Brown Smurf reverts to his standard excuse that only an idiot would have impersonated his brother to get a fake license. Which as far as I’m concerned is a conviction right there but if this moron wants to drag it through the legal system, hey, I don’t pay taxes in Jersey.
Jacquee naturally has a comment to make, which is that Smurfy filled Chris in on his plan and Chris said told him not to do it. “Heckell and Jyde!” yells Ter from the couch, apropos of absolutely nothing but it’s always fun to hear mangled literature.
Now Smurfy’s repeating some words of wisdom from his lawyer about how he could defend a ham sandwich, or that even a ham sandwich can be indicted or something like that. But can a ham sandwich drive a car into a tree? Of course now I’m dying laughing over the mental image of Smurfy’s head replaced with a ham sandwich that says “fuck” a lot.
You’ve met Mean Toast…
Now meet his partner, the criminal mastermind…Ham Sandwich!
So while Smurfy’s all “no big deal”ing it, Andy reminds him that in a post 9/11 world, posing as someone else for a fake driver’s license actually IS a big deal. But gosh, doesn’t Andy listen to anything? Ter and Smurf have repeatedly informed us that there’s nothing to worry about, so Ter just changes the subject back to how she told her family not to talk about it on TV and they did anyway.
There’s a little more yelling, Ter carries on about “my blood!”, but overall the tactic fails. Andy is right back in Smurfy’s face asking why he didn’t take the plea deal. “They can stick the plea deal. My lawyer told them what to do with that,” says the Brown Smurf, to whom laws simply do not apply.
You could face ten years in prison, says Andy as a last ditch effort. Can I interrupt to say that I think Andy really is fond of Ter and might be genuinely worried about this problem. Oh, but no problem, the Guidices inform him for the 100th time.
Back on topic, Andy now wants to know if the kids know it is a possibility that Smurfy’s going to jail for ten years. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” says Ter. Note – not “if” we get to it, “when” we get to it. I doubt Ter chooses her words that carefully, but it does seem like she’s accepted that her idiot husband perhaps should not have “stuck” the plea deal.
Is this topic over? Nope, not by a long shot. Now Andy is telling Ter that “here’s the thing about this coming up on the show” – he heard about Smurfy’s legal problems for the first time in In Touch.
So what’s the difference between being interviewed about it in In Touch over talking about it on Bravo? Oh, I get it now. Andy’s mad that In Touch scooped him and got exclusive Guidice bankruptcy/cheating scandal rights.
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