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Dear Gasmi,
It’s finally here, the last full episode of the Orange County housewives. I’ve got my aerodynamic comfort foods and my dirty martini (shouts out to njgasmfan) and I’m ready to go.
If my martini isn’t strong enough to get me through this, I’m counting on one of you to cough up some pain killers to send my way. (Fatgirlsrule I’m talking to you).
Just in case we are all about to expire from the deadly suspense of waiting to finding out what earthly mortal could possibly have been attached to the cheesy cowboy boot, our editors don’t waste any time in revealing the dude behind the boot. Way to fake your viewers out, Bravo. While he seems like a perfectly nice guy, Jeana’s date is no mystery man d-lister. He’s your basic sweet middle-aged straight dude desperately in need of Carson Kressly.
Jeana’s date is clutching a fist full of flowers and he’s just an eager beaver to please her every which way. Jeana tells us that she’s taken alot of grief from her friends because Alan looks so much different from the other men she’s been with. But Jeana’s above listening to the peanut gallery and she’s learned that looks aren’t everything. After all, her relationship with Matt was 99% physical attraction. Seriously? Let’s take a moment to review. Here’s your ex-husband Matt:
In honor of Jeana’s birthday, Alan is taking her to St. Regis for dinner and boyfriend is pulling out all the gentleman stops. It’s kind of sad but he might have gotten farther if he had insulted Jeana once or twice before they got to the restaurant, just to make her feel comfortable. As it is, she’s freaking out and blurting out some proven date killer lines. Fishing for compliments about her dress isn’t a great start but it’s not a total disaster. Telling her date that he needs to relocate to California to be closer to her is either an unfortunate case of verbal flatulance or a devilish strategy to weed out all but the weakest men.
To give Alan some credit, he neither excuses himself to the men’s room before slipping out through the kitchen, nor immediately starts making plans to relocate. Instead he laughs and changes the subject by asking Jeana what she’s looking for in a man. Jeana stares blankly at him because it would take way too long to repeat all of the items on her wish list. After a moment she sums up her thoughts by saying firmly “basically not Matt.” But girlfriend’s not quite ready for her ex’s total opposite either. Alan’s good manners are just freaking her out. She explains that, when you’re not used to it, it’s just too weird to have someone open your car doors, and if it’s cold out Alan better not try any of that gentleman shit, because she’ll be damned if she’s going to stand outside freezing her tuchus off while she waits for grandpa to shuffle his way around to her side of the car. So she’ll just open her own damn door thank you very much. Maybe he could just agree to have the car in park when she gets in instead of making her chase it down the block, like Matt used to do.
Poor Alan. I’m betting their relationship doesn’t make it to the reunion episode. On the other hand, Alan might be just perfect for Gretchen. After all, physcial attraction is way low on her hit list, and after watching this season Alan could be sure that she would be there for him in sickness and in health. Whoops. Not according to the housewive’s blogs. From the dirt that Tamra, Gretchen and Bethenny are dishing, Gretchen already has a new boyfriend. In fact, she might have had one all the way through the filming of the show. You know, if that’s true, I just think that that’s the best idea ever. It’s certainly the most original idea I’ve heard in a long time. It takes a certain pathalogical je ne sais quoi to pretend to be a dying man’s girlfriend in order to get cast on a reality show.
Anyhoo on to awesome Breana. She’s marching down the hallway in search of her mother to reveal the biggest decision that she’s ever made. You go girl, but brace yourself, cus Vicki doesn’t like it when people make decisions on their own. That would be like total anarchy. Breana tells us that she doesn’t know how her mom’s going to react; probably not “good”. Yikes. So where has Breana been, and what is she going to do? She’s been at an army recruitment program and she’s going to join the army. Wow, I so wish they’d give this girl her own reality show. Crack ho could even do occasional call ins. Not surprisingly, Vicki’s not on board with this plan. What’s more all those times that she refused to discuss the subject in the past should have clued her daughter in to her disapproval. And that time Vicki refused to meet with Breana’s recruiter, that wasn’t just because she was taking some time to attend to her inner addict by visiting a therapeutic flop house, that was because she didn’t approve. And just what the hell was Breana thinking when she went to the meeting without her loving pill-popping maternal nightmare? Oy! Where did Vicki go wrong? Because now Breana’s sitting across from her not feeling the least bit guilty. Instead she’s resentfully telling her mother that she was the only potential recruit at the meeting without a parent. Slam!! I’m pretty sure that Vicki’s eyes are either going to burn a hole right through her or they’re going to pop out and bounce off the desk. Breana tells her mother that she can’t even talk to her when she’s trying to fire lasers from her eyes. Frustrated that her evil glare isn’t accomplishing anything beyond providing a source of amusement for the camera crew, Cracky denies trying to blast her daugher and does a totally deluded 360 claiming that she’s just doing “the whole mother daughter support thing.” LOL
If scary eyes don’t succeed then try manipulating your daughter with scary images. and emotionally painful subjects. Vicki warns Breana that life as a nurse in the army isn’t going to be all fun and games, it’s going to be serious life stuff. Not like that fluffy cotton candy stuff Breana deals with in the emergency room and trauma unit. Okay, Cracky’s scary images aren’t working. Time to haul out some painful memories like Breana’s relationship with her first love, Colby. Vicki points out that the concept of Breana joining the army wasn’t ever really a topic of convo because she was going to marry Colby. You know like they planned. Breana’s all like “forget Colby, he dumped me out of nowhere”. Oh crap, I really hope that wasn’t the reason for Breana’s desperate crying phone call to mommy during her kind-of-Vegas vacay because, if it was, Cracky’s response was kind of a miss for the “the whole mother daughter support thing.”
