Real Housewives of New York City: NOW You Want To Be Friends?

By Twunty McSlore | Wednesday, April 28, 2010 | 4:09 pm | 64 Comments

Posted in: Real Housewives of NYC, Recaps

Ah, love affairs. The wonderful, joyous and delectable item known as love.Some affairs last a lifetime while others are only meant to last a few months. Some flings serve to brighten up a holiday in Tuscany or make you smile when you remember that one lusty August in Nantucket. My latest one lasted only a week! Hell, I kinda knew I spoke too soon when I declared my love for Sonja. Du-uh. We’re talking about the hausenfrau, aren’t we? They’re always playing with our emotions and stabbing us in the back with a wink and a smile. So, in honor of the great YentaPatrol (love you, wherever you are) grab your favorite beverage and a slice of cheesecake and meet me at Flippy’s house. I’ll bring the Zin and the brownies, you guys are responsible for the Triscuits. Off we go!We’ll begin with the new whore and her intro line. What did she say? Oh, yes. “I have a taste for luxury and luxury has a taste for me.” Well, I don’t want her to feel left out, so I created my own version for her too. I’m fair like that.

“I taste like luxury and luxury tastes like lube.”

I so enjoy how all these women throw their love of the finer things down our throats. YES, WE GET IT. You love designer crap and expensive watches. You’ll probably be laid to rest in a Frette lined coffin and embalmed in L’Occitane lavendar water just like Gloria.

See, you CAN take it with you!

Wasn’t that one of the stupid homilies in their book, that you shouldn’t wait until after you’re dead to spread your wealthy husband’s money around? Knowing Jill, whatever she has left after charging the Zarin fabric fortune on her Diamond Saks card will probably be bequeathed to Ginger. That tiny bugger will be laying on velvet upholstered pillows and enjoying hand feedings of steak tartare on Tiffany spoons while poor Ally will be living upstate near her teacher’s assistant job at the local community college. If she gets in. After Amazongate, she might want to enter the Witness Protection Program.

But not this episode, not yet. Thank God thiajok gave me a head’s up so I watched this episode on an empty stomach. Good lord. Also, as you know, I have been having puppy potty issues of my own lately, so no harm, no foul, but I feel sorry for those of you that don’t. Ugh, the squirts!

You see, widdle Ginger doesn’t like going to the Vet’s office so Jill arranged for a lovely lady named Dr. Cindy to make a house call. It must be a free housecall too. I think I heard Jill say her name at least five times.

“Doctor, doctor Dr. Cindy Bressler! Dr. Cindy Bressler, folks! Now where’s my Diamond Vet card?”

Dr. Cindy arrives in full hair and make-up which is kinda strange for a vet. My vet is a 60 year old Jewish guy in Willoughby. He’d look kinda strange with all those hair extentions. He’s got a bit of a schnozz and a slightly receeding chin, so he’d look pretty weird…

Dr. Solowitz, is that you?

Ginger is hiding in the bedroom and I can’t help but think that Jill is just enabling, if not downright encouraging the poor dog’s fears. Has she ever tried ignoring it or acting normal? Why does she have to fuss and baby her? She’s only making it worse.

She finally gets her into the vet’s clutches and when Ginger starts shitting all over the carpet and couch, I had to laugh. Score one for the apartment! Maybe she’ll get rid of that shitty decor now that it smells exactly how it looks. None of you Gasmii tell her about the milk trick or the vinegar one, or ammonia. (thanks again for all your help, by the way. The Persian was saved!) I hope that she never gets the smell out. It’s not like she can’t afford to redecorate. She runs with all those fabulous upholsterers, after all.

Sadly, the poop got on the Vet’s assistant’s shoe. Color me shocked when Jill actually rinses it off in the sink. Color me NOT shocked when she makes a stupid comment about being relieved that his shoes are cheap. She’s hate to have to pay to replace any non-plastic footwear, you know.

It’s bad enough she has to touch it.

Her friend Wendy arrives with her little Bichon Frise, or Maltese or YorkShihPoo or whatever the hell it is, because Jill wants to share her free vet visit, how sweet! You just know that she’ll be writing it down in Wendy’s debit column in the Zarin Power Keeping-Track-of-Points spreadsheet she keeps on her laptop. She can get to that errand when she’s done giving Alex and Bethenny’s books one star on Amazon and fapping all over LuLu’s new single.

This Wendy chick makes the dopiest faces. I think that her eyes might actually be tearing from Ginger’s rancid Pup-a-Roni farts. They showed a close-up of one of her poos (Ginger’s, not Wendy’s, but then again, who would be surprised?) and I swear it was one of those dog treats that Jill was trying to bribe Ginger with at the beginning of this scene

or Ginger has a mitochondrial digestive system.

The damn treat is as long as she is. She probably swallows it and then shoots it right back out the other side. Meanwhile, Jill’s idiot friend Wendy starts spraying perfume everywhere, probably getting it in the poor assisitant’s eyes, and why is she spraying her own dog?

Hey puppy, spray her back, if you know what I mean.

Is she being pre-emptive? Is this turning into a military operation?

Custard’s last stand.

After that big brouhaha, they find out that there is absolutley nothing wrong with Ginger. I didn’t even hear one reason why Jill needed to ask the vet to come over in the first place. It can’t be the farts. What dog doesn’t fart every once in a while? I’m going back to the free publicity for the Vet and the subsequent free care for Ginger. There’s really no other reason.

Just PLEASE. No house calls from your gyno.

No bowel issues in this next scene, instead I find myself examining Lady B’s growing boobage and baby bump. Can anybody tell yet? Were you looking at her body too? Her breasticals definitely look larger, or is it the sweater she wore on her visit to Alex’s bordello townhouse?

That pattern isn’t helping either. It’s basically pointing at her bump.

God, Silex’s home oozes sex. If you are into red/black livingrooms that look like they are decorated with lingerie, you are in the right place. If you are into state of the art kitchens that are suitable for the food porn experience of your choice, they have you covered.

And it’s all poop-free!

They get their lunch together as Bethenny voice overs how nice it is to have a low maintenance friend like Alex after the score keeping bitch she had as her previous bestie. And then, zap! She tells her she’s engaged. Alex has the reaction we were missing last week when Miss B told her ultra low key buddy Stephanie about the positive pregnancy test. She’s super happy and excited about the whole thing and she lights up like a Christmas tree.

Lady B tells her about Jason lighting candles and giving her roses on their big night. He got on one knee to propose and cried when she accepted. How wonderful and thoughtful. Could he be any more perfect?

“Not only that, Alex, but he’s environmentally conscious and green too. Look, my ring’s made of corn!”

Actually, it’s pretty huge. Jason did good. You could practically park a car on the damn thing, or skate on it if you are so inclined.

“Oh hai, Jill. I see you got a hobby.”

Don’t laugh at my terrible photoshop skills. You DO NOT want to know how long it took me to get that one picture done. Let’s just say that I could have earned that entire sapphire set that I’ve been panting over at Bidz lately. They need to pay me for the free advertising I’m giving them too. Are you listening Flipit? Make it happen, commander! My neck is sore from my usual joorey earning practises. I need a break.

Anyway, Bethenny decides that she wants to keep the pregnancy private for a while, so she doesn’t mention that news yet. Alex feels honored that she was the first person on the show to be told about her impending nuptuals, so I’m betting that she’s the first to find out about baby Hoppy too.

Last year it would have been Jill and she would have wanted to know every detail, the cut, color, clarity and most important the amount of carats. Then she would have ran her mouth about where the wedding should be held, who should cater, ad nauseum. I like this way better, how about you?

And how about a big ‘Yay’ for Jason who did his proposal off camera. I’m sure that Miss Andy was chomping at the bit to film it. You know that he totally tried to bribe her with more free advertising and an offer to hold down Jill while Bethenny swung away.

I’m also glad that Bethenny has a friend who doesn’t judge her every move, who doesn’t write down demerits because you called her three times that day instead of four. I’m glad that she and Alex can sit down for a pleasant luncheon of spinach quiche under the gaze of chummy framed photos and not Jill Zarin’s meticulously nitpicking scrutiny. That woman tries not to miss anything. She’d probably rubberneck at baby Hoppy’s briss and then offer advice to the mohel on the proper cutting technique.

And will someone give Silex some potted plants or something for the front stoop? It looks kinda bare.

Maybe they could drape some naughty fringed shawls across some wanton climbing honeysuckle. Perhaps they could use an old cat ‘o nine tails as the trellis and maybe stick some not-at-all metaphorical pussy willow stems in those vacant window boxes. Call me, I have a garden that puts Ms. Morgan’s backyard to shame.

Hers…

And mine-

Voila, if I do say so myself.

Back in Manhattan, Ramona and Sonja are meeting for a little lunch of their own, only theirs is taking place at a chichi restaurant where half the busboys have seen Ms. Morgan’s silk panties dangling off her ankle bones, and the other half are just waiting their turn.

They discuss how they met in the Hamptons years ago and how Ramona had an amazing figure that could stop traffic and inspire envy in the most dedicated aerobics instructor. Back in those days, it was considered to be quite a feat for a gal to have muscles. I mean, come on, it’s hard to get fit with just medicine balls and strings and pulleys, no question.

Sonja starts to relay some gossip about what the girls said after Ramona left the Kodak event but old Crazy Eyes won’t let her. She interrupts to explain that she wasn’t insulting Jill, she was just being inquisitive about her new venture. Her Kodak bashing was just an example of what an analytical mind she possesses, my dear. That’s all.

She was doing Jill a favor, really. If her Kodak endorsement fails, she can blame Ramona! Sonja says that Jill is going to help save the company and I’m starting to wonder if both these bitches aren’t from another planet. Let’s take a trip to the Kodak website and see if Jill is still featured there, shall we?

