Hey, Remember Us?

Talk about your all-time quick turnarounds. No sooner do I finish with the Real World Denver crew than it’s time to meet a new cast. Except, no, it’s not a new cast, it’s the cast from Real World Las Vegas!

Remember 2002? I don’t. But apparently a lot of things have changed since 2002. I know my life, or at least, what I remember of it, has changed. I’ve turned 21, I’ve gotten engaged, only to have it broken off, I’ve traveled to Las Vegas, which also resulted in a broken engagement (it had more to do with sobriety than feelings), I graduated college, and I’ve moved like 4 times, all within about a 60 mile radius. Wow, that really puts into perspective how boring my life is. Well, some of those may be lies (I’ve gotten better at lying), but it’s still pretty boring. My life aside, would you like to find out if the Las Vegas Real Worlders had boring lives as well in the past 5 years? I don’t really care, because you’re going to find out anyways (note: I DO care! Please read!).

Going into this episode, I really didn’t know what to expect from it. My cable’s information could not have been more nondescript unless it just said “TV show,” so it was obviously of no help, and certainly the way that MTV set the show up, the intro was of no help either. So we’re just going to jump into this together and hope for the best. Or at least not the worst.

Ah, those were classy times.

I had some DVR issues, so I’m pretty sketchy on the first 10 minutes of the show or so, so bear with me as I refer to my memory. Yes, this is bad for everyone. The show started out, from the beginning, back in 2002. And I’m talking way back at the beginning, back when everyone arrived in Las Vegas. Trishelle and Steven were first up, and if I remember correctly, Steven said something about enjoying sex, while Trishelle said something about sex not being important. It’s obvious that these two were not on the same page, so I’m pretty sure nothing ever came from that.

Up next was Frank. I should clarify here, there was a narrator giving a lot of the backstory, and her voice reminded me of the automated menus you get when calling 800-numbers. Anyways, the narrator said Frank had Abercrombie looks. My response: really? That is a legitimate question, so feel free to answer it. Anyone.

Uhhhh….

Anyways, after that we’re introduced to Arissa, who I can remember nothing about, except the narrator said she’s a self-described hothead, and then we meet Alton, Irulan, and Brynn.

Ok, those introductions were fairly boring and nondescript (partly my fault probably) so let’s get to some action. Apparently, Frank immediately is interested in Trishelle, and who wouldn’t be, she’s pretty hot, physically. Well, Steven thought Trishelle was totally into Frank. Now, it should be pointed out that all three guys are in the weight room while this conversation is going on, and it just seems so, I don’t know, perfect. Guys talking about chicks while working out? And were the guys bonding over lifting weights?

Pit Bonding

So how does Frank do? I would say between well and pretty damn awesome. Except, maybe the opposite of those things, because actually Steven and Trishelle end up making out. Well, actually, it was lucky for Frank, because he didn’t actually see them making out. Phew, dodged a bullet. Oh, but wait. They decided to show him, and they basically end up making out on top of him. I can tell that Steven and Frank will be pretty close friends after this. It also looks like Frank has Trishelle right where he wants her. I expect fireworks soon.

Awwww.

You know who else was pissed off that Steven and Trishelle were making out? Brynn. She wanted to make out with Steven. Luckily, she handled it pretty maturely. Brynn, Trishelle and Steven all made out a little bit, and they got into bed together at one point, which was Brynn getting Steve right where she wanted him. Except there was Trishelle between them.

Well, Steven and Trishelle start sleeping together, and I expect that they use excellent judgment and are as responsible as possible. Brynn, however, is not entirely satisfied with the arrangement that has been forced upon her, where Steven and Trishelle do it while Brynn sleeps in the next bed over. She wants Steven and Trishelle to have sex in his bed, and she’s kind of a bitch about it. This forces Steven to be a bitch, and they get into it, and it’s pretty heated. He calls her a slut or something, and she does what any of us would do in that situation: whips a fork at him. But wouldn’t you know, she would go on to be the best damn fork thrower in the world for three consecutive years.

Brynn’s first act of fork terrorism.

Steven is pissed off about the fork, but I personally feel like he was being kind of a bitch about it. I kind of think he had it coming. But regardless, he wanted Brynn off the show for trying to harm him. He was talking some bullshit about a double standard, and how if he hit her, even out of self-defense, he’d be kicked off, and while he has a point, I still didn’t think he was going about it the right way. I think they could have settled it with him throwing a fork back at her, and then they’re even. Anyways, the producers get involved, but ultimately, Steve decides that Brynn is a lot like he was when he was her age, so he’s going to let her stay. Hooray for second chances! Also, it’s good that Steve saw himself as a 21 year old girl becoming a woman, because that is not weird at all.

“Seriously, it could have killed me!”

