It’s the season finale! The end of the road! The last chapter! The final countdown!
Previous, on the Real World: Pandrew’s desperate search to get laid landed him a girl who seems a bit out of his league. Mike volunteered with the HRC and consequently learned about his own gayness. Callie tried to overcome her insecurities to become a photographer.
Callie has decided to squeeze one last bit of ambition out before it’s time to leave DC. She wants to have a gallery featuring her photos, Pandrew’s paintings, and Emily’s poetry. Or, as she puts it, “DC through 3 perspectives.” When she asks Pandrew to come up with a unifying idea for his work, he choose Pandrea, which prompts an eyeroll from Emily.
I think we knew which “box” she was referring to even without this shot, but thank you anyway!
They reach the gallery, which is called…
Is this product placement? If so, might it be a better fit for Teen Mom or 16 and Pregnant?
They meet with the gallery owners (I’m assuming?) and discuss their plans. Callie shows them some of her photos, Emily says she’ll write some short poems to disperse throughout their work, and Pandrew says he’ll do a mixture of drawings and paintings. One of the owners asks what he has in DC that he can show, and of course he stutters and says he’ll figure it out. He says it will be “really really hard to crank something out” but I imagine Pandrea can help with that.
Outside, the girls tell Pandrew that in order for him to get his shit done, he’ll probably have to cut back on the girlfriend time, which of course makes him Sad Panda.
Mike suits up because he, you know, actually DOES stuff from time to time. He and some of the people he works for/with at HRC are meeting a congressman who is one of their biggest supporters. He’s excited, of course, and during the meeting he looks like this:
Close your mouth, Mike! That part doesn’t start until you and the congressman are alone.
Mike even gets and Inspiring Moment in the Sun when the congressman calls on him to “make a point.” He thanks the congressman for supporting the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” because it stopped him and a few of his friends from joining the military during wartime. Mike’s voiceover tells us that in 20 years he will be able to look back and say he was a “tiny pinprick” in the movement to change that law. Are you feeling inspired yet?
He continues his Inspirationfest back at the house, where he tells his roomies all about his special day. Callie asks if he wants a career in politics, and he seems to be considering it as he says that it is frustrating but can be rewarding. OMG you guys, MTV totally CHANGED HIS LIFE!
After months of taking pictures at gay clubs and biker rallies, Callie is very excited to be working on something she can put her heart into. Emily tells us that exposing her writing makes her feel vulnerable, but even when it’s not the best she’s still proud because it’s how she feels. Plus you can’t feel shame and be on the Real World, otherwise you’re just going to crumble faster than Odrama can pick a fight.
As predicted, Cuddly Snuggletime is preventing Pandrew from being productive, which is frustrating Callie.
Even sleeping, they’re moving more than the pandas I saw last time I went to the zoo.
Pandrew tells Douche that since taking pictures only involved one movement of a finger, Callie doesn’t understand what it’s like for him to put a whole day into one painting. I think she does understand how long it takes, which is why she wants you to get your ass moving, but that’s just a guess. He says that “once it becomes work, it’s no longer art.” Ty keeps it going, saying any child or drunk guy from the bar can take an equally good picture.
Pandrew hangs all over Pandrea while she’s curling her hair, while Mike tells us that he’s in love and acts like a different person when she’s around. Alone with Mike, she tells him it’s going to be difficult to walk past the house knowing no one is there. He tells her that’s one option, the others being visiting all the time or moving to Colorado. She says they’re trying to just enjoy the time they have, which is why they haven’t really talked about it yet.
As the cuddle in the Love Sacks, she throws out the idea of moving to Colorado, which turns Pandrew into a stuttering mess in the confessional. He decides he’s going to break up with this girl he thinks is “perfect.”
“But first, I’m going to vomit, cry, and take a nap. Not necessarily in that order.”
Pandrew tells his roomies about Pandrea’s plan to move to Colorado, and they ask if he’s scared. Ty says he loves her, but the girls argue that it can still be scary even if you love someone. Pandrew claims that Emily hates his girlfriend, but Emily says she just wants him to get his art done for Callie’s sake. Cue Ty, asking if the girls know how hard art is. I’ll take this time to point out that none of the girls are saying it’s easy, just that they want him to do it. Ty says taking pictures is easier than painting. Thank you, Captain Obvious. That doesn’t mean taking good pictures doesn’t involve skill. Yes, anyone can take pictures and, eventually, end up with some good ones, but making a living as a photographer is difficult and involves both talent and hard work. Also, as Callie points out, Ty doesn’t do either, so why is he getting involved again? Callie says she’s not having this conversation right now.
