Austin Powers Down, But It’s A Fight To The Finish

Real World

By B-Side | Friday, November 25, 2005 | 1:28 am | 66 Comments

finalfightAt long last, The Real World: Austin finally came to an end Tuesday night, and because we’ve been such troopers all season long, the kids decided to throw in one last idiotic fight for old times sake. Say what you will about this cast, but at least this finale didn’t end on a whimper. It was more like a rage-filled, fist-swinging, dumb-spewing free-for-all that will only serve to tighten the resolve lawmakers have for keeping the drinking age 21. And yet, despite all the chaos, this final episode still seemed somewhat bland. I attribute that, like many of the shortcomings of this season, to the continued fascination the producers have with Danny and Melinda, who served as the bookends of this half-hour. No one cares about these two, much in the same way that no one cared about Alton and Irulan, Landon and Shavonda, or pretty much any other Real World couple (actually, I somewhat enjoyed Colin and Amaya, but that’s because they were ridiculous). So anyway, let’s take one last gasp of air and finish this bad boy off.The show began where the season began: atop Mt. Bonnell. Yes, in a rare departure from their normal cuddle zone on the bed, Danny and Melinda ascended the steps to this Austin landmark, and amazingly, Danny did not try to punch a tree for looking at his girl the wrong way. Apparently Melinda had actually done some internet research on Mt. Bonnell, and according to her ace sleuthing, she found out that if you walk down the mountain steps once, you’ll fall in love; if you walk down them twice, you’ll get engaged; and if you walk down three times, it’s inevitable that you’ll be married. Yes, nothing like a staircase-based love affair. In other news, Melinda has announced that she will be walking Danny down the stairs every single day for the next three months. You gotta figure she’ll at least book his love for the next three hundred years.

When they finally reached the top of the mountain, we saw a flashback to that time when they first met in the very same place. Ah, the good old days. That innocent, less annoying period that I like to call “Episode One.” Back then, this season was brimming with potential. This would be the big rebound from Philly. I mean, in that premiere alone there was fighting, drunkenness, girl-on-girl action. Alas, it was all a slow decline from that point on, leading us to now where we can barely stand to watch these kids on screen. I don’t know if Austin has been the worst season, but it’s certainly the most disappointing.

But anyhoo, back to the mountain. The happy couple took a few pics on their disposable camera, and then we learned the big news: Melinda was gonna go back to Boston with Danny for his birthday and then get an apartment and “be all cute.” And by “cute” she meant “BORING AND ANNOYING.”

Back at the mansion, cardboard boxes adorned the living room as the roomies began packing up. Thank god. Get the hell out of here already. Of course, as is the tradition with these final episodes, the kids all gathered ’round to reminisce about the memories, with Wes, Johanna, and Rachel taking a nostalgic shine to that first fateful night. “Tonight we can make it all better,” Johanna promised, “I won’t make out with anyone, and you won’t get into any fights.” Hmmm… That doesn’t sound ominous at all…

nehemiah_box
Oooh, packing from the perspective of the box. Artistic!

That evening, the whole gang went out to party — even Lacey who took a break from her normal activity: gossiping about every single piece of minutia to her boyfriend Ryan. Well, seems like a nice, joyful way to end the season: everyone back together, having fun, not a shred of drama in sight. No siree. Just good times. That is, until that bitch Wren showed up. Yes, that’s right. WREN. You all remember her as the apple of Wes’s glazed-over-eye — the girl who wouldn’t put out for Wes until her dignity yielded to her catty jealousy of Johanna. Well, she suddenly transformed from sweet idiot to vicious, seething idiot as she full-on attacked Wes with a verbal assault. To put it simply, she wanted him to “F–K OFF!!!” Yes, Wren was pissed for no apparent reason. Could it have been that Wes was presently grinding on five or six different, unfortunate girls? Or was she simply channeling self-loathing based on the realization that she had had sex with a stumpy man-troll? Could have been both, but probably more of the latter.

“You’re nothing Wes. You’re NOTHING!” she yelled. Later, she elaborated, “Your roommates come up to me and tell me that you’re telling lies and that they don’t even believe them.” Still didn’t really make much sense to me, but at least now we’ve got something to work with. Plus, she then told Wes he was “this big” which I’ll interpret was an attack on his penis size (even if it was more of a character judgment). Okay, I’ll just cut to the chase. Basically, Wren was ticked off because apparently her sexual encounter with the third kind was supposed to be a quiet, intimate affair — a secret, if you will — and having one of the roomies fling it in her face hurt and embarrassed her. Poor Wren. Who would have thought her bedroom activities with a REALITY STAR would ever wind up out in the open?