Now it’s Alton’s turn to be the focus of the narration for a while. Did I mention before that Alton had a thing for Irulan right away? I should have. It seemed like her feelings were kind of mutual, but she had a boyfriend, so, again, I doubt anything ever came of it. If there’s one thing that doesn’t happen in Vegas, or on the Real World, it’s cheating on a significant other. Well, apparently one night Alton brought over some chick who, let’s say, looked as if she was carrying a potpourri of STD’s. And, not only that, while people were still awake, the two jumped into the communal bathtub and were fooling around or something. That shit pissed off Arissa. She was not raised to fornicate in communal showers and bathtubs. But you know her parents totally did it. Ok, that one may have been a little gross. You’ll get over it.

So then there’s a little something for the ladies. For what appeared to be no reason whatsoever, Alton decided to walk around without a towel on. Irulan, lonely, horny, away from her boyfriend, sees this, and she tells us that his body is “on point.” I want to point out that that phrase is one of the few things I actually remember from the first go-round of this season. And that in no way makes me question my masculinity. At some point after that moment, Irulan and Alton started getting all over each other a little bit, but it was mainly just making out and nothing else. It’s not like she was sleeping with him and then had intentions of doing her boyfriend one last time, then going back to Alton when the boyfriend left, because that would make her a giant whore, right? Right.

Shy boy.

So what’s Frank been up to while all this is going on you ask? Well, you probably didn’t ask, because you will hate the answer. Apparently Frank hates strippers. Or, at least, a certain stripper who tried to shove her boobs in his face. He actually pushed her away. Meanwhile, I’ve seen many, many straight girls (friends of mine, so I think I can vouch for their heterosexuality) enjoy boobs in the face more, so what does that say about Frank? Well, mostly that he’s boring. And maybe kind of a loser. His goal? To find a good girl in Vegas. However, he didn’t really say anything about her having to be a girl all her life, so perhaps he’s got a shot.

He met a girl name Melanie, who supposedly was that good girl. He brought her home one night, and they were making out in the confessional room. Brynn walked in on them and supposedly saw a bare ass, which could have just been Frank’s face (I’m pretty sure that actually makes no sense), told Arissa, and then Arissa went to investigate and had the door slammed, pretty violently, into her face. Arissa must not be an exhibitionist, because she’s keeping everyone from getting action anywhere but their own bed. Or maybe she wants to be the only one. Or maybe she just hates people having sex in general. The point is she’s angry.

Frank was pissed off about the whole thing. What was he supposed to do, lock the door when he’s making out somewhere (he claims it was just making out, and he’s pretty boring, so I tend to believe him)? So Frank confronted Arissa about it. What the hell is that all about? Doesn’t he know he’s supposed to complain about her behind her back for a few weeks, until she finds out and then confronts him about it? It was actually a really boring confrontation too, because Arissa was all “mature” about it, whatever that means, and she just agreed with Frank that she was a hothead and she needed to work on that. Luckily for us, that was interrupted by someone trying to have sex in a bathroom at one of the bars at the Palms. Arissa away!

If there’s one thing Frank knows about, it’s timing. I’m not sure how long after that whole confrontation occurred, but later he was on the phone with one of his friends, and he was joking about how Arissa was the bitchy black chick on the show, and he also said he was terrified of her. I would be too. And you know what? She heard him say that. Uh-ohhh. Well, just when you thought this would result in another hothead moment, it was actually pretty tame. Frank apologized, and he seemed sincere, and Arissa seemed to tentatively forgive him.

Woops. Sorry about the black part.

You know what Arissa needs? Team-building exercises! The entire gang had to go to a motivational speaker (possibly because they were sucking at their job) and they went through trust exercises, which really seemed to help Arissa address some of her issues. She didn’t trust anyone, and then she reluctantly allowed herself to trust 6 strangers to prevent her from falling 4 feet to the ground, and then she cut them back out of her life forever. Personal growth!

“I’m Anne, and I’m AWESOME!!”

Here’s a surprise for you. There was apparently a big bowl of condoms in the bathroom, and Steven and Trishelle were having sex a lot, and you know what? They used protection every time. Well, there was that one time they didn’t. And when I say one time, I mean every single time. What? A lack of responsibility on the Real World? Why, I never!

So you know what that means, it’s time for the typical pregnancy scare. Oh, what, that doesn’t happen every season? You know who seemed ok with a pregnancy though? Steven. And his reason was that a kid would give him some purpose. And what a life that child would have too. I can totally relate to Steven here. I always think about impregnating women when my life is losing direction. I’m thinking about it right now in fact…or not.

Wow! You’re already showing!

Are you ready for another surprise? Apparently having sex with your roommate isn’t such a great idea! Sorry to throw such a curveball here, but it’s actually true in this case. Apparently, Steven really just like Trishelle for sex, and he didn’t want anything else. And Steven, taking a page from the book of Frank, chooses the perfect time to tell Trishelle: out at a bar. What, is that not a good idea? I’m gonna have to plead ignorance on this one. And, Frank, still holding those feelings for Trishelle, and apparently not bothered by her having sex with Steven on a regular basis, comes to pick up the pieces. Oh Frank. Such a turd.

