Real Housewives of Atlanta: High Heels & Record Deals: Trannies Against Wife-Beating

Hey Gasmii–

We’re already on the 11th episode of this delicious trainwreck and who knows when it will end. Maybe tonight. But even if this is the finale, which I doubt, there have to be one or two Reunion shows immediately after brimming with shameful concentrated cattiness. And I still have to caption my Melrose Place blog photos then post it, take out the recycling, call my abuela in San Juan and go see Paranormal Activity and watch my boyfriend Martin squirm and yell because these movies scare the bejesus out of him. Don’t worry, he’s all man– he’s from Australia and opens beer bottles with his teeth, which I tell him in an even, non-nagging tone to quit doing because, after all, he is a top fashion and underwear model. Alright, let’s party!

Justice tot boutique. Kim is shopping for her 7-year-old daughter Ariana at a mall store that looks substantially cheaper than the designer kiddie emporium we last spotted Kim at (there are signs advertising things for $9.90). “I bet that she’s a cutie!” chirps the salesgirl. “She’s a mess, honey,” Kim deadpans (LOL!!!), telling the truth for possibly the first time in her bleached/wigged life. She picks out a few reasonably priced items, informing the clerk that “I hate shopping” and that Kim just wants to get it over with.

“Do you have a sequined bib that says Mama’s Little Piggy on it?”

We found out why Kim’s so preoccupied in a second, when we see Kandi approaching the store. Kandi interviews that Kim flaked on Kandi’s solo debut at Tongue & Groove nightclub, and Kandi’s “very irritated with her”, Kandi interviews: “…I guess she wants to apologize. It better be good,” Kandi says bluntly. Kim interviews about being “indebted” to Kandi for producing “Tardy for the Party”, Kim’s hit pop single and that Kim hopes Kandi isn’t “pissed off at me”. Keep hoping, babe! Kandi strolls in, marches right up to Kim with hands outstretched like Kandi wants to wring Kim’s neck: “I’ve come here to choke your ass!” Kandi snarls, joking. Sort of. Not really.

“Honey, I’m sorry I didn’t come,” Kim whines. “Brielle [Kim's obnoxious 12-year-old] was sick.” Kandi starts to ask why the hell Kim didn’t get a babysitter, but Kim jumps in with “I don’t wanna babysitter with her when she’s sick. You wanna babysitter with Riley [Kandi's 6-year-old] when she’s sick? But I wouldn’t miss it.” But you DID miss it, you silly cow! And never mind “a babysitter”, what about the full-time nanny Kim keeps around to shield Kim from excessive contact with the brats?! “You better be glad you got Brielle to blame it on,” Kandi sniffs, then interviews that “My thing with Kim is this: Could you please do what you say that you’re gonna do? Because the first time she asked me would you please help me with my song… get in the booth, she don’t wanna sing. Then I ask her to come to my show, she said she was gonna come, but then she didn’t come. Don’t tell me o yeah girl, I’m gonna try, then come up with this lame excuse later on.” Amen, sistah.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise,” Kim promises, not bothering to explain why she couldn’t have called or left a message instead of leaving Kandi to search for her after the mini-concert. Kandi nods skeptically, and it’s clear Kim will have to do way more than Kim’s probably capable of to regain Kandi’s trust. Kim, in classic delusional/denial mode, interviews that Kandi was “a little disappointed” that Kim stood her up, but tries to strip the diss of all validity by informing us that Kim & Sheree are planning a surprise engagement party for Kandi & fiance AJ. And how are Kim and her “fiance” Big Poppa? Kandi wants to know.

“You gotta be fuckin kiddin me.”

Kim says they’re doing well, having decided to “keep people out of our business” now that they’ve proclaimed their commitment to each other. How are Kandi & AJ? “Oooo chile,” Kandi clucks, continuing with the saga of her Sourpuss Mom Joyce, who hasn’t budged from her position that AJ’s the wrong man for Kandi. Kim quickly assures Kandi that HER mom is an “I-told-you-so” type like Joyce, whose judgment is still getting on Kandi’s nerves big-time. But Kandi’s protective of her relationship with Joyce because, as Kandi puts it, “Men do come and go, but your mom is always gonna be your mom.” Very wise, since she and AJ will eventually break up, and AJ’s recent knifing to death outside a strip club nixed any possibility of a reunion with him.