Anyway, Wes further explained the situation: “I hooked up with Wren, and it was a big secret. I confided in a couple of roommates what happened and told them it was a big secret.” And by “confided,” he meant bragged about the whole thing like a jackass. Yes, those of you who have not yet purged the memory of last week’s episode from your brain may remember that Wes had said something along the lines of, “How long do you think it will take for me to have sex with Wren? Because I ALREADY DID!!!” So as you can tell, it was most certainly a big secret. You know, the type that you keep between you and AMERICA.

Well, having been sufficiently bitched out by Wren, Wes knew there was only one way to handle the situation: redirect his guilt into a rage-filled witch hunt. The bowl-cutted one stormed out of the bar in search of Rachel and Johanna (his prime suspects!), and while Danny tried to calm him down, not even the power of a slightly askew, knitted, short-brimmed hat could do anything in this situation. At the house, Wes confronted Johanna — who inexplicably had “I (heart) Rachel” written across her chest — but she had no idea why Wes was flipping out. Then Rachel walked in with a steamy brat in her hand, and uh oh, this was gonna get bad. After all, we all know what happens if you get Rachel mad when she’s trying to eat (must I remind you of the great Nehemiah/fajita debacle of August 30th?).

Acting sort of like the shorter, goofier, and dumber version of Chazz Palminteri in The Usual Suspects, Wes announced that he knew what Rachel had said to Wren. Of course, since what she had said to Wren was probably so slight and forgettable, Rachel had no idea what Wes was talking about, and simply asked, “Why you acting like you’re PMSing?” And in case we were wondering, Melinda then piped up to say that Wes was in fact on her Midol. No, I don’t understand it either.

Having had enough of this silliness, Rachel simply left the room, at which point Danny nodded and said, “It’s obviously Rachel. Without a doubt, it’s obviously her.” WELL! Then it’s settled! The knitted-cap has reached a verdict!

danny_brim
Remember when these hats were cool… two years ago? And on Usher, not Danny?

Wes then told us, “What Rachel did was a mistake. She needs to learn that you do not do something like that to a friend or someone that she calls a brother.” And Wes clearly is the authority on how to treat a friend. Hey, remember that time last week when he slapped Rachel? Yeah, that was an awesome display of friendship.

Anyway, Wes continued to pester Rachel, who probably should have just taken the high road and ignored him, but instead, she went the Real World road and snapped, “Wren’s a nice girl; so f*ck off, bitch!” I didn’t really know what she meant by that, but I welcomed it. In response, Wes let out some of his finest WesLogic: “All right, FINE! In private, I f*cked Wren off-camera. Now you bring it up on camera. It’s not f*cking off-camera anymore if you bring it up, you stupid [beeeeeep]!!” Hey genius, the only one who’s bringing it up on camera is you. Or was you, I should say (cough, bragging last week, cough).

As the tensions escalated, Johanna and Danny tried to run interference by pulling the two feuding cast mates away from each other, but by then, a full-scale shouting match had broken out. Sounds like chaos, better check in with gossip central! Sure enough, there was Lacey on the phone with Ryan, giving the play-by-play through the fish tank. She was trying to play it cool, but you just know that on the inside she was screaming, “YES!!! YES!!! YES!!!”

gossip_central
Gossipgasm!

Well, just when the situation couldn’t get any more ridiculous, in marched a drunk Nehemiah who had no idea what was going on, but decided to start yelling and cursing nonetheless. Keep in mind that at this point he was still out on bail for drunkenly punching the owner of “Best Wurst Bratwurst” — home of Rachel’s aforementioned brat. Anyway, with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb officially reunited, this fight escalated to pure insanity, but for some reason, we cut to the grainy Lacey cam and had to watch the action unfold all blurry and indistinct through the fishtank. Where the hell were the camera crews? WE WANT TO SEE THE FIGHT!!

Eventually, the cameras went charging back into the room (maybe the battery packs had died or something) where we found Danny wrestling Rachel onto the couch, Wes holding his hands behind his back, and Nehemiah still shouting and wanting to fight. Melinda tried to stop the fallen film student, but he shoved her away violently, bellowing to Rachel, “I’LL KILL YOU!”

neh_drunkdumb
Literally, Nehemiah just protested, “She threatened me!” In case you didn’t notice, Neh, you’re the guy wearing the muscle T. Aren’t you supposed to be like, I don’t know, tough?

“Nehemiah, stop it PLEASE!” cried Melinda, but it was of no use. Eventually, things somehow simmered down (an effect I like to call “sobriety”), and the fighting parties separated. Melinda and Rachel bawled themselves to the front door and then sat outside for more incomprehensible sobbing. And let me tell you something: when it comes to incomprehensible sobbing, no one beats Rachel. Moments later in an interview, Melinda then told us, “Two guys should not gang up on one girl.” True, but what if the guys were short, dumb, and incredibly insecure? Is it all right then? Hmmm… Probably not.