It turns out that Breana’s high school boyfriend, love of her life, Colby, gave her the old heave ho with all the drama and pathose of an original episode of 90210. After driving Breana out to the annual Dave Matthews concert, Colby pulled her bag out of the car trunk, then put it down, looked at her, and blurted out “I can’t do this anymore. I don’t love you.” Of all the places to be dumped I think a busy parking lot, outside of a Dave Matthews concert, far away from home would rank pretty low on my list. At least he didn’t jump back in his car and drive off leaving her there. Instead he retained a slight sense of decency and put her and her bag back in the car to drive them both back to Orange County. That must have been a fun ride. Once in Orange County, Colby gave her a shifty eyed hug, patted her on her head, and drove off into the sunset. Breana hasn’t talked to him since. What a friggin nightmare. I so wish that basic breakup etiquette was a reqired part of any high school curriculum. So few people are able to manage it any decent fashion.
Sorry, I haven’t let that go yet. Not one to shy away from using emotional tragedy to manipulate her daughter, Cracky points out that she doesn’t want Breana running off to join the army because of a broken heart. Okay. This is a reasonable point, but if Vicki was really concerned that the breakup was prompting Breana to make some rash decisions, she might have mentioned it earlier, like when Breana initially mentioned the whole army gig.
It’s pretty awesome when Breana tells her nightmare, pillpopping, crack ho mommy that, because she’s an adult Breana needs to make decisions for herself and she doesn’t need to say mommy may I.
Standing up to Cracky while the cameras are filming is the best strategy ever, because if her mom had one of those unpredictable high as a kite addict moments and pulled a small firearm out of her desk to shoot her daughter it would all be caught on film. And you know that Cracky doesn’t want to be arrested because they might force her to go to rehab. With all those thoughts rushing through Cracky’s head all she can do is continue glare at her daughter and foam at the mouth before eventually relenting.
Over at Lynne’s abode the daughters are having a oddly strained interaction. Alexa wants her sister to give her a ride to sometimes boyfriend Randy’s house. But there’s a hitch. Sister Raquel wants gas money, which is fine, but she wants it right now because she’s got bills of her own to pay. What bills could a young woman who lives at home and is fully supported possibly have? Well liquor, cigarettes, and drugs aren’t cheap nowadays, so if little sis wants a ride she better cough up that cash up front. Besides, everybody’s always after Raquel to get a job and what could be a better job than that of an underage drunk taxi driver. Sadly, Alexa doesn’t have cash on hand, but happily she’s got something better; she’s got one of those fancy schmancy stepford mothers that spew money from there mouths like a sexpot ATM machine.
With that weird and somewhat pointless segment over, Raquel makes her way into the kitchen so her mom can make her half an English muffin with a teensy weensy tiny bit of peanut butter on it. Just once, I would so love to see Lynne serve up French toast, bacon and eggs.
Lynne takes the opportunity to try and talk to her demon spawn daughter about actually doing something with herself. You know, school, a job, hooking down at the corner…There’s got to be something that this little darling is suited for. Demon spawn is all indignant that her mother doesn’t appreciate how she’s moving heaven and hell to find herself a job by filling out two applications a day, on-line. Sadly, none of the NYC model agencies have called her back. And, while she’s holding out hope for that investment banking position in London, she hasn’t heard anything from them either. Lynne reasonably points out that she needs to apply in person. And, under normal circumstances I would agree that applying for a job in person is definitely the way to go.
Seeing that her her high-pitched defensive whining isn’t working out too well, Raquel switches tactics and goes on the offensive. Still using the high-pitched whine demon spawn delivers a litany of the abuse she suffers at her mother’s hands, “All you talk to me about is the job, or don’t drink and drive. You never talk to me about anything important.” Then she pauses for a moment and she peeks out the window to see if the patrol car is still sitting in the driveway staking out the house. Lynne makes use of some pretty impressive counter psychology aimed at boosting her daughters failing self-esteem. In a concerned tone she tells Raquel that she can’t be feeling good about herself when all of her friends are off doing something and Raquel is skulking around the house trying raise gas money from her little sister and ducking the police car outside. But Raquel’s got standards. She’s not going to take a job that pays a measily $8.75 an hour, when she’s got a high school diploma and a resume. Hell, even the hos on the corners are making more than that. Lynne agrees, but points out that those hos aren’t called working girls for nothing, and maybe Raquel would consider something easier like Beauty School.
