. “One minute this girl is talkin to you, the next minute she’s talkin ABOUT you… then she’s hookin up with Kandi like they’re some kinda newfound best friends… they are A TRIP.” NeNe sings the “Tardy” hook and says it’s gonna be “hot”. It’s gonna be something, alright. Hot? Perhaps. Fucked up? Definitely, as far as NeNe will be concerned.

Rented Tract Mansion. A black-tie crowd assembles for the unveiling. NeNe arrives in a BMW with Mr NeNe (Gregg). “Part of being a socialite,” NeNe explains via interview, “is being up on top of the trends, on top of the latest things that are happening. Everybody wants to do an alter-ego photo shoot. Atlanta I think is just a little bit more ‘open’ to the idea.” Other alter-ego examples of Derek’s work are displayed throughout the tract mansion. including the nudie one that looks like an ad for twin-cest porn. Kandi arrives with fiance AJ and calls NeNe “ma’am”. NeNe calls her “diva” and they air-kiss and trade hugsies.

“But that can’t be NeNe! Her cleavage is shorter than I am!”

NeNe interviews that they invited the “Who’s Who of Atlanta”, which apparently includes Kandi’s sourpuss Mom and Gay Alcoholic Beauty Czar Dwight. Kim arrives with a blonde pal and immediately begins shmoozing Kandi’s mom. Kim tells her Kim hopes Kim does as good a job with Brielle and Ariana as Sourpuss did with Kandi. I’m sure Kim will– I can totally see her throwing a fit in a few years when Brielle decides to marry some guy with six kids from four different women.

The Housewife alter-egos are at the back of the great room, draped in black and awaiting the big reveal. Like NeNe’s boobs in the matronly evening gown she wears as she slurps a hot-pink cocktail and discusses the pictures with Derek. He claims that they’re his “best alters”. He mentions how great Sheree & Kandi were in their pix. NeNe remarks that Kim & Kandi took the longest: “The divas with the biggest attitudes!” NeNe is so damn threatened by Kandi! Derek admits that he’s “nervous”. “I’m a lotta pressure,” NeNe says. “I’m gonna be, like– Look, if y’ain’t got this shit right, I’m gonna tell you!”

Kim interviews that she, too, “is dying”… she can’t wait to see her picture. And she hates surprises, if any of you Gasmii were planning on surprising her later. Sheree arrives, followed by Lisa and Ed. Sheree interviews that she hasn’t seen Lisa since the Closet Freak fashion show, but she is planning on speaking to her. Impressive! Sheree is curious where Lisa plans to go with the line. “If it’s anything like that jumpsuit she had on… she may need my help.” Well, if Lisa decides she doesn’t want anyone to see her clothes, Sheree certainly knows a lot about that.

“Why can’t Kandi just find a nice respectable married sugar daddy like you did?!”

Cut to Lisa & Sheree. Sheree, in a turtleneck and hideous earrings that hang down to her chest, asks how the fashion show went. Lisa says people have been telling her it’s the best show they’ve ever seen in Atlanta. “My models looked like real models… It wasn’t a ‘play’ fashion show.” Sheree absorbs this with a tight-ass smile, then Lisa says she can’t wait to come to Sheree’s fashion show. “And I’ll be on time,” Lisa adds as she gives Sheree a hug. Wow! Delivering the dig while embracing the target is some class-A varsity advance placement bitchery!

Sheree interviews her tired lie about her son having a concert, and adds that she “made it to the fashion show” (um, she totally missed it) and she has no idea what the problem is. Doesn’t have a clue. What a mega-bitch. Well get ready to be upstaged because it’s time for Kimmy to go outside for a cigarette. Unfortunately, the cameras don’t catch what happens next– all we hear is a squeal and an “Oh my Gawd!” that sounds bizarrely like Rappin Granny riding the Sybian on The Howard Stern Show. Kim apparently caught her high heel on “a cobblestone” and took a tumble walking down a few porch steps. No immediate speculation as to whether booze or Gawd-knows-what Rx drugs might have impaired Kim’s natural grace, but nosey nellie Dwight says he saw Kim with a broken strap on her fabulous shoe and had to swish over to help.