Kandi tells Kim AJ suggested they have a couple’s counseling session and bring Joyce along, which, to Kandi’s surprise, Joyce agreed to. Without waiting for Kandi to pick up anything for Riley or any of AJ’s kids, selfish Kim goes to the register and when the bill is $616 (so much for smart shopping) whips out, as Kandi calls it, her “black titanium” American Express. “Don’t act like you don’t have one, girl,” Kim says. Kandi tells her she doesn’t have a black AmEx, and remarks that in order to qualify for one, you need to spend $250K every year. Kim proudly says the card is all hers, and is not a joint account with Big Poppa. To which Kandi interviews “Where is she gettin $250K a year to blow on AmEx? Don’t you pay with Big Poppa’s money?!”

Country club. Lisa meets NeNe for lunch to discuss a domestic violence project. NeNe tells Lisa last year “we mentored a girl livin in the battered women’s shelter” and this “we” discovered battered women have self-esteem issues! Hand back over that Nobel Peace Prize, Mr Obama! It needs to go to The Royal We, NeNe Leakes! NeNe is appalled that we couldn’t tell battered women they’re beautiful. Lisa can relate– she spent lots of time denying her own beauty after “years of abuse”. Is she talking about the Mean Girls in Inglewood, CA? Or her first husband, since she credits Ed with helping her realize she is indeed quite the stunner. Banging a muscle-slabbed chocolate sex god every night will do that for a gal.

“I’m just wondering how fast you can suck down a margarita at noon.”

NeNe reminds us via interview “that I was in an abusive relationship for years with a man from my past. I finally hit a breaking point and decided to leave.” One night, NeNe packed up a U-Haul and fled with her son Brice and no forwarding address. She didn’t know how she’d pay the bills but that she’d “work it out”. Lisa intimates that she stayed in her first marriage because her parents, who have been together nearly 50 years, taught her that it was a lifetime commitment. NeNe said she stayed with her asshole because “I thought I was in love and wanted to have a family”. NeNe says she grew up without her mother or father and wanted Brice to have both his parents, even if his father used to beat NeNe.

NeNe says not knowing the identity of her biological father is “really unsettling, and it hurts me.” Lisa says God makes you go through terrible things “to help other people”. NeNe agrees and says that her abuse made her stronger. NeNe says she wants to be “the mouthpiece and the strength” for women too afraid to break away. She wanted to come up with a theme every year that’s “great and fun”. Lisa asks if this means they’re not having the Big Hat Party this year. No, NeNe has come up with something else: “Heeling The Soul”, a footrace in high heels to fight domestic violence. This sounds like something Jennifer Coolidge would do in a Christopher Guest improv comedy feature. But NeNe’s dead serious. And since Lisa is “short”, NeNe wants her racing in 6-inch heels or higher. Lisa says this sounds like a recipe for breaking her neck.

NeNe says she’s seen 6-inch heels in Lisa’s closet. Lisa tells her “those are for Ed”, to which NeNe replies she can’t see Ed clomping around in spikes. No, silly, I WEAR them for him. NeNe forces Lisa to admit Lisa loves the concept.

“That fast, huh?”

Cut to Lisa dropping in on Kandi. Kandi asks how Lisa’s clothing line is going. Great, but Lisa says she’s “at a crossroads” with Ed and his career. Ed really wants to return to the NFL– football is his passion, but he hasn’t played for two years and his knee problems aren’t getting any better, despite several surgeries. Lisa tells Kandi Ed does have a back-up plan, “commentating”. “Ain’t nothing like a man with a plan,” Kandi says rather wistfully, then asks Lisa if they’re still planning on another baby. Lisa is open to it, and seems to think it’s more likely to happen if Ed doesn’t play. So Lisa sees several big pluses to Ed not returning to the gridiron. Kandi says it’s a tough transition going from being a star to not being one. Is Lisa ready to scale back on her lifestyle if that’s what’s happening?

Lisa says that would imply she’s living lavishly, which she so isn’t. “Uh, excuse me, you have a bowling alley in your house and you was complainin cuz you couldn’t get an elevator,” Kandi reminds her. Lisa admits they bought that house when Ed was pulling down over $3 million a year, but claims she could be happy living “in a hut with my baby”. Especially if that meant he spent every day in a loincloth. But she says she could cover their expenses herself.

