Real World DC: Infaildelity

Let me just say thanks to those of you who cleared up my job question from last week. I’ve clearly been mostly out of the loop for a few years. I don’t know why I care. I guess MTV decided to stop pretending Real Worlders are functioning members of society anymore.

Anyway, on to this week’s scintillating episode. I’ve got myself a nice little cold going on; throat scratchiness was followed by a battle between stuffy and runny in my nose, and now the achiness has set in. If I sound feverish, I probably am. I expect I’ll make approximately as much sense as the average Real World cast member.

We start off this week with Emily, Ty, Mike, and Pandrew going rock climbing. I know I’ve said this before, but goddamn these people exercise more per episode than I do per year. I’ve kind of always wanted to go rock climbing, but thus far my laziness has prevailed. Also, I’m sure this will be a cakewalk (hmmmm, that sounds like a form of exercise I could get behind) for Pandrew after his cage fighting days. Remember when Emily believed that story? She seemed so different in the first episode than she has since.

Emily and Ty are doing their usual flirtation, which consists of both of them trying to assert dominance. Ty confessionals that he and Emily have more in common than anyone else in the house. If he’s talking about constantly trying to one-up the other one, he’s absolutely right. Or as he puts it, they’re both “competitors” and “fiery, strong-willed individuals.”

Ty falls down and Emily takes her turn while Mike confessionals that she’s an alpha-female who likes to challenge Ty. I’m just amused by all of the double entendre going on, from Ty crying out “It’s hard!” to Emily declaring that Ty is “so pissed cause he can’t get it up.”

Now it’s time to learn all about Josh’s relationship, so brace yourselves. He calls her to tell her he’s thinking about her while telling us that she came into his life at a difficult time. He got kicked out of his apartment and had to move back to the ‘hood. She made him whole again. He speaks in cliches and song lyrics just like Erika, only SLIGHTLY less often. They miss each other, she’s coming to visit, they’re excited. Whatever, it’s all background bullshit leading up to the DRAMA.

Now Ty and Emily are fighting over whose bed they’re going to sleep in. Ty follows Emily out of his room and Odrama is, no bullshit, on her hands and knees outside of the door telling them that she wanted to watch. Seriously, this girl needs to get laid. Can’t Mike take one for the team?

Emily’s proud of herself for her ability to have fun with Ty without any scary things like feelings or emotions getting involved. In case you haven’t heard, she’s not your average girl. And in case you forgot, she’s here to remind you. Odrama, however, IS the girl that gives all girls a bad reputation, as she sits with them on the floor in the hallway (seriously, is there a couch in this house?) and tells them “You two are going to make the most beautiful little babies, so go stick your tongue down her throat… and make it happen.” If Mike’s not willing, I’m sure Pandrew wouldn’t mind giving her a little lovin’. Just someone, anyone, to momentarily distract her from trying to crawl into bed with Emily and Ty while they’re making these babies.

This sparks the fuck buddies to tell everyone that they do not like each other’s kissing styles. Apparently they’re both dominant kissers who want to be in control. You don’t say? Ty says their relationship is based on competitiveness and sexual attraction and they flirt until she kicks him in the balls and runs out of the confessional. Well, that’s probably not going to get him in the mood. He likes it when sexual attraction is “allowed to flourish and knows no boundaries.” Then there’s a black-and-white shot of them slapping each other in bed. Kinky?

I know if I was unemployed and living rent free, I’d be going to bed at sunrise and waking up at sunset. What can I say, I’m a night owl. Anyway, the roommates are making breakfast and getting ready for the day when the drama between Josh and his girlfriend begins. I would say it’s too early in the morning for that, but how the hell do I know what time it is?

Josh’s mom calls to tell him that his girlfriend has been running around trying to hook up with some “Ritchie” person. Josh tells her that was something that happened awhile ago, but doesn’t elaborate. His mom does, however, telling him that there was alleged kissing going on between the two of them just last night! Oh, SNAP! She refuses to name names as to how she got this information. Oh come on, Josh’s Mom, if you’re going to be a tattletale, just embrace it. Don’t hold out on us now.

