RHONJ Reunion Finale: Blood On Blood

Real Housewives of New Jersey

In the Bravo fakeout, we delve deeper into the life of Midge the stripper. Magic Midge, if you will. Andy wants to know if he ever came out as a fireman. Hm, wonder what Andy’s role-play fantasy might be? But no, it was just Midge and his elephant thong. The women used to fight for him, he informs us, and he made a couple of thousand dollars per night. Oh, and he did it working his way through college.

So, let’s scratch the cheap gold paint of this turd and talk about what is probably the truth.

1. By elephant thong means teacup poodle thong.

2. There’s no way he was doing this for women. I am grossed out by the greasy Joes but have recently learned that gay men love them.

3. Nobody’s raking in “thousands of dollars” at the strip club near the airport. Try “singles of dollars”

4. College???

When we’re really back, hey let’s get back into whether or not Teresa called Mel a stripper! The topic hasn’t totally been beaten to death yet – it’s still on life support so LET’S KEEP AT IT.

Midge asks Ter about it, and then somehow their Dad gets thrown into it. Then Mel gets to the heart of the matter, and that’s that Ter could have stopped the stripper ambush if she wanted to. She didn’t have to drag Mel into the bathroom, with cameras, and confront her.

And I agree on that part, but I still don’t think it makes Teresa “in on it”. She just hopped on the train that was already speeding down the track. The Mel Used To Be A Stripper plotline was coming at us either way, courtesy of our good friends Kim D. and Andy Cohen, and if Ter hadn’t corralled Mel in the bathroom, Kim D. would have done it in public.

As for Mel, if she doesn’t want people knowing about her stripping or bikini dancing or whatever it was – well, sorry.  Can’t go back and rewrite history. If we could, I would have already done something about all those clunky shoes in the 90’s.

Now it’s time for Andy to play host and jump back in to introduce the Posche fashion show recap – or as he so dramatically puts it, “The night that changed everything for good.”  I’m expecting a lightning bolt to punctuate this grand declaration, but instead we just to to the tape.

It’s the return of the creepy sleazy guy, and everyone talking about how it was a setup. Back in the studio, Jacuqee is watching the clip and nodding with a smirk, like everyone talking about how it was a setup is all the proof she needs. Ter says that if Mel wants to blame her, then let her.

More yelling, this time I think it’s Mel and Midge carrying on about how Ter doesn’t really love her family, and Ter continuing to yell that she had nothing to do with it. Midge finally declares that he doesn’t believe Ter, but he’s willing to forgive her right now. This basically stuns Ter into silence.

About

32 Comments

  1. 1
    shellshell
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    I am starting a slow clap for you enduring and making sense of this frustrating hot mess of a show. You have Teresa-esque tenacity (that’s a compliment, promise).
    As for this ENTIRE reunion, Milania said it best: “Blah blah blah.” Absolutely nothing was accomplished. It’s been said a million times but honestly, network…GET A REAL HOST.
    Jacqueline and her husband owe 55 mil? Wonder if anyone will ambush her on her deck in season 5?

  2. 2
    LaurenB52
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 3:11 am

    *joining in the slow clap*

    Thanks CB, your recaps made the season worthwhile even when the show wasnt :) Although I could never complain about lack of drama with this bunch

    Jac is my most disliked this season.

    I hear next season the focus will be on Mel and all her dirty little secrets so we’ll see what happens. I’m glad to have a break from this madness for a while.

    Joe Giudice is completely gross. I don’t understand how he’s made it to this point in life. I can only assume he’s cheated many people along the way

  3. 3
    Say
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 5:49 am

    The picture you posted isn’t Antonia, the daughter of Melissa, but Milania, the demon spawn of Teresa

  4. 4
    hot cawfee
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 6:23 am

    :;tossing cofetti and pouring the champers for all and the cupcake with extra frosting is for CB. Awesome recaps my love!!!!

    Jaxx is soooooo above it all that we know she is coming back for next season. She just set her storyline—-back to reading

  5. 5
    hot cawfee
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 6:51 am

    Mel and her secrets??? awesome–means the rest of the witch tribunal (her sisters) will get face time.
    Good Lord.

    I agree that the problem with Dina is a Laurita/Manzo problem-not a Teresa one. Dina went to the Fabilini party to get her face on camera (is her show still on???) and to stir a little pot. Tre doesnt have that much power-if she did I’d hope she uses it to control the weather. Dina is still blaming Jaxx for Season 1-the “outing of the book”. We all know BRAVO had it-gave it to them and Dina took it to Chateau (and was told prolly that this will never redound on her).

