Real World Brooklyn: “I Haven’t Had My Coffee Yet. I Haven’t Had My Estrogen Yet. I’m A Bitch At This Point.”

Welcome back to another drama filled episode of the Real World Brooklyn! This week, Baya and Ryan finally make out, Chet and JD have a heart to heart and Chet might be gay, Katelynn and Baya fight over a guy, Sarah has bulimia and Scotty’s on roids. Well, either all that stuff happened, or the roommates took a boring road trip and Katelynn’s still transgender. Keep reading to find out which one…

What?

This week begins with Katelynn prancing around her room in her tiny pink tank top and what looks like black latex panties. And then she prances around the house. It doesn’t really even look like she’s doing anything, just walking around like, hey look at me in my latex panties. Scotty has a complaint, and grieves to Devyn, lying splendidly in the phone room. I guess Dev’s already addressed this with Katelynn, cause she tells Scotty that Katelynn’s not bothered by it, and neither is her boyfriend. Well, that she knows of, it’s not like he’s speaking to her or anything.

Just keep the hair over your face and your life will be much happier.

“I have a problem with it! And Ryan does too!” Scotty whispers furiously. Devyn just laughs, and then there’s Katelynn, now walking in circles in the kitchen while Sarah makes coffee. Katelynn tells us that she’s finally comfortable in her body. No shit. And Devyn tells us that there’s a rumor that perhaps Katelynn was not born a girl. Gasp!

Sarah does what I’m pretty sure is the first thing she’s done this whole time that hasn’t annoyed me – she sits down next to Katelynn and asks her how come she’s not wearing any clothes? “I am. These count as shorts cause I’ve got underwear underneath,” Katelynn explains of her very average, everyday black latex outfit.

“But you can’t wear that when there’s boys around. Or girls. Or people,” Sarah tells her. Or cameras, duh. But Katelynn disagrees. “Bitch, I Iive here,” she snarls with a lot of attitude. Well, then. Carry on as scantily clad as you wish. We all look forward to hearing what a victim you are when everyone starts talking about it.

And then Devyn gets in on it. She explains, and really, both she and Sarah are being really nice and rational about this, that in your own house you can walk around naked, but not when you have all these roommates. And television cameras, I’m practically shrieking from my sofa. Anyway, Katelynn’s got a very thoughtful and valid argument for why she should be wearing latex panties around. “In this situation, we don’t have the luxuries and comforts of our homes,” she explains seriously to Devyn. Oh, woe is you. The plight of the Real Worlder. Plucked from the luxuries and comforts of everyday life to be broadcast on national television in your underwear. I feel the same kind of pity I do when people like Tori Spelling complain about the paparazzi.

You, on the other hand, can take off your clothes whenever you want. How bout now?

“It gets a certain kind of attention,” says Sarah, “and if you like that attention, then keep doing it.” Wow, who is this Sarah? She’s kind of a bitch but in a nice way? I like her! Odd! The next day they head to the GayLesbianBisexualTransgender (seriously, they say it like one word) Community Center, and it’s the biggest one Katelynn’s ever seen. Katelynn, Sarah and JD meet up with a dreadlocked dude and Katelynn wants to help out the transgender community. Or do something with computers. JD wants to work on equal rights for marriage.

And Sarah goes into her art therapy thing, she wants to teach an art class. Dreadlocks is immediately excited. He really wants to work with her on this gay art class. Then he has another project he wants to “pitch” to them – oh, everyone’s so LA. Even at the volunteer center in Brooklyn. It’s a bike ride for HIV and AIDS, and they need volunteers. Katelynn is immediately onboard. She’s lost three close friends to AIDS. So sad.

Marriage schmarriage. Let’s finger paint, babay!

Sarah immediately gets teary eyed and she’s in on the bike ride too. And guess where the bike ride commences? Gettysburg! Hometown of Ryan! They get home and tell him about it. Ryan is really excited, not so much about the bike ride, but he says since it starts from Gettysburg, sure he’ll do it! Chet’s in too. I love a Real World road trip! We never get those anymore.

