And while this conversation is happening, Jacquee is making a biiiiiig show of not paying attention. She’s picking at her split ends, she’s checking out her shoe, she’s yawning…wouldn’t it be nice if she just got her pudgy ass off our TVs already? Seriously lady, you could just not sign on to do this anymore.
Not until I have an endorsement deal. Has anyone been in contact with that discount makeup line they sell at the 99 Cent Store?
Let’s get Mel’s take on things. She came into the family ten years ago, and the tension was already there, she says. Smurfy begs to differ. Midge is just confused because “everyone loves me!” he claims. Declaring yourself lovable makes you instantly less lovable, you know.
But on the topic of Midge, Andy now wants to know why he must always be naked. “When you got it, you gotta show it,” he advises the world. Then it’s time for the question Andy asks himself every night while pleasuring himself to a loop of Midge racing around the campground naked.
Has Midge ever taken “a dip in the man pool”? What a stupid turn of phrase. Why not just ask him if he’s ever been with a dude? Well, turns out he’s just “gay friendly”. He loves gays, they’re fun to be around. Okay, well what do you expect, Midge to come out on the reunion show?
Moving on. Lebanese Dilbert is such a “goofball” but is he inappropriate, wonders a viewer? Does he think his kids want to see his erection or hear him talk about his wife’s privates? Keeping in the theme of not taking accountability for anything, the Wakiles are actually proud of their gross public sex talk.
Dilbert informs us it’s natural and Kat tells us it’s her alarm clock and she’s so happy he’s healthy. Is this some source of pride? A coming of age thing for your kids, to know that their Mom tastes fishy? I wouldn’t know, I’m not trashy.
Okay, back to the Gorgas. Did the RHONJ help or hurt things? Oh, come on now. This isn’t Intervention: Housewives. Everyone agrees that things were a disaster before the show, but Midge maintains that maybe he got on the show to get closer.
Interjection time. Throughout this three episode reunion process, Bravo has been replaying lots of old Housewives episodes so I had the pleasure of viewing THE CHRISTENING a few times. Man, that one just gets better every time I watch it. I think it should go down in the history books as the greatest reality show incident ever. Well, in the CB museum of great reality show moments. Which should totally be an actual museum.
My point is, in THE CHRISTENING episode where we meet Mel for the first time, every time we see her on camera she’s making a snarky comment about Ter. Remember “we PAY our bills” followed by a smirk?
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