Meanwhile, inside, Wes expressed his frustration with the proper amount of Kindergarten clarity. “I HATE HER!!” he whined, adding, “She casually mentioned that I was bragging about my sexual conquests with Wren, who, by the way, I banged. I HATE HER!!!” And to prove just how much he hated Rachel, Wes then threw a glass against the wall, shattering it like so many dreams he once had of living happily ever after with his beloved Wren. It’s okay, man. Let it all out. Throw that shit against the wall. That’ll teach that glass not to betray you!

Out on the street, Johanna tried to talk some sense into Rachel. “Stop crying! Get yourself together! You look like a f*cking idiot!” she scolded, and after a few more sniffles and protests, Rachel finally replied, “Johanna, I can’t take it. Johanna, I’d rather sleep in the street.” Insert tasteless homeless veteran joke here. Yeah, that’s right — I just made fun of someone’s tragic plight. You got a problem with that? Well maybe you should throw a glass against the wall!!

Anyway, Rachel finally returned to the house (where a quietly observant Lacey greeted her — it’s all going in to the Ryan Report) and then called up her boyfriend Erik to vent. Normally, I hate the Erik/Rachel babble, but at least this time it was somewhat informative. We learned what really happened between her and Nehemiah, and I’ll just tell you this: it still doesn’t make any sense. Apparently, when Nehemiah saw that there was fighting, he instinctually began calling Rachel a whore, and finally, after enough of this, Rachel retorted that at least she didn’t go to jail. Oooh. Nice. Well, Nehemiah’s comeback was that “at least I didn’t go to Iraq and claim I did stuff when I really didn’t do anything at all.” Hmmm… kind of a low blow. And an uninformed blow too. And, in the grand scheme of things, just a poor insult in general. Hey, remember when Nehemiah was supposed to be the cool one? The rational one? I wonder what happened? Oh, that’s right. He began hanging out with Wes. It all makes sense now.

rachel_bawling
Rachel finds out her cotton candy ice cream was accidentally returned to sender.

Well, the phone call ended with Rachel declaring that she’d never speak to Nehemiah again, which was all nice and naive and stuff (spoiler alert: they’ve talked. I seen it with mine own eyes!), but then we moved into the other bedroom and found the real victims of this fight: Danny and Melinda. Yes, the lovebirds curled up together on the bed and cuddled, thanking each other for helping them get through this mad, mad house. Oh, such innocent love! To think that it was almost crushed by these wanton barbarians! It would have been a true loss for humanity. But as long as they have each other, they got the world spinnin’ right in their hands. Baby, Mel and Danny, they gotta be the luckiest dreamers who never quit dreamin’!

The next morning, it was time to ship out, which was pretty cool because a) we didn’t have to sit through some lame apology scene, and b) it made for one of the most awkward goodbye episodes ever. Rachel headed out first and didn’t even bother to say anything to Wes and Nehemiah. Ouch! Cold! Awesome! But don’t worry. Wes was fine with it. “Rachel basically defied my friendship with her last night,” he said. Well, it’s a good thing that he rationally approached her about the whole situation to find out if maybe he had misinterpreted anything along the way. You know, because friends give each other the benefit of the doubt. Especially when one of them is black-out drunk. But seriously, Rachel defied the friendship.

Wes continued with his idiocy: “I knew she made a mistake. I called her out on it, and I got her back. I made her feel bad.” Is that what you do to people who make mistakes? Kind of feels, um, what’s the word I’m looking for? Ah yes. IMMATURE.

Next to leave was Nehemiah, but he wasn’t really leaving, on account of his court date. You know, for punching out the hot dog guy. What a legacy, Neh. He was followed by Lacey who had a surprise visitor: Ryan! Yay! Reunited! Lacey then suddenly ran upstairs, got on the phone, and called Ryan up to say, “Oh my god. You will never believe this gossip. This is crazy. You are downstairs. I just saw you! You’re picking me up! Isn’t that wild?”

Anyway, Lacey departed, and up next was Wes, who explained to us, “I am no longer part of a group called the seven strangers. I am part of a group called–” The Crappy Haircut Victims of America? The Dumb Alcoholic Men Who Attack Women Club? The Federation of Men Who Look Like Lacey? Actually no. It was some lame line about seven people who’ve shared a rich and wonderful experience and blah blah blah — he was gone.

After the Wes left the building, we were down to just Danny, Melinda, and Johanna, and we all knew what this was leading to: the long goodbye between lovers. So let’s not put this off any longer. Get out of here, Joey. Now everyone grab your barfbags. We are about to commence on a path of sappy, boring love. Yes, with only the two lovahs left in the house, there was little else to do except nostalgically remember all those great memories. You know, like that time everyone partied in the hot tub. Or that time Danny and Melinda made out in the shower. Or that time when… sorry, I fell asleep. Where was I? Oh look! They’re at the airport! With knitted, brimmed cap in full poseur effect, Danny guided Melinda to her departure gate, and then the two cried and cried, and in interviews, they reiterated how much they loved each other. Yeah, yeah. This was all fine and good, but c’mon. You already told us you were moving in together in like three days. Must we see all this sentimentality? JUST END!

final_goodbye
A rare appearance of the Melinda promise ring!

