Real Housewives of Atlanta: Reunion Part Two: The Shit-Chat Continues

Hi Gasmii–

I should really heed Kandi‘s words and “Fly Above” the nastiness of chickadee2586, who basically accused me of phoning in last week’s blog, but please allow me to emphasize the inherent difficulty of “recapping” a Reunion in which everyone gets along, refuses to go off on each other, and declines to answer any remotely juicy questions. Considering the drama-free tepidness of what Bravo gave me to work with, I feel that I delivered as much snark as humanly possible. Perhaps chickadee would like to try her hand at spinning this tired shit into comedy gold. I’m sure she could have livened up my painful “summary” by injecting lots of hilarious jokes about Kandi‘s ex-fiance getting whacked.

Despite the promise of actual fireworks in the second half of the Reunion, not a whole helluva lot happens in this one either. Forgive me for not having enough free time to fabricate a more entertaining Reunion from scratch and then recapping that. Was that snarky enough for you, honey?

OK, I feel better now. I know MOST of you do appreciate all the work we recap artists put into these things, and I’ve been thrilled with 98% of the reaction to this blog. I’m not mad at YOU. I’m mad at the tired, hypocritical attitudes of the RHOA (minus Kandi of course). And chickadee2586.

So let’s wipe off the flop-sweat and try this shit again….

Miss Thing kisses up to the Wives by telling them what feisty little “one-liner machines” they are. Then we get a montage of the season’s most deathless dialogue, including my personal favorite: NeNe referring to Kim as “a dirty, low-down monkey with a wig on.” Kandi barely has one line, and not her classic about NeNe being lucky she ain’t paid to think. Lisa gets none.

“You can whip up a metaphor about a wig in a minute flat!” Miss Thing squeals to NeNe, who modestly says she just stays in the moment and works with it. Then Miss Thing starts rattling off “the famous fans” of RHOA: Anderson Cooper, Ashton & Demi, Cameron Diaz, Jimmy Fallon. Have any of the Wives heard from any of them? NeNe says Gayle King and Demi & Ashton, who sent her “a shout-out” on Rachel Zoe. Lisa drops Tyler Perry. That surprises me. I would’ve thought Sheree, as “Atlanta‘s #1 designer” would be the fave of Atlanta’s #1 DL Daddy.

Miss Thing mentions a recent mayoral debate in town in which the candidates were asked if this show is a good rep of Atlanta. Kandi, the smartest and most likely to follow politics, heard about this. MT says several candidates said definitely not. Kandi found the question “dumb”– the show has nothing to do with the mayoral race, but she adds that she’s met more than one candidate at a party and they asked for photo-ops with her.

Riveting!

Next up– MT introduces hair-related clips, including, yet again, the barely averted scuffle between Sheree & Kim outside Fab. Miss Thing asks what S meant when she said “I felt the need to tug on Kim’s wig… shift it a little”. S says “there was so much going on”– she and Kim were both “loud” and “it was more of a calm-down”. Does that mean S was trying to tranquilize Kim or herself by yanking on Kim’s hairpiece? Kim says she can look back at that night and laugh. But at the time she must’ve been “freaked”, MT prods hopefully. Kim says “at the moment” it may have been “uncomfortable” but now all the swearing on kids and weave-grabbing just seems “funny”.

MT says NeNe looked “shocked” at the sidewalk mini-altercation. NeNe chuckles. Kim says last year Kim’s hair “was a real sensitive topic”, but not anymore. Once more, we see MT ask Kim to “take that damn thing off right now”– MT just wants “to see what it looks like”. Kim refuses, but grabs her hair by its lapels and wiggles it back and forth on her scalp for a beat. “You want one?” Kim cracks to MT. Yes, MT gushes. On to “the intervention scene where NeNe convinces Kim to sit down and hash it out with her Sheree”: it was “so intense” Bravo devoted an entire episode to it (the “director’s cut” of “Unbeweavable”, available on iTunes) and “it was shocking when we extended the scene and a certain celebrity dad showed up”:

You guessed it, Mike Lohan, Lindsay‘s pop, is at the table with Sheree, NeNe & Kim. NeNe interviews consternation at Kim’s apparent friendship with the boozy loser Lohan. We see Kim’s huffy exit from the restaurant actually took place avec Mr Mike. NeNe & Sheree hurry outside after them and NeNe tells Mike to “take your ass back to Malibu“!