Raquel isn’t going to accept a drab future of giving facials and washing people’s hair without a little more complaining. “You treat me like I don’t know anything.” Waaaahhh. Personally, I have to agree that Lynne’s a little at fault here. Clearly, any teenager who uses her time on a Reality TV show to showcase her illegal activities is just brimming with worldly knowledge. But it doesn’t really matter, Raquel’s going to walk off in an indignant sulk, forgetting all about that English muffin with the teensy tiny dab of peanut butter on top.
And here it is Gasmi; the end of the season bash a la Cracky’s annual summer party. This year she’s holding it at Laguna beach instead of at her house, which I really appreciate.
Oh look, Jeana’s here with Alan, and he’s looking pretty spiffy.
Jeana is looking awesome from the front and has her deluxe built for comfort ta-tas on full display. Unfortunately, girlfriend forgot to check the rear view before she left the house.
The blond terminator, Gretchen, is present in all of her sexy glory. Unfortunately, Jeff couldn’t be with her because the idiot doctors wouldn’t let him out of the hospital.
Douchebag Ryan is on hand, like the skanky stalker he is, to offer Gretchen his loving support and shots of tequila. Gretchen’s learned her lesson about getting hammered on TV so she moves on to compliment Tamra’s mom on her new face. I have to say that Tamra’s mom is pretty cute when she’s talking about her facelift. I really hope it gives her a lot of happiness.
Cracky is wandering around muttering to herself and making herself useful by dispensing helpful tips to her guests, like warning Jeana to be careful that one of her nipples doesn’t jump out of her dress and join the party. But Jeana’s not worried because she’s got the confidence of a woman who’s mistress of her own well trained breasts.
Oh golly gee, there’s Slade Smiley. Woohoo. Finally a real mentor for Ryan. But before we can really explore that nauseau inducing concept, Simon calls Tamra over to one of the cabanas for a private moment with her family and a full camera crew. I just love unstaged moments. Simon hands his wife a really pretty idiot proof box, and after a moments struggle she’s manages to pry it open and pull out a 10 carat diamond tennis bracelet. I’m impressed at how natural it seems when Simon and Tamra launch into a short sales shpiel about the bracelet and the retailer who just happens to be Tamra’s favorite jewelry store. Or maybe I’ve just gotten so used to the housewives using the show to advertise in exchange for goods that I expect everybody to deliver a product history complete with a description and price when they give presents.
Tammy Knickerbocker and her two daughters show up and I have a short nostalgic moment when I’m overwhelmed with longing for the good ole housewife days. You know, back when Cracky was relatively content with her marriage and not on the prowl like she is now.
Sneaking a quick toke off her pipe Cracky moves on prowling for other available boy toys, because she’s not going to wait around for Donn to come up with the goods. Cracky’s going to go out and get whatever she wants for herself like that new Rolex that she’s flashing around in everybody’s face.
Laurie Waring-Peterson makes an appearance and she’s looking pretty good in a frozen plastic kind of way. She must have found a new plastic surgeon. Tamra is overjoyed to see her and rushes up to show off her new bracelet, because both she and Laurie have very generous husbands. Not that Simon can afford to give Tamra the same amount of toys that George gives Laurie. It’s hard to keep up with the Jones when your peddling tequila. Tamra admits that couldn’t go “toe-to-toe in the bling department” with Laurie, but that’s okay with Tamra as long as she has her beat in the boob department.
Gretchen takes a moment to call all the housewives around her and give them little presents of Coach coin pursues to commemorate their season together. Of course, Tamra and Vicki are constitutionally incapable of accepting Gretchen’s gesture with grace and dignity. Cracky’s entered that amped up state of mind where everything confuses her including Gretchen’s gift. Nobody sent Cracky a memo about bringing gifts, and if she didn’t bring gifts then who the hell is Gretchen to give her a gift?
Tamra is doubting whether Gretchen’s motives are genuine because Tamra’s a God fearing woman and she knows the anti-Christ when she sees her. And, after 13 long weeks of filming with the anti-Christ, Tamra’s hell bent and determined to show Gretchen for what she is.
But before Gretchen and Vicki can make their disapproval known to Gretchen, the camera crew pushes them aside in their rush to exploit film another dramatic Jeff/Gretchen moment. Gretchen’s dad calls her up to the balcony and, Voila! A non-pink, big ass, Harley Davidson motorcycle is waiting for her. I hope this bike bounces because when she dumps it there’s no way in hell she’s picking it up by herself.
But wait!! There’s more. Gretchen’s dad reads a letter from Jeff expressing his sorrow at not being able to attend the season finale, but imploring Gretchen to know that he’s right beside her in spirit. I’m sorry but this was one week before Jeff passed away. It seems to me that Gretchen should have been right beside him in person in the hospital. But that fine point eludes Gretchen who is just beyond surprised. telling us that this is one of the better days of her life. Excuse me but I just choked on my martini. Truly fucking appalling!!! I seriously hope that the best day of my life isn’t the week before my husband passes away. Especially if, God forbid, he’s been fatally ill for months beforehand. But that’s just me. I must have an excess of sensibility over these little issues of life and death.