I’m back and nope, nothing. That’s strange. Mother’s Day is right around the corner and Jill has an advice book on the shelves at this very moment that was inspired by her mother. The 25% off code at Kodak’s website is LOVE4MOM. Wouldn’t this be the perfect time for a tie-in? Weird. Oh well, I’m just splitting hairs. It WAS a whole six months ago that she hosted that party with pictures of her family plastered all over the place. That’s a long time in advertising. Her absence couldn’t possibly have anything to do with how shitty her book is. No way.

Kodak had fabulous goodie bags, and that’s all that matters to these women anyway. Talk turns to Kelly, and Sonja says that she knew her from St. Barts but every time she sees her she has to be reintroduced because she never remembers. How shocking! Why, Bethenny had the same exact thing happen to her!

This may or may not be true. Think about it for a moment. Maybe Leather is, as Ramona says, one of those girls that never remembers women. Maybe so. OR maybe Sonja watched last season and she has an agenda of her own, one of making Kelly look bad. It could be either one, especially after she put two and two together over Max. She couldn’t wait to tell her about THAT.

Now if only she would put two and two together and those nasty teefs bleached.

Plus, why has LuLu been so nice to Kelly when she clearly is so jealous of her? She already knew that she had her ace in the hole and she was biding her time until she could trot Sonja out with her Max stories and leading comments. We’ll get more of that later in the Hamptons.

Sonja goes on to talk about Kelly denying any sort of relationship with Max. Who wouldn’t? He charges by the hour and fucks everything. That would be like Giorgio down at the Greek deli admitting to banging LuLu.

She says that if you got into a car with a guy that looked like Max, you’d come out of it with a relationship for sure. I don’t know, you guys. It seemed to me that the Bravo producers set Kelly up so that she wouldn’t look like a spinster on the show. When have we ever seen Leather having a genuine conversation with a potential suitor? Never. I don’t know if it’s her shitty personality or the fact that only four legged creatures find her hot. The girl just doesn’t have much sex appeal, and I think I read somewhere that Sea and Teddy are really Duggar kids that they lost track of at a reality show convention.

Speaking of being lost, why are we back in Hamptons? At first I sighed because I thought we were going to be subjected to LuLu and her bullshit about how it was the maid’s day off again. But, no. It’s a weekend morning and the amazing Smomp girls are making pancakes.

Kelly says that they go out to the island every weekend which is kinda nice. This way her girls can run around a yard and not feel confined to such a small space in the city, live like normal kids, really, only their dad is the best photographer in THE UNIVERSE. How normal can you really be when your Mom is in Playboy and your Dad is busy shooting only the bestest most gorgeous Na’vi on Pandora?

It’s breakfast time and Kelly decides to make pancakes. Why, God, why? Is she trying to show that she’s inept on at more than just photography? Does she think it’s cute to not cook? Is this another anti-Bethenny moment in the same vein as the whole fur/PETA thing?

If that’s the case, she’s a GREAT PANCAKE BURNER.

While Sea tries to keep her mother from burning the house down or worse- making them go hungry like most supermodels do, little Teddy is not speaking. Kelly asks her to set the table and she ignores her. Instead, she sketches in another one of her notebooks and jots down her running commentary on the whole pancake situation.

Holy shit, she can spell! She really must be a Duggar.

I think that she doesn’t get to see her Mom all that much and she resents the camera’s intrusion. Her little notes are actually pretty funny and I don’t blame her. If Leather was my Mom I wouldn’t want to talk either. I’d be like the little kid in ‘Corrina, Corrina,’ or signed up for the Reality Children’s Witness Protection Program alongside Ally.

Kelly thinks it’s all hysterically funny, even interviewing that if her girls had to rely on her cooking skills to survive they’d be the size of her skinny little pinky. Nice metaphor coming from someone who made her living in one of the professions with the most rampant eating disorders EVAH.

That’s okay. If they want to model someday, that pinky will come in pretty handy. For more than one purpose.

I hope that they grow up to be as calm and cool as Avery. She’s having lunch with Crazy Eyes and ordering off the menu in the coolest way possible, you know, “that thing you make with foccaccia, prociutto, ricotta cheese and truffle oil.” Hearing a child of mine say that alone would bring tears to my eyes. She even got the pronounciation right!

Aww, batshit crazy and serial killers DO cancel each other out. Who knew?

The purpose of their little lunch is so that Mama Crazy Eyes can tell Avery that she and Mario are renewing their vows and she wants her to be her maid of honor. Avery questions her mother’s reasoning since this is the 17th anniversary of her marriage, not a milestone year like the 20th when most people do it.

When you look at her face in this scene, Avery’s jaded expression leads you to believe that she thinks this vow renewal is strictly for the show. I’m sure that Ramona hasn’t been spouting off to her very wise daughter about her year of renewal like she has to everyone on this show, so of course she’s surprised. She’d be less taken aback if one of Ramona’s eyeballs finally popped out of her head or she was being told that the mothership had arrived to take them back to their home planet.

Ramona says that she’s more in love with Mario now than she was when she first met him. Yeah, whatever. I’m not buying it. I think this is the story arc that Ramona chose for herself and I’m already bored by it. Avery would rather watch the ceremony than be on display but she’s thinking about it and asks what being a maid of honor entails. All Ramona wants her to do is be her supportive assistant and Avery says she’ll do it.

Why not? Who knows how many chances she’ll have to share moments with her parents that don’t involve hyper competitive tennis matches or cadaver dissolving techniques. God, I hope that Ramona doesn’t make her regret it.

It’s really cute how Ramona says that she’s becoming a woman and knows how to negotiate with her, She’s all about empowering her little girl, not bossing her around and I believe it. She starts to tear up, telling Avery that she taught her to love unconditionally and says “I love you.” Awwww! It gets even more adorable when Avery calls her ‘Mommy.’

Fuck, Ramona. Quit making me cry. I’m a mean heartless recapper! I don’t need this shit!

And holy shit, that makes two freaking times that she’s made me teary this season. What is going on? Wait, I need some bug eyes to help me refocus.

Ahhhh, that’s better.

Bringing me right back down to earth is LuLu. She’s spending the day with her decorator as they look at potential pied a terres for her. They are on the Lower East Side and they run into Kelly out of the blue. LuLu is wearing those stupid suede boots again! For heaven’s sake, someone donate some new shoes to ‘Cocaine and Couture’ already so she can air those suckers out for a day or two.

They must smell worse than that anti-semitic count by now.

By the way, I cannot help but have my say in a quick side note again. Remember in Amazongate when ‘Susan Saunders’ accused the reviewer of being an anti-semite for writing that ‘Secrets of a Jewish Harpy’ was a piece of shite? How is what Alana said in her one star assessment of the book worthy of being called racist while LuLu’s husband’s ACTUAL hatred of Jews is just a big joke?

“Tee hee, guffaw guffaw,” the count is going to have a heart attack because his ex-wife is dating a Jewish man, but someone Jill’s never met is an anti-semite for thinking her book sucks even though she never said one thing about hating Jews? Would Jill be as generous in her laughter if she found out that Silex got divorced and Simon was apopletic because Alex was dating a Jew? Don’t think so. Hypocrite.

At any rate, I love this part because it shows two things that are very true- first, apartments in New York are mostly fubar, and two, LuLu can’t afford SHIT! I am dying to see what her noble settlement money allowed her to finally move into. As long as we are operating under the assumption that she didn’t come to some sort of sexual arrangement woth the landlord, that is.

The first apartment up for grabs is on a corner, forcing the livingroom into a weird flattened windowed space. Right off the bat LuLu hates it.

She can’t work where she lives, people. Every call girl knows that!

Her liitle decorator tells her that the space isn’t very countess-like and it is pretty poorly laid out. The bedrooms are tiny and the closets bump right into the bed when you open them. LuLu can’t imagine where she’ll put her King sized bed, My love! How ghastly!

You ain’t foolin’ me, hussy. We all know that you prefer doing it in throne rooms.

She’s still wearing that Native American jewelry too. Is she trying to hide the hickeys she got the night before from one of Sonja’s waiter/actor/model castoffs? Did the count repossess all of the deLippityPoo family jewels?

Maybe they’re max’s old anal beads.

The apartment is $2,500 a month and LuLu is shocked by how little she gets for her gold digging dollar. Honey, you shoulda aimed higher in the marriage department, like a shoe shiner or child trafficker.
Yeah, I think the count’s an ass. Could you tell?

Kelly tries to sell her on the neighborhood because of the anonymity she can enjoy and the lessened pressure of not having to worry about bumping into Buffy or Constance on Park Avenue. LuLu looks at her like she’s crazy. Is she kidding? LuLu lives to be seen. Annonymity would KILL her.

She also looks like she’s freaking out a bit. I think she’s just coming to the realisation that she might not be able to afford all those ‘amenities’ she’s grown accustomed to having. She’s practically breaking out in hives at the thought of living in a place where her own kids might be able to hear her getting it from behind by the hotdog vender she met in front of The Sex Museum.

You know she spends all her time there. Which is why I’m surprised that she says she doesn’t like the locale of the next place she looks at. It’s in the Flatiron district right down the street! She and Sonja can meet at her place and then have tea in an environment that suits them to a ‘T.’

They pull up in a cab and LuLu thanks the real estate agent for being such a gentlemen.

Free cab rides too. I need a damn title.

Wait, where’s her driver, the one that Jill spoke of last week? My guess is that he got the day off with her imaginary maid. Maybe they’re related. Maybe we can’t see them because they’re French and they’re into trompe l’oeil. You know, taking that whole fading into the background thing a bit seriously.

