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This week on the Real Housewives of New Jersey, everyone stops pretending to get along long enough to entertain us. As Melissa Gorga would say, “Thank you, Jesus!”
It all starts with yet another tabloid magazine cover. I think this show should be cutting these magazines in on their profits because that’s where all the stories come from. This week, word on the supermarket checkout aisle is that Ter might be going to jail along with her husband, the Brown Smurf. Actually, I didn’t mean “going to jail” – I mean “going away”.
What the hell does this have to do with Jacquee? Nothing. Does this stop her from turning into a blubbering mess, commanding Ter to come to her house so she can confront her and completely flipping the f&%k out on her? Of course not!
What follows is a completely schizophrenic argument from Jacquee. She’s mad that Ter didn’t fill her in on any upcoming jail time. But she’s also mad that Ter won’t admit to getting paid for tabloid covers. Then Ter’s not asking about Moonface enough.
And then, in walks Caroline with a smirk and an iced latte.
Oh, I just stopped by to stay out of it.
Everything gets dragged into this fight, but it’s mainly about THE COOKBOOK. Ter also gets blamed for Caro’s whole family not speaking to her right now and most of the rest of the decline of modern civilization.
Let’s see, what else…no Rosie this week, but we do get Milania prancing around atop a fence in a gold lame` one shoulder ensemble. Despite being broke, the Guidices are doing construction in their backyard. We also revisit one of my favorite blood-feuds of all time, the UNATTENDED BABY INCIDENT.
And of course, no RHONJ episode would be complete without Mel’s picture perfect suburban family routine, performed live in the front yard of her mortgage-a-mansion.
Tell me more, tell me more -
And I will, check back in a few days. Until then…
Get the hell outta my way, I’m makin’ a break for it!
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