Well, Melinda finally sobbed her way down the jetway, and we faded to black once and for all. Next week, we’ve got the reunion show, and based on the early previews, it looks like everyone bashes Lacey for talking smack (like they haven’t? I knew she’d be the outcast! Better late than never!), but more interestingly, it looks like Nehemiah might win back some much-needed cool points for attacking Danny. And by the way, lovely Mystic Tan, Danny. The new teeth look wonderful also. Did anyone see those things? Should make for one last surge of snark before this season is completely and totally dunzo.

danny_newteeth
“My new teeth are wicked awesome!”

What did you think of the finale? How about the season? And what about the big fight? How culpable was Wes and how culpable was Rachel?

About

66 Comments

  1. 1
    Shex
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 2:03 am

    Wes is such an idiot. Every time he’s on the screen, I can only think about how much I want to beat him repeatedly with a blunt object.

    Nice job, B-Side.

  2. 2
    Steve
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 2:44 am

    Well I can’t thank you enough for sticking through this horribly boring season B-Side. This recap, along with all the others was excellent and greatly appreciated.

    {Insert tasteless homeless veteran joke here}

  3. 3
    iknowimsoslow
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 6:53 am

    I noticed Danny’s face looked darker, too. I thought I was imagining it. I can’t belive this ended. With it and LB gone, what are we gonna watch? You should recap the Real World porno. That’s probably good for a few laughs.

  4. 4
    sg-dub
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 7:36 am

    ^^Speaking of which, who is the Real Worlder who put that ad out on Craigs List? (She’s 22, so it’s Trashelle or Tonya)

  5. 5
    L-Boogie
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 7:39 am

    I enjoyed this review more than the actual episode. This was the WORST season ever!

  6. 6
    arnold_drummond
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 7:42 am

    Nehemiah sucks, until next weeks preview. Calling Danny out for thinking he’s Ben Affleck since the show ended? I can’t wait! And what’s with Danny’s sportcoat and tie over and unbuttoned shirt look? Does he think he’s Crockett and Tubbs?

  7. 7
    Alex
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 9:04 am

    Please recap the gauntlet II!!!!

  8. 8
    dan
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 9:07 am

    Anybody notice Melinda’s spare tire during the fight sequence. It was looking especially prominent. Danny’s gotta get her to a BSC.

  9. 9
    jash
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 10:43 am

    haha, i too nioticed mel’s “huge” gut!

    i cannot believe how much disdain i have for nehemiah after this singular episode.

    i may not be a rachael fan, but seriously, picking on her, and physically pushing mel out of the way? so low class.

  10. 10
    America's Next Top Fan
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 10:51 am

    Danny, the Elephant Man called. He want his cranium back.

  11. 11
    blueBerray
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 10:59 am

    What is a spare tire, and what is a BSC?

  12. 12
    jash
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 11:35 am

    spare tire= flab around the mid-section of ones body. due primarily to excess calories, in mel’s case it was due to night after night at the dizzy rooster.

    BSC=boston sports club, a gym

  13. 13
    Wes looks like a penis
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 11:51 am

    Well this episode finally confirmed what we knew all along– Wes has a SMALL PENIS. But he looks like a huge one, so maybe that’s why.
    Here is my advice/predictions as the 7 strangers embark on numerous challenges/gauntlets/battles of the sexes, etc.
    Lacey – get a tan. When you go to Cabo for the next challenge, you’ll need a base so you won’t burn as badly.
    Nehemia: two words: Rageaholics Anonymous. (in the immortal words of George Costanza, “they’re be-boppin and scattin all over me!”)
    Rachel – perhaps you should re-enlist, because this show has pretty much killed your chances of working at any U.S. hospital in the next century
    Johanna – didn’t they say on the first episode you were going to grad school for social work? Yea, you are the kind of person I want aiding the youth of America. I recommend participating in challenges until at least the age of 40-50, a la Beth, Norman, and Eric Nies/that blonde friend of his
    Melinda – destined to carry out Trishelle’s legacy. Start off with a few challenges, move onto Playboy, and then on to made-for-E! movies/reality series about the making of those movies. Golden showers for everyone!
    Danny – I hereby crown you successor to the immortal MIZ …we must come up with a similarly catchy nickname for him..I will go with DIZ until something better comes along
    and finally, my personal favorite,
    Wes – 5 years of therapy for being called out for having a small penis on national tv (not that this came as a shock to anyone). Will be chronicled in his own reality series similar to “Breaking Bonaduce.” His eventual acceptance of the fact that he A) looks like a penis and B) has the world’s tiniest wang will result in Wes hosting some kind of MTV-knock off of “The Man Show” or “Howard Stern”…