This place has a weird painted door at street level and floor to ceiling windows, one of which faces a brick wall. heaven forbid! Who will watch her enjoy anal with Max in her *cough* donated finery? How will she be able to spot her next random conquest walk down the street if her view is obstructed?

Conversely, the windows with a view? It’s too much.

She hasn’t heard of blinds, apparantly.

Honey, your best buddy practically earned her Diamond Saks card by selling them. It’s not a big deal. What is a big deal- the $14,000 a month price tag. LuLu doesn’t address that. Instead, she nitpicks the place to death, just like Jill taught her, and her excuse is that she needs a building with a doorman, uptown of course.
Good luck with that. It isn’t any cheaper on the Upper East Side, unless you’re moving into Spanish Harlem.

And I said Harlem, not harem. Don’t get all excited.

And Jill’s guest room isn’t any cheaper either. The price you pay for staying there adds up to at least an entire summer back at the deLipslip’s Hamptons retreat, AT THE VERY LEAST. You better throw in a few five star Amazon reviews while you’re at it, just to be safe.

God, I hate her. I hope she enjoys a nice healthy rat infestation wherever she ends up, and I’m not talking about the Zarin visits either.

Let’s go from horrible to disgusting, shall we? It’s time to visit with the Kamen/Zarin/Wexler chicks and what they call being “Bed People,” since they spend all their time commiserating on one.

Nope, she didn’t say “dead.” I made the same mistake at first.

They argue over who should take credit for what recipe and Lisa says that you can always tell a Jewish mother because she has a picture of her dog next to the bed and not her child/ren.

In Jill’s case, how can you tell?

Bicker, bicker, bicker. It’s especially rich when Jill says that she wants this book to be her legacy, something she can pass down to her children, and her grandchildren. Yeah, that’ll be nice for them. Someday Ally can grab her little ones, point at the dreaded “book” and relive the exact moment she realised her mother was an asshole. Great.

Charlie McCarthy finally enters the room and the temperature drops by 20 degrees, just like in The Sixth Sense. Mischa Barton vomits up matzoh ball soup under the bed and I find myself trying to avert my gaze from Gloria’s nasty toes.

Shoe those hooves, wouldja sister? Ginger gonna get the runs again.

Geez, if this were my ‘bed family,’ I’d sleep with one eye open and a knife under my pillow. But I understand. They can’t meet in the livingroom because there’s shit all over it and Ally hasn’t come back from school yet to clean it up.

I hope that Gloria doesn’t fall asleep in there with her mouth open. Ginger might get scared and drop some soft serve on her tongue. Ick. Oh well, it’s a lot better that the crap that comes OUT of it.

They go through pictures and Jill picks up one of Ally when she was probably four or five. It’s cute and her little belly is sticking out of her bathing suit. Jill says, “look at that body,” like she’s proud of how skinny she was at that age. How fucking sick is that?!

Secret of a Jewish Mother, Chapter 8: How to give your daughter an eating disorder.

They move on to Gloria’s wedding which took place on the dirt floor of a hut in Rome right after they finished building the first aquaduct.

The first couple to have a working toilet for their guest’s tokhes at their Chatuna!

That new fountain probably came in handy when the groom broke their only glass during the ceremony. But Gloria doesn’t remember any of that. It was centuries ago! What does she remember? Not to wear chiffon at your Christmas wedding. Huh? Say it with me, Gasmii. Granny left her brains in Boca again.

She delivers this missive as if she were doling out the wisdom of the ages. The girls roll their eyes and then somebody snaps her back to reality with a nice tug on those marionette strings and she goes back to anther picture, judging some girl for being the only person out of a group that’s smiling in a photo that was taken at a funeral.

Get used to it. At your funeral there will be more than one, trust.

At this point I wouldn’t even be watching the show if I were Jill, I’d be so embarrassed. Is there a lesson to be learnt here, Gasmii? I can think of more than one, but let’s start with- ‘Don’t underestimate the intelligence of the Bravo viewer,’ followed closely by- ‘Don’t bite the viewers’ hand that feeds you.’

This is what happens when your huge ego takes over and you take the good will of people for granted. But enough of their kvetching, it’s time to come back to the Hamptons where my love affair with Sonja starts to wither before it even had a chance to properly bloom.

She and LuLu are meeting Kelly for dinner at a fancy schmancy restaurant that stays open year round, I take it. We’re in October on this show, I believe. I can feel the chill in the air, even if I can’t see any menopausal nippy hard-ons. They’re saving theirs for all the unemployed Puerto Rican landscapers that are getting ready to go south for the winter, nyuk nyuk.

LuLu and Sonja are having a staged conversation about Adderal. Sonja says that none of her friends have lost weight on it that she can tell, but they sure do have a shorter fuse. Up walks Kelly and Sonja comments on how skinny she is. I can see exactly where this conversation is going.

I think I have this Sonja chick’s number but only time will truly tell. I think she’s watched and dissected this show for the past two years and is putting her little destroy and conquer plans into effect, starting with Leather. She’s an easy first target, you know. A way for Ms. Morgan to warm up, if you will.

This adderal talk was Sonja’s way of saying that she thinks Kelly is on something but it flies right over her head when LuLu says that she isn’t the type to take drugs. She says, “I wish. I’d have more energy,” and they move on to Ramona bashing.

LuLu is such a freaking hypocritical cunt. She says Ramona should censor what she says and then says that Crazy Eyes must have forgotten half her Prozac, out of the other corner of her mouth. She thinks it’s okay because she was only joking. She gets to decide what’s appropriate, you know. Don’t you dare question her. She wrote the book.

Then LuLu tells Kelly not to use the term ‘Crazy Eyes’ since it’s HER line. Since when? I’m pretty sure she got the term from the internet, maybe even from our own YentaPatrol. Can someone verify this for me? I will later, if I have time between BJs.

Sonja looks uncomfortable with the direction the conversation is going but she needn’t worry. LuLu has more bullshit up her ample sleeves and she remarks that the three of them are great cougars on the prowl together, that they “Have a lot of life and a lot of love to give and they’re ready.” the question is, are we?

Thank God I don’t live in New York anymore. I don’t want any STDs. I could probably catch one just from listening to Sonja go on about how regular sex makes you look 12 years younger.

So, how old are you really then, 70?

She makes another joke about not wanting to shrivel up and die just because she’s a middle aged divorcee and Kelly looks increasingly uncomfortable with this topic and remarks that she’s going to need another beer. Fucking LuLu points out that she isn’rt even half finshed with the one she’s already got. Shut up, whore, she was only being metaphorical!

Besides, it’s not like you are picking up the check any time soon, or are you…..

Cheap bitch. I wouldn’t be surprised. She would have never noticed otherwise, you know? Talk turns to all the gay guys Leather must know since she hangs out with all those horsey folks at the Polo club, but Kelly insists that they aren’t all gay. She knows some super duper fantastically hot straight Argentinians. They’ve been hanging with the wrong track jocks if they think they’re all short, fat and balding, “BUT Max is gorgeous,” says Sonja.

“Why are you so obsessed with Max?” Kelly wants to know. Well, it gives Sonja something to hold over your head, I mean because it just shows that you two have something in common. LuLu fills up on bar snacks since she can’t order the filet when dindin’s on her own dime and then Sonja comes right out and asks Leather what she’s really interested in knowing, and that’s where all the indescriminate men are.

What is she, your pimp? Cut back on the Premarin, you old hussy and give your barstool a break. You are practically foaming at the mouth. Someone has to sit on that chair after you get up and go to your table. I hope they have a can of Lysol handy, one marked ‘Cougar Bar Smears.’

I’m glad that Leather isn’t falling for their crap and she tells them that she wants to date a quality guy since she hopes to get remarried and maybe even steal another leftover Duggar kid. Why, me too, says Sonja. She too wants to have a nice cosy family life for her daughter. WHAT? Since when? Snap out of it, you’re not June Cleaver all of a sudden, you’re more like that other Morgan from the 1920′s, Gloria. The one that lost her daughter because she was too busy screwing her way across Europe to change any diapers.

LuLu tells Kelly that she knows that she wants more kids, after all she’s still one herself. Nice of you to insult her intelligence, asshole. Remind me, why does Leather hang out with these people? All they do is insult her. I don’t care if LuLu pulls the knife back out a little and tempers her cheap shot with, “That’s what I love about you,” and making a ditsy woo-hoo noise. Sheesh, woman. Go back to France with all your boorish boring French ancestors. I’m SO sick of you.

They still behead The Nobility over there, right?

Here’s another weird moment. Kelly says that she wants a Renaissance man, someone she can play pool with, drink beer and then take to the Met. Good luck finding a man like that, says the bitch LuLu. They do exist, by the way. One is sitting right next to me as I type.

Sonja says that she just wants a man that doesn’t cheat. Kelly flips her hair super fast and asks if her ex cheated on her. Sonja doesn’t answer. Instead she turns it around on her and asks if Geeeeeel cheated on HER. What? Why did you bring it up, Sonja? Don’t turn this around on Kelly.

It’s LuLu you should be interrogating on that subject, but LuLu doesn’t want to go there and all of a sudden it’s time to sit at their table OFF CAMERA, I might add, but not before LYING and saying that she never had that problem, not as far as she knows.
Really? The whole country knows about the Ethiopian princess but somehow it eascaped your attention? Fuck off.

“The count never cheated on me. At least not in a European way. For it to be cheating, entre nous, you have to sleep with more than a hundred people, My Love. We were only in the low 50s.”

Pfft.
The vignette this week serves only two purposes. It reveals that the dour blonde from last week is Ramona’s employee, and how did she get so pathetically sad looking? By enduring Ramona’s stupid testy fits of throwing blue jeans and complaining about missing labels. She’s an excellent businesswoman, you see. She proves this assertion by saying, “I just don’t get it, ” over and over instead of actually solving problems.

