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Today I got a new computer, and I was really excited to use it to write the Real World recap. I set it down, but the wireless internet wasn’t working. Ok, no problem, I’ll just use my ethernet connection. Oh, that’s not registering either. Ok, I guess I’ll try to install the software on it. Hmm, the software is freezing numerous times. Uh, ok, maybe I won’t use my new computer today. Oh wait! The wireless internet is now working, and while the signal isn’t very strong, it should be strong enough to do the job. So I’m writing, and I get about 2/3 of the way done, and all of a sudden my computer tells me I need to restart it. So I lost about 1/2 of what I already had done. I’m beginning to think that either my new computer hates me, or it just hates the Real World. Anyways, that story was still more exciting than just about everything on the Real World this week, and hopefully at some point I’ll be able to finish writing this recap. Read on to find out if I actually finished it or not!
This week the episode opens up with everyone still at Outward Bound. How riveting. All of the kids from New Orleans are going up a mountain with Alex, Davis and Chris leading them up to a tarn. What is a tarn you ask? Why, it’s a small pond located at the top of a mountain as Alex tells us. Wow. Hiking up to a pond. You know, I used to think Outward Bound was boring until this week. A POND?! Amazing!
Davis is surprised that some of the kids are having trouble making it up the mountain. Imagine that. Kids, coming from approximately below sea level, now hiking up mountains, which are (I’m estimating here) above sea level, are having trouble in the thin air. These kids should be pros at climbing mountains by now.
At one point, one of the campers is complaining about their itinerary. Today they climb up the mountain, then have to climb all the way down, then tomorrow they’re going to climb back up again. I like the logic these kids use. I also really like that they’re giving shit to the Real Worlders. Alex tells the kids not to worry though, because all the effort will be totally worth is once they get to the top of the mountain.
So they all get to the top of the mountain, and one of the kids says, “This is what we came up here for, huh?” Well, since there is water up there and all (it is a tarn, mind you), Alex and Chris decided to get into the ice cold water and sit. You see? You can sit in this ice cold water! TOTALLY worth it!
Alex displayed his toughness, lasting in the water 11 seconds.
Chris giggles as Alex lets loose a shart bubble.
Then two of the campers got in and were in for 2 minutes and 30 seconds. I’m just guessing, but I bet they can’t sit in ice cold tarns for 2 minutes and 30 seconds in New Orleans, so at least they’ve experienced something new. They could probably care less about doing so, but that’s beside the point.
They waited and waited, but FEMA never came.
Once back down the mountain, and after ditching the campers at their own campsite (I’m guessing), it was time for everyone’s favorite activity, Bash Stephen While He’s Not There To Defend Himself Not That You Would Say It To His Face Anyways! Technically, all that happened was Brooke asked when Stephen was coming back (she talks!) and then Jenn tells us that she doesn’t know who Stephen is in Outward Bound. I think that she does though. I think we all know who he is in Outward Bound in fact. He’s the guy who shirks his responsibility, then he complains about having to make up work.
Colie tells everyone that the next day is the big challenge, and that’s when everything that the campers have learned is put to use. Tyrie tells the kids that the climb will be hard, but it’s not impossible, GODDAMNSHIT. Then he tells us that he thinks he can bring a different perspective from the rest of the Real Worlders to these kids. That perspective? A black man’s! Because Stephen is integrated and also because he’s hardly there!
The next morning, Jenn tells the campers that they’re going to be leading everyone up the mountain instead of the usual other way around. The kids were like, “Uh, shouldn’t we get maps or a compass or something?” I noticed that all of the kids were trying to avoid looking at Jenn, and then I noticed something hideous was talking and Jenn’s voice was coming out. Yikes. Jenn without makeup made these kids okay with leading the way up the mountain. And yes, I realize she hasn’t showered for 4 days or whatever, but it’s a testament to how much makeup she wears ALL THE TIME.
On the way up the mountain, two of the campers (I think the two complaining the day before) were complaining, and one asked what the whole point of this was. I really enjoy these kids making things harder for the Real Worlders, but it’s kind of starting to get old. It makes me wonder what the situation was that these kids were picked to go on this trip. Did MTV just pick a group of random kids from New Orleans in an effort to look socially conscious amid all of the hedonism in the Real World house? And does MTV realize it’s impossible to look socially conscious while airing the Real World, where most cast members are not socially (and morally) conscious? Anyways, as we went to commercial break, one of the complaining climbers said that he quit, and we were left wondering, would he really quit? Would he even care if he didn’t make it to the top?
