And now Kat’s getting jealous of Jacquee in on the fight, so let’s get her two cents too. “Why did you bring it up when her husband wasn’t here?” she asks Smurf. He tells her to “go scratch” and then both Guidices go back to excluding Kat.
They’re not letting me in the bloodfeud. They’re such mean girls.
So, back to the accusation, chirps Andy. According to the Brown Smurf, Chris says he met her while she was a stripper in Vegas. He was engaged and got caught fooling around with her. “I met her at a trade show,” Chris recites, “I never said Vegas and I never said stripper.”
“But you did,” interjects Caro, to Ter. Oh, hey everyone wants a piece of this! Sitting there on the couch like you’ve got a thousand better things to do but you can’t help yourself from getting in on it. And I know she’s talking to Teresa, but I’m not sure exactly who’s she talking about. Is she saying that Ter called Mel a stripper, or was it Jacquee?
Whatever, I heard it from Dina.
“Hold on!” yells Midge, “What’s the problem with a stripper?” Chris also comments that they’re talking about strippers like they’re serial killers. And then it comes out that Midge Gorga was a Chippendales dancer! Most likely a knock-off Chippendales dancer, and definitely at a strip club near the airport. The fanciest kind.
And Andy is in heaven. He is tickled and delighted at this news. He wants to know all about it. Did he wear costumes? No, a g-string, Midge tells us, also including the critical information that his g-string looked like an elephant. “I found it in his room,” reports Ter. “She probably smelled it,” says Mel, keeping it really classy.
More discourse about the Gorga relationship. When they watch, does it make them regret anything? Come on, how many ways can you ask the same stupid question? We sat through like seven hours of therapy with, have we not given enough to the cause? Bring out Kim D. already.
But now Andy wants to know how Midge felt hearing Brown Smurf call Ter names in the vineyard. “Honestly Andy, the past few years that this has been happening, I’ve been lost. I looked at the TV and I didn’t feel anything,” he mopes.Well, you reap what you sow, pal. I’m tired of hearing the Gorgas and their sob story about evil Teresa. You wanted to play on her turf, so play.
Now he’s whining about how he moved to their town to be closer to them and it didn’t work. And then, shockingly, everyone agrees on something! Midge called Ter a bitch at the pool party. Is that a problem for anyone? Not at all. Ter, Brown Smurf and Midge easily agree that it’s okay for brother and sister to call each other anything they want. Where was this landmark case when I was in high school?
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