You work for Ramona? THAT, I don’t get.

There aren’t enough Ramona runway gifs in the world to get me to work for that lunatic. You’d have to tie me to a chair and strike me deaf, dumb and blind before I’d step foot in her office. I’m pretty sure that once Social Security gets your first with-holding taxes from her company they put you on the fast track to recieving benefits. You probably age two years for every month of employment.

That’s okay. This show is turning into a freaking Telenova anyway. Who cares if a couple of underlings fall by the wayside or get concussions from flying inventory? We have another party to attend!

This time the invite is Kelly’s and the party is for Gotham magazine and their issue on the 100 most eligible bachelors. Bachelors from where, I don’t know. It could be Staten Island or Newark for all we know (or care). It sure as Hell isn’t anywhere Hot, not literally or metaphorically.

Leather forgot to wear her pants again and this time Alex did too. I wish she had forgotten to invite LuLu instead. What a piece of work. She spends the entire evening breaking half the rules in her stupid etiquette book, starting with speaking a foreign language in front of people that don’t understand it.

Or wait, was that the first rule she broke? Let me back up a second. Before she even does that, she treats her hostess like shit. When she first approached Kelly on the red carpet she made a crack about her wearing “virginal white.” Then she looked her up and down, turned her back on her and walked off.

Meanwhile, Jill eats up the compliments that Kelly doles out to her even as she tells her that she doesn’t pass the hand test because her skirts too short. Then she wonders if Leather’s clothes cost less because they have less fabric, as if she were an upholstered couch.

I don’t know, Jill. Do yours cost more?

She definitely wears more fabric on that size 1 body of hers. Fur too, on her bunny vest. She seems to be taking fashion cues from Kelly, even as she’s trashing her. So nothing’s new, I guess.

LuLu walks up to Mario and demands an apology for the countless comment. She does this in Italian. She says that she wanted to ask for it in a foreign language because she was so concerned about not airing their dirty laundry in front of others.

What is the problem with this woman? Who gives a fuck anymore? And how is she avoiding rudeness by excluding everyone around them from their conversation? Bitch, please. She’s just showing off her flair for romance languages since you can’t show her REAL talent on cable TV. Not yet, anyway.

Anyway, Mario sticks up for himself since the comment wasn’t meant for her ears in the first place and then reminds her that she’s said some pretty shitty stuff about Ramona, so don’t go there. Shucks, he missed a perfect opportunty to call her countless right to her face! He should have totally done that and then gone, “Oops. Sorry. I meant to say LuAnn. You aren’t a countess anymore, are you? Just want to use the correct term, you know.”

LuLu says that it’s water under the bridge now even though he didn’t apologise. Haha. I love that she had to drop it or risk looking like an even bigger ass than she already is. What did she expect? Did she honestly believe that she could bully Mario like she bullies everyone else? What does he care if her feelings are hurt? He’s married to Ramona. He’s got bigger fish to fry.

They finally file inside the club and Bethenny tells Kelly that she looks pretty. “I’m always pretty,” is her response. What a moron. Does she think that Lady B is using her PR 102 tactics on HER for a change? Say thank you and move on, you drip.

Everyone is scantily clad which is pretty appropriate since there are supposed to be smoking hot eligible bachelors everywhere. All I see are chubby guys in suits and Eurotrash but what do I know? I do know one thing, and that is that Alex looks fabulous in her tushy flashing dress, like Ann-Margret from Viva Las Vegas.

Viva Las Nalgas!

They walk up to where Jill and LuLu are perched in the VIP seating and the two harpies promptly leave as soon as they see Bethenny. RUDE.

LuLu, you didn’t even say hello to Bethenny! What is wrong with you! You’re breaking those etiquette rules left and right. Must be that hideous piece of Eurotrash you’ve been eyeing all night. Also, I wonder if Jill was really on the phone. She had it glued to her ear while everyone was fussing over the new arrivals. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was deeply ensconsed in a very important conversation.

“The time is…..ten…forty…two. Temperature…is….”

Once again Jill interviews that she got up because she wasn’t prepared to see Bethenny. Right, because you’ve only been on the same show for three years now. Bethenny calls her behaviour pathetic and you can totally see her bump!

Maybe wearing yet another bandage dress wasn’t such a good idea.

Ramona tells Lady B that there’s something different about her, is it the hair or….and that’s when she tells her that she’s engaged. I love Ramona’s reaction. She is just as delighted as Alex was and immediately hugs her and shoves her new diamond ring into everyone’s faces.

I am so happy for her too. It couldn’t have happened at a better time. Jill is being a comtemptable vituperous bitch at every opportunity and it’s good to see that Bethenny has some amazing happiness to keep her warm at night. I would hate for her to have to put up with Jill’s jealous madness all on her own. I’m sure that Alex would be there for support if Jason didn’t exist, but who’s to say that Jill wouldn’t use her perpetual spinsterhood against her just like she did with Bawby’s cancer? I wouldn’t put anything past her, not after Amazongate.

Do you know what Jill’s excuse for leaving was? She said that she had to wait for Bawby but all I see her doing is carrying on an inane conversation with LuLu and her BonJovi wannabe douche party favor. Gross. Is LuLu really going to take that guy home? Can’t she do better than that? Where’s her Jewish French crush, or is he smart enough to know not to appear with her in public?

I wonder what Sonja thought when she saw Jill tell the guy that if he wanted to sit at the VIP table with the old hussy, all he had to do was stick his tongue in Ms. Morgan’s mouth. I’m sure that she LOVED that. I’m also pretty sure that she could orchestrate a fairly decent Zarin Fabrics boycott amongst all her wealthy buddies if she cared to, so Jill better watch it.

All the shit talking is making my head spin. One side of the room is talking about how LuLu has become Jill’s new lackey, while the other is complaining that there aren’t enough cute guys to justify getting all gussied up like they did.

Leather waltzes up to the complaining twosome and delivers the newsflash that Bethenny is engaged. Cue up the phony smiles! Jill’s anyway. LuLu barely musters up a smirk. Since neither of them make any move to go over and dispense any well wishes, Leather calls Jason over herself.

Jill asks LuLu, “Why’d she do that?” and I must admit that I’m flabbergasted by the fact that LuLu doesn’t inform Jill that it is customary to dispense with hard feelings at a joyous time like this, and you simply must tell the new couple how happy you are for them. Isn’t there a chapter in her book on dealing with people you don’t like in social situations? Anybody?

Oh, that’s right. Nobody read it. Not even Jill.

Poor Jill has to endure a hug from Jason and she interviews that she wanted to run home and climb under the covers because she’s from a Bed Family, as we all know. It can’t be the awkwardness of the situation, could it? Nobody is being anything but nice to her. What is her problem? She has nothing to complain about, that’s the problem. She’d probably be happier if Bethenny got in her face again. Then she could cry martyr and we’d all have to join Team Jill again.

Jason even asked how Bawby was doing before he moved on to speak to people not affiliated with the devil. Kelly notices and tells Jill that he earned some niceness points by doing so, but she even shoots down that assumption by saying that it’s not about that, even though she feels bad because things are so awful now.

You should feel bad, Jill. They’re all on the other side of the room toasting to success and happiness and you could be toasting right along with them. Instead you chose another path. You chose your jilling ways over sharing your old buddy’s happiest moment in her entire life.

Here comes etiquette breach number two. LuLu saunters over to Bethenny and demands an apology for the snake comment after giving her only the most begrudging of congrats. As if Miss B owes that tramp anything! Plus, this is not the time! If she was so fucking pissed about it, she should have called her, not confronted her while she was celebrating her engagement.

Bethenny says that she’s sorry while Alex stands next to her shooting daggers at LuLu with her eyes. If looks could kill…speaking of eyes. Look how crazy LuLu’s get!

Who’s Crazy Eyes now, bitch?

She then excuses herself because she has a party to attend with a hot young bachelor. She doesn’t mean this guy, right? Hot? Young? Did somebody forget to wear her contacts again?

Is it opposite day again and nobody told me? Tee hee, you guys…..why i outta…

It’s like she’s imiatating Kelly from last season where she thought it was such a huge zinger to inform Miss B that she couldn’t be bothered with her after their “down there, up here” conversation because she had a hot date waiting for her. Not only that, but LuLu totally looked at Kelly when she said that.

Wow, she and Jill take jealousy to heretofore undiscovered levels. Coveting your neighor’s wife is nothing compared to those two. Satan is just biding his time down in hell, awaiting their arrival by carving their initials over the doorway to the seven deadly sins Hall Of Shame. Even Hera had nothing on these two.

LuLu also has a nasty little habit of rewriting history to suit her needs. She says that she feels happy now that she’s cleared the air with Bethenny. How did she do that? All I saw was an envious aging hag and her pathetic attempt to extract the respect she thinks she deserves. If she really wants to earn some respect, she should start by picking up a check once in a while.

On second thought, don’t bother. I don’t want to have a heart attack. I got too much shit on my plate as it is.

I do not understand why anyone would try to smooth things over between Jill and Bethenny anymore but Simon gives it the old college try. He asks Jill to come over but she insists that she has to wait for Bawby. She then interviews that Simon should stay out of it. You know, because how dare he be nice. Jill never issued that edict, he should sit down and shut up!

Me, me, me memememememe and ME! Poor Jill. Bawby finally arrives and she tells him that the whole situation is just terrible! How dare Bethenny go and get engaged, thereby putting her in the untenable position of having to congratulate her or run the risk of looking like shit! Poor thing. Why is this happening to her? Why? What did she ever do to deserve such a horrible unravelling of her careful and deliberate Bethenny character assassination?