  14. 14
    STEPHON
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 12:36 pm

    HA HA HA THE FUNNIEST PART IN THAT IS WHEN RYAN CAME TO PICK UP LACEY AND SHE RAN UPSTAIRS TO CALL HIM I ALMOSE PISSED MY PANTS

  15. 15
    Anna
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 1:54 pm

    this was one of the lamest and funnies and the most lovable real world season ever! i think wes and nehimia need to go take a hike! they were way out of line, with this one! It was so sad that melindia and danny had to say good bye! Danny seems like a hopeless romantic when it comes to melindia and his long inteded speach! let’s all hope danny aND MELINDIA our still in love in the end of all this! well let’s hope! yeah danny looks alittle darker! the makup artist may have put on to much bronzer! @ the end i was very sad. can’t wait for somw trash talk at the reuntion!!!! (: (: (;

  16. 16
    whocares
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 1:59 pm

    i wished u commented on how dany and nehemiah or wes were like to ryan “youre making us look bad” and ryan was like “you do that to yourselves man”

    aburnnn

  17. 17
    Tara
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 3:01 pm

    Freakin’ hilarious recap B-Side! Rachel just looks sooo awful when she gets upset.

    PLEASE RECAP THE GAUNTLET II! It’s SO MUCH more exciting than Real World Austin was.

  18. 18
    Tara
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 3:03 pm

    “Rachel finds out her cotton candy ice cream was accidentally returned to sender.”

    For some reason, this quote I was talking about didn’t paste. This is what I was talking about in my previous post about Rachel being upset.

  19. 19
    The Svan
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 3:28 pm

    Rachel is a ugly fat whore. That’s what we all can take away from this piss of a season.

  20. 20
    B-dub
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 3:36 pm

    Wes is the biggest idiot of the bunch. Nehamiah comes in second.

    Can’t Mel do better than Danny?

  21. 21
    unk
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 3:41 pm

    Nehemiah’s a loser…for one i doubt that kid will ever get a job that has to do with film…obviously immature..im sure last episode wasnt the first arrest and wes…well i am ashamed to say i go to the same university as that loser..by the way..i saw him at a couple of frat parties before the whole show thing…complete idiot…couldnt pay a girl to sleep with him

  22. 22
    Diane
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 4:28 pm

    I don’t think i’ve ever hated a cast member as much as Nehemiah. Did he do anything on the show at all? He got arrested once.

    Isn’t he supposed to be a player? Yet we never saw him with any girls…

  23. 23
    Nik
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 4:50 pm

    Why is everyone hating on Nehemiah? Rachel has had it in for him since day one. I am glad Rachel finally got what she deserves! She is a stupid B@tch for all I care.

  24. 24
    captainobvious
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 5:16 pm

    hahah i couldnt stop laughing… another excellent recap by B-Side

  25. 25
    B-dub
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 5:37 pm

    Is there a waiting period before these beloved cast members become eligible to appear on challenge shows?

    I’m thinking Danny is a natural. BMP seems to like hunky guys with stupid Boston accents. Which of these cast members have the most potential for future BMP exposure? Mel is screaming out for exposure. Lacie doesn’t seem to offer much. Rachel would have to lose some weight. Nehamiah could come back as the isolated, misunderstood black guy. Don’t think we’ve seen the last of Johanna.

  26. 26
    Jguitar
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 5:54 pm

    Johanna, Melinda, Danny and Wes have already filmed a challenge that was shot in Australia.

  27. 27
    Carolyn
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 8:09 pm

    There was one point where Melinda was sitting, leaning over and crying or something and I noticed her GUT… I’ve missed the past few episodes… although I do remember being jealous of her body in the premeire…goes to show ya what 4 straight months at the Dizzy Rooster will do to ya..

  28. 28
    allison
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 8:18 pm

    danny and melinda got married. ugh

  29. 29
    lia
    Posted November 26, 2005 at 1:03 am

    i personally loved watching nehemiah and wes yell at rachel for really no reason for the simple fact that i don’t like her. but i really, truly hate danny & melinda. i can’t believe that mtv focused on that the entire season. whatever. melinda was never all that attractive to me, but i’m glad i’m not the only one who noticed that she started packing on weight. i heard danny was a tool & i go to school in kansas and know a lot of people who knew wes in hs. not very impressive reviews with that kid. he & danny were in my college town over the summer & people again, were not impressed. can’t wait for the gautlet II and i hope i never see danny and melinda again. oh btw, can’t wait for the reunion next week. thank you nehemiah for bringing(or attempting) danny back to earth…hopefully he sets his gf in place too.

