Expecting Change? I Wouldn’t

Over this summer I had my 5 year high school reunion. At first I had absolutely no desire to ever go back and see any of those people, because if I wanted to see them, I would have stayed in contact with them. But, the more I thought about it, the more I thought that I’m doing ok for myself, and what the hell, what else do I have to do? (Nothing.) So I went, and it was pretty much like I expected. The people I spent the most time talking to were the ones I kept in touch with already. After I caught up with the rest of the other people there, there wasn’t really anything else to talk about. I should also note that I had to drive, so the alcohol would have greased the wheels a little bit. But anyways, I assume that the Real World Las Vegas Reunion is kind of like a high school reunion, because it’s been five years, not really enough time for anyone to do anything significant with their lives, but just enough time to lose touch, and really not much has changed. Oh, and the whores totally got pregnant and had kids.

Frank and Steven were the first two to show up to the Palms, and apparently things look a lot different since the last time they were there. Frank says it’s good to be famous, and I’m pretty sure he’s not that much of a jackass to mean it seriously, but I just can’t put it entirely past him. Then Frank tells us that he wants to live Vegas like it should be lived. I wonder if anybody is regretting how much of a tool they were the last time they were in Vegas…

The two show up to the suite first, and aside from a TV here or there, their suite is the only thing exactly the same in the Palms. Irulan shows up next, and the first thing she wants to do is play some Wheel-of-Fortune. You’re throwing your money away Irulan. Well, she gets pretty unruly from all of the losing and a waitress walks up behind her to warn her to calm down. Ok, really Brynn just walked up behind her. Brynn! The two go up to the room, and Brynn tells us that now she’s completely different from old Brynn. She’s a wife and a mother now, and she’s only a gogo-dancer part time, instead of full time, so she’s nowhere near as wild as she used to be.

Ho in sheep’s clothing.

Next to the suite is Alton. He’s excited to see Irulan, because they really haven’t talked much in the past year. Irulan says she wants to just be friends with Alton and not have things go anywhere they shouldn’t go. I think by that she means orgies, but I can’t be sure. Everyone is gathered around, and Alton says that the only one they’re waiting for is Trishelle. Oops, he kind of forgot about Arissa. That’s probably the one person you don’t want to forget. Because you will hear about it. And Irulan makes sure to tell Alton that Arissa will hear about him forgetting her.

You’re gonna get it.

Well, next up to the suite is Trishelle, who’s sporting some freshly-dyed blond hair.

Don’t judge me, America!

Everyone asks if Trishelle has talked to Arissa, and she’s like, “Who is Arissa? Should I know who that is? Is that the guy I made out with last time?”

Actual Barbies were harmed in the making of this weave.

Apparently no one has talked to Arissa pretty much since they all left, except for Alton and Irulan, who haven’t really heard from her in like 4 years. Well, they’re about to, because she walks in. And she looks terrified. It looks like you can actually see her processing how long it would take her to turn around and run away.

Welcome back, Crazy Eye.

She must have thought it would take too long, because she sticks around. She says hello to everyone, and there’s general awkwardness. Then she tells us that “Irulan looks amazing. She looks so pretty, and I love her hair, and I wonder when we’re going to have it out.”

Soon.

Rarrr, catfight! There’s a knock on the door, and the George Maloof has sent the roommates a special gift of a bottle of champagne, a card from him (including his cell phone number), and the services for the night of the hooker who delivered both the items. I’m just kidding, they didn’t really get her services. At least for free. But the card also mentioned that he had arranged for everyone to have dinner at Alize. This reminds me of when I recapped the Surreal Life, and everyone was going to meet a surprise guest. It turned out to be Robin Leach himself, host of the show, but they speculated it would be a Maloof brother. Well, not only do the Real Worlders get a free dinner, but they’ve also got George Maloof’s cell phone number. So does that make the cast of Surreal Life shit, or does it make the Real Worlders slightly better than D-list celebrities for a couple weeks?

RW Las Vegas Reunited: 2027

There’s another knock at the door, and Irulan chooses to squat down, and then rise as she’s opening the door for some reason. Someone speculates that it could be their bags, but it’s actually Brynn’s bags. I mean her baggage.

Ma’am, your baggage has arrived.

I mean it’s her husband (Austin, the dude she met just before coming to Vegas the first time) and her youngest child. Brynn’s actually got two kids (I don’t really think she’s a whore, but plenty of girls in my high school were), but they must not love the oldest one enough to bring him to Vegas.

Now it’s time to pick bedrooms. That shouldn’t be a big deal, right, because everyone is much older and mature, and they can handle this like mature adults. Plus, everyone became so close last time with the old sleeping arrangements, they can just keep those, right? Ehh, not quite. Brynn and Irulan have worked out that they’ll stay together, because Irulan really doesn’t want to stay with Arissa. Arissa is kind of pissed of that since she was the last to get to the suite, she gets stuck with whatever shitty bed is left. So, if you can believe it, Arissa is getting just a little testy.

Why don’t we just draw names to see who gets what bed? That seems pretty fair, right? And, really you can’t say that anyone is going to get screwed over. Well, that’s fine with Irulan if you want to draw names, but she’s not leaving her room. Yep, much more mature 5 years down the road. Also, Frank is being a dick about his bed too. It looks like we’re seeing the new and improved Frank. Except, when I say new and improved, I mean the immature and acting out because he feels like his life has past him by to this point.