Except of course she is. She confessionals that she doubts herself sometimes, but she wants to believe that she’s good at it and to keep going. Ty tells her to relax and that they’re all having a good time and to get tough skin. First of all, Ty, you started it. Callie gets all sarcastic about Ty being right, and he semi-apologizes and says he likes her pictures. She says it has nothing to do with her pictures, she’s just stressed out.
Callie tells Pandrew that she needs to know whether he’s going to come through, because if not, she has to fill the entire gallery. Pandrew tells us he made a promise to Callie and he’s going to keep it.
Mike’s dad is coming to visit, and they’re going to a fancy dinner at which Barack Obama is the keynote speaker. He tells us the dinner is the biggest thing at HRC every year, and the whole thing is a culmination of his entire time in DC, with Obama being the cherry on top.
At the gallery, the roomies are getting ready for their show. Callie gets excited when she sees her pictures framed and ready to be hung. The people putting the show together ask when Pandrew will have his paintings ready, and tell him the sooner the better. Callie’s confessional: “Do I have faith in Andrew as an artist? I just… have to be a realist at this point and I have no clue if Andrew has the ability to pull this off in this short time frame.” Haha, way to talk around that one Callie.
Pandrew tells us an all-nighter takes preparation in the form of snacks, caffeine, and mental meditation.
A COUCH!!! It took me until the season finale, but I FINALLY FOUND A COUCH IN THE HOUSE!
He paints and draws and makes art while Pandrea naps on the elusive couch. He finally finishes and goes to get some shuteye. Callie wakes up and gets frustrated because his paintings aren’t dry. Apparently the East Coast humidity is Pandrew’s arch-nemesis.
At the gallery, Pandrew nervously explains his wet paintings to the gallery people. He seems impressed seeing Callie’s stuff and the whole thing is coming together.
At the show, the roomies are all impressed. Odrama says she can’t believe how quickly it came together, saying it looks like they worked on it for months. And what the hell have you been doing for months, woman? Seriously, she picked fights with every roommate and has done nothing since. Glad you took so much advantage of your crazy interest in politics.
Everyone’s milling around, as you do at art galleries, and Ty admits that he was quick to say photography is easy, and it was ignorant on his part. He tells Callie her pictures turned out well.
We’ve come so far since “Black people CANNOT be racist!”
Turns out Callie even sold a few photos, apparently for over $100.00. Sure, they may have been purchased by MTV, but regardless, Callie’s feeling pretty good about herself. She’s proud of Pandrew for pulling through, and she’s glad they get to experience this together.
But enough of that, time to head to the bar for the after party! Douche is grinding as per usual, and Ty tells Callie there’s no way he could have done what she did, I’m assuming photography-wise. Callie says it’s the nicest thing he’s ever said to her, and based on what we’ve seen that’s probably true.
Apparently Mike’s made a friend, who is subtitled “hockey guy.” He tells Callie that he likes HG a lot but he can’t do anything. Yes, remember like 5 minutes ago when you exchanged promise rings with that guy you’re in love with?
He even uses his promise ring hand to show us what he wants to do with Hockey Guy.
He tells us he’s going to be faithful, but he’s still having fun flirting with Hockey Guy, whose name is apparently Andrew. What is with these people and hooking up with people who have the same names as their roommates? Also, Mike is being sketchy with this flirting thing. I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt at the beginning of the season because his relationship status seemed pretty up in the air, but now we know he’s supposed to be in a committed relationship. Looks like slutty_whore was right. Poor Tanner.
Anyway, in case you forgot, “flirting” for Mike consists of a lot of punching. Also, he is very drunk, which we have not seen much of this season. (Which is total bullshit, by the way, because The Shit They Should Have Shown features some serious drunkenness, including Odrama peeing on a chair!) The drunken punch-flirting causes Mike’s face to start bleeding. Then he just says goodnight, turns, and runs in the other direction. When he gets home, Odrama and Emily are a little baffled by his bleeding face, but he drunkenly reassures them.
