I’m a Drama Queen… Now Get Me Out of Here!

Last week, Robin dared to grab the spotlight with her drunken antics. Well, if bitch thinks she can make Frankie slink in the shadows, she’s got another thing coming. That’s right, Frankie came back full force this week on The Real World: San Diego as she pouted, cried, bemoaned her sadness, yelled, threw tantrums, and thankfully threatened to quit. By the end of the “cliffhanger” episode, Frankie’s demands to leave the show felt less like an impassioned plea for normalcy and more like an elaborate way of saying “Baby wants her bottle.”I guess we knew there would be hellfire and brimstone this episode because we were treated to tense music as the show opened, followed by Frankie’s proclamation that when she’s fed up, she becomes a huge bitch. It seemed more like a promise than an observation. Moments later, when Cameran asked for some change, Frankie shot her PA cannon (that’s passive aggressive, not Pennsylvania) back by listing all the money she didn’t have. Gleeful Randy countered with “You could have just said no.” To which Frankie huffed “Fine. No.” And this was only in the first forty five seconds.

Later, Frankie finally resurrected that age-old Real World phone dilemma when she insisted she had to chat on the phone with her baby-talking boyfriend while the roommates stood around waiting to call a locksmith to unlock the house SUV. Jacquese turned off the giggle switch and honed a little Real World/angry black man schtick when he told Frankie to drop the attitude. We need to see this side of him more. I was ready to pull some very Ja-like high fives when he called Frankie out for always walking away from conflict.

Cut to Frankie scrubbing down a boat with Jamie. I thought we were in for more general bitching and moaning with maybe a dash of seafaring vessel neuroticism, but surprisingly, Jamie actually had something to say about herself. She voiced very selfless frustrations about her mother. No, she wasn’t joining the long line of Real Worlders blaming their parents for everything under the sun. Jamie was frustrated that her mother had to work so much and be ridiculed at her job. She struck a rare and welcomed empathetic note in the midst of a brewing self-pity episode. As Jamie cried reluctantly, Frankie tried not to appear too bored. Truth is she looked more shocked that anyone would dare to trump her manufactured drama. Jamie ultimately expressed regret that her mother and father couldn’t both visit her in San Diego. Cut to Frankie proudly announcing the arrival of her mother, stepfather and sister.

While the roommates wandered aimlessly around their house, Frankie made a point of declaring her general depression, you know, just in case anyone cares. She’s just saying, she’s depressed. Better call Dave. For once, Dave – like Jamie – actually had something to say for himself. His band is playing a big concert on Halloween – their anniversary. Well, that’s not acceptable. Frankie’s of the camp that you can’t be happy if I’m not happy. She burst into tears – pausing to drop a few perfunctory “No, I’m happy for you” lines. Later in the episode, with Dave hardly able to contain his excitement over his gig, Frankie tried to hang up on him. Way to be supportive. When she couldn’t end the call, Frankie snipped at Dave, leaving him confused and probably a little hurt. Clearly he didn’t get the memo that this was Frankie’s episode, not his.

Nevertheless, we had two very different sets of relatives visit the house. First, Frankie’s clan arrived featuring her seemingly normal parents and slightly oddball sister who seems to be fresh from her Ghost World 2 audition. I won’t bash the sister though for her mime-esque wardrobe because the poor girl’s only 12 and has to deal with all this Real World nonsense. The Frankie fam went off for a night on the town where Frankie swiftly jumped into the anti-roommates tirade, complaining that everyone talks behind her back. Then she quickly took the time to talk behind everyone’s back. This was followed by some general torts about how everyone is friends except her. I suggest Frankie finds a psych textbook and reads the chapters on self-fulfilling prophecies and self-handicapping.

Meanwhile, Jamie picked up her mother from the airport where arguably one of the more interesting and culturally fascinating Real World storylines had a brief moment to shine. Jamie and the roommates tried their best to welcome her mother to the clashing world of the Real World house, but the staunchly traditional Korean mother was clearly offput by such things as the coed showers. Watching Jamie trying to bridge the generational and culture gap while battling a language barrier actually made for compelling television. Jamie explained that she’s never really had any significant conversations with her mother because her Korean is so choppy. It was shocking to hear Jamie ask her mother basic questions about her father’s age and life. As the two of them started to bond, I started to question things about- oh wait, this is too high level for the Real World. Thankfully, the producers switched the action back to Frankie.

The next day, Frankie was in major pill mode as she claimed over and over again in confessionals that she didn’t come here to make friends and she doesn’t care what people say or think about her and she doesn’t care if anyone knows how she feels blah blah blah. She might as well have lit up a neon sign that said “Defense mechanisms going into effect. Please do not disturb.” After Frankie was done with this empty rhetoric, she then proceeded to display how much she doesn’t care about the roommates by clamoring for everyone’s attention. Tipping her hat to third graders across the nation, Frankie literally threw a tantrum in the arms of her mother as she yelled loudly – and conveniently within earshot of all the roommates – about how no one liked her so she was going to leave. Mom tried to calm down her daughter, but all attempts were greeted with Frankie growling back the patented “What do you know!” response that’s so essential to an effective tantrum.

When Frankie raised the notion of returning home, her mother had the audacity to note that Frankie had made a commitment to the show and she should follow through. Personal responsibility? What sort of a mother is this? Frankie tried some weird mixture of guilt and passive aggression when she concluded she had to stay or else her mother would be disappointed in her forever. Frankie stormed away – score another for Jacquese – leaving the rattled sister left to deal with some more childhood trauma. Cameran stepped up though and offered a shoulder to cry on for the precocious girl who commented on how Frankie never seems happy. It was fairly heartbreaking to see this adolescent next to her passive mother, knowing that she probably felt the responsibility to keep her disfunctional family together. For Frankie to put her young, impressionable sister at ground zero for her own petty drama is pretty unforgiveable.

Nevertheless, it was sadistically funny realizing that no one wants Frankie, not even her family. A few roommates had silly conversations with her where they pretty much said “Listen, you’re miserable and driving us crazy. Please go home. Oh, but I think you’re a great person.” Somewhere in here, Robin raised the interesting point that Frankie should probably spend more time enjoying life while she has it. And also, Jamie’s mom went to the airport and left. You know, her mom comes in for one day, and Jamie spends the entire visit wanting to learn about her parents and her roots and how she can help her family. Frankie just uses the time to complain and revert to childhood. I’m surprised she didn’t demand a new toy.

The episode finally came to a close with Frankie calling the producers and threatening to leave. Truth is she just wants everyone to come grovelling to her and say how much they love her. MTV would like to have us believe that Frankie wll follow her heart back to Dave, but we all know her true love isn’t some tattooed ragamuffin in Kansas City. It’s the cameras. Just her, the cameras, and those wonderful people out there in the dark. All right, Mr. Murray, she’s ready for her close-up.