This week on the Real Housewives of New Jersey, we start off in a car with Teresa and the Brown Smurf. Ter is of course driving his lazy ass. He is hard at work using every swear word imaginable to insult her family. Including her parents. Ultimately extending to his own parents. True to form, Dopey Smurf just smiles and tells Angry Smurf just likes to say things when he’s mad but it doesn’t mean anything.
And going away means going on an all inclusive holiday to the Caribbean.
Lauren’s still fighting the battle of the bulge, and she has separate whining sessions with her Dad and with Jacquee. Jacquee also feels the need to share the story of her gramma boobs in terrifying detail. I’m not sure I will recover.
And our little Gia’s becoming a woman! She wants to go bra shopping, but more importantly, Teresa has for some unknown but amazing reason dressed her entire family in matching overalls with do-rags. What the hell magazine is this for? I must subscribe.
Then it’s time for field day! It’s only Teresa and Gia, but that’s enough. Ter takes a break from hysteria today, but that’s okay cause Gia’s there to pick up the slack in a phenomenally impressive showing. She throws a tantrum at field day because cheaters are mean!
Then she tries to hide out in a playroom, but luckily there’s Caroline and Jacquee to call her a poor sport, and then read her a book about it. Gia begs them to get her Mom, but why do that when they can relive THE BABY STROLLER incident and do Teresa’s parenting for her?
Other highlights include Mel in short hooker shorts and what looks like some cellulite, Jacquee trying to ignite the pool party into THE POOL PARTY…and the long awaited return of Gay Sidekick, Greg!
Check back in a day here for all the details! Kisses, CB
To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us. Thanks for being here!
For Housewives related facebookery, like our Housewives page!
To follow my personal tweets, click here.