Kim gets up, saying she’s fine, but then she sees her pricey shoes are ruined and keeps repeating “That’s not cute.” She’s grateful for Dwight’s assistance, because she has scraped knees (jokes, anyone?) and cuts on her shins and needs to hobble to someone’s vehicle for a first aid kit, which could be code for Vicodin stash, I’m not sure… I’m a recap artist, not a narcotics cop. Sheree, whose new “single lady” status has really awakened her inner Kim, interviews in a VERY titty top that she wondered why so many party guests were all outside. When she finds out it was to “baby” and “pamper” klutzy Kim, she isn’t super-sympathetic.

“I amn’t going to apologize for having nice breastseses.”

Kandi’s mother and Dwight administer first aid, cleaning her cuts and icing her “throbbing” ankle while Kim relaxes in the backseat of the Range Rover with a medicinal Marlboro. NeNe appears and is shocked by Kim’s condition. “I definitely can’t stand,” Kim says. She’s relieved when Dwight assures her she didn’t rip her dress. Sheree and Kandi come out to see what’s up, but Sheree keeps her back to Kim and lets Dwight adjust her own witchy outfit. “Poor Kim,” Kandi interviews. “Her legs were toe up.” Since most of the party has now moved outside, Kandi tells Kim to tell someone to pop “Don’t Be Tardy” onto the SUV stereo. The instrumental track, with Kim singing the hook, kicks in and everyone’s impressed, even Sheree, who tit-terviews that “It sounded really good. I’m impressed!” NeNe starts boogie-ing and tells Kim “We should do a video!” Kim nods, not mentioning her new scheme to exclude NeNe from the project. Which, as any Hindu will tell you, is the karmic reason she fell on her ass.

Everyone’s loving the beat, and Dwight asks Kim if NeNe’s going to sing on it. “We’re gonna have to see about that,” Kim discreetly drawls. Then she suddenly takes a turn for the worse, moaning in agony and declaring that her ankle’s “on fire”. Two doctors from the party arrive and check the ankle. It definitely looks like a break and Kim will probably be on crutches for six weeks. OMG! Instant spin-off! NeNe, who interview-complains that the entire party’s attention is now on Kim, sees her Big Photo Reveal moment could be fatally upstaged by Kim and her goddamn ankle and starts trying to figure out how to get Kim back into the tract mansion. The doctor says Kim could be taken inside and laid out somewhere, but Kim is having none of it. “There’s no chance in hayell, Gregg,” Kim tells Mr NeNe when he alerts her to NeNe’s plan.

“That’s what SHE said!”

Not about to let her moment be ruined by Kim (who only did the shoot under duress and bitched the whole time), NeNe starts arranging for all the photos to be unveiled outside in the driveway! “This is some tacky shit,” NeNe interviews. Kim tries to hobble out of the car, but can’t make it, so three muscular young black men lift her up and carry her. “Kim was being extra-drama-queen,” Lisa interviews. “And I think she wanted some attention. We moved the party outside to accommodate her… that’s a scraped knee, girl! Get up and dust yourself off. Like are you kidding me?!” To be fair, Kim’s ankle looked pretty swollen, but she certainly milked it for every drop.

“Kim, it’s a formal event! Could ya at least have worn panties?!?”

They place Kim on a row of hastily assembled folding chairs, and she’s clinging to one of her male attendants, moaning in agony. NeNe seizes the spotlight and almost works herself up to tears as she tells the crowd how hard it was for her to come up with the alter-egos for her very dear Housewife friends. They whip the drape off and it’s the photo of Kim in the laundromat, her “Stepford” self eyeing her Saucy Mistress self with what’s supposed to be disgust. Everyone oohs and ahhs and Kim interviews: “I just really at that point just was not really focused. I just really was tryin to kinda take one for the team and look at the picture and then get back in the car.” NeNe, still stinging from Kim’s refusal to play her black self in the photo shoot, disdainfully interviews: “Kim was a Stepford Wife and a mistress. Sooo typical Kim– a mistress. Mmmm-hmmm!”