Well, with Steven now out of the way, mainly because he was done with Trishelle, it was Frank’s time to shine. I told you he had her right where he wanted her. While it’s becoming apparent to you and I that Trishelle may not have the highest morals, or requirements for making out, Frank was blinded by it. Surprisingly, though, he was able to fight off some of her drunken attempts to make out with him. They eventually do kiss though, and it’s actually instigated by Frank. But I don’t think it was really a passionate kiss or anything, and it looked like he was pretty drunk. Also, I’m pretty sure Trishelle was like, “Aww, that’s, uh, cute I guess. Turd.”

Well, Brynn was bored, and she didn’t really have any guys at the time, so she went to audition for a gogo-dancing job. I love gogo-dancers. The audition seemed to go pretty well, but I don’t think she got the job. However, one of the girls called in sick or something, so Brynn got to fill in! Everybody was happy for Brynn, as she really seemed to excel at dancing suggestively while scantily clad in front of a lot of people. Some people may judge that harshly. I judge it: awesome.

Hello Mom? I got a job!!!

Things continue to turn up Milhouse for Brynn, as her friend Austin, who she met at home a week before she came to Vegas, came to visit her. He spent roughly a weekend together, and they were enjoying the sights of Vegas, and holding hands and kissing, and Brynn seemed really happy. However, she was pretty sad when he finally had to leave. What would become of the two? Will their true love be realized?

Let’s revisit Alton and Irulan. They cuddled a lot, but then she would still say she loved her boyfriend. Alton was sick of putting his feelings on the line only to be dumped on, so he decided to play the field. This pissed off Irulan, as she apparently still felt like she had Alton-rights. But oh how she did not. When the crew traveled to Australia, Alton continued to pick up the ladies, and Irulan continued to hate. See, his feelings don’t matter. Just hers. Right? (Bullshit.)

Well, in Australia, Alton gets back late one night and tells Steven he just had his first threesome. Giggety. Still in Australia though, he and Irulan talk, and they become closer and more couply. Then, on her birthday, back in Vegas, Alton brings her flowers! This couldn’t go any better! Which is why Alton brought back some other girl and fucked her.

Happy Birthday!!

You can’t really hide things when you have roommates, so, uh, sorry Alton, but Irulan found out about the birthday. Then she found out about the threesome in Australia and she was piiiisssed. And for obvious reasons. Why wasn’t Alton keeping her company until she could leave to see her boyfriend? He’s obviously a pig. So, Irulan finds out, and she pretty much flips out and says she wants to go home. She stays though, and late some night, Irulan and Alton wrestle and suddenly she’s cool with him again. She is obviously not fickle at all. At all.

From one complicated to relationship, let’s go to another. Trishelle is kind of hanging out/possibly screwing some guy, and Steven is jealous. So, he does what any sane person does, and tries to move on. Good for him. It probably wasn’t going to be worth the jealousy, right? Well, guess who’s still jealous of his date? Trishelle. Steve even brought his girl home, I think, and she met Trishelle. Now the details get a little fuzzy here, but it looked like Steven and Trishelle went to have sex while his date was stuck in their apartment by herself. It’s too bad for Steven, too, because she looked pretty easy. Easier than Trishelle though? Obviously not.

So, now it’s time for everybody to leave. They all go out to dinner one last time, and everybody was just really happy together. Hooray for happy endings. Steven even made out with Arissa, which was fun for everyone. Then it’s time for everyone to leave, and we see Trishelle and Steven make out disgustingly as he leaves, and I was pretty glad for that to be over.

My eyes!

Then we get see everybody as they’re about to come back to Vegas this time, and they give their predictions for what they expect to happen. Trishelle says she won’t make out with any chicks, which I will believe when I see, and Steven says he won’t hook up with anybody, which I’ll also believe when I see. Frank thinks Steven and Trishelle might hook up, whereas Brynn hopes they don’t. Alton is looking forward to seeing Irulan, and she thinks it will be fine to see Alton as well. Arissa? Well, she’s hoping she doesn’t have to prevent any sex in communal areas. Well, that, and she says she’s hoping to resolve anything she needs to resolve. Uh, what? Uh-ohhh.

The episode ends with everyone arriving at the apartment/whatever you call it, and they’re all hanging out, and the final topic is Arissa. She’s not there yet, and no one has talked to her. The episode ends with Arissa walking in, and we hear that Arissa and Irulan need to have it out. Kick. Ass.

They may show the beginning again, but I thought I’d just give a little bit of what happened. Also, I chose to leave out what people are doing now, as we’ll probably see all of that stuff again anyways. It was strange to do a recap of a recap of an entire season, but hopefully it serves as a pretty good refresher (as if MTV won’t give us enough of those during the episodes) and we’ll all know what’s going on when there’s the inevitable shit-ton of drama.

So how do you feel about this season? What do you expect to see? What are you most excited to see?