Bethenny certainly isn’t going to wait around for any kind words from Jill, so she heads outside to wait for the car with the Singers and Jason. He hugs her and tells her to let it go as Ramona keeps glancing back at the entrance with a grin on her face. I think that she’s hoping that Miss B can get away before Jill has a chance to ruin everything but I can’t tell because Jill runs up.

It’s an awkward moment with Bethenny holding Jason’s sport coat around herself like a life jacket while Jill tries to make excuses for her bahaviour. She was just waiting for Bawby to arrive, and she’s so sorry that you felt like she walked away from you, Bethenny.

That’s right, she’s sorry that Bethenny FELT like she walked away from her, meanwhile that’s exactly what she did- she walked away from her. God, she really does think that we’re all stupid, doesn’t she?

She then “oooo’s” and “ahhhh’s” over the ring while Bethenny looks off like she’s being touched by a leper. I didn’t love it when Jason told her to smile at Jill’s compliments but I was glad that Ramona’s eyes never left hers in their support. She said something to Bethenny while Jill was calling her ring magnificent but I couldn’t tell what it was.

“Psst, Bethenny. I just caught a glimpse of her dress tag. It says ‘Filene’s, size 11.’”

I wish. I am so over her, as is Bethenny. The final moments of the episode have her saying that she’s done with Jill, even as Jill is caught saying that she doesn’t want her friendship with her to end like this. That’s too bad.

Karma can be so strange sometimes. It has a nasty habit of giving back to you exactly what you put out there. I’m hoping that it gives me back my eardrums now that I’ve listened to LuLu’s song. She’s probably wishing that she never went to that “party” with that “hot bachelor.”

What? You weren’t satisfied with my ears, you had to take my eyes too?!?

Yuck. I cannot wait for her date with that hideous dude. They are perfect for each other!

Love and Kisses,
Twunty McSlore

Comments (64)
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About Twunty McSlore

Crazy busy, crazy in love and crazy about golf. Not so crazy about narcissists and do-nothings. Completely indifferent to network TV unless a sporting event is being covered, and completely in love with half the chefs on the Travel and Food channels. Chefs, not COOKS. If any of them really ARE chefs. I haven't seen any proof.

Bridge Mix and Butterflies, everybody!

64 Comments

1

what?

Posted April 28, 2010 at 5:42 pm

AWESOME recap, as usual! I know Bethenny has ever reason to totally hate Jill, but I hope in the future she is just quiet while Jill digs her hole deeper. No snarky comments, not talking to others about the situation – just silence. Jill has made herself look so bad, at this point all Bethenny has to do is smile and walk away.

I think Bravo did creative editing on the dog situation to make Jill look awful…love it!

Almost a week later and I am still laughing that Countless can not get anything better than what they showed!
2

hisroyalhighness

Posted April 28, 2010 at 7:03 pm

I was shocked at how cheap that apartment on the lower east side was! I paid more for that for my 800 square foot studio in the West Village. Why, dear G-d – WHY, would she want to live on the boring upper east side? Her cocaine dealer would stick out like a sore thumb up there, plus her doorman would call Page Six every time he showed up an hour before her nightly sojourns.
3

congratsmeathead

Posted April 28, 2010 at 7:16 pm

Just wanted to say that your backyard is freakin’ beautiful, and I’m not just saying that. Love the little stream! Oh, and also, if we are keeping score (like Jill does), Jill just lost 100 more demerits for how she acted in this episode. I was so embarrased I had to hide when she was saying how beautiful the ring is, blah blah, yadda yadda. Awful.
4

thiajok

Posted April 28, 2010 at 7:24 pm

Haven’t finished reading yet, but wanted to get some compliments in before I forget them.

The photoshop of Jill in her little skating outfit on Beth’s shoulder is priceless. Holy shizzle, I almost choked on my noodles-in-a-cup.

I thought Ramona with Avery was sweet, too.

The cocaine and couture–HAHAHAHA!
5

chemgal

Posted April 28, 2010 at 7:29 pm

Can’t even finish reading as I keep laughing at the screen grab of Jill skating on the ring and the “….. got a hobby”
6

atlgirl

Posted April 28, 2010 at 7:37 pm

Great recap! I think you’re right on about Sonja by the way. Why keep bringing up Max unless she’s trying to annoy Kelly? I’m sure she has many other young bachelors in her stable she could talk about. And poor Kelly just isn’t smart enough to understand when someone is insulting her. I think she’s one of those people that just doesn’t get sarcasm.
7

chemgal

Posted April 28, 2010 at 8:02 pm

Just throwing this out there, but beginning to think Kelly isn’t stupid, but perhaps even more full of herself then anyone else on the show that she doesn’t even believe she needs to react to what they say. She’s got some balls and to be honest of all the chicks, I wouldn’t fuck with her. I think she could put a serious hurtin on ya.
8

wwmadz1087

Posted April 28, 2010 at 8:15 pm

Long time reader, first time commenter. Just wanted to say that I am constantly impressed with your recaps! There were a couple words in there I had to go break out my dictionary on in there…and I love that! lol. Also, can I just say how much it endeared me to see Kelly drinking a BEER? I always wondered if any of these women actually kicked back and enjoyed a brewski haha
9

thiajok

Posted April 28, 2010 at 8:22 pm

Wow. Just wow. Thanks for making the shit-fest as amusing as it could possibly be. I agree with What? that Bravo did that to make Jill look ridiculous–it worked, too.

Twunty and everyone, aren’t we all just plain worn out by Jill and LuAnn? Scathing commentary in the recaps and in the comments doesn’t really even cover it, does it? They are making Ramona and Kelly look like saints!

I don’t like Sonja at all and can’t wait to see how all of her antics roll out. I think there will be another clique developing soon.
10

xoxo71

Posted April 28, 2010 at 8:36 pm

Twunty, you are the best, I am always looking forward your recaps, they make me laugh so hard. I completely agree with your blog. Bethenny is way better off without Jill. Once upon a time at the beginning of the season I wished they would have solved their differences but not anymore, not after getting to know the real Jill. You are 100% right, somebody that does what Jill did in her amazongate case is not to be mess with. Any hope that I had that she will redeem, just vanished. She can’t even denied it because there is so much evidence pointing to her. Kelly is just playing dumb, don’t let her fool you, she answers what she wants and ignores what she doesn’t. How in the world she overreacted to Bethenny comment of “Madonna” but she is still cool with Ramona who called her braindead or with LuANn who basically called her retarded (the child dig), she has it out for Bethenny since last season because Bethenny is the only one that doesn’t suck up to her and doesn’t care about her money and connections.

Kisses and please keep this HW real
11

donna

Posted April 28, 2010 at 8:41 pm

This post is hilarious! I was laughing so hard that I scared the dog!

Regarding Sonja: This lady is far more sophisticated and wise of the way the world works that she is going to do in one of those nitwits before this show is pulled from Bravo! Remember, Sonja married into the Morgan fortune and her ex is 77 yrs old. Ah love!

Anyway, these ladies are a hoot! So shallow and mean spirited it begs a blog like this to really see them in their true lights.

Except for Bethenny and Alex, the rest are total morons. Thanks for the laughs and where can I find more of your work online? A very funny lady!
12

kizarny

Posted April 28, 2010 at 9:35 pm

Okay, so I covet your garden, I seriously covet your garden. I am confined to window boxes right now but I dream of water features and pergolas.

And of course, awesome recap, I would like to request some sort of warning (a la spoiler alert) when you’re going to be putting a picture of that hag Gloria up. I just hadn’t braced myself.
13

shantigal

Posted April 28, 2010 at 10:21 pm

So we’ve known for some time now that this show is full of shit, but was it really necessary to have it shoved in our faces? That Wendy chick has been on a couple of reality shows also. She’s probably the one that got Jill into the famewhore business. Just another annoying harpy.

I’m wondering if countless’ fug joory is that crap that Kelly designs. It’s called “Butterflies are Pretty” or something idiotic like that.

I do agree with your assessment of Ms. Morgan. She did her homework on the gals and is playing the horny cougar to a tee. If she’s decided to be the dirty rotten scoundrel that knocks J-L-K off their horses, I’m all for it.

Oh and Twunty your garden is gorge. Is that your handiwork or is there a landscaper in Twuntyville with a huge smile on his face? Either way, it’s a job, right?

Love you, love your blog-shanti
14

B Breezy

Posted April 28, 2010 at 10:47 pm

Twunty-
Once again you have knocked this recap out of the park!

I wish that I could get Shill and LuLu to read your recaps Clockwork Orange style. Maybe it would show them the error of thier ways…but I sadly doubt it.
15

smithy

Posted April 29, 2010 at 12:30 am

Twunty,
LOVE your recaps!!
Every single comment about Gloria was so true and hysterical !
Jeez I can’t stand that woman.Very clear to see the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree in that family.Bobby should look more closely at Gloria and run for his life. Your garden is so nice.Tomorrow I’m starting my veg seeds, I hope this season will be better than last year.
Dying to see what happens with Alex & Jill on the next episode
16

LastCall

Posted April 29, 2010 at 1:04 am

YAY! The claws really came out for this recap. I loved it!

Even though it took me a long time to figure out what I was loooking at (but that’s only because I’m an idiot), the mini-Jill skating on Bethenny’s ring was hillarious. Well done and worth the effort!

I have a feeling that you’re probably right about Mrs. Sonja Tremont Adams Morgan and her plan of attack, Twunty. But even if that turns out to be 100% true, that’d only make me more happy that she’s there. I say let the games begin.

Is Lulu really gonna swap spit with that Richard Branson wannabe guy on camera? Ewwww. Upon first seeing the Count it became obvious that her standards were low, but geez, Countess, you can do better!

