RHONJ: MiniCap

Real Housewives of New Jersey

By ChickBomb | Monday, June 11, 2012 | 2:38 am | 27 Comments

This week on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, it’s The Gay Wedding Episode, Part Two.  In case you didn’t know it was gay, they show up at the ceremony in a horse drawn carriage.  In case you didn’t know it was tacky, the horse drawn carriage pulls up in front of a two-car garage. 

Of course, there is Teresa tabloid drama too.  There she is on the cover of some rag, talking about how she was scared to be broke.  Naturally, it becomes a federal case that takes over the entire wedding morning.  Ter laughs it off with the logical conclusion that no one wants to be broke, so why not broadcast it at the checkout stand.

Of course the greatest travesty of all is Ter posing on the cover the magazine with her mortal enemy – a dog.  I’m serious.  Every single person who looks at the thing (and you know that’s everyone) wants to know what’s with the dog.  

With tabloid tension high, everyone piles onto the party bus and heads out to the suburbs for the gay wedding event of the year.  To everyone’s disappointment – especially Jamie who only even got married for a shot on TV, after all the buildup everyone managed to behave themselves at the event.  What a failure. 

We will now read our heartfelt speech from this computer.  Then we will release some thousand dollar balloons that will take ten years off the ozone layer into the air.  That’s how you know we really love each other. 


Who are those guys?  Ya know my cookbook’s on the bestseller list? Oh, and my brother texted me.  

Seriously?  This crap’s been dragging on longer than it took to kick Moonface out.

I was looking at Jacquee’s dress and now I have a headache.  Gay Sidekick, procure me an Advil and then strangle me with this phone cord because IT’S THE ONLY WAY TO STOP LAUREN FROM ORDERING EVERY, SINGLE THING ON THE MENU.

Oh, and Teresa is despicable.

I wish this was my televised gay wedding.  Word.

Back at the shore, it’s party time at Mel and Midge’s.  They keep it sexy, but classy Mel explains haughtily.  That means they all get wasted and have a whipped cream fight.  Oh, all the kids are there too. 

Un-classy people use the jumbo sized Apple Pucker for in this jungle juice recipe, but we find this type of rum gives it a more refined flavor.

Catch you on on the rest soon!  Kisses, CB

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27 Comments

  1. 1
    cloudsinmycoffee
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 7:16 am

    I hate Gay sidekick Greg. Why are YOU attending the wedding?? Everyone’s too busy questioning Teresa’s presence, but why the hell is Greg there too?? And honestly? You’re walking around in a bathrobe in front of yer boyfriend’s mom? Who does that? (and seriously, this cements my belief that one of the Manzo boys is knocking boots with Greggypoo).

  2. 2
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 7:55 am

    I know, I never know why Greg is anywhere. At first I thought the Manzo dolts were getting their own show, so maybe Gay Sidekick was getting prep exposure. Now I just don’t know why he’s there; and everything Greg says, you can practically see one of the producer’s hands up his ass making him move his mouth–Hey. Did you see THIS! [produces latest tabloid.]

    I WAS pretty disgusted on the guy’s behalf when fucking brown smurf made that crack about the butthole thing last week., though. I get it, show: Brown smurf is a troglodyte. But that was beyond necessary.

  3. 3
    cloudsinmycoffee
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 8:13 am

    @notwithoutmytv; I really dislike brown smurf, he’s beyond contemptible and honestly, had he said that to me I would have lunged at him. And the pathetic way he laughs at his own comments makes him look like more of a jackass.

  4. 4
    Lesley
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 8:51 am

    Every time I say the word love today we gotta kiss.

    Tre: LOVE
    Brown Smurf: …yeah

  5. 5
    labowner
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Clouds didn’t someone say Gregg just tweeted about getting back from vacation with his boyfriend (not a Manzo) and having to deal with these stupid I am screwing a Manzo boy rumor?

  6. 6
    TWhit
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 11:13 am

    You see that big bottle of Rum Witch Sister is holding? The next time Dilbert pulls Midge out to have a “supportive talk” about Tre, I’m going to just bonk myself over the head with it. Hopefully to give myself amnesia so that when they do it EVERY WEEK FROM HERE ON OUT…it’ll seem brand new each time.

    That and Tre saying “I got a text from my brother.”

    I give the star of the week to the Wedding Couple’s dogs ’cause they were SO CUUUTE!

  7. 7
    cloudsinmycoffee
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 11:16 am

    @labowner: really?? then he looks ridiculous being in every frame the manzo boys are in. Honestly, if you were really that close, why didn’t we hear about you a few seasons ago? Mm. Ok. Then if he isn’t screwing one of them, then it just means he’s more of a famewhore than I initially thought.