  30. 30
    Kathryn
    Posted November 26, 2005 at 11:14 am

    Danny is the tooliest tool that has ever tooled in the history of tooling.

  31. 31
    Andy
    Posted November 26, 2005 at 1:27 pm

    Good riddance to this cast! They seriously sucked…

    Hysterical recap.

    Please….. You have to recap the Gauntlet II! Jo, from San Fran, is going to be on. Huh? Where the F did she come from? How old is she now anyway?

  32. 32
    Tara
    Posted November 26, 2005 at 1:36 pm

    whocares- u r right!

    this rocked:

    Danny and Wes told Ryan, “You’re making us look bad.” Then Ryan shoots back “You do that to yourselves man.”

    If Danny and Wes weren’t always so drunk, they might have picked up on the fact that Lacey gave Ryan the play-by-play.

    Melinda got fat! Or is that a baby????

    NEHEMIAH SUCKS! I don’t think I’ve hated a Real Worlder this much EVER! Good luck getting your career started after you made an ASS out of yourself on TV.

  33. 33
    yipyap
    Posted November 26, 2005 at 1:37 pm

    Every week on this freakshow we had to endure countless scenes of these idiots stuffing their mouths and licking their fingers. And you wonder whats up with Melinda’s gut?

  34. 34
    sugarlips
    Posted November 26, 2005 at 1:43 pm

    Kathyrn- u wanna tool around toolnight?

  35. 35
    MIR
    Posted November 26, 2005 at 7:29 pm

    “But as long as they have each other, they got the world spinnin’ right in their hands. Baby, Mel and Danny, they gotta be the luckiest dreamers who never quit dreamin’!”
    LOL, I loved this. Unfortunately, we all know that Danny and Mel have a lot more growing pains to go through. I am so DUNZO with this season. Not a single cast member was remotely likeable. I can usually find one. You should recap the guantlet. I am waiting to hear your nickname for Beth.

  36. 36
    Meredyth
    Posted November 26, 2005 at 9:15 pm

    fantastic!

  37. 37
    goat herder
    Posted November 26, 2005 at 10:56 pm

    stop hating on Neh. And shit..the producer should reverse the cast. Have 6 black people and 1 white guy. That would make for some interesting real world. Neh should have pimp slapped that fat heffer Rachel a while ago. “Does NEHEMIAH have to slap a bitch”?!!!!

  38. 38
    Michelle_PR
    Posted November 27, 2005 at 2:37 am

    God this season sucked, I hope the reunion is more interesting than the final episode. From the previews it looked like it would be a good episode but nooo it had to be the stupidest fight ever. I’m also jumping on the recap the Gauntlet bandwagon. Good job Bside :)

  39. 39
    Ris
    Posted November 27, 2005 at 9:48 am

    hmm..looks like danny’s got them “hilary duff-esque” horse veneers..as if his mouth wasn’t terribly unbeahrable before.

    this season totally blew..thanks for sucking it up, b-side! (zing!)

  40. 40
    sweet indian jersey girl
    Posted November 27, 2005 at 5:57 pm

    I love Nehemiah!
    If danny did what nehemiah did u all would have been like ohhh, poor danny. It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t mean it. He made a mistake…. U all r haters and won’t give my nehemiah the same consideration. Nehemiah was under stress, was drunk and made a mistake…the rest of the house shouldn’t have left my cutie alone in the 1st place…what kinds of friends are they? That’s messed up. Leave my nehemiah alone!

  41. 41
    catherine
    Posted November 27, 2005 at 8:00 pm

    regarding this episode… Wes was acting like an immature moron and Nehemiah just has issues. they’re both so self-righteous it makes me sick.

    i say good riddance to this cast.

  42. 42
    Real Jersey Girl
    Posted November 27, 2005 at 10:33 pm

    Nehemiah and Wes are idiots. In the beginning I thought I’d like Neh, but ever since he decided to be Wes’ best, best friend he turned into a jackass. Any guy who gets in a woman’s face, calls her deragatory names and threatens physical violence is not ok. Especially when it’s not even his fight.

    I’m so glad this season is over. RW is always full of drama, but this season’s was just pointless and a little disrespectful.

  43. 43
    Lauren
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 5:58 am

    B-Side, Best. Recap. Ever! After reading your recaps for Laguna Beach and Real World for weeks, it finally happened. I spit out my coffee all over my desk LMAO…

    “and amazingly, Danny did not try to punch a tree for looking at his girl the wrong way.”
    “Wes expressed his frustration with the proper amount of Kindergarten clarity. “I HATE HER!!”
    Wes then threw a glass against the wall, shattering it like so many dreams he once had of living happily ever after with his beloved Wren. Throw that shit against the wall. That’ll teach that glass not to betray you!
    “Rachel finds out her cotton candy ice cream was accidentally returned to sender.”

