Recap: The Real World: Craps! A mom’s Best Friend

So contrary to all the lovely rumors that Flipit has been spreading about me, I must assure that you I was not doing anything quite as fun as boozing around wearing short shorts. Now, on to the recap.

I was a bit concerned that with only two episodes left we might have a bit of a boring one tonight. How wrong I was… when I sat down and caught up on Reunited: The Real World I was treated to the fireworks that the producers managed to save for our real life 4th of July. Though the racism stopped just short of physical violence, these Real World kids are 5 years older (see 5 years more boring) so we can forgive them.I might have been gone for two weeks, but Steven has been keeping up with his AWESOME jokes. We’ve already touched on kidnapping, so this week it’s white men jokes. Steven plays the Mencia card and tells us that as long as you’re making jokes about your own race it’s okay.

There is more banter between Steven and Alton to show us what good friends they are now. Clip of Steven saying how they weren’t close before and they are now. Clip of Alton saying the same. If only MTV hadn’t revealed to us the J bomb last week we might not suspect anything. I mean how often do they lead in fights with clips of confessionals claiming that these people are the best of friends? Never in my memory!

In order to distract us by the bomb we all know is coming, let’s focus on Brynn for a while. Her older son Halen calls her and we’re informed that he is going to be visiting. Did I miss something? When did she pop another one out? She claims to not have seen this mystery child for over a week. Do I detect some editing? Either that or I lost my mind in the river of wine I drank in the last two weeks.

Moving on from good girl Brynn, we see some shots from her past. More specifically her go-go dancer in Vegas past. At this point MTV goes all Matrix on us and we get lots of blurry slow motion shots of the nightclub. Dramatic music… could something be worse than what we all know is coming?! Well worse than Irulan’s dancing anyway… I’ve seen 80 year olds move better than her.

Anyway, Brynn tells us that she is a big girl now and can make good decisions. Oh this is too good to be true! Racism and backsliding in the same episode? Arissa tells us how proud she is of the new Brynn and we hear more dramatic music and see her fade to black. Cue to more shots of stripper Brynn and then shots of new good girl Brynn. Then… nothing. Those damn teases. We see Brynn in the car with Austin telling us that she has set a record for being in Vegas this long and not drinking. BOOOOOOOOOORING!!! I guess Brynn really has grown up, but luckily we can’t say that for the rest of her castmates.

The next day, Brynn’s lost child arrives and immediately asks where the hot tub is. Like mother like son I suppose.

Who the Hell are you?

Again we are treated to more footage from bad Brynn, namely the infamous three way kiss in the hot tub. What would a reunion be after all if it’s not reliving horrible things that everyone knew about and you’d like to forget? Brynn jokes that she doesn’t know where he could have gotten his hot tub obsession from. After introducing him to all of her roommates she admits that he has no idea who these people are. She hopes that he will be able to watch this someday when he is older and realize that mommy was a slut, then a good girl. It’ll probably be hard to stop her kids from doing anything after they watch that footage.

“Mom can I have a stripper for my birthday?”
“No!”
“Hey Mom does the Junior League know you used to be a stripper?”
“No one over $100 an hour.”

When the other roommates meet Halen, Arissa and Irulan are inexplicably half naked. Good influence on your children Brynn. Frank looks extemely annoyed that there is someone who isn’t an ugly drunk girl near his bed, while Trishelle asks to pick him up. She then proceeds to make a series of hilarious comments ending with “Does it talk?”. LOL Trishelle, it’s too bad you and Steven never had that kid. I can see her talking to her baby telling it to change it’s own diapers. She claims to know nothing about kids. Really? I wouldn’t have guessed after that talking comment. Steven makes an awkward joke about Frank being the father, thus fulfilling his awkward joke quota.

Now that Brynn’s 5 minute montage has been completed, we get into the real drama of the episode. In order to remind us that the castmates are in a casino (because we might have all forgotten) each of them are given $1000 to gamble with. There is of course a catch… they only have an hour to gamble and at the end of that hour the person with the most money gets to keep everyone’s winnings.

Immediately Arissa starts twitching out at the news. Remember how good she was with money before? I’m pretty sure this is in the bag for her ::rolls eyes:: Alton comments that they should just keep the money and split it amongst themselves. Steven laughs and says that wouldn’t be any fun and that’s when IT happens. Alton replies that not only is Steven white, but he’s white and JEWISH. (Sidenote: Here is where I suck at being racist. I thought that the stereotype was that Jewish people don’t like to spend money? And wouldn’t that make Alton more jewish than Steven?)

Steven immediately responds very defensively and angrily. He isn’t even Jewish after all! Steven says that’s racist, and gosh here is something we’ve never seen before. We’ve had just about everyone discriminated against on the Real World, but I’m pretty sure that this is a new one. Steven compares being called a jew to using the n word. Alton blows it all off and claims it was just a joke. For all those non-racists out there Steven then tells us why it’s so offensive to be called a Jew. Irulan tries to calm everyone down by warning the other roommates that that was what the money was meant to make them do. Is she implying that people with money are racists?

