This week featured Part 2 of the Real Housewives of New Jersey – The Reunion. Here’s what happened – everybody yelled. I comprehended approximately 57% of what was said on those couches. The sound guy deserves a serious raise.
So what was there to yell about today? Well, in case you hadn’t heard, everyone’s mad at Teresa and they’ve all come armed with a bloodfeud. Mel’s got THE GOLDDIGGER COMMENT. Caro’s still on THE COOKBOOK. She’s also mad that Ter brought Dina on camera to take Ter’s side.
We hear a lot about how the reason behind all the bloodfeuds is that Ter thinks Mel and Kat went behind her back to get cast on RHONJ, which leads to – you guessed it – more yelling about who told who what and when.
The Rosie meltdown turns out to be a false alarm, thanks to Lauren Manzo who takes a break from sweating three pounds off in her leather dress and 19 pairs of spanx to talk Rosie down. You can just always count on a Manzo to ruin the fun. Sigh. We also relive the dramatic Rosie-coming-out story, which seems to interest Andy more than anyone else.
Ter tells us that Kat used to be homophobic, which judging by Rosie and Kat’s vague responses may or may not be so. Caro gets called a bully by the viewers and Andy. Jacquee continues to behave like a kindergartner, at one point even lying down for a little nap.
Melissa makes a lot of passionate declarations of what a victim she is. Ter vacillates between denying some stories, inventing other stories and telling Andy to “keep going” when the questions get too confusing.
Melissa. Keep going.
And then, the Brown Smurf makes a grudging appearance. He takes the heat for calling his wife a bad word at the vineyard, and then denies talking to some other ho on the phone. He would like us to believe it was his “pizza guy” on the other end of the line.
Then he defends himself against Jacquee’s accusations of cheating with someone at work, and the babysitter. I might be with Smurfy on this one – for the sheer fact that I find it impossible that there is anyone else on earth besides Teresa who would possibly have sex with him.
See you back here soon for all the hideous details. Kisses, CB.