Kim says this was one of her fave lines of the season as NeNe laughs and laughs. MT asks what Mike was doing there– did Kim “have a thing going with him?” Kim indignantly denies this– Mike was “working with” someone named Fernando, who, Kim tells us, Bravo claims to have footage of her “making out with”. MT tells her the forbidden kissing “was on tape”, to which she gets all pissy, insisting “I was NEVER… MAKING OUT… WITH A GUY… ON… TAPE!”

“… That’s not even cute. Like nobody gets attacked and then makes out with a stranger. I was very upset actually to be honest with you,” Kim tells MT. “Remember the tape?” MT laughs. Kim: No. “Remember what was in the show?” He turns to NeNe: “You were there. Am I wrong? Did I watch Crazy Tape?”

NeNe says nothing but smirks like she knows he’s right. Kim demands to know if MT’s “saying I’m making out with this guy?” MT asks NeNe if he somehow did NOT see this, and she keeps mum as Kim freaks out: “I’m bein serious with you!” Kim squeals. Sheree? MT tries, before looking back at NeNe. “Stop asking ME all the questions!” NeNe tells him. MT says he was asking Sheree, who then repeats what NeNe just said as Lisa has a giggle-fit and Kim says she just wants to CLARIFY– MT interrupts and says he’s the one who wants clarify this. “Was I making out with a guy in the street?!” Kim asks Sheree. “I love it that Sheree & NeNe will not answer the question,” MT marvels, before announcing he’s “going to the tape” to settle this:

Kim stomps away from NeNe & Sheree. NeNe interviews that “We turn and look and Kim is making out with a man on the street corner.” Sure enough, there’s Kim, her back to camera, with some guy’s hands on her waist, looking like she quite probably IS macking down with this Fernando, whoever the fuck he is. Sheree, a short distance away, instructs the crew to “get that on camera!… They’re probably makin out… Get your ass over there!” she orders the cameraman. “Who is this guy?! What the fuck’s goin on?!” NeNe squawks. “Ain’t nuthin BUT a ho,” NeNe scoffs to Sheree.

Kim still insists she “was never makin out with a guy.” Alright, whatevs, MT sighs, cuing it into commercial.

Miss Thing intro’s another clip package of the men of Season 2: “Take a look at the Real High-Heeled Gays of Atlanta. Watch!”

Dwight, Hair Gay Lawrence, a tranny stripper, Wig Stylist Derek J, Walking Gaysian Hate Crime Michael From L.A., everyone but Tyler Perry.

The Wives applaud the Gays. Miss Thing asks NeNe what’s up with Atlanta Gays. “There’s a lot of guys here that wears high heels and handbags. I loooove’em though! I have a gay magnet…” “They wear fabulous shoes,” Lisa chimes in. MT announces “the sixth Housewife, Style Guru Dwight”. Dwight enters to the beat of “Tardy For The Party”, busses Lisa & NeNe, then after Kim testily demands a kiss, her, Sheree & Kandi. Dwight plops down next to Lisa after MT admonishes him “hands off the melons”. Dwight promises a sadly off-camera Ed “no touchin today” to Lisa’s guffawed amusement.

Dwight says he feels “like I been at church all day– I’m quite disappointed!”, referencing the mostly lame Reunion seen thus far with its “laid-back demeanor” and “everyone gittin along so wonderfully”. “I’m for the no-violence thing, but this is a little bit no fun,” Dwight snips. “Who thinks negativity is fun?” Kim demands, making a face like she’s smelling some very negative fecal matter. RE: herself and NeNe, Kim declares “We’ve moved on to the positive, we don’t even want to discuss the negative, we both have made mistakes, and we’ve moved on. It’s that simple, A-Z, babe.”

“So I see we’re not gonna get nowhere from this, okay?” Dwight says, prompting Miss Thing to ask him about the boys in heels– is this something seen around town? “No,” Dwight replies. It’s not typical, even if Derek & Lawrence make it a habit. Dwight Herself hasn’t been the same since running NeNe’s race in heels. Dwight points out the ladies’ gorgeous shoes, and we get shots of everyone’s admittedly fierce footwear. MT asks Dwight to comment on NeNe & Lisa’s “new augmented looks”.

“NeNe is fabulous,” Dwight butt-smooches. And Lisa looks great, despite “a tendency to hide under her hair, which if she just pulled it back, not necessarily in a chignon, you could see more of her beautiful face and her LOVELY beautiful eyes.” Lisa chuckles self-consciously. “Kandi is just amazing,” Dwight goes on. “The look, the shoes, I just fell in love with her. I was glad to see Kim change her color, but again I still think it could be a little bit shorter, but this is who she is… Fashion change every three months, so what was in last three months is old.” Just like NeNe’s and Kim’s friendship, MT chirps.