Josh calls up his girlfriend, Ashley, to begin the questioning. He would like to know if she has anything she wants to tell him. She does not. She tell him in her best Jersey Shore accent that she “didn’t kiss anybody, didn’t touch anybody, didn’t fuck anybody, nothin.” He brings up the alleged culprit, Ritchie, and is met with a few seconds of silence. He is suspicious and she is PISSED. Now he’s PISSED and hangs up on her.

Josh, is so pissed, in fact, that he must get a piercing because he needs to feel PAIN. How very emo of him. I supposed it’s better than wrist cutting.

Apparently people don’t want he and Ashley together because he’s a bit of a cradle robber and is “known?” I think that’s what he said, although I’m not sure and I certainly don’t know what he means by it. Then again, that happens often with people my age. He’s frustrated at not knowing whether or not she cheated, but is worried that if he broke up with her, no other girl would put up with his shit. Ty understands the sentiment. Well, that’s quite the conundrum they’ve found themselves in.

He’s getting his nose pierced, even though I thought he already had a nose piercing. I suppose we can’t trust that we see the goings-on in the Real World house in order.

The noise piercing pain and the cheating pain are both unbearable. At least one is completely his fault, so it’s difficult to be sympathetic. I just can’t believe Odrama didn’t have a cup pressed up against the phone room trying to listen to the phone conversation. There are tears coming out of his eyes during the piercing, but he neglects to attribute them to one pain or the other.

Josh shows the roomies pictures of Ashley, and even the gay guy approves of her body. He has now come around to believing that she was not stupid enough to cheat on him (his words, not mine). He knows she’ll be there for him in the end, and he’ll probably return the favor (again, his words, not mine). Well, that’s magnanimous of him.

Now the girls are all excited because the Walking Cliche knows guys in bands and they’re all going drinking. Callie is so excited she’s jumping up and down saying “I wanna do that!” over and over. I suppose it’s a far cry from drinking with the ducks in her hometown. Because she’s so INDIE, Erika is very excited about one of the bands since they’re on her iPod and she respects them as musicians. One of the guys in the band offers to learn one of her songs so she can play it at their show the next day, which excites her a great deal. She calls her boyfriend to relay the news, and it goes much better than the last Significant Other phone conversation we saw. He’s happy for her and the conversation is littered with “babe” this and “babe” that.

She tells us that she’s been sick for a few days and not only is her voice not 100%, it’s not even 50%. While I’m sure her sickness is affecting her singing voice more than her speaking voice, she sounds exactly the same to me as she has for the entire season.

Ty and the girls are now discussing their views on commitment. This should be fun. Callie says she thinks she’s attracted to guys who don’t want commitment because subconsciously, she doesn’t want commitment either. Ty cannot fathom this because he is firmly of the mind that all girls want commitment all the time. This is what frustrates me, the complete generalization. Yes, it has been my experience that girls are looking for commitment more often than guys. Most, if not all, people would agree with that. But people who honestly assume that “most” means “all” drive me nuts.

Apparently Emily is not a fan of this school of thought either. Remember, guys, she’s having fun, no commitment or emotional attachment. She doesn’t want to settle, even though some females do. Ty’s response? “Women are just dependent.” Surprisingly, Erika is the first girl who can’t handle the conversation anymore and leaves. I probably would have too. Odrama is shocked that he’s not joking. Apparently this is a situation laced with hypocrisy, because Callie tells us that Ty is dependent on girls. He actually already admitted to this, so if he had any self-awareness he might not be so hypocritical. Emily: “Ty’s just fucking stupid sometimes.” That’s one way to put it.

Callie’s the next girl to get up and leave the conversation, followed by Emily and Odrama. We get a glimpse of Pandrew:

Ty is amazed as his ability to clear a room full of girls. Pandrew can probably relate. Speaking of Pandrew, he’s frustrated that no matter how much Ty pisses Emily off, she’ll still be all over him. Meanwhile, Pandrew can’t get laid no matter what he does.

Now Ty uses a cat and mouse metaphor to assert his dominance in their situation. For those of you keeping score, Emily is still just having fun without an emotional connection. This will be important later. Ty whines for her to kiss him and tells her he likes her. The roomies discuss their fucking and Callie finds it funny that Emily’s the one who claims to not be dependent on guys.