Never one to fritter away her time in the spotlight, Gretchen calls down for the other “non-housewives” to come and marvel at her glorious present. Tamra and Vicki aren’t too happy at being invited to applaud Gretchen’s bike. There’s no way that a Rolex scrounged up by Cracky for herself and a measily tennis bracelet delivered in part as an advertisement can stand up to a surprise Harley Davidson and a love letter from a dying fiance. Vicki flat out refuses to go see the bike, because it’s all just a set up for attention; behavior that her highness could never ever condone.
Tamra’s got a more personal gripe. Not only did the blond terminator make her bling look bland, she’s also claiming that what she really wanted was a pink motorcycle when we all know that Tamra was the first housewife to make that particular tacky wish. Not only is Gretchen stealing Tamra’s thunder, she got to be stalking her as well. But none of that matters, because Tamra’s finally been pushed too far by this blond attention seeking ho, and she’s going to spill the dirt. Taking a deep breath Tamra squares her shoulders and explains that alot of Gretchen’s stories don’t “jive”. She doesn’t really believe Gretchen’s dating Jeff, but is really more along the lines of a paid companion/nurse. Did anybody say hooker?
At this point I have no idea, what is or is not true. For what it’s worth the scuttlebutt says that in reality (no pun intended) Gretchen’s actually been “dating” a “gentleman” named Joe Photoglou throughout the entire time of filming the show. According to Photoglou he has since ended things with Gretchen and she is now dating Slade Smiley. Like I said, I have no idea if this is true, but I do know that contemplating these scenarios has cost me almost an entire bottle of Tums. Sigh.
Anyhoo the link to “Photoglou’s myspace page”
And the link to Photoglou’s “comments” in the Orange County register.
Either way they’re all batshit crazy. Vicki is twitching and kvetching about who’d want a pink Harley at their age. Cracky might be being a little over generous when she lumps her’s and Gretchen’s ages together, but whatev. The camera men are already panning away from Vicki to focus in on Tamra frantically fixing her makeup in the background. I guess they’re finally at the point where someone applying makeup is infinitely more interesting that Vicki’s bitching.
We have a brief snip of demon spawn Raquel telling us that she feels like she’s being avoided by everyone at the party so she’s stuffing her face. Well at least she’s not downing cocktails so that’s a big improvement.
Kimberly makes her appearance and girlfriend is looking fine. Shorter, darker hair, muted makeup and her skins not orange. Chicago obviously agrees with Kimberly. Then, as if to balance out Kimberly’s new found sophistication Jo de la Rosa appears looking like she stole a Cleopatra wig from the nearest mall.
That bastion of gentility and charm, Slade Smiley, is following Jo around. But he’s sporting a slightly more casual look. Working hard to make sure that the show manages to offend all demographics equally before the season ends, Tamra tells us that she thinks Slade looked like a homo.
Now that Laurie’s all happily married and pretending to be Florence Henderson with her very own version of the Brady bunch, Josh’s ongoing battle with addiction is the only thing that might garner Laurie some camera time. Kimberly kindly takes a moment to ask about Josh, heroin, and life in prison. Taking a moment to make sure that the cameras are running and she’s being filmed on her best side, Laurie tells Kimberly that when it comes to Josh she just keeps a smile on her face because if she doesn’t she’s on the verge of tears.
Jeana sits down next to Slade and asks about his condo/house. I’m confused. Is she asking about the one in Coto that went into foreclosure, or the house rented by MTV for “Date My Ex”? Apparently Slade’s confused too because he answers that he and “Katy” started dating. Nothing like sticking to your talking points even if they make no sense. With that sure sign that at least some members of the OC franchise have jumped the shark, crashed, and burned, we go to the final housewife words of the season.
Lynne finally took Raquel’s car away for three weeks. Raquel finally got a job and got her car back. Vicki and Donn are in relationship limbo, but Vicki’s happy because she got a second Rolex. Tamra has learned that even if everything on the outside is looking great and pretty, you really have to have every unresoved issue resolved. She’s now spending their remaining few cents on psychoanalysis. This was the worst year of Gretchen’s life, and, now that Jeff’s passed away, she’s only going to date men no more than fifteen years older than herself. Jeana is just friends with Alan, and wants everybody to know that Gretchen and Jeff’s relationship was a wonderful, beautiful thing.
So that’s it, Gasmii. Next week should be a knock down dragout between the blondettes. And I couldn’t help but notice it looks like both Tamra and Gretchen are wearing some pretty fake hair for the occasion. Who knows we might get some real hair yanking bitch slapping going on. You know good ole Andy Cohen is just going to be beside himself.
Love you guys. You’ve been the best readers. EVER!!! I’m furiously working away on the NYC Hausenfrau and should have their recap up for you tomorrow.
Hugs,
Yenta
****To check out Chapter 8 of Yenta’s book, The Traveling Prayer, click here!
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36 Comments
This season was shockingly more bitchy and delusional than seasons past, but your recaps made it worth it! I’m sad to say that I’m really looking forward to the fight that’s bound to happen next week.
I’m also glad that I won’t be seeing Vicki on my TV anymore after the reunion. She and Tamra get on my nerves too much. They can’t possibly be more uncharitable with their opinions on anyone but themselves. Please, telling everyone you hate attention whores while showing your new watch to everyone who will look and babbling about how you need to be loved? You’re not fooling anyone.