“They have mended their bonds and they’ve moved on,” Dwight parrots. Regarding her hair, Kim says she’ll

“move when she’s ready to move and it’s not right now.” That’s just fine, Dwight says, channeling Maya Angelou: “We can all disagree, but we MUST all respect each other.” If you’re wondering how long Lisa is going to sit and listen to this hypocritical garbage from Evilina/Dwight, I think the egg-timer’s ticking.

Dwight tackles his fave new hag Sheree by saying Sheree’s hair hasn’t changed except for “the wonderful bangs”. “My hairstyle’s like it was last year?!” Sheree immediately snips, prompting Dwight to reply that she had a ponytail for the Reunion last year and “don’t be so defensive!” “When do we get to pick Dwight apart?” Kim asks, echoing what most viewers are thinking for possibly the first and only time this season. Dwight stands up for their delectation, with the caveat that “you don’t get the full effect with this outfit”… Dwight thinks they should see his underwear, too. MT prissily assures Dwight that won’t be necessary.

Kim wants to know if Dwight’s wearing his fishnet undies– she just spent time with Dwight in L.A. and “had the best time ever” and he dropped his pants and showed her some remarkable fishnet/thong intimates– “Mesh,” Dwight corrects. “He showed me before the penis implant and after how he walked!” Kim giddily continues. Wait, hold up– whatWhatWHAT?!?! “You had a penis implant?!” Lisa squawks. Kim shrugs devilishly as Sheree is confused, NeNe smirks at the floor, and Kandi asks how Dwight could have shown Kim a “before and after” at the same time. Were there pictures? Did it hurt? Lisa wants to know.

“It hurt as much as women have– I mean, when you all get your breast implants you feel more lady-like, that’s why you do it, otherwise you wouldn’t do it… today men do get penile implants so it’s nuthin new. It’s like men wear TOO-pays, I mean it’s been goin on for years, so why we actin like this is somethin new?! ” Maybe because the world at large doesn’t really understand the whole “penile implant” fad. It reminds me of this outmoded sexual dysfunction remedy I saw on Phil Donahue as a nina where impotent guys got their junk reinforced with inflatable rods that they then pumped up with mini-hydraulics whenever they wanted a boner. I think now guys just get fat shot into their wangs to thicken them up for a few months, the way Lisa Rinna gets her lips done. It’s not an “implant” like the silicone or saline bags we gals shove into our tetas so we can get dates or roles in telenovelas. And yes, I have a very respectable C-cup boob-job. You don’t become a teen model because you have huge cans, let me tell you.

Dwight says “I mean you can be what you wanna be, when you wanna be it.” MT actually comes across with a slightly clever line when he tells Dwight “So you’re gonna put a face to the penile implant.” Then MT gets back to what he does best, half-heartedly trying to stir up shit with women he’s plainly afraid of: Next on Miss Thing’s agenda, War of the Rag Lines– She by Sheree VS Closet Freak by Lisa. “Is there room in Atlanta for two designers?” MT asks us, forgetting to mention that neither of these bitches is one. Cue the clip package:

Last season, Sheree failed miserably and ended up hosting a fashion show with no actual fashions. This season, Lisa efficiently launched her more mass-market line, but some people (i.e. Sheree & Dwight) thought it was slapdash, at best cheap-looking, at worst fug. Sheree let Dwight take charge of producing her fashion show, then bitched that he was trying to take over her shit.

Angela From St Louis asks how Lisa feels being called “a copycat”. “A copycat? What are we, in second grade?” Lisa snips, insisting that she just finds it “funny”. “You’re entitled to your opinion, but ‘copycat’? I’ve been doin this for years.” James From NYC wants to know “how Sheree can pretend to be Lisa’s friend then show up to her fashion show after it was over dressed like she was headed to the mall?” “I absolutely wanted to support Lisa,” Sheree replies, fooling no one, “and Lisa knew, and everyone knew, that my son had a concert. I wore jeans to my son’s concert, so I threw on a jacket and went to the show.” Lisa flashes a quick “Sheree’s-such-a-cunt” smile.