But before we take it on the road, we need to hear more from Katelynn about her femininity and sexuality. Set to the visual of Katelynn on a stripper pole. Katelynn’s got some skills. Good therapy for becoming a girl. But then she takes the show up to Ryan’s room to show Baya some of her moves. “Put some pants on!” yells Ryan.

Thank God! I had a dream you grew back!

“I do have pants on!” Katelynn yells back. Ryan tells us he can just look at her and tell she used to be a guy. So he’s the fucking expert. But then he follows her over to the confessional and overhears her saying that she’s only “been in this body a short time” and that she’s still getting used to it.

This information travels around the car later that night, with Ryan, Chet and JD. Ryan repeats what he heard, as evidence of Katelynn having once been a boy. And JD, who held her and cried with her the first week when she spilled her big secret? “She had her surgery done in Thailand,” he mentions from the back seat, “right before she came here.”

“She chopped off her wiener!” Ryan yells in what I can only describe as gleeful amazement. JD warns the boys that they need to let her come out on her own terms, and that whatever he just told them “didn’t come from me”. What an asshole. And JD’s the big “advocate”. Of gossiping, maybe.

Fine example of why any man would want to chop off their wiener.

And then it’s time for the road trip to Gettysburg! “It’s seven o’ clock. It’s wake up time,” Ryan informs us. And then proceeds to grab a pot and a spoon from the kitchen and marches through the house clanging on the pot and waking everyone up. I’m sitting comfortably at the Coffee Bean and I’m ready to reach through the screen and strangle him. I can only imagine what it’s like to be awakened by this. I can, but I’m not going to. Everyone just sort of tolerates it, until Katelynn attacks him.

“I haven’t had my coffee yet. I haven’t had my estrogen yet. I’m a bitch at this point,” she tells us gloriously. Only women can say stuff like this. Of course Katelynn wanted to be one. Then she goes into Ryan’s room, snatches his alarm clock, and throws it out her window while Devyn cheers her on. Ryan complains. “He didn’t expect someone to do that to his alarm clock? I would have done it a long time ago,” Dev informs us, then adds, “had I been sleeping in clothes.”

Kisses, ho.

They finally all get out of the house, and we learn that there will be two separate cars going to Gettysburg, the boys car and the girls car. It was Chet’s idea, cause he might be secretly gay, but Ryan loves it because if he had to be in the car with any one of those girls, someone wouldn’t make it to Gettysburg alive. And Ryan’s kind of screwed up like that, so I totally believe him.

They get into their separate cars, and the fighting begins. Even from opposite cars. Ryan refuses to give the girls car the address of where they’re going in case they get separated, and everyone’s still pissed at everyone over the whole wake up call. “It’s Gettysburg, it will still be there in an hour,” says Devyn.

And the petty drama continues, even from separate cars. The girls don’t like how the boys are going. They think the boys are going in circles, and the freeway’s right there, so the girls hop on, and now they’re separated. Without an address. Sarah has joined her interview in one of those fifties housewife power bitch do-rags.

I can bring home the bacon, m’kay?

Dramatic music plays in the background while we view the freeway. Will the girls make it to Gettysburg? Will there be a fight about it? Will the rest of the season be this insipid? Who knows, but Ryan’s mad about the girls breaking off. “They’re the worst people to caravan with!” he sputters.

And finally, we get to Gettysburg. And Ryan’s brother Aaron is in the parking lot of the double decker Gettysburg tour bus. The boys pull into the parking lot just as the tour bus lumbers out of the parking lot, and Aaron suggests catching up with the bus. Good natured laughing and male bonding ensue, while the boys drive along and jump aboard the tour bus to the tune of a catchy pop song. Good times in Gettysburg.