LMAO Gasmi YOU ARE THE BEST
I just love how you refer to vicky as “Cracky”. I must forward this link to her, ya think she will enjoy it?
Yenta, I am so glad the NYC ladies are starting up so that I can keep getting my weekly fix of you! You never fail to crack me up!! The back-fat comment? Made me spit my food out! At least she didn’t have back cleavage going on!
I hadn’t heard any of the rumors surrounding Gretchen, and I’ll be interested to hear what she has to say about all of it. But really? At the end of the day, you said it best. I also cannot believe that this is the man she is supposed to love, wasting away, dying, and she continually goes out partying. Not only that, but she tells us over and over about how she’s always at the hospital!!!! YOU HAVE CAMERAS RECORDING YOU! She is yucky.
That’s it for me! I’ll be looking out for the NYC recap – can’t wait to hear what you have to say about thems bitches!
SWAK, PottyMouth
This show started out funny as hell and it ended just effin sad.
Vicki just hates everything that is not all about her. Psychotic meds and street drugs don’t mix, bitch.
Tamra was so jealous of Gretchen than she couldn’t see straight. She aged about 15 years in 13 weeks. Poor stupid, wrinkled old lady…with big boobs. ha!
Gretchen has to be a sociopath. There is not one bit of remorse or guilt in that whore whatsoever. My gawd, if I left my boyfriend/husband in the hospital for ONE night to go to a dinner party I would feel like liquid shit for the rest of my life. It’s one thing to relax, maybe catch a movie or drink with a friend but this chick is emotionally stunted.
As for Lynne and Jeanna…I hate those two for letting their kids treat them like something that got stuck to the bottom of their shoe. Maybe deep down they believe they deserve to be treated that way, who knows. Whatever the reason they are just dumb bitches.
OH,Yenta! I been hitting the cough syrup with codeine the last couple days. You know I will share with you!
I felt bad for Alan. I am sure it didnt help his ego any to hear that,according the other bithches, he aint nothin’ to look at. How rude!! Jeana set him straight, she let him know that she wasnt putting up with any of those things that gentlemen do for their ladies.
Speaking of Jeana, she most defintely did not check that dress from all angles. Thank goodness that CrackHo was there to keep the nipples in place.
When Simon gave Tamra that box…..I thought for a second that it was one of those expensive vibrators from the “Build-Your-Own-Smell” places.
Vicki sounded like a 5 yr old kid on Christmas morning when she said “I got a WATCH!!”. How does Donn stand her?? I guess it is cheaper to keep her.
Tamra and Vicki bitchin about Gretchen’s gift was just to much. Those are the bitchinest women I have ever seen!!
I had a flashback of watching Saturday Night Fever at the tender age of 9 when I saw Colton’s suit. How Retro!
I would also like to see Lynne fry up some bacon,sausage,eggs,hashbrowns, grits and toast for her darlings. That is what I fix my family. Who the hell eats a half bagel with a tiny bit of PB??
At the very end, it said that Ryan was injured at work. Wonder what kind of work he was doing?? Then it said that Michael was the first to graduate college, but I thought that brianna had already graduated nursing school. Whatever!! The reunion show should be fun!
Yenta – another fabulous recap! I’m glad you commented on Lynne’s kitchen. I was thinking it looked like they just shoot that family in the empty kitchen of a deserted house or sound stage. There’s not ONE THING on the counters! Not even a freaking towel! It looks so odd. I’m so glad you are recapping the NYC housewives. Your humor is such a gift – thanks for sharing.
haven’t finished the recap yet, but I wanted to write this so other commentors could read it. but other than the bravo site and tvgasm. where do you read all this housewife gossip? my apologies if this breaking the rules. I don’t want to be breaken the laws. well now back to the recap, so I can’t write a better comment.
Amazing recap, as per usual. I just wanted to say one thing about Gretchen and everyone’s comments about her being out partying all the time.
First, Gretchen signed a contract a long time before Jeff’s condition became so bad. They both sat down and discussed the contract, which required a certain amount of filming at specific locations, and a certain amount of filming with the other housewives. Jeff told her to sign the contract knowing she would have obligations. She wouldn’t have signed it if he didn’t agree to it first. Second, for one on the first episodes, I’m not sure which, there was a scene when some of the other housewives called Gretchen while they were out to lunch. She picked up and they asked her about Jeff, and so on. Well she was actually supposed to be filming that day but Jeff was feeling ill, so she told the producers she couldn’t go. They ended up sitting her down and telling her that she would be in breach of her contract if she couldn’t attend the scheduled events and she would be fined a huge amount of money if it happened again. Third, she specifically told the camera crew before they even began filming that they would not be allowed to film Jeff anywhere near or in the hospital out of respect for him and his family. So that’s why there is never any footage of her there. She was at the hospital whenever she could be, and Jeff understood that she had made committments she couldn’t get out of. She loved Jeff, and he loved her. I understand that she agreed to be filmed and she knew ahead of time that people would judge her, but it’s not like she knew that these would be his last few months. She was absolutely devastated when he passed. So yes, everyone has the right to their own opinion, but try to get every side of the story before you judge people. And that’s not aimed at anyone in particular, just in general.