MT asks Sheree if she “ever worried” Dwight wouldn’t come through for her. No, Sheree says: “It wasn’t just Dwight doing everything. I was still very much involved.” MT says Dwight seemed “very active altering the clothes”. Dwight says “samples on a hanger is one thing, but when you put it on a body, it’s something totally different… and yes, I called in major couturiers and they came in the day of the show and fixed what the problem was. And that is what I do. I did things that she don’t even know I did, didn’t even ask her if I should do them, that’s who I am and that’s how I roll.” If Sheree didn’t “appreciate” his fixes, “she will in the long run.” Sheree graciously (for her) says she DID appreciate it and “the show turned out absolutely beautiful”.

Jen C From Atlanta asks if Lisa now thinks “Dwight had valid criticisms” of the Closet Freak runway show. No, because it wasn’t a runway show, Lisa defensively replies. “Actually I had a fashion viewing,” she clarifies, sounding an awful lot like Sheree re-naming her Season One debacle the same thing when Sheree yanked the clothes from her show at the last minute. “I had performances by Jay Holiday, I had Kitty’s Litter [WTF is that?!]… it was a performance, and I showed some of my fashions on what’s to come, so it wasn’t like a runway show.” Dwight makes hilarious quizzical faces, and MT points out that Lisa had “a runway”.

Yeah, Lisa says, how else would they show the fashions? “Where they gonna walk?” That’s what you call a runway fashion show, Dwight informs her. Normally you don’t have “performances”, Lisa insists. “I’m more artsy, I do it my way. You’re entitled to your opinion, it’s the way that you did it,” Lisa slams him. “It wasn’t classy, it was very uncouth, and there’s a time and place for everything. Really. That’s not bein a friend.” Dwight thinks it was “very much being a friend.” Lisa tells him “I wouldn’t come to your salon while you’re doing hair and say you know what, you’re doing a horrible job… you can’t do hair at all!… I might take you to lunch and say ‘you might wanna take a few more classes.’”

“We’ve never been out to lunch,” Dwight calmly and bitchily replies. “NeNe asked me at that time what I thought and what I felt and that was my opinion, my critiquesion of that moment.” Dwight insists that it was entirely appropriate to talk fashion at a fashion show, and that’s what it was, no matter what Lisa’s choosing to call it now. “Where’s your clothing line?” Lisa zings. Dwight doesn’t have a fashion line, Dwight does hair, but Dwight goes to “fashion shows all over the world.” That’s all fine and fabulous, says Lisa, “but I demand respect, because I give other people respect.” Dwight says he’s not as tactful as Lisa might like, but “I am who I am.” Lisa says she can respect that, but “I just probably won’t invite you to the next show,” she laughs.

“Well, thank you,” Dwight titters back. “You didn’t have to invite me to that one, they’re horrible shows” (!!!) Kandi makes a LOL face. Miss Thing thanks Dwight for being there and sends him on his way.

MT wants Kandi’s reaction to becoming the new Housewife. Kandi says it’s mostly been great– “I’ve had my moments on the show”, but overall a pretty fun experience. Most unexpected thing? “That NeNe and I got into it, probably,” Kandi confesses. Kandi had thought NeNe was a blast and that they’d get along swell. MT cues the NeNe VS Kandi clips:

NeNe labels Kandi “just a little bit ghet-to” and tells her “you are hood”. Kandi says if Kandi’s ghetto, so’s NeNe, and NeNe “brings the hood” wherever she goes. NeNe berates Kandi about what a backstabbing user Kim is. Kandi is annoyed at how “hype and crunk” NeNe’s getting and tells her to “bring it on down!” Kandi hates when a bitch gets all up in her face. NeNe dead-seriously thinks Kandi owes her an apology. Kandi: Good thing she don’t get paid for thinkin!

MT says it looked like NeNe had problems with Kandi from the get-go. “No, I didn’t find that,” NeNe testily replies. Well, why did NeNe think Kandi was ghetto? “Based on the way she was talking and acting”, NeNe deadpans, mentioning Kandi’s “bringing the hood everywhere” comment. But it was more of a big deal to the viewers than to NeNe, NeNe insists. MT asks them to clarify the difference between “ghetto” and “hood”. NeNe can’t, but says she doesn’t mind being called either. “I really don’t.”

Is Kandi ghetto? “I have my ghetto moments,” Kandi admits. Like NeNe, the terms didn’t offend Kandi, Kandi just thought it was hypocritical of NeNe. MT asks what “the core of the argument” between them was. Kandi isn’t sure, but whatever it was spun out of control, and “when you get loud with me, I can’t take it.” NeNe says the part that “offended” her was when Kandi refused to apologize at the Sheree show. Note that NeNe can’t even articulate what the hell Kandi was supposed to be apologizing FOR. (For the record, NeNe was pissed that Kandi said NeNe had been trashing her behind Kandi’s back, which she so was.) MT asks if they can be friends now. NeNe says she’s “open” to it, but isn’t “trying to make something happen” or not. Kandi feels the same.