  8. 8
    aliens.rock
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Ha ha, I hate myself for watching crap TV and THEN checking Tv Gasm for recaps. We are such dumbasses for buying the crap Bravo is selling !LOL
    What’s up with Tre’s hairline? It looked exeptionally low in some of the very unflatering camera anlges. If her eyebrows were longer, she could pull in a bun in the back of her head…
    Brown Smurf is a total asshole. Why is Teresa so lovey-dovey? It just looks pathetic. If the guy treats you like this (puta-whore comments in the car) and refuses to even peck you on the cheek, stop being so co-dependent and desperate. With Teresa, I don’t know if this is real love (some women can be so desperate for guy’s attention), or this is all for the show. do not forget she mentioned another tabloid “News” about vows renewal.
    All is well in Giudicie household, people. Peace and love….What a joke.
    Speaking of which…The gay wedding.Snooze. Is it me, or did Caroline’s brother seem desperate for TV time? Probably this is why he invited people from RHNJ.I wouldn’t be suprised if he didn’t even invite his other brothers and sisters (They are not as important without TV crew in tow).
    Such sad people. Including me for watching this crap LOL.

  9. 9
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    The wedding is a little fishy. Everyone stuck to the story that very few of the family went because the invites went out extremely last minute. I would understand that maybe some were not interested in being on Bravo, but some of the siblings have popped up at events before so I’m not sure what the real deal is. Very sweet that the mom was there :) .

    Amen to the curiosity over Greg. Maybe Bravo thinks he is just good tv, but he might as well be a show producer. He could only be more pathetic if he went around as a singing telegram in lieu of the endless Ter-JoeGorga texts.

  10. 10
    labowner
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    I heard Joe was with Teresa at her book signing this weekend. Is he turning into the Slave of NJ?

  11. 11
    labowner
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Maybe Gregg was single when filming and has since found himself a boyfriend? I don’t even know what he does for work or any of them for that matter. Of course I am typing this at work, so who am I to judge. ;)

  12. 12
    TWhit
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    I actually find his tweets hysterical. But NONE of that shows on TV. (Then again, I’m quite witty here, but you meet me in person and a whirlwind of stupid comes out.)

  13. 13
    hot cawfee
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    @8 and 9 Alien and MsMia– I was curious too– we saw brother Jamie on Season 1 with Dina and then he popped in last season to help provide “direction” with Ass-hat. Yeah-that worked. Ithink Jamie is looking for show for himself. He lives in Chicago–alot of new siers coming out of there–MobWives Chicago and Chicagolicious.

    Greg has been around–I remember seeing him in alot of “family round the table” scenes. And he helped get Ass-hat away from the Country Club when she pulled Danielle’s hair (it still looks ridiculous when typed!). I think his credit was “Gregory/family friend”.

  14. 14
    Mimo
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    I don’t remember seeing Joe and Melissa at the Christening of Smurf and Tre’s youngest. But we do know they were there because they were told to stay of camera range.

    Maybe it’s the same thing here with the wedding? And I don’t know what the financial status is of the rest of Caroline’s family. I do know that a last minute ticket from Minneapolis to Newark 10 years ago was over $900.00. Maybe some of them just couldn’t afford it.

  15. 15
    Mattyzaurus
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    Is anyone going to address the Joe Giudice and the KY scene? I wonder why they kept it.

  16. 16
    aliens.rock
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    hi Mattyzaurus,
    I was willing to address the scene, but I barfed all over my laptop LOL.
    Actually, you reminded me that when I was watching this recorded episode, I had to pause for a second because my husbund walked into the room. I pressed the button without looking, and then, when my husbund left, I looked at the screen again.
    I froze the screen in the moment when Joe G. is diplaying his two ginormous hairy nostrils, while sexually rolling in bed (brrr). I have a big TV screen, and his nostrils looked like two neighboring caves. I actually let out a shriek.

  17. 17
    Dtoast
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    BAHAHAHA! @ Teresa saying ‘I love you’ to man boobs and him replying, ‘yeah.’ The poor guy can’t even fake it for TV.

  18. 18
    mere2142
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    The only good thing about Gay Greg was Delores. If we must be subjected to his shit-stirring ass then at least give me some Delores. (hey while I was buying toothpaste in my bathrobe in the hotel lobby I just happened to read this InTouch article..please).

    And why is Dilbert so invested in this Joe/Tre therapy idea? Is he getting a cut from the therapist?

  19. 19
    JesseW
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    I wanted Greg to say “Hey, you did not complain about the size last weekend”.

  20. 20
    Sugarbush Sugarbush
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    All of these old Housewives with their big saggy boobs in inappropriately low necklines (Jacquee, Jill Z) is just making me depressed since my boobs look exactly the same and they all have like 20 years on me.

    The drama this episode was lame. They built me up in last week’s previews to believe Juicy was going to be obnoxious during the ceremony. Thanks, Bravo. Next time just show a rerun of the Table Flip, because this was a waste of an hour.