While in the wilderness, Cole served as a gnawing post for the kids
Well, after the commercial, Tyrie said he wasn’t going to let these kids give up. He told them that they should take the best part of their experience and use it for personal growth. It worked, as the kids found the motivation to keep going. Hmm, I wonder if Tyrie has ever heard that speech before. Hmm, like, maybe the last episode or something, when he was thinking about leaving. I guess we’ll just never know.
Well, the kids make it to the top of the mountain finally. Colie says it makes HER feel like SHE’S doing what SHE’S supposed to be doing at that moment. “Kids? What kids? Oh, I forgot about those little pukes who were up there during MY moment.” Colie may not have actually said that last part, and she also may not have used that emphasis in the first part. But I bet she was thinking it. And if not, I like to think she was thinking it, and really that’s all that matters.
Time to play the MANDANA game
Colie reminds the kids that they were promised a surprise when they got to the top of the mountain. One kid yelled “Ice cream?” Not so my friend. Colie read: “The Colorado Mountain Club has placed this registry here for you to record your ascent, and for the club to collect data on the number, frequency and home state of people making this climb.” Wow, it’s even better than Christmas morning! I’ll give the kids credit, because they seemed to be excited to be the first ones to sign from the south. Not as excited as if they’d gotten ice cream, but excited nonetheless.
Jenn tells us that the whole experience with the campers has been the most fulfilling sense that she’s ever had in her life. Well, if you don’t count every single time she’s drunk, and especially whenever she is drunk and hooking up. If she had been drunk for this experience, it would have been the most fulfilling sense in her entire life. Also, does “most fulfilling sense” even make sense?
Meet Hector, Miami’s most successful transvestite prostitute.
Back down from the peak, everyone was sitting around eating some sort of campfire meal and laughing, and who walks up? Not Sasquatch, even though he is rumored to be prevalent in that area of the Rockies, but Stephen! Colie asks Stephen how the wedding was, and he said it was really nice and that he’s been up since 5. Not to be outdone, Colie says “I’ve been up since 5 too. I climbed that mountain today.” I would be pretty annoyed with someone who bragged about doing something FOR THEIR JOB whenever they did it. You never hear me bragging about castrating pigs (ok, that’s not really my job, but I still don’t brag about it). Also, you don’t hear Stephen bragging about being in another state earlier in the day.
Here’s a mindbender. . .
The game’s called Marry, Fuck, Kill.
Colie goes on to tell us that she thinks it’s really immature that Stephen feels that being out in the mountains isn’t his “forte,” and it’s totally immature the way he’s acting. It’s probably just the editing, but when did Stephen ever say he didn’t feel like it was his forte? I mean, he obviously doesn’t like it, but I’m not sure any of them really like it. And who is Colie to say that he’s immature? You know what else is really immature? Judging someone else’s actions by calling them immature (look at me being all immature! And meta!)
That night, everyone gathered around for the pin ceremony, where the campers receive pins for completing the course or something. That’s as descriptive as I can get without getting too technical for all of you (read: I don’t really know what’s going on.) After receiving his pin, one of the kids who was complaining throughout the trip decided to give a little retrospective. He said at first he thought it was pretty pointless, but now it’s hitting him, and he actually starts crying. What a baby. It’s great to see that kind of reaction from someone so young, especially when you’ve got people who get the opportunity to climb those mountains and hate every second of it (ahem, Brooke). It was actually kind of a touching moment, because at least someone realized that Outward Bound is about more than just boring television.
Well intentioned MTV executive:
“Hey let’s place displaced teens who lost their homes and had to live in the outdoors,
and have them do more of that.”
The next day, all campers left and we got to hear a few of the interns’ reactions. Stephen didn’t think he had much of a connection with the campers, and he felt it was because of his lack of a leadership role. But it had nothing to do with missing 2 whole days. Colie on the other hand was really sad to see the kids go. She said they had a huge impact on her life because she’d fallen in love with each and every one of them.