With really no resolution to that whole situation, we head over to dinner at Alize.

Awkward.

This is going to be a great opportunity for everyone to get caught up about what’s been going on in their lives in the past 5 years, unless of course they’re all already caught up already and haven’t lost touch. Ohh, uh, maybe not. Looks like quite a bit of awkward silence around that table. Trishelle starts us off with a question about who everyone is dating now. God, this is like a high school reunion. And Trishelle is obviously playing the role of the popular girl, because she’s in Ninja Cheerleaders. Well, apparently Brynn is married, Alton has been dating a girl for about a year or so, same with Irulan, and Arissa also has a boyfriend, who she’s been dating for, uh, um, a year and change. I guess she’s not really too sure about that one. That’s not suspicious at all.

He lives in Canada.

So Arissa is throwing up her shields again, that it took her, oh, 6 months to take down 5 years ago, so that’s good. She says that up until about 2 years ago she was making some really bad decisions with her life, and now her life is entirely different and she’s keeping it together. Then we see the three other girls in the confessional, and it looks like everybody is teaming up on Arissa. Well it’s not like she has a tendency to get defensive or anything, so this will probably all just blow over. Yikes. In her defense though, Irulan says that everything she says in confessional she will say to Arissa’s face.

Heather, Heather, and Heather.

So they’re out at Ghostbar later that night, and Irulan approaches Arissa. Irulan says that it shouldn’t be a big deal to be forthcoming, but Arissa didn’t really feel like the room discussion was like that. Well, Irulan isn’t 21 anymore, and she doesn’t feel like it should be weird about who rooms together. RIght. So, because Irulan is so much older and mature, she is able to not care about who rooms with who. As long as she doesn’t have to room with Arissa. There is nothing hypocritical about that statement at all.

Irulan goes on to say that she and Alton took Arissa in when they were living together, and things shouldn’t have happened the way they did. Everyone has been pretty cryptic up this this point about the actual REASON behind the falling-out that Alton and Irulan had with Arissa, so finally it looks like we’ll get some answers. Well, we find out that Alton told Irulan that Arissa tried to kiss him one night in their bathroom. Arissa is very intrigued by this, probably because she feels that the opposite happens. Rarr!

Arissa fights with her beset Fish Face

Irulan later says that there were more things that were suspect about Arissa than were ever suspect about Alton. Now, I know that they were together for a long time after the show ended, but, come on, Alton’s previous behavior doesn’t make him at least a little suspect? Didn’t he say he loved Irulan, like, the day after a threesome? And then lie about it? The answer is yes, yes he did. Regardless, Arissa would like to hear Alton say that she tried to kiss him to her face, and she doesn’t think that Irulan was a very good friend in the past. These two are absolutely yelling and screaming at each other right at the bar, on the very first night. Guess it didn’t take too long for the conflict to begin this time either.

Now, girls. You’re both pretty.

I’m going to take a second and sympathize with Arissa for just a second here. She’s pissed that her character has come into question, and it’s really a he said/she said situation, that she can’t win. Also, because she hasn’t talked to everyone in so long, she’s basically the only outsider in the group. NOW. That being said, maybe a good way to prevent that from happening would have been to, I don’t know, TALK TO SOMEONE IN THE GROUP. But, hey, what do I know.

Remember how Frank said he wants to live it up in Vegas? Well, he must have meant business, because he brought a random girl back with him, and they’re making out, and then they head into the confessional to mess around a little bit. When they’re done, Frank has her go out into the hallway, and Brynn sees Frank talking to someone in the hallways, so she asks who it is. “Who the fuck knows? I met her at church camp!” Frank is just a drunk mess right now. The girl wasn’t outside the door anymore (which he had shut), so he took off running down the hallways. Too bad for him, she was just around the corner of a wall and he ran right past her. He walks back to her, then falls down in the process. All the time she’s been on her cell phone, and he asks her “Are we done?” Yes, Frank, you have sufficiently made yourself look like an ass on TV. At 21 this sort of thing would be excused, but at 26? Well, it’s at least less excused. But at least he knows how to treat a lady.

Um…yeah.

While all of that was going on, Irulan walks into Trishelle’s room and explains the situation with Arissa. She just can’t comprehend Alton initiating a kiss with her. That makes sense, because he’s never ever ever done that before. Then Alton walks in, and Irulan explains the situation to him. Irulan says that all three of them should just sit down and have a conversation, which, while probably solving nothing, will at least get things out in the open instead of keeping them inside.

Gulp.

I am surprised at this group handling this in a semi-mature way. What’s that all about?

The next morning, around 7:30 a.m. (I didn’t know they had that time in Vegas) Alton and Arissa are both somehow awake, and they’re arguing about the whole situation. Each one thinks the other is full of shit, so someone is lying, or someone is batshit insane. Or both. Actually, I’m leaning towards both. The argument gets pretty heated, and Alton is worried that Arissa is going to hit him. Wow. I mean, Arissa may be able to do a little damage if she hit him in the face or something, but I would be more worried about the immovable grudge that she would most likely hold against him forever. She knows how to do it right.

This girl gives good face.

And the episode ended with that argument, to be continued. What did you think about the episode? What’s with Frank’s new attitude? Why weren’t Trishelle and Steven involved in the drunken escapades? What do you think about the whole Irulan-Alton-Arissa mess?