To me, 2,500 bucks seemed like an awfully reasonable price for that apartment with the pointy glass living room as well. I also liked the other apartment that LuAnn couldn’t afford…er, I mean the other one that “didn’t live up to LuAnn’s high standards” because it didn’t have a doorman and a large enough ballroom and 47 charwomen chained up in the cellar, but how she could criticize that view from the terrace is beyond me. Speaking of views, your yard IS indeed nicer than Sonja’s. It’s nicer than mine as well, unfortunately for me. Maybe I should follow LUAnn’s actics and start screwing a gardener.

I can’t remember whether or not we’re allowed to post links here, but the real estalker blog recently featured the listing for Sonja Morgan’s townhouse with pics and floorplans…if anybody here is into that stuff. It’s nice enough IMO but fairly narrow,,,not as narrow as the ridiculously narrow, multi-unit East 62nd St. townhouse where Lulu and her Count used to rent one unit, but it’s still pretty damn narrow as multi-million dollar UES townhouses go.

A lot of people assume I have Alzheimers so you can never really go by anything I say, but I believe it was YentaPatrol who first used the name “Crazy Eyes” to describe Ramona. I mean, Ramona’s probably been called Crazy Eyes throughout her life by those who know her, but I think YentaPatrol said it here long before LUAnn said it on the show.

Is it tonight that we get to watch Alex metaporically throw a drink in Jill Zaaaarin’s face? Please, God, make that air soon so’s I can get some release and whatnot!
17

twunty mcslore

Posted April 29, 2010 at 5:42 am

Good morning, everyone! It is gorgeous here in Ohio and I have a ton of work to do around the house but I need to say a couple of things.

First off, thanks for all your wonderful compliments, they make my day and I love getting those little email alerts from the website. I giggle with glee every single time my phone makes that email clackity clack. It sounds exactly like the noise that one of LuLu’s necklaces hitting a bedpost would make. Hmmm, on second thought, maybe I should change it….

Welcome to all you newbies and first time commentors. The only rules we have around here are to be respectful of your fellow Gasmii, and you guys are all smart, so no worries there.

Also, thank you to everyone who sends me emails with updates on these goofy hos. I’m a busy gal but I always answer my email, without fail. So keep ‘em coming!

And does anyone know anything about the new NEW girl, Jennifer? I haven’t read a damn thing, not even on the blog Shanti told me about. You all should read that one, this LynnNChicago chick is really plugged in. She should work for the CIA, right Terese? She is a world class dirt digger-upper!

Love you, and will be posting on and off all day. Big kiss!
Twunty
18

here4beer

Posted April 29, 2010 at 7:28 am

OK, I have to go to class so I haven’t finished reading yet, but I want to get one thing out real quick–

I have very low expectations of Sonja, since the last “cougar” they tried to cast was a total snooze (Quinn, FTL). Looks like Sonja has a real agenda, though, so hopefully she’ll be more entertaining. I’m reserving judgment for now.

Also, these recaps are really some of the best on the site, twunty, and that’s saying A LOT. You’ve drawn quite the crowd!
19

shantigal

Posted April 29, 2010 at 7:29 am

I don’t want to spoil anything regarding Jennifer Gilbert. There’s a comprehensive article on both of the new HW’s in the NY Post, dated April 1. Some surprising revelations in there. It confirms some of what we suspect and dispels other theories. Please take a look if you’re so inclined. nypost dot com/ the lady and the vamp.

I will say this about Jen. She has a touch of man face or she just doesn’t photograph well. Bless her heart.
20

youngster9

Posted April 29, 2010 at 7:50 am

Agreed with the commentor who asked for fair warning on Gloria’s screengrabs. ***FRIGHT MASK ALERT***

Another great recap!
21

lawyergal

Posted April 29, 2010 at 7:51 am

Two comments:

First, I LOVED that Jason went up to Jill and said, “You’re not mad at me, too, are you?” It was perfect. Because, she was also shunning him when, in reality, he had done absolutely nothing to her, and there is nothing she could make up, or blow out of proportion with regard to him. She couldn’t say, “You ignored Bawby’s cancer!”

Second, my first thought when Jill had a 180 degree turn and said she hoped Bethenny and her could patch things up: Jill is scared that she won’t be invited to the wedding. It kills her that she might not be involved in a big event like that. That is the ONLY reason she now (then) wants to mend fences with Bethenny. At that point, the show had not aired, and she clearly had no idea how bad she looked. She was only concerned about being left out of the wedding.
22

njgasmifan

Posted April 29, 2010 at 8:30 am

Who has a vet examine the dog on the sofa? Even if it didn’t already look like crap, that’s the stupidest place ever. With soft cushions the dog is going to be hard to get a grip on. There’s a reason the exam tables at the vet’s office are stainless “ dogs/cats can’t get a claw into anything, they can be easily moved and the shit washes off easily. I didn’t doubt Jill was an idiot, but it’s nice to have confirmation.

Wow what a great garden, Twunty! As someone who can kill air ferns, I am totally impressed. It’s like a spa, what a fantastic place to relax. I can just see you out there with a glass of fine wine and Rosemary and Olive Oil Triscuits¦

“¦and I think I read somewhere that Sea and Teddy are really Duggar kids that they lost track of at a reality show convention.” OMG, priceless. I think that Bravo was trying to make Kelly into the sexy one last season, but that failed miserably as you pointed out. So now they are trying to show her as¦dippy Mom?

I am seeing a parallel between Ramona and Crackie. Crackie “ the Obi Wan Kenobi of RH crazy “ decided to renew her vows with Donn, and public opinion of her insanity softened a bit. Now Ramona is all gung-ho for renewing her vows with Serial Killer “ hmm, any chance she thinks this is a way to generate some good public opinion and more screen time for her? (and get a free dress?) I’m with you, this is a fabrication on her part and a story arc. You nailed it Twunts!

LOVE the apartment scenes. NYC rentals are so grossly overpriced, and it truly is a treat to see Countless unable to afford a luxury place. That first one was really low priced “ that won’t last in NYC. No matter where you go, there is going to be some flaw in a place, but apparently she has never heard of compromise (unless we are talking about compromising situations, which I’m sure she’s familiar with). Well, if Lulu initiated the Cougar meeting in the Hamptons, of course she would have to pick up the check. That’s how it’s done, my sweet “ when you invite someone, you pay for them. I think Lulu’s snotty remarks about Kelly and Sonja wanting more offspring stems from her own aging ovaries and probable pre menopausal state.

What? Is so right, all B has to do is stand still and let J self implode. Can. Not. Wait.

That final screen grab made my breakfast lurch into my mouth¦ ugh. Along with Creepy Dead Mask Gloria warnings, please give us Countless Suck Face warnings as well, mkay? But, as always you gave us an amazing recap, full of wit and much deserved snarkery. Big hugs! Xoxoxo
23

uglycutie

Posted April 29, 2010 at 8:48 am

Twunty!

Dios Santo! I love your yard. My yard has lots of shrubbery too. We even got a letter from the city telling how beautiful it looked from the street and how if we didn’t take a friggin weed whacker to those roof-high weeds they would fine the hell outta us.

Jill is deteriorating before our eyes. She really takes the viewers for fools and I can’t stand that. Look, I get it. Your thing is talking behind people’s back and being sneaky. Just don’t sign up for a reality show. Dumbass.

As for LuAnn. That bitch has no shame. Her husband left her. It was all over the news. It was scandalous. You would imgaine any other person of nobility would remove themselves from the show. Nope. Not for this broke ho.

I’m happy for B. I agree with the commenter that said that Bethenny just needs to sit back and say nothing and she’ll come up smelling like roses.
24

Reality

Posted April 29, 2010 at 9:42 am

oh lordy, your recaps are good! The names are just hilarious. How is it that Alex became normal and all the others seem different than first portrayed (except I guess for Bethenny).

Lulu’s first apt, I thought, was $7,500 or something? I don’t remember it being in the $2K, but already deleted and salaciously awaiting tonight’s episode! For all her money, Kelly is somewhat refreshingly unaffected. Incognito clothes for running around, beer swilling and all, with nary a pinot grigio in sight!

Don’t you just love reading their blogs and seeing how they represent their behaviors after? Who is this new Jennifer person? And when does Bethenny bow out?

Can’t WAIT for that reunion!

Gorgeous garden! I’m in Cincinnati and it is a beautiful Ohio day.
25

Elm Street

Posted April 29, 2010 at 10:21 am

Is it sad of me that of all the crap Lulu pulled this episode, the biggest offense I found was those brown suede boots with that gray dress? Holy clashing colors, batman!
26

Kokuanani

Posted April 29, 2010 at 10:23 am

Has anyone else noticed that The Daily Beast [a site I hate, but I was referred there] has a story up: it seems one of its “reporters” interviewed Jill some time ago, and JILL ASKED THE REPORTER TO WRITE A FAVORABLE REVIEW of her book!!

Reporter said she couldn’t. Lisa [sister; attorney] was apparently there & tried to cool Jill’s repeated requests. [Jill also asked if reporter could write review "anonymously" or under her husband's name.]

I hope all of this shameless dishonesty gets tweeted right to Andy Cohen. Does Bravo really want to promote criminals? Idiots — clearly yes. But criminals?
27

wasabipeas

Posted April 29, 2010 at 10:30 am

OK, group, I cannot stand it anymore. I have to put my two cents in. Please bear with me as I am no Twunty McSlore – but I MUST SPEAK!!!

Jill – She’s going to lose Bobby and is giddily throwing her own happiness away with both hands.

LuAnn – Bitter, angry and busy burning bridges right and left – one day she will be waiting tables at the Waffle House and wondering how she got there . . .

Sonya – Looks rode hard and put away wet – and as Lulu sings “Money can’t buy you class.”

Kelly – Desperately trying to stay young instead of aging gracefully. Will have problems when those girls hit their teens.