Other than that, I absolutely love reading this blog and it always makes me laugh out loud. Thanks for all of your hard work!
So if we can’t judge and make fun of Gretchen without knowing the full story, why can we judge and make fun of Vicki, Tamra, Jeana, and Lynne without knowing the full story? Just sayin’.
Yeah, maybe she had obligations but she didn’t have to act like a dog in heat everytime she was on camera. And I’m sure she could have backed out of the show once they realized Jeff was dying. He didn’t know that when he approved of her doing the show.
I’m with you Pixielated. Gretchen was way too happy each time she was on a break from spending time with Jeff. I can understand that this was a job for her, but when people have someone close to them that is dying, they take a leave of absence. She could have backed out of the contract. At the beginning of this show I felt for her, but after watching her on one too many “breaks” I just couldn’t stomach her. I apologize to her if this was all the result of editing, but she really came off bad.
Great recap, as usual- can’t wait for New York (Ramona’s husband checks out two women in a really creepy way as they are having a dinner outside some restaurant- classy)
To pixielated:
I think Sgirl was trying to say that, in light of of the contract, she had to be out at social events because they would have been fined a bunch of money. She had mentioned that she had to take money out of her savings account to pay for some of the bills while Jeff was in the hospital,when Vicki and Jeana were on her about being added to the will, so I’m sure she wouldn’t have been able to afford the hefty fine.On the flip side we can judge Vicki and Tamra because they have proven themselves to be incredibly backstabbing and gossipy. Doesn’t it also seem odd that Vicki and Tamra are the ones talking about Gretchen in their blogs? They’re hurt because they felt as though they were being lied to about her relationship with Jeff, yet they really didn’t want to hear about her or her relationship while filming. My theory is that, since they were such horrible beasts during the show, they have to save face and rationalize it somehow. I don’t think Gretchen is Mother Theresa, but I also think she did alot more than she’s been given credit for. I hope it’s cleared up by Andy, at the reunion.
I too started out loving this show however many seasons ago, but this one was nothing but sad. The only positive outcome was Yenta’s awesome recaps!
Re: Gretchen, if it walks like a gold-digging whore and talks like a gold-digging whore, it is a gold-digging whore. That said, Jeff knew what he was getting into. Seriously, he conveniently delivers a harley to the final party and then calls during the party to make sure she’s having fun? He knew the score… The whole situation just perplexes me.
Ugh, poor Donn. He’d be a wise man to ask Breanna for that Army recruiter’s phone number. Living and working in a war zone has to be better than living with Cracky (best name evahhhh btw!) and her rolexes.
So my question – do you think Gretchen will be back next season?
real atlanta girl- I agree with that. If Jeff was fine with her, then their arrangement was none of the other housewives business. Jealousy has some long, acrylic nails in the OC.
I think if Gretchen was in it for exposure, then yes. If she wasn’t there is no way she would go back.
SGirl – I think thru the goodness of your heart and basic human decency you’re trying to excuse things that were inexcusable.
I think that Gretchen is the sorriest excuse for a human being that I’ve ever seen on RealityTV. She is a nymphomaniac fame whore who tried to hump anything that moved, could not stand to have the attention on someone else for 5 seconds before going cuckoo to get the spotlight back onto herself. As if that was not enough she is clearly motivated in life by only one thing – MONEY. I am sure she will go thru life from one sugar daddy to the next, unless she stoops even lower and sticks to terminally ill grandpas. My heart went out to Jeff each time this stupid ho skank was on TV instead of by his side. Plus she could not wait to ‘share’ the private feelings of Jeff with the whole bloody public; her reading his letter aloud to everyone at the party smacked of complete lack of human feelings. She deserves to … Oh, heck – Karma is a bitch is all I’ll say.
Laurie withdrew when Josh got into serious trouble, so could – and SHOULD – have Gretchen. But she is such RealityTV-whore that obviously it did not even cross her pea brain. I hate this skank with all my heart for what poor Jeff must have felt sitting in the hospital by himself while his ‘Fiancé’ was whoring herself on vacays and drinking breaks every week. As I said in a previous post I’ve gone thru similar experience, in that my husband was very ill, and it took all we both had emotionally, mentally and physically to get him thru it, but he was luckier that Jeff and is now back in health. So each time I see this bitch I look at her thru the prism of my and my husband’s experience. I realize my words may sound harsh to some, but if you’ve shared in similar life trials you know I speak not from viciousness but from bleeding heart. Creatures like Gretchen do not deserve to be called human beings.
I can’t wait to see the reunion show, and the new revelations Tamra has to share about Gretchen.
My only hope in this whole disaster is that Jeff was too sick to bother with seeing even a single minute of the material Bravo had shot before passing on. May his soul be at peace.
Regarding Gretchen: It is what it is. I liked her, I thought she was nice and full of heart. I guess I just don’t agree with the harsh assessments of her.
I found her and her actions much easier to stomach than those of Tamra and Vicki. Relationships are complex…we only know a small fraction of the truth here.
Thanks for all the recaps, Yenta! Fun, fun, fun!