Now it is daytime and Josh is eagerly anticipating the arrival of his sometimes beloved. Erika is touched by his excitement (no, not like that you pervert) and thinks it shows his sweet side. Mike says she’s like an adorable, pocket sized version of a real person. Josh feels that everything is okay now that she is here and their fight is irrelevant. They eat food and hang out in his bed. I am bothered (probably more than I should be) by the fact that they are both wearing shoes in bed. It just irks me.

The girls are discussing drunk dialing. Odrama and Callie both have go-to drunk dialees who they know they shouldn’t call but do anyway. Callie furthers her status as the house hick by revealing that his name is Cash. Apparently they dated and he made her feel bad about herself and she’s sick of it. Drunk dialing is clearly the way to fix that? No worries, Emily is here to tell us that a girl should never chase a boy and always be dependent. Haha, she sounds like me a few years ago.

Erika is talking to her boyfriend on the phone and getting ready for her “big break.”

She takes a cab to play with The Cab, which makes me LOL. Do they not have a car this season either? Budget cuts, I guess. No car, and extra product placement. So far, though, no job OR “finding yourself” assignments.

Anyway, she rehearses with the band and frets about her raspy voice, but they’re very encouraging. Callie has tagged along, likely hoping to bang a band member. The music supervisor helpfully chimes in with “Calm your nerves now… just breathe.” Oh, I guess this is one of the bands songs because now they’re singing it onstage. Most of the roomies have showed up to support Erika’s Moment, and in fact it appears that the venue is legitimately full. Apparently this is a far cry from the “dive bars and open mic nights” at which she usually performs. Well, at least she’s honest. She continues to spout cliches about this moment and her life and proving herself. She should use that skill to write songs or something. Oh, wait…

She sings her song about breaking up and is raspier onstage than she was in rehearsal. There’s feedback from the speakers too, but who cares, she’s LIVING HER DREAM.

Moving on. Apparently Josh’s girlfriend falls into Ty’s “all girls want commitment” theory, because she brings it up while they’re out to eat. He’s worried though, because apparently marriage will ruin their relationship. Also, marriage and commitment scare any man, says Josh.

Callie has hit it off with one of the guys from the other band and is showing him her photography. When he takes a pee break, she goes over to Erika and says that he told her he’s single. Erika actually knows the guys though, so she confirms that he does in fact have a girlfriend. Douche/idiot. You’re on Candid Camera!

Josh and his girlfriend have a sad goodbye at the bus station the next day, complete with him running onto the bus for one last goodbye kiss. Based on what little we saw, she actually seems pretty sweet and cool. Far too sane to be dating a Real Worlder.

Bar. Drunken merriment. Shots. Callie starts talking to a guy and employs her new tactic of immediately asking if he has a girlfriend. He says he does, and even Odrama is warning her away from this guy. They get into a cab and Callie drunkenly rants about her frustrations. She gets home and drunk dials her Ol’ Reliable. Lots of phone time this episode.

Emily is also drunk and is therefore slightly more amusing in her disapproval. She is no less adamant though, as she stands next to Callie ordering her to hang up on that douchebag because there’s a reason they haven’t talked. Apparently this is bringing back bad memories for Emily of a time when she was dependent on a guy.

Pandrew calls her out via confessional for being a hypocrit and needing Ty, admitting that he’ll never say it to her face. Well, of course not. She could dropkick him without blinking, and probably would if he caught her in the right mood.

Emily and Ty proceed to cut Callie down until she starts crying by telling her that she called him because she was deperate for a connection, which she agrees with, and that she shouldn’t have opened that door with him again, which she acknowledges. She feels like everyone’s ganging up on her, which they are. I’ve had so many versions of this conversation, and have admittedly always been Emily in said conversations, but I’ve finally learned that it’s a waste of time and energy. People are going to do what they need to do.