Artesia From Milwaukee asks what Gasmii everywhere have been wondering, why NeNe’s become “so uppity”! Why has she let the show change the person everyone loved last season? NeNe doesn’t think she’s uppity and when she asks Lisa to confirm this, Lisa does. What does Kandi think? Kandi says NeNe was her favorite last season and when she got to know NeNe personally, Kandi did encounter behavior that could only be classified as uppity. Sometimes, Kandi quickly adds. NeNe is okay with being uppity. Kandi also thinks that while a lot of what NeNe says may be construed as uppity, NeNe may not intend it seriously.

Michelle From Dallas calls NeNe out for “lying” about being a stripper on last season’s Reunion, since NeNe’s new mem-wah reveals that she was. “I didn’t lie,” NeNe says, pointing out that her answer to Miss Thing’s Season One queery was that she “stripped every night” for Gregg (Mr NeNe). MT wants details about NeNe’s lap-dancing career, but she brushes it off, saying tons of Atlanta gals “take stripper classes”, plus it was “years ago” and if Gregg doesn’t care, why should anyone else? NeNe does admit the tips “were quite good!” Sheree says she’s been begging NeNe for years to teach her “the moves”. We see a FLASHCUT of NeNe tramping it up on the pole at the alter-ego photo shoot as NeNe says “I know how to do that booty-pop.” Does anyone else “want to reveal a stripper past?” MT asks. Kim says despite everyone’s suspicions, “that’s not the case”. I for one think Kim’s much too ungainly to be a good stripper. My guess is still porn star.

Kim admits to “waitressing” at an Atlanta strip club, The Cheetah, which as my fellow Showgirls fanatics will tell you, is where Nomi Malone got her start. “And I’d do it again and the tips were great,” Kim adds, not about to let NeNe outshine her in the ex-hoochie department. MT turns the chat over to Kim’s expressed goal “to be a one-hit wonder” and now she has her hit. Will she record another one? It sure seems like she’ll try. “Tardy For The Party” cracked the iTunes Top 100, and hit #3 on their dance chart, along with being a #2 ring-tone. Cue the making-of clips:

Kandi and cute co-producer Don Vito drag Kim kicking and screaming into Kandi’s home recording studio. Kim lays down her out-of-tune, talent-free vocals so Kandi & Don Vito can work their magic. Kim weeps at this personal triumph.



Miss Thing asks what Kandi thought when she first heard Kim sing in the studio. Despite Kim’s terror and lack of preparation, Kandi says once she got Kim into the booth Kandi knew “we can make this work”. And just how do you make it work? Kim says Kandi yelled into her headphones “Bitch, we’re here to have fun!” Kandi says the process involves Kim singing the lines over and over AND OVER again, then while Kim’s out “havin a smoke break”, Kandi and Don edit it syllable-by-syllable. And put her in key? MT bitchily asks. “Like an Auto-Tune?” Yes.

So how much of what we hear is Kim and how much is “effect”? “It’s definitely Kim,” Kandi says, politely declining to add just how processed these “vocals” clearly, clearly are. (And don’t get me wrong– I love this song and can frequently be found doing cardio to it when I run out of fresh Howard Stern shows to listen to!) MT grabs his Hamilton Beach and applies it to the next can of nightcrawlers by asking NeNe how she feels about Kim tossing her off the song. NeNe, whose tits, I’ve neglected to mention, look GI-NORMOUS tonight, says “I was at Kim’s, I liked ‘Tardy for the Party’. Kim clearly did not like ‘Tardy for the Party’. She was sayin she didn’t wanna do it, and the problem to me was it was song I liked”, NeNe continues, explaining that what offended her was the fact that she’d been the one to encourage Kim to record the song, but after Kim met Kandi and her musical gifts, Kim felt no need for NeNe’s participation. NeNe agrees when MT says her feelings were hurt.

What about NeNe’s dig about the song not selling without NeNe? Where was that coming from? “That was coming from my mouth,” NeNe cracks. “I didn’t think it was a cool thing to do.” Kim tries to break the situation down: “I had asked NeNe like, hey, we should probably do the song together, because I watched that [Season One] footage of her spinnin around and stuff, and then NeNe had made fun of me singing in the limo and the wig party, and if I’m such a bad singer, why do you wanna be on a song with me?” But does Kim understand why NeNe felt betrayed? “I’m so past all that,” Kim scoffs, “the song’s doin great, her book’s doin great, keep it movin.” The editors insert a shot of NeNe looking miffed.