Here is an update on Gretchen’s love life just in case y’all have been living under a rock for the last two weeks. Jay left Gretchen, Gretchen found herself a new monkey business manager — SLADE SMILEY. Slade Smiley was arrested AT GRETCHEN’S HOME on an outstanding warrant. Here is a post from TMZ detailing Jay Photoglou’s version of events:
(Soap opera writers couldn’t come up with better stuff)
I lived with Gretchen in Costa Mesa. And was living out of a suitcase with a friend when I left because she was going to dinner with Slade. When I went to pick up more clothes on Wed Feb 18th Slades car was in the driveway. I know Gretchen well so I called the police dept to do a civil asst and help me recover some more clothes. I had proper identification to be there so they attempted to get Slade or Gretchen to open the door. No response from them so when I told them I have a way to get in the dispatcher recieved a call from Slade saying he was with Gretchen and they were in Vegas. Slade called a recorded line to lie to the police. He also told the dispatcher that a neighbor called him to say the police were there. So that is why he called. So I proceeded to enter the house as I did I saw there was Slades wallet shirt Jacket shoes and car keys were in plain sight. The officer and I then heard foot steps upstairs. But Slade and Gretchen would still not come out of her room. This is public information and probably on a report. I did recover more clothes BUT did not have a moving truck set up so I was only able to get clothes not furniture. The officers did not tell me but I over heard them say He has a suspended Lic and a fake tag on his unregistered car as well as a warrant for $10,000 out of LA county. This is what I think I heard. I will be moving the rest of my stuff out next week.
Cries too much.
- Makes wingy faces when he has to kiss a girl.
- Hair too neat.
- Skin too moisturized.
- Proposed to Deeanna.
- Cries too much.
- In too good shape for a post-30 guy with a career.
- Icky smarmy too-white smile.
- Cries too much.
i’m bald and not in shape, but otherwise, good call. i’m totally crying right now.
great season, yenta! love!
Oh Yenta, Oh Yenta where to begin?
For a season finale that was completely over the top. Over the top in pettiness, hypocrisy, smarminess, back stabbingness- it scraped the bottom of the barrel and gave us everything that we loath and hate about these women. For this- you gave us a recap that was completely inspired and over the top.
Match, set, win- Yenta.
I didn’t think it could happen, but you bitch slapped these bitches and won. It makes me feel comforted that people see through the shallow, veneer of this show and realize that these are not women to lookup to.
The photo screen caps and cracky:
Hi-larious.
I really have nothing more to add to this conversation. Other than I just didn’t think that Vicki (cracky), Lauri, Tamra and Gretchen could go much lower, but they saw the edge and just jumped over it feet first. I so hope some of them get their commupence at the reunion- keeping all my fingers and toes crossed.
And I can’t believe the eat disorders that Lynne is giving her daughters as their inheritance. And I was wondering how Simon could afford to give Tamra that bracelet when their house in foreclosure- didn’t realize it wasn’t paid for by him. And Tamra and Vicki grow the fuck it up. I haven’t acted like since 7th grade.
pizza girl- was that in the comments section? They only mentioned that he was picked up on a “civil contempt warrant” and that it may possbly involve unpaid child support- but it’s been unconfirmed. Side note- it probably does have to do with child support, sadly. There’s no mention of Gretchen or a possible boyfriend.
While I don’t think that Gretchen behaved like a saint during the show, I have to say she’s my second favorite of the housewives (after Jeanna). If I had to hang out with one of them, I’d pick her over bitter and jealous and Tamra, and bitter/jealous/batshit crazy Vicki. At least she didn’t start spitting venom every time that her “friends” left the room.
Best recap I have read. It touched all the areas. I would only add to take a look at the walls in Lynne’s house…nothing on them..besides the sterile kitchen…the house appears to be equally sterile…and it matches her personality.
There is no defense for Gretchen….given the condition of her BF…she should not have particpated in any reality program…to do so just shows her selfishish and self centered personality. No surprise.
But please no way to defend Gretchen.
I could be wrong..but I thought it was Donn, Vicki’s husband who read the letter to Gretchen???
I was hoping for a slide to occur and take out the patio at the Cliff’s…oh well…I am am optimist.
Best recap I have read. It touched all the areas. I would only add to take a look at the walls in Lynne’s house…nothing on them..besides the sterile kitchen…the house appears to be equally sterile…and it matches her personality.
There is no defense for Gretchen….given the condition of her BF…she should not have particpated in any reality program…to do so just shows her selfishish and self centered personality. No surprise.
But please no way to defend Gretchen.
I could be wrong..but I thought it was Donn, Vicki’s husband who read the letter to Gretchen???
I was hoping for a slide to occur and take out the patio at the Cliff’s…oh well…I am am optimist.
Sounds like you like dirty martinis – would love to send you a sample of my company’s product – Dirty Sue – premium olive juice for dirty martinis.
http://www.dirtysue.com
Let me know.
Best,
Eric
et1969@mac.com
Ivken – it was Gretchen’s dad who read his letter. Her dad looks eerily similar to Donn. I had to do a double-take every time he was on-screen.
awwww, thanks for the shout-out, dear Yenta!