The ladies car turns up a little while later, and Sarah’s mad that they’re late. Sarah, who was driving. Anyway, they manage to find the Gettysburg bus stop and learn that the tour bus is just across the street. Gettysburg must be a really tiny town if the midway point through the tour is also the starting point. And the finishing point.

And the boys don’t want them there! Stupid girls, gonna ruin everything. And the girls, showing very good judgment, simply take off for a walk around town. They find an old time photo studio, and take a lovely picture. I don’t know, that sounds about a million times more fun than a double decker bus on a gray, chilly day. But the boys take a pic of their own on top of some mountain, and when they meet up at the end of the day, everyone’s friends again.

Trantique

That night, they head out the The Pike. What else would the swankiest restaurant in Gettysburg be named? They meet up with Ryan’s parents, sister and brother in law who all seem very nice. “These are good people,” says purple Chet, “good people” being rich Mormon code for “blue collar”. Katelynn too agrees that these are “good people”, but she’s anxious to get over to the other side of The Pike…where there’s a bar.

So that’s where the roomies head, and immediately Baya is hanging out with the Gettysburg DJ, throwing her hands around in the air, cause that’s what real DJs do. Then she gets on the microphone and in all seriousness gives a “What up!” and then tells the hot crowd that she’s Baya from Salt Lake City, Utah. What up Baya! I’d say she had a big future in the DJ game, but everyone knows that gig’s reserved for children of celebrities.

Oh, and she’s giving a “shout out” to her roomies! So cool. And then, according to Devyn, “all hell breaks loose”. “There’s a pole,” Chet explains, “but what Katelynn fails to see is it’s not a stripper pole, it’s a support pole.” And indeed, Katelynn is not getting this distinction. Because why wouldn’t a small town in Pennsylvania have a stripper pole at the local steakhouse/watering hole? And she’s really going off. This is not a subtle show.

Oh. My. God.

I’m so gonna interview her.

Then she falls down the pole onto her ass. That part’s pretty funny. Devyn screeches at her that she’s in a public place! And it wasn’t a stripper pole! “Grinding on a stripper pole doesn’t exist in Gettysburg!” Ryan yells frantically. Then Katelynn finds some old time leprechaun looking geezer with a green outfit and green cap. And well, grinding certainly happens in this fellow’s Gettysburg.

The next morning, it’s an early wake up to get to the bike race. The boys don’t even bother trying to wake the girls, they just head on their way but of course Katelynn has a problem with this too. I have to side with Ryan on this one. If they don’t like his efforts to get them out the door, then they’re on their own. I don’t think it’s any picnic in the park herding seven lazy asses out the door at 5 am.

But the real reason they left the girls behind might have been for yet another gossip girl episode about Katelynn. Scotty doesn’t understand why wherever they go, she has to be the center of attention. JD finds her embarrassing. Ryan found her pole dance “uncalled for”. Chet recounts the falling on the ass part, and includes the hilarious post-script that Katelynn blamed the slip on the stripper pole. “It wasn’t even greased properly,” she allegedly complained.

Leave it up to a chick to blame a pole, brah.

They get to the bike ride, and the girls are nowhere to be found. Chet complains that it’s not cute to be late. Ryan complains when they show up. Everyone holds a white flag making a dedication to someone who died. And then the latest drama is Chet poking JD in the ear with a flag, and Katelynn gets mad about it and then Sarah does too and everyone’s complaining about how inappropriate everyone else is and then they go to lunch.

Sarah, who knows everything, tells the group “I’ll lead,” which was a little dumb considering it’s Ryan’s town. The boys make fun of her in their car which is kind of funny. “I’ll lead,” they mimic. Chet tells us Sarah thinks she’s the best at everything. But the only thing she’s the best at is pissing people off in the house. “She’s outstanding at that,” he deadpans. In the girls car, Sarah wants nothing to do with Scott and Chet right now. We bounce back and forth between cars with such snippety gems like, this is not the time to make jokes. You’re the one who’s disruptive. Stop acting like you’re five. Another totally happening fight on the Real World Brooklyn.