The next day, Mike sits in the confessional and welcomes us to the worst morning of his life, and it is immediately apparently that he is still quite drunk. AWESOME. He tells us about his hangover, then says “But tonight I am going to the national dinner- oh, SHIT! I didn’t even think of that!” HA! I love it. He tells us his dad is getting into town tonight, then tomorrow he has to meet a bunch of executives “with a busted up face.” He facepalms right on the swollen side of his face and is shocked to learn that his face hurts because he has a bruise under his eye. Listen, I can’t do it justice. It was hilarious, watch it if you can.
I swear, everytime I pause on Mike, he looks like he’s about to blow someone.
Callie’s a little confused that Mike decided to punch since he couldn’t make out. Mike tells Emily he’s concerned because his dad gets into town today, who he’s been trying to convince that he’s taking his time in DC seriously. Emily helps by covering Mike’s wound up with makeup. Hopefully Mike’s dad isn’t one of those alpha-males who wouldn’t care if his son got into a fight as long as he wasn’t one of those pansy makeup-wearing queers.
Mike’s dad arrives and greets the roomies, he seems like a cool enough guy. Mike tells us he’s debating whether or not to bring his dad to the Equality March because it might be people waving rainbow flags and whatnot. He brings it up and his dad seems totally down. I’m not sure how things are back home, or if his dad is playing it up for the cameras, but he really does seem nice and supportive and eager to be there for Mike. Shit, this season has totally turned me into a softy.
Pandrew goes to lunch with Odrama and Callie and asks their opinions on the Pandrea situation. Odrama asks if she would be living with him, and apparently she would. Callie says it’s hard to relocate for another person, because then they become the main thing in your life. Pandrew’s nervous to bring her back to Denver. He says he likes her a lot, but he didn’t view it as a permanent thing because usually the girl’s run screaming for the hills by now. She has a good job, and all of her family and friends are in DC, so he doesn’t want to take her from everything. Pandrew doesn’t know what to do, so he quotes Spock. Of course.
Mike tells us that if it wasn’t for his internship with HRC, he would still be the “timid, insecure, pseudo-closet-case” he was when he got to DC. Obama is introduced and Mike and the whole crowd go crazy. He promises to end “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” which pretty much makes Mike (and everyone else in the room) jizz in his pants. Mike tells us he’s excited because that was his main project at HRC.
How long before this crowd turns on you too? WHY HAVEN’T YOU FOLLOWED THROUGH ON YOUR PROMISE YET?!
The roomies walk in the Equality March. Or at least, the girls and Douche do. But this isn’t one of those “we gays demand the right to be FABULOUS” marches, this is one of those “please, just let us do normal things like the hetero people” marches. This is DC after all. Odrama and Mike talk about how nice it is that the two Christians are marching for gay rights. I bet Jesus thinks so too.
Some guy on the side of the road is standing there with signs talking about the dangers of gayness. Mike heads over and asks him what satisfaction he gets from raining on their parade. The guy doesn’t really say much, so Mike gets short with him and walks away. Mike’s dad convinces him to go back and talk to the guy though, so we get to hear more. Awesome. The guy says something about it being a dangerous lifestyle and not having children. Mike tells him he should just let people live their lives how they choose.
Mike tells his dad he wasn’t sure if he would want to do the march, and he’s glad to have the love and support.
Father/Son bonding, DC style. Having a catch is so old-fashioned.
The Panda Lovers are out to dinner, and their relationship comes up. He makes jokes but tells her he loves her. He confessionals that he’s never gotten this close to someone before (I assume he means in the emotional sense, since he’s always touching everyone inappropriately in the physical sense.) because, I’m assuming, girls don’t flock to the panda hat for the long-term. She’s helped him to trust women again, and he doesn’t want to lose her. She says she’s moving out there because she wants to, not for him, so he accepts it and tells her she can come with him to his Star Wars/X-Men fortress.
Pandrew buys her a bunny hat. OMG, he really is in love! I wasn’t sure until now, but for him, that has got to be a HUGE step.
They are going to have some very confused children. Just look what the ducks did to Callie.