    Same crew next season—-and sadly I will watch and gleefully will be back to read and comment!!!!!!!

  6. 6
    Lexy
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 7:08 am

    OMG, thanks Lord it is over.

    Caroline is in full backpedaling mood, after all her book is coming in March and she needs to sell a whole lot to pay for Lauren’s cacaface salon and the restaurants that her boys will supposedly open, so if she needs to appear somewhat conciliatory is not because she wants to but because she has to, after all her babies are just out of High School.
    Jacqueline, what a lunatic, she couldn’t STHU to save her life, what kind of medication is she on, I was so annoyed at her blabbering mouth and her childish attitude, somebody must have lied to her and told her that her sleeping was cute, it was not. She showed printed text messages on whole page, really? talk about a stalker, she has just lost it.
    Kathy, was she even there? I just can’t even look at her without thinking about the fishy smell her husband talked about, Richy is gross and pathetic, I surely hope they are not coming back. Kathy truly shows her colors this time and she is just not good at all.
    Melissa, ” I am the victim” UGHH, can’t even look at her without thinking that a poor fragile victim does not go behind her SIL’s back to contact her enemy and provide her with harmful information, nor does a victim tapes an auditioning video promising to bring her SIL down. A victim doesn’t talk crap about her nieces and a victim doesn’t make a huge deal of a non set up just to destroy the relationship between two siblings. A victim doesn’t let her sisters and make up artist trash her SIL on tweeter and on blogs for three years and pretends that is not happening. She is as much as a victim as I am the reincarnation of Princess Diana. She is a snake who pretending to be a peacemaker, smiles and acts innocent all the while plotting how to take you down and look good while doing it.
    Teresa, please lose that husband of yours, maybe justice would take care of him and you will understand that being a single mother is not such a bad thing when you have to compare it to having a husband like yours. It will be difficult but you will get use to it and then realize that you have it in you and deserve better. Same way with your brother, as hateful as Melissa is, Joey has played a pivotal role in the attempt to kick you down while you were at your lowest, he makes no secrets of the fact that for you to get back to where he wanted you , you had to get to rock bottom, what kind of brother is he? He is your only sibling but sometimes you just have to let go and dedicate your energy to your daughter and your parents. They deserve your energy and love , not that loser husband , brother or evil SIL.

  7. 7
    NotAlway'sPerfekt
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 7:22 am

    Kudos to you CB! It’s been one hell of a ride and one that quite frankly, I’m thrilled to be getting off of. I’ve enjoyed reading your recaps and all of the comments. Thanks all!

  8. 8
    MsMmm msmmm
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Did anyone watch the stuff they didn’t show where Teresa goes to the bookstore and can’t even pronounce her own name? LOL, apparently she can’t decide if it’s JEW-dice or Guidi-CHE.

  9. 9
    wendi
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 8:50 am

    fantastic recap, CB! hilarious! thanks!

  10. 10
    mere2142
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 9:00 am

    Great recap – I am in awe of what you were able to decipher above all of the screeching.

    As for Tiny getting the final word, I just wanted to go thru the tv and punch both her and Andy!

  11. 11
    NotAlway'sPerfekt
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 10:03 am

    mere2142@10, I felt the same way about giving Caroline the final word. I also noticed the look Andy gave Caroline when Melissa was going off about being the victim. Sooo obvious that Andy favors Mama Manzopause. Blech, just blech.

  12. 12
    Dramaqn
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 10:39 am

    If any of these broads were smart enough, they’d figure out the best way to deal with Tre would be to cut her off from communication, interaction and just ignore her completely. Tre is a textbook case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the only way to deal with someone like that is to stop feeding her insatiable need for attention. This link is fascinating if you read it in the context of her life–describes her to a “T”!

    http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652/DSECTION=symptoms

  13. 13
    labowner
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

    Lexy writes – “A victim doesn’t let her sisters and make up artist trash her SIL on tweeter and on blogs for three years and pretends that is not happening.”

    And yet Teresa’s fans do it all day long. No comment from you? Your bias is showing again.

  14. 14
    Lexy
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    Not Teresa, nor any of the other ladies has any control over their fans, they don’t know them personally, some of their are nuts and should not be allowed to post any where.
    Melissa on the other hand, could had talk to her sisters, she could had talk to her make up artist and asked them to let her handle this with Teresa directly. She encourages them and at times even chimes in with them.They were bashing Teresa even before they started filming together which is fine, if Melissa hates Teresa that much, then by all means go for it directly, face to face, do not hide behind your sisters and allow them to do your dirty work while you try to look like a victim. That is what drives me nuts. If you want to be a biatch, then be a major one, the passive aggresive remarks that instigate and poke but come mascarade with a smile are what I find unnerving.