On the ride home, we’re passing a bunch of cornfields and stuff. And for some reason, this makes Katelynn decide to come out to Devyn. “Oh, I already knew baby,” Devyn tells her before she can even get the words out. And now there’s a great “tunnel of communication”, says Devyn. They talk about how that’s why she wears her panties all the time. Still not okay.

Next shocker spoiler alert: this douche is named Chet.

In the boys car, they make jokes about Katelynn being the one girl who won’t get her period. “She man-struates,” the giggle. Then they wonder aloud why Katelynn hasn’t told them yet. They return the the house, and Katelynn tells us that the boys are cranky. Boys are always cranky after a road trip. They pick up the fight from earlier today, about flags and people who died from HIV and shoving and how everyone’s offended. Scotty wants to know why he got hit today. “Cause you’re immature,” Chet tells him, “and I’m immature, and Ryan’s immature.”

And Ryan looks up from underneath a jumbo sized cowboy hat, that I can’t imagine what purpose it would have in the house except for Ryan to be wearing it at this exact moment, and pipes in, “I’m not immature!” I nearly fall off my chair laughing. Then I look at it again cause it was so damn funny, and actually, he doesn’t really say it while he’s wearing the jumbo hat, so it was probably just an editing trick, but nonetheless, I watched it like ten times and well, now I’m the crazy person with the laptop at the Coffee Bean.

Chet tells the girls that they’re judgmental. And that they’re quick to point out everyone else’s fault without ever acknowledging their own. This sets Sarah off into tears. She really doesn’t want to be like that. She is a little critical, but in her defense, she always kind of says it in a nurturing way. I think she’s just lofty, and Chet likes to be a troublemaker.

But Sarah’s really upset. She shuffles around the house sobbing to JD that she doesn’t want to be that kind of person. He gives her some kind of example of what she said last Sunday about little girls’ psyches? And then Devyn’s in on the fight. Honestly, all I’ve got right now is a headache. Devyn sprouts a bunch of examples of studies, and seriously, I still have not a clue what this argument’s even about, stuff she learned in college and in high school on the collegiate level. Until JD shuts her down with a, “You’re a college dropout, sweetheart.” Ooooh!

But Devyn explains, rather agitatedly, that she is not a college dropout, she simply didn’t finish, and she still considers herself to be “college educated”. Hmmm, well that’s kind of a stretch. But I like Devyn mostly, so I don’t really care. I just want her to stop shouting.

If you’re so smart, what’s this guy’s name?

Poor Sarah just sits there looking confused. Then she dares to start talking. She gets like one word out, only to have Devyn shut her down with a, “No Sarah, this is no longer about you.” And then proceeds to steam roll JD with more shouting about how she’s confident in who she is. Well, considering how much she’s defending her fantasy college years, probably not, but whatever to get her to stop shouting. Then Sarah says that she never finished college either, and she and Devyn laugh about how they’re both college dropouts.

And then the really brilliant part happens, as Sarah, who went to JD to absolve herself from telling everyone else how to be, tells JD that the way he says things is hurtful, and JD gets mad and pretty much tells her she just proved her own point and then he throws a dishtowel. Sarah and Devyn shuffle away, over to the confessional where Sarah sits quietly and Devyn takes over with the real reason she’s pissed at JD, and that’s from the night at the drag bar when he said the drag queen had a better voice than Devyn. So, Devyn holds a grudge. And she never. Stops. Talking.

But you can’t deny that she stands up for herself when someone’s being mean to her. “Will you teach me how to be like that? Cause when Chet hurt my feelings I came in here and cried,” Sarah tells Devyn with a plaintive stare. “Of course, baby,” says Princess Devyn smoothly.

All it takes is some saline sacks and a manicure and boom you’ll have confidence.