Kandi says she’s always had to deal with the situation of being a female breadwinner. Kandi says she started making money in high school, and when that happens, you’re not likely to meet guys on your financial level. Lisa says she’d never want to make Ed feel “inadequate”. She says they’ll have to wait and see what happens next.

They also do sketch comedy and solve crimes!

Nightclub, day. It’s the She by Sheree promo video shoot! Sounds like more pretentious cash-flushing by Atlanta‘s #1 fashion “designer”. Sheree interviews that this video will feature women of all different sizes and ethnicities uttering “adjectives” that describe themselves and She by Sheree. “She is… timeless.” “She is… fun!” “She is… passionate.” Sheree promises that her show will be “reminiscent of something you’ll see during New York’s Fashion Week and this promo video is going to be the icing on the cake.”

Sheree has foreign “models” on board, too. “Ella es… bella!” says a stocky Latina. Ella tiene chi-chis enormes, says your recap artist. “I think that was awesome that they can say ‘she is’ in their native tongues, because She by Sheree is international.” Sheree, who never quite mastered HER native tongue squeals “Dat sounds great!” to the Russian. Sheree tells us that her show “needs to have that Wow Factor. Lisa’s show was totally underwhelming… from what I heard through the grapevine.” If you’d bothered to sit through it, you wouldn’t have to rely on “the grapevine” now, would you? “I’m not one to settle for average. I guess that’s where Lisa and I differ.” Sheree is… a mega-cunt.

Athletic field. OMG, Gasmii! An All-Ed Segment. Bestill my quaking vag. Sorry, it’s been a long week here at Casa LaBiblia. I’ll try to keep the moans to a minimum as I synopsize our favorite House-Hunk’s efforts to get back into the NFL. Lisa narrates an intro about how Ed’s been trying super-hard, but has yet to “reap the benefits”, but she has the courtesy to delay entering the scene, leaving Ed to meet his trainer Jeff, who puts our cuddle-buddy through some warm-up exercises to ascertain how fucked-up his knee is. Enough for the trainer to see Ed’s favoring, which does not bode well for a season of bone-crunching by a squad of merciless 20-something brutes. Jeff reminds Ed that Ed has a family and asks what would happen if the knee thing blew up into a bigger, catastrophic injury?

Ed, looking lean and mean in a sleeveless t-shirt and not-tight-enough basketball shorts, says he’s been playing football since he was 7 and never really thinks about that when he’s in a game and giving 100%. Jeff says Ed can’t afford to not do that anymore. Jeff interviews that while Ed has made great progress, he’s still not NFL-caliber and will need to face tough decisions soon, i.e. giving up on it and trying to get a sportscasting gig. Which he would totally rock. Not enough for me to tune in, but hopefully my little Gasmii might email me privately with any particularly yummy links. Ed says he knows he has a bum knee, but still feels that he has “too much heart, too much pride” to not be an asset to a team. Until that knee gives out, Jeff adds ominously. On this grim note, enter Lisa. She asks how it’s going and Jeff says “terrible”, to Ed’s chagrin. Jeff predicts a quick, disastrous flame-out for Ed on the field. Lisa says she wants Ed healthy and not in a wheelchair. Can we please leave your sexual needs out of this, girlfriend? Christ!

Ed and Lisa walk off, toward the locker room, we can only pray. He says he’s not “alright” and can’t pretend being told his pro career’s over is any kind of easy decision, even though he’ll always be “a warrior” (OK, sorry– MOAN). It sucks, but he has to think of his family. He tells her he’s grateful for fulfilling his dream, but that it might be time to wake up. Lisa interviews she’ll be there to support him. Yes, we know. You’re sexually available. This is not about you, lady! Ed says this is it– he’s hanging up his sweaty jockstrap cleats.

Oh, yeah.

W Perimeter Hotel. Sheree meets Dwight and event staff Glen and Allison for a pre-She-fashion-show walkthru. As Dwight, dressed like he’s attending a wedding in Edwardian England explains, he’ll be showing Sheree his vision and now is the time for adjustments. “She by Sheree is classy, elegant and upscale, and the venue for my fashion show needs to reflect that,” Sheree interviews in her Prissy Lady voice. But you know she’s sharpening her claws for the inevitable taste collision with crazy smooth-faced divo Dwight, who modestly interviews “I was a gift from God, sent to Sheree to help her out in this event. THIS… IS… WHAT… I… DO.” I thought you owned a beauty parlor. But I’m an ex-teen model, not a Southern Fashion Czarina. So what do I know?