    If Melissa would own up to her part on this mess, she would be less disgusting, but she has instigated, sponsored, promoted, stired the pot and plotted since the beginning how to bring Teresa down, but she still wants to be seen as the victim, that is what I find objectionable.

    Teresa could had confronted Melissa when she learned about her communication with Danielle, she could had milked it for all it is worth, she could had cried: BETRAYAL!!, she could had gone on a magazine tour to talk about this awful act of disloyalty, but she didn’t. She confronted Melissa, asked her about it, listened to her stupid explantion that she did it because she was pregnant and even though she didn’t like it, she forgave her without waiting for the viewers reaction, just because she wanted so bad to have a relationship with her brother.

    If you think about it, a non set up with a bald guy coming to say “hello, do you remember me?” compared to the ackowledgment of your SIL admitting that she hated you at the time and she did exchanged e-mails of phone calls behind your back with ill intentions, I know which one of these is worse in my eyes, but was the latter a big issue? did Andy even asked about it at the reunion? did Teresa brought it up at the reunion? No, she didn’t . Unlike Melissa, Teresa really expects that her brother and her would one day be okay. I don’t think that is ever gonna happen and wish she would realize that too, the more she cares about Joey, the more ammunition Melissa has to use against her, as it that wasn’t enough, now she uses the kids already.

    Poor victim Melissa my behind.

  15. 15
    Sunshine
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    MSMMM – HILARIOUS!!! I noticed that too….I was cracking up.

    If the rumors are true and the cast remains the same it’s goodbye for me and this storyline that has been beaten to death!!!

    This time next week they should be picking jurors for Juicy LOL….

  16. 16
    labowner
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Melissa’s sisters are adults, why do you think she should control them? Who in your family controls what you do on a 24/7 basis?

    Teresa’s family, friends and fans went after Cooper Anderson on twitter because they didn’t like how he treated her. One family member writing “I wish you wore a skirt so she could bitch slap you” And they have gone after others as well.

    So Melissa should control the adults in her family and Teresa’s get to do whatever. You obviously have a distaste for Melissa and are biased towards Teresa. That is okay – just own it.

    I dislike all of them on all franchises. I fool myself into thinking I like some of them. But that is because they look a lot better compared to their peers.

    Disturbing that Bravo and Andy are bringing back this cast. What further damage can they do? Waiting for a divorce or another suicide Andy?

  17. 17
    MrsMiaWallace MrsMiaWallace
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Ah I actually hope it’s true that Mel’s in for a bad edit. Not because I favor Tre, but I’m so sick of her being drug through the ringer, its like watching a dog get tortured, she’s just so stupid you feel like an adult should be stepping in to stop things. You don’t have to give her a bad edit, just put a camera on her and she’ll say dumb, un-self-aware vindictive shit all day long. And watching others cackling over her personal issues and misery is giving me a stomach ache.

    Melissa with her family photo op set-ups and smug angel routine are a worthy adversary for the Bravo Machine. Bring it on Andy! Make us like Caroline again and despise Melissa! I dare you! Also do something about Jacqueline while you’re at it, she’s like a melted candle had sex with a air horn this season.

  18. 18
    hot cawfee
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    @ 16 Lab– they ARE all ciming back, huh???? They song “What People do for Money” has been playing thru my head. it might sound sad, it might sound funny but that what people do for money.

    Are there any any secondary players coming in?? Like Kim “Crypt Keeper” D. or “GOD PUT ME ON TV!!! I will pretend I like girls” Heather or maybe Dolores Ham Linky’s Mom and bestie of Tiny

  19. 19
    labowner
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    “she’s like a melted candle had sex with a air horn this season.” MrsMia – You owe me a new keyboard.

    Cawfee I would like to think not, but they love the ratings and we give it to them. If Teresa chooses another year she has to stop talking about what the show is doing to her family.

    If they give Melissa the bad edit are we to believe they will go the sympathetic way for Teresa when Joe goes to PRISON/JAIL/THE SLAMMER?

  20. 20
    realhousewivesfan
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    I WISH they could fire Kathy Atleast!! my next choice would be Jacqueline. they are both non personalities and should be replaced because the story is bloody beat to a pulp. I hope Melissa does get a bad edit as well! something tells me she’ll be even more calculated to not slip and cut her self.
    I just don’t see how they can continue.. i get aggravated watched 4 against 1, it’s not justified.
    Well it’s been one Hell of a season!