Next day, the boys are playing pool. The girls are playing cards. Chet’s saying that Katelynn needs to just “let the cat out of the bag, cause it already is. We’ve petted it, we’ve accepted it as a housemate…” Ummm, what? This just sounds creepy. Ryan thought that she would have mentioned something by now. He wants to know and he wants to know soon, he tells us. “Maybe I need to be more aggressive,” he warns.

And he does it in the most perfect way a guy like Ryan could. He walks in on her in the computer room, looking totally adorable by the way, and tells her, “You’re like a big mystery and I’d love to learn more about you.” Katelynn literally blushes and brushes her hair away. “I already know more than you think,” he tells her, and then, “You were born a guy, weren’t you?” And that was it! Like ripping off a band-aid. Oh, and Katelynn confirmed by the way.

And now it’s time for Ryan and Katelynn’s big emotional deal over the whole thing. How many roommates left to tell after this? Luckily, the Devyn reveal went pretty quickly, but that was cause she really already knew and wasn’t freaked out. Not so much Ryan, so this convo might take a while.

But they immediately find commonality, as Katelynn tells Ryan that she didn’t tell everyone at first because she didn’t want to be defined as the transgender. What she wanted was to be defined as the hottie who pranced around in her panties, but well, that just wasn’t realistic. And Ryan understands, that’s why he kept his participation in the military private at first too. He didn’t want to be the soldier boy. But he wants to know deets about Katelynn.

I wanna write a song about you. I’ve already come up with like six rhymes for wiener.

She tells him about the surgery, and Ryan yells “Owwww!” and “Ewwww!” alot. “Whoa!” he tells us. He asks her if it was a big decision. I know, no stupid questions, but please. She teaches him about hormones and how the whole thing cost her thirty grand. “You could have bought a bionic penis for that!” he tells her. Katelynn tells us he’s typical of most heterosexual men, they just can’t understand why she would want to cut if off.

“Orgasms are just as great now as they were back then,” Katelynn tells Ryan. “Aaaaah! Aaaaaah! How!?!?” Ryan hyperventilates. Then tells her she’s Pinnochio. She wants to be a real girl, but she’s a boy. I think that’s a little rude, but she seems to get it. “It’s a lot for me to take in,” he tells us honestly. “It was good,” she tells him. She’s happy about it, but annoying to know that she was so easily read. Awww. So can I say, I met Katelynn, and I had no idea. I just thought she had fantastic eyebrows.

Later on, Scotty’s asking Ryan when they should confront Katelynn. Ryan tells him he already did it. And the he explains to Scotty, who’s hurt that she thinks he wouldn’t still want to be her friend. Then he asks Ryan if Katelynn kept her “stuff” in a pickle jar? I think it’s less of a concern that he won’t be her friend, and more of just saying things like that, you know?

Anyway, later on, busybody Sarah tells Katelynn that JD outed her to all the other boys. Sarah thinks it’s wrong, and Baya does too! Girl power! They head into the house, and Katelynn tells us she feels betrayed by JD. I would feel that way too. JD’s coming off pretty two faced.

You’re about to get those fingers broken, biatch.

That night, JD prances up to Katelynn like a catty schoolgirl and wants her to come along with him for a second. He wants to make sure that she knows that Ryan coming out to her had nothing to do with him. Oh, really? The editors even help us out with this one, going right to the flashback in the car when JD told the boys. Liar.

And Katelynn’s not letting it go. She’s in the bathroom with Baya, talking about how JD has “no soul”. I just think he acts like a little bitch sometimes. But all’s well that ends well in the Real World Brooklyn house, as Katelynn plays pool with the boys and Ryan thinks she’s more comfortable. They all have a laugh and what can I say, it’s pretty sweet.

So, all in all, harmless. But completely uneventful. But next week, something happens! Devyn has some kind of fiance…and also a boyfriend! She’s a cheater, first of all, but what about all that Scotty chasing she’s been doing? I have so many questions. Til then…