“Dwight is quite overbearing. He’s a talker,” Sheree tells us, as we see Dwight tossing off orders about runway-length, press stations and room temperature. Sheree interviews that she couldn’t get a word in edgewise! Dwight interviews that “she didn’t even need to be there, as far as I’m concerned. Go and focus on being pretty.” Sexist much? The first clash occurs when Sheree brings up her promo video and how she wants it playing on flat-screens in the room. Dwight says forget it, this should be all about the clothes and not some commercial. I kind of agree. “I want them to see the rebirf, the new dawn, the collection,” Dwight lectures Sheree and Allison. “When they leave here, I want them to go, the bitch really did it.”

Allison’s queasy expression at this is pretty funny, as is Sheree’s as she wonders if “bitch” is empowering or a slam. “Oh, no, he didn’t!” Sheree interviews, gravely offended. “I just spent a lot of money shooting this promo video. It’s going to air at my show.” Allison suggests they play it outside in the cocktail/reception area. Dwight haughtily says he doesn’t have a problem with that. Sheree interviews that she values Dwight’s input, but “it’s not He by Dwight. It’s She by Sheree and I’m the Head Diva in Charge.”

“Uh, who is that… and is she wearing Closet Freak?!”

Kandi’s house. Kandi has a meal with her friend Paula and Riley. Unlike Kim, Kandi doesn’t let her kid run her around and nixes soda for something healthier. Kandi tells Paula the idea of a solo record is stressful because Kandi’s been away for so long, she feels she has to regain her fans. “Will people still like me?” Paula says everyone still loves “Kandi from Xscape,” her 90′s girl group. Kandi says she needs to establish “a separate identity” as Kandi, Solo Artist.

Kandi says the instant success of Xscape made her take hit records for granted. Their single “Just Kickin It” was played so much on Atlanta radio that she’d change the station when it came on and find it playing at the same time somewhere else. Now she misses that. Kandi interviews that her stage performance cemented her desire to succeed solo, but she thinks her musical past could make it harder to get a solo deal. Paula asks if Kandi’s “ready for this trip”? Kandi says she’s ready for it to be over with, then interviews that she’s leaving for L.A. tomorrow for a meeting with Capitol Records about distributing her album. “LB from Capitol” has spoken with Kandi’s lawyer and “the first piece of paperwork” has been sent over, so Kandi’s anxiety is spiking. Paula advises her to forget the nerves and walk in like “OK, let’s get this thing rolling.”

NeNe’s tract mansion. It’s the day of her “Heel the Soul” race. “We got our gay guys on site,” NeNe interviews, and that means Dwight is there, in heels, bike pants and a leopard mini-skirt, along with a cut-up t-shirt revealing more of his scrawny arms than you ever thought you’d see. Lisa is there and interviews that while she was upset with Dwight for criticizing her Closet Freak show, she’s willing to set it aside for a good cause. NeNe finds Dwight over-dressed and sends him to change… into a shiny black singlet with a navel cut-out. In case you’re not fagged out yet, Gregg (Mr NeNe) has a special surprise from L.A. for you and NeNe. It’s a drag queen named Mika, aka the Human Stereotype NeNe and Lisa ran into at their West Hollywood hotel a few episodes ago.

“No, I think Big Poppa really loves my daughter.”

The fact that this Pocket Gay is from L.A. and thus was obviously not a hotel guest rams home my previous theory that s/he was a plant tossed into the salad to queer things up by the producers. NeNe and Lisa freak out and fawn over Mika’s drag persona, which makes him look like a suburban San Francisco DMV secretary at a Sex & The City viewing party. Mika’s just the kind of gay Sheree likes, sassy but submissive, so she’s delighted to meet him. Of course, the Wives can’t wait to introduce Dwight to Mika (remember NeNe thought it might have been a love connection?), but we don’t get to hear Dwight’s thoughts on his new pal. Or Ed’s. He’s there, too, and seems to be hanging back as far as possible from the cameras. PLEASE let Mika tell Lisa he’d “suck the socks off Ed in a minute”! I know, projection…

On the charter bus to the race, the gossip starts flying and of course the subject is Kim, recently engaged “to her imaginary man she been goin with for the last two years,” NeNe snips. NeNe interviews her thoughts on the subject: “How crazy do you sound sayin I’m engaged when the man IS MARRIED and lives with his wife and children?! Are you kiddin me?!?” Lisa says Kim will use her ankle as an excuse not to run the race, but NeNe says Kim’s not invited, “cuz we really want people that are for real and she’s trippin out.”