The last time Kim was in a laundromat, she was 16, pregnant, and trying to induce a miscarriage by straddling a washer during the spin cycle.

NeNe gives the okay for the young studs to move Kim back to the car. Lisa interviews that “Kim always finds a way not to be part of the group. She takes a fall and she sees her reveal and she breezes outta there. If you don’t like us, then don’t be around us.” As if Bravo would ever allow that! They lug Kim to the Range Rover as she moans tastefully.

NeNe proceeds with the show: “I chose this alter ego for Lisa because I say she’s my Gangsta Boo.” Big reaction when NeNe reveals the photo of Girl Scout Lisa terrorized by Pat Benatar/Rihanna Lisa, who’s knocked Girl Scout Lisa and her cookies off her bike. Lisa interviews that she likes the photo, but can’t relate to Evil Lisa. “I’d be the girl defending the Girl Scout… I’d be the one she’d run to, and I’d be like, show me where she’s at!”

In the sequel, Evil Lisa rapes Cub Scout Ed.

Next up is Kandi. NeNe explains that originally she wanted Kandi to play both bride and groom in a wedding photo, but Kandi called NeNe up with a “deeper” idea. Kandi’s family members were involved in a car accident, and the resulting photo is… a stunner depicting Kandi as drunk driver and hapless victim smashed face-first into the windshield. Everyone goes apeshit as Kandi looks modest and weepy. Kandi interviews that the photo meant a lot to her, since she and AJ had family at the party. She also felt that everyone who saw it came away with a strong message.

No snark for this one. I hate drunk drivers even more than I hate Diablo Cody!

After this, Sheree’s jokey take on her own alleged materialism seems even more frivolous: She’s mugging herself, trying to steal wads of hundies. To Sheree’s credit, both her terrified victim and sexy, cold mugger expressions are great. Everyone laughs and congratulates Sheree, happy for the comic relief and– let’s be real– probably scared shitless of the bitch. “Sheree finally got her seven figures,” NeNe smugly interviews. “We know how Sheree likes money.”

It’s all about the nostrils.

Finally, Kandi introduces the NeNe photo. Kandi says she directed NeNe, and offered input on the lady customer character, but not on the hoochie, for which NeNe needed absolutely no help at all. Everyone ooooohs appreciatively at the saucy shot: NeNe as an uptight housewife gingerly extending a tip to a saucy stripper. NeNe interviews that she has discovered plenty more alter egos she’d like to bring to life. Feel free to suggest your favorite below, Gasmii.

NeNe should’ve definitely played a man for this…

…but Gregg didn’t like the idea of her recreating the night they met.

Dwight interrupts the ass-kissing Sheree’s receiving to ask if she’s actually going to get a collection together. Oh, yes, definitely, Boo. Absolutely. No question. She by Sheree WILL be coming to a runway near you very soon. Dwight tells Sheree that he extended an invitation to Lisa to take advantage of his style expertise and he’s doing the same for Sheree. Oh, did you help Lisa with her line? Dwight says he had nothing to do with it. He just wanted to offer his services because he can’t stand the thought of sitting through more “crap”. Like Lisa’s, he means. This of course provides him a direct path to Sheree’s poisonous little heart. Then he starts flirting with Cliff the Trainer. Oh, Dwight. You incorrigible fruit.

Sure. And Dwight never sucked off Tyler Perry in the Phipps Plaza men’s room.

Over a shot of Kim in a wheelchair being escorted into a hospital, NeNe interviews that Kim was trying to steal the spotlight tonight. Then we see an enormous, high-end, drop-dead delicious-looking cake. Before they cut it, NeNe has to make an announcement. She says what a great pleasure it was for her to direct “all you divas” and gives a shout out to Derek Blanks for his fab photography.

Next Week: Kim’s not ashamed to date married men. NeNe and Kandi go at it. NeNe finds out Kim’s plans for “Don’t Be Tardy” and calls her evil.

C U Next Thursday!

besos mojados,

LLB