I for one could not have gotten through the season without dirty vodka martinis. These women make me want to take a shower after viewing to get the slime off of me.
I agree with your comments about Gretchen. Gretchen is the one who continually professed her passionate love for Jeff. If that had been me, I would have had a hard time vay-kaying and partying so much, contract or no. My BF was quite ill a few years back and I could not picture myself going out – I got to work at 7 am so I could leave early every day and spend the next 8 hours or so with him. Even the few hours I was home or at work, I could think of nothing else, and I certainly wasn’t groping everything with a Y chromosome. As Renata said, karma’s a bitch. Maybe dating Slimey Slade is part of the pay back?
Cracky (love this!) has really gone over the edge. First saying to the camera that she does not need to show off her watch, only if people ask -then nearly punching people in the nose yelling “LOOK AT MY ROLEX”. Her and Tamara are truly bitter and angry people – if it’s not about me, it’s WRONG!
I hope that Bratquel sticks with a job, just to overcome the enabled, dysfunctional upbringing she has had. There was something about Lynne’s kitchen that bothered me, thanks for clearing that up – IT’S NOT REAL LOOKING! Not contaminated by food, at any rate.
Still think Jeana is the most “real” – even if her children need a swift kick.
Yenta, thank you from the bottom of vokda soaked heart for making this season so much fun! Keep ‘em coming with RHONY!
kisses –
Not only did I get Gretchens daddy (the sugar-free one) mixed up with Don, but I also thought that Kimberly looked like Vicki.
Did anyone notice that when Tamra’s mom was telling Gretchen about her new facelift and Gretchen asked if there was any pain, Tamras mom said “She asked me if I was burning and SHE said yes and gave me two wonderful shots”. That was weird.
Raquels hair is gross and so is her boyfriend.
Dear Gasmi,
I’m so sorry I haven’t had time to respond to all of you wonderful comments. I do read them all and enjoy them thoroughly. I’m in the midst of house hunting in a city close to a hundred miles away right now, so I’m doing a lot of driving and it’s killing my schedule.
TONIGHT SHOULD BE INSANE. I’ll be thinking of all of you when I sit down to watch.
Hugs,
Yents
YENTA: There are several houses for sale in the development that I live in. There is one beside me and across the street. Oh, I also have a pool….and a good strong out- of- work hubby who can move the big stuff.
I just want to say two things:
First – Great job, Yenta, these bitches deserved everything you dished out.
Second – I have to say that now I hate Tamra forever because she called Slade a “homo”. There are two reasons for this:
First – Slade is a complete douchebag and an insult to homosexuality everywhere, we do not DO NOT DO NOT) want him on our team, especially since he is responsible for foisting Jo De La Rosa on the world (I saw her album at Fry’s Electronics for $6.00 but I hate her so much I won’t even part with that much)…
Second – while not as nasty as using the “F-word” (fa&&ot) I found the context that Tamra used “homo” in to be incredibly offensive and rude… it’s the exact same way I have been hearing the word applied to me and my person my entire life from homophobic assholes and bitches like her. Shame on you, Tamra, I hope the next time you get your weave tightened they use some strands coated in itching powder… and super-glue. Bitch.
okay, so that was, like six things I said, but I got carried away (as usual)!
love to you Yenta!
J-Mo
I think Tamra called Slade a HOBO b/c he was wearing flip flops and sweats.
OH, how can they stand to be out in the heat (I am assuming it is hot in CA), and be dressed like that? I would have been drenched in sweat.
Sorry, fatgirlsrule, it was captioned, she said “homo”. She’s getting torn a new one for it, too… as well she should.
love, J-Mo
I know the caption said H but the other letters were blurred out. I swear it sounded like hobo, but it dont really matter, cause I dont like Tamra or Vicki. They were so nice to Gretchen about the coin purse gift, but then they talked so horrible about her giving a gift. I actually like Gretchen, Cant Wait for the Showdown Tongiht!!
fatgirlsrule… perhaps Bravo is now blurring their own caption (and possibly the audio track) since the uproar, however the show I saw it was uncovered and it clearly said “homo” and she clearly said “homo”. There is a screen shot of it if you look at absurdtosublime *dot* blogspot *dot* com *slash* 2009 *slash* 02 *slash* tamras-homo-gate *dot* html
I don’t mean to harp on this point, but I don’t toss these kind of accusations out at people lightly, I just want to be clear she did say it, thus earning a place on my shit list.
love, J-Mo
J-Mo – you are right. She said Homo. She confirms her ignorance and lack of class more with each episode, doesn’t she? Your comments were right on! Love and kisses, OlderandWiser
I clearly heard “homo” as well, and it was followed by Simon “joking” that she thought she meant him because of his pink shirt. She seemed embarrassed that the camera was right there (although, HELLO, you are wearing a mike) when she looked over her shoulder.
J-Mo is 100% on target – it’s not even WHAT she said but the way it was said it, showing (once again) her true colors. Of course this season we have had many reasons to hate on her, but this was over the top IMO.
I was watching some episodes from when Slade and Jo were on. In this show, they went for counseling and Slade had on the same thong flip-flops!