Alex – Most potential for long term happiness in the group.

Ramona – I really, really hope Mario sticks with her.
I have a bad feeling about that guy and she clearly adores him.

Bethenny – Her brutal honesty is more than those posers can handle. She needs to run as fast and far as she can from them.

I will spare you from the rest of my analysis but will say this – despite my terrible troubles, and they were major, I would never trade places with these wretched women. Perhaps that is why I watch the show . . .
Oh, wait a minute, I watch so that I can read Twunty’s recaps!!!!!
28

crt123

Posted April 29, 2010 at 10:44 am

How can LuAnn not know how much apartments rent for in NYC? I know, and I live in fly over country.

My second point/question..why does she need a door man because she has kids??
Does she feel safer leaving them alone all night or something because there is a door man?
Thanks for the recaps, fabulous as always!
29

Yanksfan24

Posted April 29, 2010 at 10:47 am

Twunty,
Your backyard is beautiful. I wish we could put something lovely together like that but our dog likes to dig up…everything! No lie, I planted a gardenia bush with a little fence ariund it and not a 1/2 hour later I saw the booger running around the backyard with it in his mouth.

Great recap, I hadn’t even heard of the new NEW housewife but checked out the site shantigal mentioned and oooohhh lord she definitely DOES NOT photograph well.

Thanks, as always Twunty! Keep up the great work!
30

chemgal

Posted April 29, 2010 at 10:59 am

I agree with reality. I’m pretty sure the pointy apartment was 7,500. I know when I tagged along with my brother to look for a place he couldn’t find anything even close for that price. His studio is almost 2000. Did I just dream it or did Sonja almost hit us in the face letting us know Lulu’s making sure she doesn’t dry up. who is the new wife replacing? Sonja is supposed to take Bethenny’s place, who is Jennifer filling in for?
31

twunty mcslore

Posted April 29, 2010 at 12:29 pm

You kids are right, the apartment was $7,500. I read my notes wrong.

Anybody happen to catch LuLu on Wendy Williams? I got an email about it, going to go see if it’s online.

And thanks for your compliments on my garden. I earned my joorey today trimming hedges, yay!
32

skatt

Posted April 29, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Does anybody here watch “Cougartown”? If so: SONJA=BARB

Twunty, I think you hit the nail on the head about the LuLu’s not so fine jewels (joowrly)–I’ll bet it was “family” jewelry, and she didn’t get to keep any of it. All of that Native American crap she’s sporting can be purchased at Saks/Neimans for $500+ or at a Silver store for $75.
You’re also right about Sonja clearly having watched/studied the show before joining this season. Remember, the same thing became obvious with Pawn Preachers (ugh, douche chills…) wife in California.
33

steenbeans

Posted April 29, 2010 at 12:53 pm

I’ve been lurking here since the Yenta days, and I wanted to finally say thank you Twunty for continuing w/the RHoNY recaps- you are doing a fantastic job & I LOL every week reading your recap and everyone’s comments

I apologize in advance because this is really long! (That’s what she said.)

I’ve become way more involved in this show & gossip surrounding the people on this show than is entirely healthy. I’m not sure why it holds such a kind of revolting fascination for me (and I suspect others on here)?? I guess it’s just the whole trainwreck aspect. Or maybe because they live in NY too. Anyway, thank you to whoever first mentioned Amazongate a couple of weeks ago, because it’s freaking awesome and it proves once again that karma is a bitch. I thought nothing that Jill did would surprise me anymore, but wow. The whole thing reminded me of a girl I knew in middle school talking about her “boyfriend” who she met at “summer camp” but unfortunately didn’t have any pictures of, and who she sadly broke up with the week before we were all supposed to meet him. A little shady even at 12, but I guess understandable considering at that age you are desparately trying to fit in. But at 40something? Shame on you Jill Z! ;P

And don’t even get me started on Gloria. I don’t know who started calling her the Crypt Keeper, but OMG that could not be more perfect.

Totally agree, Sonja has an agenda, and I ABSOLUTELY agree with you Twunty about her watching and studying the show the last 2 years. I’m curious to see what she is up to.

Lulu is just the worst kind of hypocrite, because she has zero self awareness and therefore takes zero responsibility for her actions. (On another note, I seriously LOL’d @ the anal beads comment!!)

I remember back in the good old days when Simon & Alex were just social climbing Manhattan wannabes, & I heard they had their own website & I remember thinking why on earth would anyone visit their website? Now I will freely admit that not only do I go on their website to read their blogs, but I actually enjoy Simon’s blog. (He’s kind of like the 7th housewife isn’t he?) Ever since they’ve accepted being their own brand of crazy and embraced living in Brooklyn, they are pretty damn awesome.

I just don’t know what to make of Kelly. I really don’t. It’s like she has multiple personalities. Regardless, her daughter Teddy is exactly my kind of snarky. If Kelly does have voices in her head & the state takes her kids away, I’m adopting her.

Ramona…I can’t help it, I love her.

And finally, Bethenny. I’ve always liked her honesty and she remains my favorite of the women. It’s been pretty painful watching the mean girls attack her this season. My boyfriend sits at the computer while I watch the show (and insists that he despises it but makes comments every 3 minutes), and during this last episode I caught him completely turned around in his seat watching the scene where they were at Kelly’s party. He turns to me and says “Why would she even want to be friends with this bitch?” Lol. Exactly what we’ve all been wondering! But I’m confident that she will come out ok. LynnNChicago said something about Bethenny quietly laying in wait for her retaliation at the reunion. Should be pretty darn interesting…

Anyway, thanks again Twunty & everyone on here. You guys make me feel a little better about the obsession
34

twunty mcslore

Posted April 29, 2010 at 12:57 pm

Skatt, my thoughts exactly! These newbies watch the show and discuss with their friends exactly what they would do if they were on the show, instead of just living their lives and being themselves. I read Sonja’s blog and she’s already trying to distance herself from her cougar hussy image. Good luck with that!

By the way, anyone have any idea what Alex says to Jill to make her so upset? I am dying over here! Die-ing-guh!
35

twunty mcslore

Posted April 29, 2010 at 1:07 pm

steenbeans, I know exactly what you mean about the obsession. The popularity of this show resonates on so many levels but I think it’s tweaked our collective sense of fairness the most.

Let me see if I can properly explain myself. Back in school, or in your immediate family, all of us have fallen victim to a Jill or a LuLu or even a Mario, to be fair. Watching the events unfold on this show and seeing Karma biting these bitches in their pompous asses feels SO good, especially to those of us who never got to see our own wrongs righted, or maybe we weren’t able to deliver our own come-uppence to someone for whatever reason.

It’s a bit like we all feel when the bad guy finally gets it in the end, only this is supposed to be REAL. That kinda makes it even more compelling, don’t you think?
36

njgasmifan

Posted April 29, 2010 at 1:09 pm

Steenbeans – glad you are posting, Twunty is really bringing a lot of lurkers out of the closet! I so totes agree with you, I don’t know why I need to Google “Jill Zarin” or why I care so much – but I do, too. It is a trainwreck and you just can’t pull your eyes away from it. Even if it leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth.
37

dizzygirl

Posted April 29, 2010 at 1:23 pm

I have been reading your RH franchise blogs for quite awhile and want to say..kudooze to you! I so look forward to your recaps. You are one funny gal!
38

chemgal

Posted April 29, 2010 at 1:51 pm

Twunty, you are exactly right! Watching karma with these women is cleansing in that I don’t get to see what happens to those that have actually done something to me. It also reminds me to keep myself in check so as to not be the one on the receiving end (which happened last night — of all the moms that had to find my son wrestling in the playroom unsupervised while I helped my daughter with her homework at our local dojo, it was the mom that I just told 2 weeks ago to better supervise her kid who was hurting other kids! damn)
39

thiajok

Posted April 29, 2010 at 1:58 pm

Oh yeah, Gloria = Charlie Mccarthy: HAHAHAHA!

I can’t wait for tonight because it’s been previewed that Alex is going to kick some mean girl ass. Silex is also going to be on WWHL with Andy Cohen, so nobody forget that either.
40

skatt

Posted April 29, 2010 at 3:40 pm

Chemgal: I’m sorry if this offends you, but…….NOT IN THE PLAYROOM AT THE LOCAL DOJO, NEVER AT THE LOCAL DOJO!!

I couldn’t resist.
41

classy drunk

Posted April 29, 2010 at 4:01 pm

Well I guess I am in the minority. I LOVE Sonja. I am always partial to people who are 1. slutty and 2. comfortable with it because it makes other people uncomfortable, and other people being uncomfortable makes me giggle. It also causes closet sluts (Lulu) to open up about their escapades.
42

Allycatt

Posted April 29, 2010 at 4:44 pm

Twunty – loved the recap as usual and had tons of comments I wanted to make as I was reading. But I started drinking some wine when I started the recap – by the time I finished that and reading all the comments (40! when I was reading) I lost my train of thought! You have got to be one of the best recappers ever on this site – and that’s not just the wine talking – the number of commentors proves it. I look forward to reading your recap as much as I do watching the show – maybe more.

Thanks so much for all your hard work on this – and loved the garden!
43

chemgal

Posted April 29, 2010 at 5:08 pm

skatt: its all good! I watch this show every week so obviously I don’t easily offend. Final point for this week since T – 2 hours until next episode: Gloria looks like an older aunt of Lulu’s.
44

thiajok

Posted April 29, 2010 at 7:56 pm

I’ve been over browsing the Bravo board while watching tonight’s episode and someone posted a link to Twunty’s recaps, highly recommending them.

By the way, can’t wait for the next recap, Twunty, Jill is giving you lots of fodder tonight.
45

shantigal

Posted April 29, 2010 at 9:03 pm

Oy! I thought of each and everyone of you during tonights episode. Even jotted down notes so the emotion would be fresh for my comments next week. What? It’s what I gotta do at my age.