Cue the Kim interview, where she says she wasn’t invited, but could have gone, but had “no desire” to do so.

The bus arrives at whatever gated-community street the race is at, and NeNe’s pleased with the turn-out. She’s delighted to see her husband Gregg participating in a pair of her wedges, and says she’s glad to see Ed there, too, who will sadly not be racing with the excuse he needs to watch his adorable baby EJ. The racers gather at the starting line and then it’s on. Dwight immediately sprints ahead, along with an Unidentified Gay Black Man with a shaved head, work-out clothes and of course heels. UGBM soon passes Dwight (“You bitch!” Dwight predictably shrieks.)

“Where can a bitch get some vodka and a corn-dog?”

NeNe almost immediately can’t hack it. Sheree cattily interviews that “it wasn’t a long distance. I think it’s definitely time for NeNe to work out and she shouldn’t have been out of breath.” “Run in high heel shoes and try to look cute? Uh-uh!” NeNe interviews, placing blame entirely on the shoes. NeNe hobbles off the course trying to find water. UGBM wins by a mile– there aren’t even any other competitors visible when he crosses the finishing line. Sheree beats Lisa, and Lisa beats NeNe, who tells us she “wasn’t tryin to win the race anyway”. Since it was NeNe’s event, that’d be “tacky”. And as we know, NeNe hates to look tacky. Riiiiiiight.

Dwight tells us this is only the second time he ever ran in heels and “it was just stupid… my feet will never be the same!” NeNe loved the whole thing and plans on making it an annual event. “I would love for us to go huge and shut down Peachtree Street and maybe ask everybody to wear red heels and get big sponsorship and let’s do it!” NeNe says she’d like “to be able to help with jobs, and even have a home where the women could move into.” Now there’s a sitcom! In the pilot, Kim can come to the NeNe Leakes Fabulous Battered Divas Shelter when Big Poppa snaps and beats the shit out of her on their honeymoon. Will NeNe send her frenemy back to certain white slavery in Turkey‘s most notorious bordellos? Find out this fall, only on Bravo!

NeNe takes the mic for final announcements. UGBM gets a bouquet, a teeny gift-bag and best of all a hug from NeNe. Yeah, she definitely needs some sponsorship if she ain’t gonna spring for at least a Kenneth Cole gift card for the damn winner! NeNe says she wants to “bring someone up here” to say a few words and thank-yous. I was hoping for Mika, but it’s Lisa.

She says this cause is dear to her because like NeNe, she was involved in an abusive relationship. She advises the crowd to get out of it if they’re in one, although it doesn’t seem like this is the type of event a violent, sadistic pig of a husband would let his wife attend. Maybe she’s speaking to the home audience. She goes on to point out “my lovely husband” as an example of “love after abuse”– “he treats me like a queen”. NeNe gives big ups to Gregg for wearing her shoes and says see you all next year.

OMG, this guy SO has Kim down!

Throwaway Minute du Jour: Wig Salon. Kim has a meeting with Derek J, celebrity wig stylist. She compliments him on his “fuckin muscular legs”, he says he needs to compete with her, she says she never works out. Well, if you expect Pig Boppa to finalize his divorce before he marries you, perhaps you should start. Kim interviews that even though she’s engaged, she still wants to make her own money. So she’s going ahead with the wig line. If someone else bankrolls the way you make “your own” money, I’m not sure that it’s not really their money. But whatevs. She tells Derek she wants all kinds of “high-quality” “affordable” “fun” looks. He says he’ll have information in a week. She asks him to trim her hair. As he plunges in, she catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror and exclaims with terrifying intensity: “God, I’m good-lookin! FUCK!”

We really should move on, but I have two questions I would appreciate one of you, ANY of you answering: 1) Is she serious? Is she being campy? Sarcastic? Self-deprecating? Silly? 2) Is everything we see on her head 100% wig? If so, why does she need it cut? Does her deal with Satan come with a magically growing wig?