  21. 21
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    @sugarbush (nice name btw) – it is a harsh lesson that must be imprinted in the brain to truly enjoy these shows – the “peek ahead” is always comprised of scenes that happen in the next episode, but it is almost NEVER in the order in which they occur.

    The real drama (i.e. The Christening, RHOA screechy fight) happens too fast and is too chaotic to be cut into nice clean sound bites. For that they usually show flashes of action fading to black over dramatic music (a la next week’s “you’re crazy” bitch-fight).

    Once I got that and managed to remember it, my disappointment was a lot less, my expectations for each show lower, and my enjoyment ultimately greater!

  22. 22
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted June 12, 2012 at 3:31 am

    Usually I’d say Bravo keeps harping on it for viewers that just tuned in. But in Juicy’s case I think if he’s going to have any scenes, they’re going of him being a bigoted fuckwaffle and or doing something disgusting. Because that’s all that all there is to show of him.

    I think that In Touch piece is just playing up to changing times.

    Because nowadays everybody that’s in line at the grocery store is right that minute face to face with 1 of 2 things. Either being terrified because they’re more poor than they ever thought they’d be. Or been poor and terrified all their life. But either way they’re not getting any checks from Bravo or In Touch. That they could use to get the stuff in their buggy.

    So even if they never heard of her, they’ll see that and start watching it. And already good and insulted too. Then once they see it, they’ll be so mad they’ll set a timer.

  23. 23
    cherrylipgloss
    Posted June 12, 2012 at 4:33 am

    Nothing says garden wedding like skin-tight leapord and excess boobage….

    @MrsMia: not sure I’m buying the last minute wedding story line. The couples’ strong point is attention to detail….they would have been planning this for a year minimum…..#doesntflywithme

    @TWhit: after viewing the Jersey pool party I’m ashamed to be included in the same demographic as the adults(?) I witnessed…..

    @clouds: I’m not a fan of BGG either. He wears that “I-wish-I-was-a-girl” pout at all times. What happened to being gay and proud?

  24. 24
    Iona Trailer
    Posted June 12, 2012 at 6:14 am

    I like Big Gay Greg. Maybe he is on because he did Miss Andy.

  25. 25
    hot cawfee
    Posted June 12, 2012 at 10:48 am

    @Mimo—funny you say that (well type)— Audriana’s Christening scene was recut and shown a month or two ago during a RHNJ marathon–b/c I have a little OCD going and a full wine rack I tuned in to watch it all weekend. Melissa and Joe were there seated with Kathy and Richie.

  26. 26
    fancyface
    Posted June 12, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Ummm guys? Greg is a close family friend, the boys roommate, and one of Caro’s ‘adopted kids’. Why wouldn’t he be there? It’s more out of place for the Guidice to be there than him. I like him, but to each his own & I agree that his tweets are really funny & he is witty.

    Having said that, unless being handed that magazine by a producer means read while standing in line, he was SO fos during that scene. Just happen to see it my ass

    How gross were the grooms flop sweat in their pastels? Shouldn’t the gays know better? If you sweat like monkeys (do monkeys actually sweat?), don’t have a summer wedding outside.

    All I could think of when they released those lanterns was WTF! What happens when the fire goes out? Will someone wake up pissed when that shit falls in their yard? What if they get caught on a tree? Couldn’t they start a fire? Ugh…so many reasons why that made me uncomfortable!

    And I didn’t mind Juicy in this episode that much. He actually had some funny (like his impatience @ the buffet while those idiots tried to make not recognizing a potato a scene) moments & they seemed to be enjoying his company. Calling Ter a whore, however….

  27. 27
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted June 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Ok I have not commented on this show in a while, but I have been watching,…1-because I have nothing better to do on a sunday night, and 2-because MR Z is still not home….anyhow…

    Uh, I would not be caught dead going to the lobby for anything in my bathrobe, let alone my pj pants and a sweatshirt…Also was this “before” Lauren started her bazillion dollar juice diet? Cause during the Laurita Family Fun Day she said she couldn’t have any wine, and couldn’t have any bread, but here she was ordering 3 Belinis for breakfast with a fruit and cheese plate…?!?! WTF! And didn’t Caro say that the boys flew in later that morning, cause it seemed like it was just Caro, Greg and Lauren in that room…when the heck did Vito show up?? I am so damn confused!

    The sweaty shirt thing grossed me out too!!

    Did anyone else notice that Greg had on a nice dress shirt, and what looked to be a bowtie around his neck..but then when they showed everyone walking into the back yard, he still had the bowtie around his neck, but he was wearing shorts and flipflops?!?!

    Oh, and if I was at Mel and Joe’s pool party, I wouldn’t be swimming in that pool with all the nasty whipped cream and shit going on in there….

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