Recap: Real World Reunited: You Can Go Back To Not Caring Now

This week was the last episode of the Real World: Reunited and I have to say that I have mixed feelings about it. The next season is rumored to be the last, and is being cast in a rather untraditional manner. I think that Bunim-Murray brought the Vegas cast back to remind us of the glory days of the Real World. (I might note that the glory days is a subjective term in this case). This might be the last time that we see a cast that was handpicked to cause drama.

On that note… this reunion season was punctuated by very little of the expected drama considering the parties involved. This last episode was no exception. If you can stand the boredom read on…

So, tell us your names and where you’re from…

Normally my DVR does an excellent job of recording all of television shows, but for some reason the MTV afternoon sneak peak does not agree with it. Therefore, I missed the first few minutes and I can’t really explain why they were at a concert, and honestly I don’t even know who’s concert it was. Eh, is it really important in the scheme of things?

After the performance, we hear lots of crap about how everyone is going to miss each other (everyone except Alton and Steven of course). Practically none of them kept in touch the last time, so why would we believe it would be any different this time around?

There is a knock at the door and who is it but Awesome Annie. To jog your memories, Awesome Annie is a life coach that spoke to the roommates the last time they were in Vegas. Now if anyone needed some life coaching five years ago, it was these 7 people. Seeing as most of them have turned into respectable adults (see Brynn) I’m not sure why AA would show up the day before the roommates move out. Silly me… it’s to manufacture drama!

Wow. Five years may make you sag a bit more, but it doesn’t make you any less AWESOME!!

After coming up with a few exercises designed to let the roomies stroke each other egos a bit, AA tries to push them into confronting each other. Alton immediately gets up and walks out. Since he’s the one who seems to have issues with everyone, it’s not very surprising. AA’s assistant follows him into the hall and convinces him to come back. It all seemed very passive and choreographed. I mean, Alton didn’t really want to come back, but he didn’t really argue with the guy either. Booooooring.

Back in AA time, the other roommates are showing a lot of resistance to the whole “tell people why you hate them” idea. Trishelle says that it’s their last day with each other and there isn’t really any reason to bring up the past, or to diss on each other. Maturity abounds! Instead of applauding them for wanting to let bygones be bygones, AA tries to make them feel guiltier. Some life coach. I thought they were supposed to encourage good feelings between people. Before she leaves, she tells each of the roommates what she thinks they don’t know about themselves. Which basically results in a lot of passive aggressiveness and eye rolling. Hey, that was like a full 10 minutes of maturity, we can’t expect much more from these people.

Hug it out, bitches.

On her way out, AA stops to confront Alton, who evidently kept leaving during her little pow-wows. No one gets away from AA’s drama machine! She asks him if anything is bothering him and he brings up the J word incident, only to brush it off and make it seem like nothing. AA encourages him to clear the air before he leaves, advice I’m pretty sure will be ignored. One more hug and AA exits without managing to create any real arguments. Roommates 1 – AA 0

After wasting most of their last day in the clutches of the “let’s make life dramatic” coach, everyone heads for the pool, which ends up closing early because some bees show up. Seriously… are the producers just making stuff up now? I can just see them filming, one bee shows up, and they kick everyone out from the SWARM of bees. The most amusing part is the music accompanying all the faces Arissa gives during her bee confessional.

Somewhere in the midst of all this, Brynn gets stung. Evidently she is a big hypochondriac and starts freaking out. I don’t really see much film evidence to support this, but who am I to use reason when talking about the Real World? Everyone gathers round to treat her bee sting, to which Frank comments “If you’re being assisted by six members of the Real World, you’re fucked.” I’d pretty much have to agree with that statement.

A bee sting and a mosquito bite!

Their last hurrah of the reunion is a party down in the casino. We see everyone getting ready for their big moment in the sun. I can practically see the saliva running down Irulan’s chin when she talks about the red carpet. They get to be interviewed like they are big big stars. Key word there is like. We hear the castmates talk about how far they’ve come, and how 5 years ago no one knew who they were. Pretty sure most people still don’t. If you showed a picture of them to someone on the street, the average person would just look puzzled and give it back to you. Don’t worry, if you need some convincing, MTV has added some very fake camera flashes where the paparazzi are standing. Yup, real big stars alright. The only roommate that admits that they probably aren’t famous is Brynn. How did this girl turn out so normal!?

A few more parting shots of the red carpet, including Trishelle working it like Brynn used to work that pole. Inside the party, everyone is having a great time. Brynn even gets up on the table. Trishelle says that she’s sad this time, and Irulan tells her how fabulous she is. It’s almost convincing, minus the part where it came out of Irulan’s mouth. Steve keeps yelling that it’s over. Arissa says its over. Hey guys, is it over?

Dammit. Not Yet.

Later, when everyone is sitting around waiting to leave, they discuss how they couldn’t believe how exhausting two weeks was. Two weeks?! They got 8 episodes out of two weeks!? In that case, I retract my statement about very little drama. They are all amazed at how last time they could stay for 4 1/2 months. I think it’s called being 21. Brynn tells us that she wants to keep in touch by texting. It’s really so cute. It’s almost like when my mom tries to text. A knock at the door!

Someone has shown up for Alton’s luggage. Irulan says that they handled the situation as best they could but it’s time to move on. Then do it bitch! Flashbacks to the awkward kiss when they first saw each other again. Steven gives Alton a big hug and says that he’s going to forgive and forget. Alton says he feels like a totally different person. In 2 weeks? It must be difficult to be a totally different person that quickly. Completely out of character for the Real World, he leaves alone, without any more fireworks.

Buh-bye now.

The remaining roommates wait awkwardly to leave. Trishelle tries strike up conversation by telling everyone that she’s going to send her laundry out as soon as she gets home. I’m pretty sure that just made you slightly less likable. Brynn’s family shows up next to collect her. Steven says that his relationship with her changed. What no more three ways? Brynn is really probably the only person that I don’t hate from this show. She wants her kids back on the regular schedule and she wants to do her own laundry. Good for her! I’m glad that some of these people turn out to be moderately normal.

Arissa and Irulan do some sort of skit, probably to prevent Trishelle from more awkward small talk. Frank says that Arissa is all smiles 90% of the time and a crazy bitch the other 10%. I think no one knows this better than Frank. The flashback accompanying his confessional is an amusing montage of THE FACE.

This face is forever burned into my memory. And I don’t like it.

Irulan and Arissa leave together. They go on about how now they can move on and be friends. Arissa says bye to her baccarat table… the one with the great odds.

And then there were three. Trishelle says that they are supposed to be sad to leave, but no one seems sad but her. Frank says it was everything he wanted it to be. Steven says he can’t remember anything that happened. More of what can be expected from the three party animals of the house. Trishelle says she knows this is the last time they will all be together, and America can be thankful for that. Flash to an old picture of the roommates…. and it’s OVER!

What did y’all think? Most boring sort of season of all time? Is this the beginning of the end of the Real World?

And this time, stay gone.

Also, I just want to give thanks to everyone that read my recaps. This is my first time writing something other than sports commentary or academic papers, so I appreciate everyone’s patience with my own brand of humor. I couldn’t have done it without the amazing, sexy, master of the universe, Flipit! Hope to see y’all again around the site.