Now it’s time for one last night of roomie bonding. No one feels like going out so they decide to stay in a play Truth or Dare. This includes: Emily doing a bottomless runway strut and straddling Douche (at his request), various roomies kissing each other (or as Pandrew puts it: “A guilt-free way for the girls to get with the guys of the house and not be called a slut.”), Pandrew dancing around in the street in his tighty-whities, Callie taking her shirt off, Mike spanking Douche, Pandrew stripping Odrama, and much merriment.
Move-out day. Odrama’s already crying, because everyone else is going home, but her home is there with them. Mike hates goodbyes so much that he’d rather sit on a porcupine than say goodbye to someone.
First to leave is Douche. Emily says he’s a good guy who really likes sex and women, but is very loyal (yeah, tell that to his girlfriend). Apparently he’s a better friend/roommate than boyfriend. He tell us he gained independence being in DC, and he’s thrilled to be walking away with his band. Yeah, we’ll see how long that lasts in the cold light of day. Good riddance.
Next to leave is Callie. The waterworks start from the girls, and Ty tells us that sunshine shoots out Callie’s ass, and she’s a joy to be around, and everyone needs someone like her. Well, that was nice of him after saying nothing nice all season. She tells us she’ll never fail again, or something like that. A little naive left in her, I see. All in all, though, Callie seems like a good person, so I wish her luck.
Though I must say, I could have done without the yellow nail polish.
Now it’s time for Pandrew to head out. Mike thinks he’s had the most dramatic change. In other words, he’s just as shocked as all of us are than Pandrew actually found a decent girl. He tells us that his roomies taught him that even though he doesn’t like himself sometimes, it could be worse: he could be one of them. True dat. He’s just putting up a front though. Turns out that deep, deeeep down, the Panda’s got feelings after all! Then he goes on about Pandrea for awhile. You got on my nerves in the first episode, Pandrew, but then you amused me, so thank you for that.
Odrama’s next to leave, and she’s got the waterworks on full force (no one else does, though). Mike tells her she’ll always have a home at his house. Careful, Mike. She might never leave. Emily says she’s surprised to find out that under all that drama was a genuine person, and she never expected to get so close to her. Odrama tells us that she’s “a little bit of a crybaby, a little bit of a drama queen” (and a big fan of understatements, it seems), but she loves her roommates and she’ll miss them. Can’t say I’ll miss her, mostly because I’m sure she’ll show up on a Challenge or twelve, and also because she went from being beyond annoying to doing virtually nothing.
Emily and Ty do a confessional together. Ty says he thought in the beginning that they were eerily similar to each other. Emily says it “went bad” but she doesn’t want to end their time there on a bad note, so she suggests hugging it out.
Meanwhile, Ty wonders if there’s time for one last confessional quickie.
Ty’s time has come, and he says Mike’s taught him a lot and he’ll miss Emily most of all. Apparently she knew there was something deeper there, but he “never let her get to the deep end.” Why does everything they say to/about each other sound like innuendo? He’s going to miss everyone, big shocker. As they’re leaving, I’m realizing how little an opinion I have about most of them, especially Ty.
Emily says that’s she’s proud of how much Mike’s grown and how comfortable he is with himself. Mike says pretty much the same thing, apparently he has learned a shitload about himself thanks to DC. Man, MTV must really be patting themselves on the back for this one. I liked Mike, except for when you let hottie Eric get away and then seemed like he was almost going to cheat on Tanner, so hopefully his magical transition here in DC works out for him.
Emily tells us she’s going to miss the Love Sacks, the Panda Hat, water fights, pool parties, Ty’s laugh, etc.
And so we bid farewell to our DC roomies…
An alleged brain, 3 athletes, 2 basket cases, a princess, a potential criminal…
A bitch, a lover, a child, a mother, a sinner, a saint…
A butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker…
You get the point. Anyway, we survived! Admittedly, this season was pretty forgettable overall, and boring at times, but at least I mostly liked at least half the roommates! So that’s something.
Thank you all who read, and commented. At least you guys had insightful, intelligent things to say, even if the season wasn’t the most fascinating. I have loved reading all of your comments, including the ones who disagreed with me because you did raise valid points. So again, thank you guys so much.
You’re not getting rid of me that easily, though. I’ll be recapping the Challenge, which starts on Wednesday, and it looks awesome! The Challenges never really disappoint me and unlike these roomies, I have no sympathy for the Challenge participants and I am looking forward to plenty of ridiculousness!