“Krista P wonders why was Kim wearing that ridiculous pink frock that made her look like Little Bo Peep Meets Big Love?” Kim says it’s a Dolce & Gabbana “and I like it and I’m gonna wear it again!” Michael From Atlanta rightfully points out Kim should have been crazy-grateful to Kandi for making her sound so good, but instead Kim blew off Kandi’s solo performance at Tongue & Groove. “Hey hey hey,” Kim says, holding up a hand. Kim says Kandi’s her friend so she wouldn’t have wanted to miss the show, but obnoxious 12-year-old daughter “Brielle‘s not feelin good, the swine flu’s runnin rampant– I know it’s kind of a cop-out… but Kandi knows my heart, she knows I’m forever grateful for what she’s done… I’ve been emotional several times over it.”

Why were you so damn emotional? MT wonders. Kim says with “the heat I took and the pressure and the humiliation” after her godawful attempt to record with Dallas Austin in Season One, this was “major for me.”

And now, “for the first time ever onstage”, Kim performs “Tardy For The Party”. Kim, in black gloves with pink ribbons tied around her wrists, blows a kiss at the camera, then takes the stage, flanked by two model-type back-up dancers carrying balloons. It’s perfectly acceptable quasi-karaoke that should offend no one who’s ever been to a live performance at a gay club. The choreography is actually better than I would’ve thought. Sheree & NeNe watch with slightly nauseated smiles. Kandi joins Kim onstage for backing vocals. After the song ends, Kim hugs Kandi and thanks her “for makin my dreams come true!”

MT asks Kim how it felt: “Amazing… I faced my fears, I did it! Thank you,” she tells Kandi again. What did the ladies think? Great, NeNe smiles through the throw-up in her mouth. “I thought it was fun.” Lisa says she “loved the beat” and thought “they both did well”. Sheree repeats what the other two said as an uncomfortable half-jealous, half-mildly disgusted tension hangs over the room. MT asks if NeNe still thinks “Kim cannot sing”. “It doesn’t even matter,” NeNe sweetly replies. MT presses– NeNe said on the show that Kim can’t sing. Cut to Kim, shaking her head with annoyance at MT. “TODAY it doesn’t matter,” NeNe clarifies. It actually does, MT says. It’s the end of the season and he wants closure, dammit!

“Did you like the song?” Kim asks NeNe. Yes. Kim says she wants NeNe to perform it with her “one time” and “have a great time with it.” NeNe convincingly says she would do that. “Aliens have taken over NeNe Leakes’s body,” MT meows. He then points out that Kim was singing along to a track (“Above it,” Kim corrects), and does Kim foresee a time when she’ll sing publicly without the track? Yes. Kandi says she wants to put Kim on for Super-Bowl halftime. Well, Kim has the wardrobe malfunction part down, as everyone with a computer so recently saw. MT says that would make him break gay protocol and watch the Super-Bowl.

Will Kim & Kandi be collaborating on any more songs? Kandi says she has an idea for “a good club record that I think could be hot” for Kim.

The show’s about to end with a performance of “Fly Above” by Kandi, but first Miss Thing wants to know everyone’s future plans. Lisa’s putting Closet Freak in stores nationwide, coming out with a book, and “having fun making a baby” with Ed’s muscular, athletic penis. NeNe (whose real name, MT reveals is Linnethia) is on a book tour and is “reading scripts” for her upcoming actressing debut. Sheree “of course” is working on She by Sheree (in stores spring/summer 2010) as well as “a fitness video”, her “other passion”. Kim is hoping for a Kandi-produced EP, writing a book called Beneath the Diamonds, and her wig line KZ Locks is on the way.

Kandi “decided to push the album back”, probably because it was a concept disc about her then-upcoming wedding to AJ. In the meantime, she’s just released an EP of songs “inspired by AJ” from that album and it’s available on iTunes. Miss Thing opines that “Fly Above” could be the theme song for RHOA, especially in light of how everyone’s been getting along so snoozily. Kandi takes the stage and delivers a stellar performance but is robbed of much-deserved camera time for a montage of scenes we’ve seen before featuring all the ladies.

And that’s the Reunion! Once more, I’ll put off the tearful goodbyes, since I’m sure a Lost Footage special will be happening any minute now.