Capitol Records, Hollywood. Kandi arrives at the famous stack o’ platters (which, on a clear day, I can see from my roof, which I’m not supposed to be on) and asks to see LB– Leonard Brooks. LB, the rather jolly “VP of Urban Music”, starts off with what must be his standard spiel about the diamond-selling (10 million copies or more) history “in this building”: The Beatles, Barbra Streisand, Tina Turner, Quincy Jones… not to mention Kylie Minogue. Kandi would love to join this august company, especially since Capitol is “rebuilding their urban division” and has only a small roster of artists so far. Kandi says the music industry is completely different than when she was in Xscape. Labels don’t take the time to develop artists, “they want you pre-packaged and ready to go.” Good thing you’re on a top reality show! I am honestly nervous for our girl and already have some fat jokes in store in case LB decides not to sign her!

“Hold that thought, Kandi… I think I’m having a heart attack.”

Kandi tells LB she wants to call the new album Blog, since it’s about her relationship, which has been judged to death on the internet– people’s comments provided inspiration for several of the songs on it. LB says he considered all the hits Kandi wrote for acts like N Sync, Destiny’s Child and TLC and what a wide variety of consumers bought that music and he wants her to be his Queen Bee in the ATL! OMFG, is it a done deal?! Kandi confesses her latest goal– she wants three Top Ten songs at once: a solo effort and two songwriting credits. LB says welcome to the Tower of Power! Woo-hoo! Kandi is thrilled as LB takes her to the roof and she gazes out over the smoggy glam-scape of L.A. Grab a telescope and train it on Sycamore Avenue– the Puerto Rican with the Macbook, poodle mix and no bra is me.

Lisa’s tract mansion. Lisa and Ed lounge on their luxurious bed with EJ napping between them. Lisa tells Ed her “cycle has been irregular”. Lisa admits to him that the idea of getting pregnant again made her apprehensive, but now that it might have happened, she’s excited. She interviews that pregnancy news is just what Ed needs to cheer him up about forcibly retiring from the NFL. I can think of a few other things that might work, too. She bought a home preg test and bounces off to take it. She returns momentarily with the news– she’s not. Oh, well, I guess she’ll just have to keep letting him finish inside her. Tough life!

I don’t know, Ed. I feel funny about doing it in the bed you shared with Lisa… You’re okay with it? Great!

NeNe’s tract mansion. Uncle Mel, the brother of Curtis, NeNe’s non-biological dad, drops by. NeNe interviews that she loved the times as a kid when Mel would visit from the west coast. They have white wine and NeNe asks if Mel has talked to Curtis, because since the DNA test proved NeNe wasn’t his, Curtis hasn’t spoken to NeNe. Mel talked to him three days ago. NeNe says she was very disappointed with the DNA results. Mel says he thinks Curtis will come around and get over it– they’ve had brotherly “spats” in the past which have always been resolved. (Although I think this hardly qualifies as a spat. What did NeNe do wrong here? Or is this karma in action? I don’t know. I’m a recap artist, not Marianne Williamson.)

Mel assures NeNe that Curtis isn’t angry with her. Well what does Curtis think about Alan, the other potential paternity candidate in her life? “He and Curtis were friends.” Mel says Curtis didn’t know NeNe’s mother had an affair with this Alan until Alan called and told him, long after NeNe’s mom had died. NeNe says she has a memory of going on an errand with her mom and waiting in the car while her mother spoke to a man in a store. Then NeNe’s mom brought the man to the car and introduced them, “like she was showing me off to him.” This moment “has stuck with me my entire life,” NeNe tells Mel. Now she thinks this might have been Alan.

Mel asks if NeNe can remember what the man looked like, but it’s a blank for NeNe. NeNe asks if she looks like Alan. Mel doesn’t think so– “you look much better than him!” NeNe says she’s “a Johnson“, and “there’s not a test in the world that can tell” her differently. NeNe wants Mel to accompany her and her memoir ghost-writer Denene to Athens, GA. NeNe wonders if they’d be able to meet up with Alan, who still lives there… IF NeNe decides that’s what she wants to do. Mel asks if she wants to contact Alan before the trip. NeNe doesn’t know– she might be feeling some “bitterness” toward Alan. Unless NeNe decides she never wants to meet the guy, there will have to be a first time, Mel says. NeNe considers this. THE END

Next week– Kim meets her wig prototype, Joyce & AJ meet Kandi’s therapist, and NeNe meets Alan!

“Whatchoo mean, you’re puttin me in a home??!”