Angry Caucasian Gentile

How will this controversey be solved? By gambling! Everyone heads off in small groups, and no surprise Arissa heads off alone. Something tells me she’s going to be the first to lose all her money. Arissa tells us non-gamblers that baccarat has the best odds. Now because I’m a nerd, I looked that up and sure enough Arissa is dumb as dirt. (For anyone that cares only horse racing and the lottery have worse odds). Trishelle tells us that she’s a great gambler and is going to win it all. Somehow I find this very doubtful.

Frank decides he isn’t going to play for a while. He wants everyone to lose their money before he starts. Because he’s an idiot, I predict that it will take him only half the time of everyone else to lose all of his money, so waiting an hour puts him on par with everyone else. Alton starts gambling and seems to be doing really well for someone who claims to never have played. He is also playing blackjack which is the game with the best odds. Suck it Arissa!

Over to Steven and Trishelle gambling… Steven wants to talk about the J bomb but Trishelle plays dumb. She agrees that it’s weird and in a very polite I don’t want to talk about it sort of way asks Steven why he thinks Alton said that. We never really hear Steven’s answer, but he’s so sad it happened on such a “nice” day.

30 minutes in and Irulan is bust. She claims to be unsurprised. Me too honey, me too. We see most of the roommates losing their money quickly. Trishelle tells us that this is the worst luck she’s ever had. 1 hour and she’s out. 1 hour 18 minutes and Arissa is bust. That’s exactly 1 hour and 17 minutes longer than I’d expected. She stacked her last chips up, bets, and walks away. Ummmm I’m pretty sure that if you leave your money at the table it’s fair game. Sort of like your picnic basket in the woods and Yogi taking it.

Steven wins $1000 in one hand on a great double down. This puts him firmly in the lead unless Alton has some tricks up his sleeve. As I predicted, Frank bets his whole hand and loses in about 30 seconds. Alton tells us that he is pretty happy with being a little over $1000. With 5 minutes left the roommates who aren’t bust are all still gambling.

Steven and Brynn are around the craps table. Steven tries to bluff Brynn into thinking he only has $80 left, but she doesn’t fall for it. Irulan claims that logic is her skill and advises Brynn to stop. Somehow I see a Steven Alton showdown coming up. I know this is “unscripted” reality, but I mean, they had a fight earlier so why not make sure that one of them loses to the other. Sure enough Brynn throws all her chips in and with 50 seconds left…

she hits it BIG! Irulan is jumping up and down like she won. So with three people with chips, it turns out like this. Alton has $1490, Steven has $2006, and Brynn has $1936. So Steven wins. He never wins, and as a show of generosity he gives Brynn her money back. He doesn’t like taking money from mothers.. just racist black men. He tells her that he is happy she is who she is now and that she should keep the money. Awwwww, so this episode was still sort of about the new good girl Brynn!

In a hilarious turn of events, Alton tries to apologize in an effort to get his money back. Steven just wants to drop it, but Alton really wants his money back. When it’s clear Steven isn’t handing out anymore freebies, Alton stomps off. Trishelle, Frank and Steven get together to discuss Alton’s racist comment. Frank tells us stupidly that Steven is offended. No shit, Sherlock. Steven is horrified that someone who has been discriminated against would say something like that to him. Trishelle claims that no one can hide who they are for too long. (speaking from experience?) Steven says that he WAS having a good time but after that comment it’s a no go.

Elsewhere in the casino, it’s the girl’s turn for a take on things. Irulan tells us that she KNOWS Alton isn’t racist. She can’t see him as prejudiced. Again with the feelings that obviously still there! She claims that he just speaks without thinking and that’s all it was.

Get three balls in her mouth and win a prize!

Alton finally runs into Steven and tries to play off the incident. He says that as soon as he said it he thought he might have hurt Steven’s feelings. He goes on to blame Steven by saying that he is just hard to read. There is this awkward step forward where Alton is all in Steven’s face. For a split second I thought there was going to be a fight, but just an awkward hug. It seems like things are going alright then there is a little push. Trishelle, too, is worried about a physical altercation. Alton walks away from the fight. He says he hasn’t talked to him in 5 years and he doesn’t care if they ever talk again. He isn’t going to dwell on it. Steven calls Alton a lying fraud and says they won’t be friends after this.

So? Anyone else surprised that Steven and Alton didn’t turn out to be best friends forever? Next week is the final episode! It looks pretty typical, the spoilers showed us some packing shots. We see a life coach show up to talk to Steven courtesy of Alton. I just want to know how he pulls all these strings for this free stuff, sexual favors?