    Note to Danny: Get rid of those f*cking ridiculous caps!

  44. 44
    J.Esco
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 6:46 am

    hilarious recap…def. recap gaunlet II, the challenges are some much better than the RealWorld. Plus i’m glad rachel got it eventhough guys really shouldnt gang up on a gurl but oh well. Danny and mel are cute but there so boring. overall i give this season a C-. better than philly, but san diego was better.

  45. 45
    k37744
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 9:49 am

    If Lacey runs upstairs to tell Ryan about Ryan…

    …does Ryan answer?

  46. 46
    couchpotato
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 10:47 am

    Real World just gets worse and worse, but for some reason I keep watching. I for one was cracking up at them yelling at Rachel, but I did feel bad for her. Those guys were just wrong. And if you want to keep a secret a secret, you don’t tell anyone! Wes was all to happy to have that bit of info released to the public.

  47. 47
    arnold_drummond
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 10:50 am

    I’m from Milwaukee, and my friends say they see Melinda out at the same bar all the time, and she’s always making out with different dudes. All this while I guess she’s living with Danny. These Real World sluts rule!

  48. 48
    Jen
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 11:28 am

    everytime i think this was a lame season i remember vegas and paris – austin wasn’t so bad after all!

    looking forward to your gauntlet recaps b-side!

  49. 49
    jash
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 12:35 pm

    ah, vegas. i forgot about that one, what with all the fork throwing and alton “playing” his violin.

    plus that cast had a m_ruv clone to boot!

  50. 50
    alli
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 1:37 pm

    Real World peaked with the Miami/Boston/Hawaii trifecta. (I believe Seattle came between Boston-Hawaii, which was great in its own right…with David, Danny’s Bosoton predecesah and his girlfriend and who can forget the slap heard round the world..?)
    Anyway, everyone should post their favorite seasons/RW moments while we wait for the Gauntlet to begin.
    The best RW moment of all time, which in my opinion will never be topped: New Orleans. David. “Come on be my baby tonight.”

  51. 51
    Mando
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 11:04 pm

    melinda: wow that girl got HUGE!!!!!!!!
    johanna: simply boring and undimensional… she also got pretty chunky!! What was up with that ALL denim outfit she was wearing?!!?
    lacy: way too ugly to be on any tv show
    rachel: needs to stop wearing tight clothes and finally tell Nehemia that he is obviously homosexual
    wes: needs to get Wren pregnant and then leave her for Nehemia
    danny: needs to cuddle and roll around in Melinda’s tummy
    neh: jail

  52. 52
    Jess
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 12:53 pm

    Is it me, or does Danny look like Chris Cortez from The Cut?

  53. 53
    sexyndenim
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 5:03 pm

    THIS SEASONS REAL WORLD SUCKED! The entire cast were lames. Nothing interesting happened, NOT EVEN THAT STAGED DUMBASS FIGHT DURING THE SEASONS FINALE. A fight with a female don’t make a good story unless she’s a Bitch that needs to be checked, they was acting like they really wanted to whoop her ass, little pussys. Ugly ass baby fresh Wes trying to get some ass, I think he shits out baby powder and formula, he looks like eveyones little ass brother(with that orange hair ) even if your little brother is black. Nehemiah, Theo from the Cosby Show looking ass. The only thing I liked about you is that you kinda acted black and you wasn’t gay. Can somebody please act black on the Real World and represent, because yall know we only allowed two or one peps per season. There was no real drama, they always went to the same lame ass bar, and everybody got arrested. And the worst scripted drunkeness and stupid ass camera effects so that you know they were drunk. Where was the shocking nudity?, the group licking?, Oh my god he just came out but he’s so fine? They got Aids? Dam she’s just a slut? None of the guys looked good, not even Danny’s trying ass, Where was the players? We’ll they better bring it with The Gauntlet.

  54. 54
    bacardi
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 6:24 pm

    Nehemiah is the greatest. It’s about time that ugly fat cunt Rachel got put in check. Didn’t she wish death upon him a few eps back by brain anurism or being shot dead in the street? All because he called her a slut after she called him one. This army cunt should’ve gotten her jaw broken.

    I can’t wait to see Danny’s wanna-be metro-sexual ass get put in check tonight by Neh.

    Nehemiah is easily the best cast member this season just for his confrontations with Rachel in my opinion.

  55. 55
    krink
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 8:09 pm

    I hate the hell out of nehemiah.The only thing worse than watching him try to defend himself on those interviews with his pompous “im a cool ass n—- from da block”look was watching him say “im real” to danny who is just a fashion victim with an enormous forehead.At least Danny is trying to do something about covering it up for our sakes. Nehemiah doesnt know what he is. Is he a cool ass n—- from tha block, a filmaker, or just another stupid ignorant college student on mtv?