The next morning, Callie attempts to talk things out with Emily. She explains that she tries not to pass judgement on the others, but she felt Emily was too quick to judge her just because Emily didn’t agree. I think she’s right. I used to judge my friends for being “dependent” on guys, but I finally realized that people just deal with things differently, and unless someone’s in danger, it’s usually best not to harp on it. Having an opinion and expressing it is fine, but once it’s out there you’re just beating a dead horse if you keep bringing it up.

Callie feels like Emily’s looking down on her for handling things her own way. She says she doesn’t understand the whole Ty thing, but it’s not her place. Exactly. It all ends with Emily saying she’s not good at conversations. Especially ones about feelings.

Another night out at the bar, Josh has found himself a “friend”:

Callie is skeeved out and thinks he’s just going to “push the limits as far as he can go without technically cheating.” Cause that’s so much better? Josh brings the girl home and you can feel the judgement in the room. It’s shooting out of the girl roomies’ eyes like lasers. I would probably judge too, this seems pretty shady. Although apparently part of the judgement stemmed from her being “like, 30.” It’s also partially because he has a girlfriend though.

Lest you think Emily only judges girls, she disproves that theory by telling us that Josh is stupid and ruining his relationship. This time I agree with her though. She says they’re making out but apparently the cameraman failed to capture it. Fire him!

Erika has now decided that Josh is a scumbag and she feels for Ashley because she’s been cheated on. You’ve also been the cheater, in case you forgot. She’s sure Ashley has no idea. Well, don’t worry, she will eventually.

The girl leaves and Emily tell Josh she saw them making out, which he denies.

He calls Ashley and is very short and evasive during the conversation, claiming to be tired. Nothing suspicious about that.

Out at yet another bar, Emily says that her flirtation with Ty is fun and never gets to the point that it’s uncomfortable for her.

Guess that’s over. Also, Ty, what was that about women needing commitment?

Later that night Emily puts up her emotional wall and sends Ty to his own bed, but he hovers outside of her door. She tells him to go to bed, but he wants to talk. Yeah, Ty, women are so needy.

Ty wants to have sex but Emily won’t do it if there’s emotional involvement. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but she’s terrified of commitment and doesn’t want to sacrifice any part of her life for someone else. He prides himself on his openness and honestness and is frustrated that Emily puts on a facade. Especially when the facade stops him from getting laid. Poor Pandrew, every girl has a facade up around him. Ty’s mad that she pretends that she doesn’t have feeling and that she’s not a woman. Again, annoying generalization. All women have feelings and no men do? Bullshit. Apparently it even makes him lost respect for her. Well I’m sure she loses respect for you every time you try to manipulate her, jackass.

Josh’s girlfriend calls to ask him about the girl he allegedly made out with. He reponds with a hilariously high pitched “What’s that?” He claims he doesn’t remember and that it never happened (not the same thing, Josh) and she asks why there’s a picture of it. He’s no fool though, and asks what exactly she saw a picture of before responding. He goes back to his declaration that he does not remember it, which I’m willing to bet means it totally happened.

“What the fuck is that?” Ashley and I want to know. Josh tell us that if Ashley cheated he’s probably flip out and break up “at that point” but she can’t expect him to “be in a certain situation” and “not do certain things.” Again, as Ashley put it, “What the fuck is that?” He tries to hang up on her to go smoke a cigarette, but she’s having none of that. She’s pissed, and he suggests a “break.” Oh, Josh, did you learn nothing from Ross and Rachel? That never ends well. Apparently he has “too much” he needs to “worry about” while in DC. Like what? Rent? A job? Getting his dick sucked? He hangs up on her.

Ty and Emily play pool and yet again discuss their situation. He says he doesn’t think it’s over, she says if she doesn’t want to have sex she’s not going to. Guess why? If you said “fun” turned into “emotions” then you are clearly not in a coma. Actually, if you answered at all you’re probably not in a coma, but you know what I mean.

Ty doesn’t want to like someone who doesn’t like him. I should mention he’s spend 90% of this episode pouting. He pretty much sounds like a third grader at this point. Things get awkward, and the episode ends.

Next week, Pandrew speaks for everyone when he calls out Odrama. She cries, and in typical Odrama fashion, I’m sure it will be nowhere near as dramatic as the previews make it seem. Pandrew probably won’t puss out and apologize like Mike though.