Later that day, Chris met with everyone individually to evaluate them on their performance with the campers. We didn’t really see any evaluations until we saw Tyrie get a glowing (and deservedly so) review. Then we saw Stephen’s. Stephen says his motivation is medium now, but it’s increased a lot. So it may sound bad, but it should really sound good. Then Chris gives him a long talk about motivation and expertise or something, and Stephen tells us he feels like he’s getting crapped on because Colie and Tyrie were the leaders on his day and they just pushed him aside. Chris tells Stephen that it was an unacceptable level of preparation. Ouch. That’s not going to go over well on future campaign ads.
At night (possibly later that night) Stephen is out with Alex and they’re eating while sitting at a bar. Stephen is complaining to Alex about his meeting with Chris, and I’m sure Alex was enjoying that. Stephen tells Alex, “I know how to smile, and how to make things look good. I’m a goddamn politician, I’ve been doing this my whole life. If I wanted Chris to love me, to be mother fucking employee of the month, I’d be it.” I don’t think he really gets the point, because if he’s such a politician, why wouldn’t he want to look great? Why wouldn’t he at least act like he was the best? My guess is because he’s terrible at it.
Alex then tells Stephen that Colie and Tyrie were dogging on him after he left. Way to go Alex. Way to avoid instigating drama. Well, guess who walks in after that, but Colie and Davis. Colie steps right in and starts eating what appears to be Stephen’s food (or at least it was in front of him). Well, apparently that was too much for Stephen to stand and he got out of there. He asks us that if Colie has such a problem with his performance, then why doesn’t she pull him aside and tell him? He’s got a valid point; then again, we are talking about Colie here. Maybe it would be too immature to tell him there’s a problem.
Didn’t your mother teach you to humiliate yourself and your family on national television
and chew with your mouth shut
So after Stephen walked out, he lit up a cigarette and Davis came out and sat with him. Apparently Stephen smokes when he gets to his breaking point with stress. So while Stephen is complaining about Colie (which Davis completely supports, surprise) Davis then tells Stephen that Tyrie thinks Stephen is integrated in the white culture. How is Davis playing all sides of this house, and yet no one complains about him talking shit about everyone?
Well, at least Stephen goes to the source (at least when it doesn’t involve talking to Colie) when he hears about someone talking behind his back. Back at the house Stephen pulls Tyrie aside and asks about Outward Bound. That’s boring Stephen, get to the good stuff. Stephen then asked Tyrie, “You think I’m white-washed?” Tyrie says that he has no problem with Stephen, but then he uses the “acceptable negro” phrase again. Basically, it was a fairly rational argument, meaning it wasn’t terribly interesting. Tyrie didn’t deny saying anything, and Stephen allowed him the opportunity to clarify himself. And Tyrie also got some things off his chest about Stephen. They also came to a clear, rational understanding about respecting and being ok each other throughtout the remainder of their time in the house. Lame.
Now that Stephen’s got his conversation with Tyrie out of the way, it’s on to Colie. The next day, he tells Alex (while they’re in some bar) “I feel like Colie is trying to be a bitch on purpose.” And how, Stephen. Also, remember how right before they went on the Outward Bound trip they supposedly cleared up all ill feelings? Yeah, I guess that didn’t work so much. Stephen looks to Alex for advice on how to deal with his problems with Colie, and, luckily for everyone, Alex does not tell Stephen to hook up with her.
So that night, at yet another bar, we see Colie (hanging on Alex) and Stephen, and Stephen decides in the bar is probably a good time to talk to her. You know, before she gets all drunk and forgetful. Well, judging by her talking, I can’t say for sure whether she’s drunk or not. Anyways, this was another yawner of a conversation. Colie at least admits to all of the gossiping she did behind Stephen’s back because she didn’t think he’d come and talk to her about it, and they both apologized for their preconceived notions of the other. Seriously, this was painfully boring. The only solace I could find it the entire discussion was that their conclusions most likely weren’t going to last long at all.
Colie in Latin is Bradypus Variegatus
So that was where this week’s episode ended. WIth apologies. Yuck. What did you think of the episode? Glad to be done with Outward Bound for a while, or were you not bored enough? Do you think Stephen will have any more problems with Tyrie or Colie? Do you wish there was more hooking up in this episode?