I also remembered a couple of thoughts I forgot to mention for this episode. When Bethenny was at Alex’s for lunch, they had bottled water. Since when do any of these women not have wine with a meal or breath? Alex had to have known about the pregnancy then, no?

Twunty – I thought the same thing about the front of Silex’s house. My inner decorator was set off and in my mind had it looking as fine as an HGTV Curb Appeal stoop. Guess it doesn’t bother them ‘cuz they have that awesome pool in the backyard.
46

uglycutie

Posted April 29, 2010 at 11:11 pm

This weeks epi: hahhahaaa!!!

Jill is shit. I’m drunk. Alex is awesome. Everyone else is delusional. For fuck’s sake!!! Okay, okay….I’ll save it for next week.
47

realitee

Posted April 30, 2010 at 12:31 am

Fab recap yet again – Twunty you rock period. Love reading this & the comments more than watching the show.

Lulu is a dumb pig and Jill has dug a hole so deep ain’t no way she’s gonna see daylight anytime soon.

Go Alex and Miss B.
48

thiajok

Posted April 30, 2010 at 4:57 am

Oh, I see! Jill is skating on Beth’s ring! LOL! Even better than her shoulder! It takes me a while sometimes.

Two things I learned from last night’s episode about Ramona: Apparently cosmetic surgery isn’t an automatic stop-gap for her and she does know how to utilize her business sense to research a doctor–good on her.

More dog shit! Christ!
49

margo

Posted April 30, 2010 at 7:03 am

twunty:

I love your comment about all of us knowing someone in our lives who we would like to see karma actually take effect! Very true, and I’m loving it so much! I was originally heartbroken when I heard about the busted friendship way back when, but that’s waaaay past me!

It’s delicious watching the reruns of past seasons now. I watch them and think “AAAHHHHHH” because you can see the personalities unfolding. I also think Jill pissed some people at Bravo off… I know it’s good for the show, but the editing seems to have a little revenge on their part. Just a feeling I get.

And yes I saw Wndy Williams… That is where I get a lot of my gossip about them, cuz Wendy is all up on it!! Wendy was asskissing though, and I was disappointed. She has had most of the hw on, but when she had Miss B on, Jill got mad and called the show complaining and Wendy announced it in her Hot Topics the next day. Then Jill sent flowers to her to apologize, or more likely, damage control. This was before the season started, so I could see the devil coming!!!

Your yard is fabulous, I admire/envy people who take the time and knowhow to make their yard beautiful. Mine is beautiful too, if you like wildlife nature preserves and weeds that are 3 feet high!!!!!!!!!! Your picture makes me want to work on mine, so thank-you!

wonderful recap, as always you and all the commentators are a highlight of my week!!Thanx ya’ll!
50

kdognatl

Posted April 30, 2010 at 7:48 am

Great recap per usual. I was so glad B was cold to Jill and her fake congratulations. To little to late. Chemgal I agree with you about Kelly, except I think she is stupid too, lol.

Also, I didn’t know there was a new housewife coming in either.

Oh Twunty, LOVED last nights episode. Can’t wait to read your take on it. Jill has to be cringing as she continues to look worse and worse every week. But not sure how everyone else will feel, but I did not care for Alex last night. I will wait to next weeks recap or in the forums to discuss that. Thanks Twunty for the greatness!
51

shantigal

Posted April 30, 2010 at 8:05 am

@margo” I also think Jill pissed some people at Bravo off… I know it’s good for the show, but the editing seems to have a little revenge on their part. Just a feeling I get.”

I just said the same thing over in the forums. I’m loving bitch edit. Although, I’m sure it didn’t take much editing for this result.
52

twunty mcslore

Posted April 30, 2010 at 8:15 am

Hey kids, i just finished watching last night’s episode and I’m trying to knock out the recap before the Jersey twats start up on Monday, OY!

One thing I will say in advance- I am totally defending Alex and her right to say what she said in front of everyone. There are SO many reasons. I practically have a top ten list.

But right now I have to get ready for a country club wedding. I cannot wait! Surf and turf, here I come! I’ll let you know if the food was up to ‘Zarin standards!’

Big kiss and hug,
Twunty
53

steam

Posted April 30, 2010 at 8:19 am

Firster, here. Love the recap, love that Gloria is no longer a protected class in blogging just because she’s old and I’m starting to like Sonja. I think she’s very smart and she seems like she’s successfully hovering above all the drama and watching how it’s going to pan out, taking no sides.
I also like how Jill was totally jealous when Countless was visiting Sonja and couldn’t get a word in on the phone call with them. Could get more interesting, though I figured I’d stop watching when B leaves.
Lovely garden, Twunty.
54

PottyMouth

Posted April 30, 2010 at 8:27 am

Twunty!

I am so late on this one! I absolutely LOVE your garden. I kill all the plants in mine so I’ve given up on the garden of my dreams.

Love your take on this episode (what else is new?) and can’t wait to see what you have to say about last night!!

Honestly, I don’t have much to add that hasn’t already been said! Thanks for another hilarious recap!!

SWAK, PottyMouth
55

AnneM

Posted April 30, 2010 at 10:18 am

Twunty,

I have nothing new to add either, loved your recap. The picture of Jill in that skating costume is perfect. Bravo should use it for the reunion show.

Love and luck,

TVAnnie
56

thiajok

Posted April 30, 2010 at 10:44 am

I would love a picture of Jill being flipped off. I certainly did it enough myself last night while watching.

I may be remiss in mentioning your lovely garden, but only because it makes me feel guilty as hell about mine. Sigh.
57

skatt

Posted April 30, 2010 at 11:40 am

Oh Chemgal, I never noticed that before, but you’re right. Gloria favors LuLu much more than Jill. Oh well, sooner or later maybe Gloria will fail to properly kiss Jill’s (Susan’s) ass and she will get dropped off on LuLu front stoop- wherever the hell that ends up being.
58

margo

Posted April 30, 2010 at 2:48 pm

@shantigal

No doubt they have had PLENTY of footage to use haha! I’m going to Bravo now, I will look for you!!!!!!!! Although the comments here are much tastier (and funnier)!
59

uglycutie

Posted April 30, 2010 at 8:02 pm

Popped over to Jill’s blog and, man, are they letting her have it! Heeeee!!!

The things that most irritates me about this bitch is that she let’s this “feud” consume her. If she did call the Wendy Williams show to bitch about Bethenny being on…why? Just let her be. If she hates her so damn much then ignore her. Why go out of your way to plant stories in the gossip sites, post bad book reviews, bad mouth her to anyone with ears and an email account?? Like Kelly says “Stawwwwp!” Petty witch.

I’m sure Bethenny could give two shits what this hag does and who she does it with.

I know people like Jill and they hate to be ignored. The more they’re ignored the more they try to create drama. Eventually people get sick of it and tune them out.
60

CynTV

Posted April 30, 2010 at 8:16 pm

vituperous – adj. – worthy of blame..

Twunty, not only do I get a daily dose of much needed snark, I can add to my vocab as well. It’s a two-fer!

And may I commend you on your excellent cut and paste of Ice-Skating Jill on the diamond ring. I didn’t get the skating-ice pun until just a few minutes ago. Forgot to take my Geritol again.. or is Geritol for irregularity? Hmmm…

If Jill digs herself a hole any deeper she’s going to need a helicopter to evacuate her. Or maybe send down some donkeys like they do in the Grand Canyon. Oh, and Twunty, the comparison of Mama Yenta to Charlie McCarthy is DEAD ON. Literally. And my God, Countless Lulu’s choice of suitors is, well, icky.

Oh, and highly jealous of your garden. A stream? Really? Wee, um, I could have a stream, too – I just choose not to. Hmmph.

Love ya!
61

kizarny

Posted April 30, 2010 at 8:41 pm

I’ve been meaning to ask you about that stream, Twunty. Did you hire someone to do that or did you convince Mr. McSlore to strip down and get all blue collar and sweaty with the shovel and wheelbarrow?

Add a lounge chair, a tall drink and a magazine and you could play Countess and the Gardener. Oh man, damn her! I loved that game. Wait… DUCHESS and the Gardener. That’s better any way you look at it.

Still coveting your garden.
62

shantigal

Posted April 30, 2010 at 9:25 pm

@margo-I don’t post on the Bravo boards, I meant the TVGasm forums. We do have a RHONY thread. Feel free to join and and let loose. The more the merrier.
63

SugarbearlyThere

Posted May 2, 2010 at 11:31 am

Hi, Gasmi! Long time reader & first time poster. (Can’t help but announce my lurker status.)

Twunty, you are a goddess. I love-love reading your recaps and only you could make the ass hats over at Sober House endurable. I will watch anything reality “ much to The Husband’s chagrin “ and it’s bad when the bitches from Bad Girls Club have more sense than Dr. Drew.

Neither here nor there though. To be Frankel, I LOVED Amazaringate. Love the links everyone has posted. LynnNChicago “ bookmark! This has been the week from hell and checking back for new comments has tickled me happy spots. That and the people ripping Jill a new one on the Bravo boards. Can’t WAIT For the reunion cuz you know Miz Andy’s going to read those comments back. If he has time, that is. (Lulu will prob have a “driver” waiting to whisk her away.) Smoochies to all! I’m going to get another screwdriver and photoshop Jill’s head on random animal bodies. It’s just that kind of Sunday.
64

Prodigal Cheez

Posted May 4, 2010 at 8:23 pm

I still have to read everyone’s comments, but does anyone else think Sonja looks like Macauley Culkin? And Kelly is beginning to grow on me… Another great recap though!! Thanks!

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