  56. 56
    cleansox
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 8:34 pm

    Danny is trying too hard to channel his inner Enrique Iglesias.

  57. 57
    marc
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 9:56 pm

    first,lacy looks like a clown.. a serious tan is needed. also she talks way to much crap. It’s so stupid how they showed us the view of the fight from where lacy saw it, through the fish bowl
    danny is an insecure baby.
    melinda is a bitch who changes herself just so danny will like him. I HATED HOW 90% of the show was based on DANNY AND MELINDA’s HIGHSCHOOL DRAMA AND HIGHSCHOOL LOVE/RELATIONSHIP.
    Wes is an extremely ugly immature guy and johanna is just as stupid and immature, so they are a match made in heaven.
    nehemiah, i can’t even put into words what kind of person he is. split personalities. but i was laughing when he dissed danny on the reunion and rachel AGREED with him.
    Overall, like someone said previously, i liked this review more than the whole season. BABIES,DRAMA, the real world: highschool edition.

  58. 58
    Jenny
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 10:00 pm

    i’ll make this short and sweet. Danny has a HUMONGOUS forehead and absolutely no fashion sense.
    I actually liked nehemiah cuz he was the only one who was real from the beginning to the end. He put that fat ugly bitch rachel in her place, and he called out danny on the reunion special on what they ALL were thinking.

  59. 59
    Best "Reunion"!
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 10:25 pm

    IMO, this was the best “reunion!” They didn’t seem “reunited” to me! LOL…I wish it could’ve been 2 hours long because I just wanted the drama to continue. It was DEFINITELY better than the whole season was!

    Melindanny… gimme a break… You had to have a ring donated? And why did he have to propose on TV? That’s just retarded. We’ve had ENOUGH of them! It’s funny that they didn’t show Lacey’s expression to the engagement. I don’t think the cast will be invited to the wedding!

    Nehemiah in his chair by himself- put him in his place! What a loser!

    Wes and Jo? Are you kidding me? That girl has some LOW standards!

    I could write more, but I’ll wait for B-Side to post his hilarious commentary! Can’t wait!

  60. 60
    Alikat
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 6:24 am

    Yea, this was the most dramatic reunion ever. I actually felt bad for the host because it seemed she wanted to kill them all for making it so hard to just do a damn reunion show.

    Nehamiah and Danny both sounded like babbling idiots, for once Wes was smart enough to keep his mouth shut. Maybe Johanna has made him more normal, even though I think they make a very strange and disgusting couple.

    Danny definitely got a mystic spray tan and some caps. I think melinda went in the tanning bed with him. They seem like the most annoying couple ever and i think it’s funny that everyone said they changed. I can’t believe that Danny would get THAT pissed about Lacey about the whole working for his dad thing. Of course working for your family is different, yes it is a real job but its not the same..

    What a bittersweet ending they have had…as they ended the episode at least three castmembers had tears in their eyes. awww.

    Next season looks like it will be interesting, especially seeing Hurricane Katrina from their perspective. Cant wait for that and the gauntlet!!!

  61. 61
    stuff
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 9:34 am

    did danny and melinda go tanning TOGETHER? like in the same bed? they are the EXACT SAME COLOR.

  62. 62
    guiltylagunalover
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 9:56 am

    Wow, can’t wait for the re-cap B-side *cough* hint, hint! Am still amazed that the roomies talk to Lacey, I don’t think she said half that stuff to their faces, just behind their backs. Danny definitely struck me as a controlling freak at this reunion special!

  63. 63
    Alikat
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 11:06 am

    I really hope there’s a recap for it!

  64. 64
    Kim M
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 1:19 pm

    ew at danny’s teeth on the reunion special. lmao.

  65. 65
    Mandi
    Posted December 2, 2005 at 9:13 pm

    Alli, a real world moment that I can think of right now is when Neil (London) got his tounge bit of. The weird painting Vaj gave Montana, or how weird Vaj was.

  66. 66
    cliff
    Posted December 13, 2005 at 1:20 am

    Dannys teeth were incredibly shiny and hugeishly square. Also, his fingers seemed to have been perma-stained from a last minute rub-on tan. what an asshole. Melinda’s got a weirdly shaped midsection, which is probably a consequence of being a complete drunk slut. Wes is basically an immature frat guy, no more no less. Lacy thought she was smart… she wasn’t. She was pretty much every hipster i’ve ever known. Nie-whatever was much too into being “real,” i mean, how many times did he think to mention that in the reunion episode. Johanna was hot, but definitely gained a few lbs. between the season premiere and the reunion. and rachel was just upset because no one gave a f*** that she was an army nurse. oh yeah, and did i mention Danny’s stained fingers and his annoying ass accent? well, he had one.

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