  21. 21
    Smango
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    After her surgery, Kat looks like a dude. She was actually attractive before. I don’t know if it was the makeup, or what…but, ick. Jac acted like a shrew on Xanax. If she didn’t want to be there so badly, she could have just left?

    Snaps to you, CB!!! It was hella hard understanding what these rabid hyenas were screeching at each other, but you did it!! Very entertaining, as always!

  22. 22
    2muchbravo
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    Jackie should leave to take care of her son. Oh, and she’s a whiny pain in the ass.
    She couldn’t say who she was texting? More like Miss Andy didn’t want the lid blown off that Kim D was in cahoots with a producer.
    I hope Mel gets what she deserves. I’m tired of her “Thank you Jesus” routine. I’m sure the Judyshays are guilty of a lot of stuff but this season turned into an attack Teresapalooza. I can’t watch next season if it’s the same crew beating the same horse.
    These reunion shows were painful to watch. I don’t think Tre’s stupid. I just think she can’t think on her feet. She can’t volley insults or accusations if she’s not prepared. So, she comes off looking stupid. It was like watching a frickin’ witch hunt. The Laurita/Manzos, Mel and Kathy were loaded to their eyeballs with ammunition to lob at her. Her only response was to deny everything.
    She really needs an ally next season. I think there was some talk about her BIL Pete’s wife coming on. Who knows.
    I will, however, read the ‘caps if you’re writing them Chick Bomb! Thank you for all your fine work!

  23. 23
    billyjeansss
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    @labowner- Who is Cooper Anderson?

  24. 24
    Guy
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    The difference between putting it in a magazine and talking about it on a TV show?? Really? Hmmm, controled statements written/approved by a lawyer vs. the summons Chris Laurita received last Monday. I hope Chris flushed her stash…

    Did anyone else notice that Mel waited until Kim D’s back was turned before making her snarky comments? That speaks volumes about her character.

  25. 25
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 5:58 am

    “If Teresa chooses another year she has to stop talking about what the show is doing to her family.”

    I agree. You see the show has torn your family apart even more so why stay on it if your family means so much to you. Wendy told her as much. I think it was bothering Andy when Wendy was saying Teresa needed to be off the show. I love it when he gets all flustered and wonky eyed.

    I like Melissa more than any of the other ladies. I think she tries to be cordial with Teresa because of her husband, but she can’t stand her at all. I don’t blame her, after someone called me names I might just plot to get revenge on them also. But it would be tough to keep Melissa on the show without adding others because she has no real connection with the other ladies. It’s not like RHONY when it was blondes vs brunettes.

  26. 26
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 7:45 am

    @ChickBomb I guess you forgot about all the scenes where all the crowds are hollering and crying. And then they cut over to the last people in the marathon coming up the hill. Some of them might be limping. Or even crawling.

    But all of a sudden 1 of them gets a 2nd wind. And crosses the finish line doing the horse riding dance!

    Thanks for making me ROFL so much!

  27. 27
    MsMmm msmmm
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 8:28 am

    @Sunshine: I stopped watching AGES ago, the recaps are way more entertaining. :)

  28. 28
    labowner
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 9:22 am

    Whoa folks. You can’t be upset at a 4-on-1 against Teresa and then be glad Melissa will be getting the bitch cut. That just means it’s gang up time on Melissa.

    Kathy needs to go because she is just too normal. That’s a good thing Kathy.

    Billyjeansss – it’s called a hangover.

  29. 29
    TWhit
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    CB…GAWD. I wanna send you one of those fruit bouquets. Actually I wanna send you an alcohol one JUST for recapping the reunion. Thanks for making this boring season fun!

  30. 30
    caligal
    Posted October 26, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    http://www.allabouttrh.com/jacqueline-and-chris-laurita-being-sued-for-7-million-jac-testifying-in-court/

    I wonder if Jac went to all of the housewives and told them what was happening, since that is what Tre should have done. It’s too bad Jac and Tre aren’t friends any more. Tre could offer to buy back her belongings at the auction. I bet Tre was gonna cry about it, but now she’s not.

  31. 31
    LastCall
    Posted October 28, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    “nor does a victim tapes an auditioning video promising to bring her SIL down.”

    I’ve been hearing about this video for years now. Does it actually exist, or are people just guessing?

  32. 32
    hot cawfee
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 7:24 am

    Did anyone read recently (prior to Hurricane Sandy) that Tiny Caro and Lapband have an apartment in Hoboken??? Tiny “has not sold the house in Franklin Lakes” and there is a lovely water view shot from their terrace. I read the article a day or two before Sandy hit the East Coast.

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