It Was All In The Editing

Real World

By B-Side | Tuesday, November 1, 2005 | 2:40 pm | 36 Comments

nehemiah_avidWell, it’s the day after Halloween, and what better way to unwind from a night of ghosts and goblins than by revisiting our old friends in The Real World: Austin. I’ve sort of gotten into a bad pattern where I do my posts a week after the show airs (it’s very Television Without Pity, I know) but who can blame me? After writing about Laguna Beach, The Apprentice, and even The Amazing Race: Family Edition, it can be hard to muster the energy to attack our favorite bunch of drunken, hormonally-driven roommates. But then again, how could I not? So with the humble pledge that the next recap will appear sooner than this one, let’s dive into all the hedonistic goodness once again.Did I say hedonistic? Because this latest episode was all about work, not play. Sure, the producers managed to fit in drunken girls dancing atop bars, but hey, when it comes to the Real World, that’s like capturing footage of people breathing: you can’t avoid it. Anyway, the show began with Paul Steckler and his posse coming over to check out the documentary. Wait, what? Documentary? Oh, that’s right! It’s that job the kids have worked on for about five minutes this season. Well, before Steck could even check out the footage, there was some product placement to be had. He conveniently bestowed the roommies with a brand new T-Mobile Sidekick (pause to hold up Sidekick, smile at the camera) with the understanding that they could use it to keep in touch with their advisors. Yeah, okay, whatever. It’s a product placement, Steck. They could have used a land line.

Steckler then gathered ’round the boys and girls and asked them what their favorite moments of the filming were, and guess what? Everyone liked a different band. Wes in particular made an impassioned plea for what may have been the seminal moment in filmmaking as a profession: “I was holding the camera up, and he was singing over me; he sweats all this water, and it falls down onto the camera lens… It’s sick.” Wow, sounds more impressive than the opening shot from Goodfellas.

Well, as ardent followers of this season may remember, the roommates had to put together a rough cut of their doc, otherwise they wouldn’t get to have an STA Travel-sponsored vacation. That meant they had to present their work to none other than the Austin Film Society — something Rachel was fairly eager to do. “This is to show the Austin Film Society what we’ve done and that we deserve a little vacation,” she said. Seriously, they really deserve a vacation. Sometimes, when all you do is party day in and day out, you really need to take a break and party elsewhere. Besides, let’s not forget about the demands of that documentary. I mean, people, they’ve put almost fifty hours of work into their job over three months. That’s like thirty-two minutes a day!

Anyway, because of his alleged expertise in filmmaking and videography, Nehemiah stepped up to oversee the assembly edit of the doc while other roommates sat on the side and occasionally served as Avid cheerleaders. “I like it,” declared Wes after seeing one cut. WELL! If Wes likes it, we might as well hand the Oscar over now! To be fair, Lacey said she liked it too, so hey, looks like we’re heading to the People’s Choice Awards also.

Nevertheless, while Nehemiah toiled on the Avid system, Wes explained his role in the editing process: “For the most part, I’m going to stay out of that editing suite unless I’m taking a girl in there.” So…. basically, you’re staying out.

As Nehemiah neared completion of the rough cut, Wes — the Pauline Kael of The Real World house — weighed in with his official opinion yet again: “Genius!” Consider it Netflixed!

Well, as long as Nehemiah seemed to be on top of this editing mess, it meant there was only one thing for Wes and Danny to do: hit up the Dizzy Rooster! We then cut to the two guys lapping up beer that had trickled off the wet t-shirts of two fairly ugly girls dancing on the bar top. Seriously, these guys really do need a vacation.

But wait! All was not well in documentary land! Lacey, who had previously signed off on the assembly edit, had now changed her mind. “They’re good, but they’re music videos,” she balked. Yes, apparently Nehemiah, in his undying ambition to be the next Spike Jonze, kind of forgot that key element to a strong doc: substance. Instead of editing in all those interviews and soundbytes, he had simply spliced together the three bands singing their songs. And you just know there were three or four star-wipes in there too. Well, Rachel and Lacey were not happy about this, and they spent an entire cab ride bitching and moaning about it. Hey girls, I’ve got an idea. Just step up and make the changes yourself! After all, Rachel has made numerous iMovies. I’m sure her filmmaking skills rival Quentin Tarantino at this point.

The next day, it was time for a pre-screening screening for Paul Steckler, his assistant Jen, and his frumpy writing colleague, Sherry. Once everyone was comfortable, Nehemiah pressed play and let the magic begin. Did I say “magic?” I meant “boredom.” Yes, even though Paul has a general look of ennui about him, he seemed even more bored watching this cut than usual. And oh no, androgynous Cheryl Swoops fan Jen looked bored too. I don’t even want to see what Sherry’s thinking. Oh no! She’s bored too! But I thought this was supposed to be genius! Wes said so!

Well, the screening came to an end, and as a nervous Nehemiah fanned himself down, Steck bombarded the kids with comments. Amusingly enough, we got to see Danny taking down notes in the biggest handwriting ever. It’s like he was still writing double-spaced in Kindergarten. Anyw ay, the big news for the roommates was that they pretty much had to re-edit the whole documentary by the 4 pm screening the next day, which left just under twenty-three hours to get everything done. Not a problem, right? We then cut to bats flying around Austin. Oooh! Because the kids will have to stay up late like bats! Nocturnal parallels!

Not everyone would be attempting a bat-like lifestyle though. With the pressure on, Nehemiah inexplicably ducked out to be an MC at some event in town, leaving Rachel and Melinda to work on the doc instead. Uh oh. That’s gonna lead to some angry gossip. Sure enough, there was Lacey bashing Nehemiah to her boyfriend on the phone. Oh Lace. Always our reliable Greek Chorus. Technically, this was a group project, and Nehemiah had already put in a huge amount of work; so it was understandable that he’d want to take a break and have someone else pick up the slack. But then again, as Lacey pointed out, this was what he wanted to do with his career. Was it wise to walk out in crunch time and not see his vision all the way through? Furthermore, does anyone really care? No, not really.

Anyway, Nehemiah returned at 1:15 AM to the sound of grim music playing on the soundtrack. Sounds like something bad’s gonna happen. We then cut to Johanna reading in her bed. She reads? She stimulates her mind? No wonder why the music was so somber. This was scary BIZARRO Real World! Nevertheless, Nehemiah then told us, “I will stay up as long as it takes to get this project done.” We then saw Neh passed out with Danny and Wes on the round “orgy bed.” I don’t know why they were all there, but I’ll just accept it as one of those weird things that happens when dumb people co-exist in a house.

As the sun rose, we knew the roommies were finding themselves in a prickly situation, mostly because we then saw a bold shot of cacti in the desert. Smooth. Very smooth. Well, it was two hours before the big presentation, and Lacey and Rachel had found themselves with a bit of a technical problem. You see, they couldn’t output their video to VHS. Soon, it was forty-five minutes before the deadline, and they still hadn’t fixed the glitches. Plus, let’s not forget that Lacey had to dub the video twice. Making matters worse, the two girls had no support from their roomies: Wes was asleep, Mel and Danny were making out, and Nehemiah was resting (to his credit, he had woken up early and worked on the project significantly). Oh what would the roommates do? Would their vacation be in peril???

Stop the panic music! David is here to save the day! Yes, one of Steck’s assistants showed up and fixed all the glitches, which meant it was time to get on with the screening. Melinda expressed concern about getting critiqued as she feared that the documentary might not be strong enough to warrant a vacation. First of all, you’ll be going on your trip. We already saw it in the promos, and besides, MTV would never keep the seven roommates from going abroad. Real World vacations are like a cash cow for petty drama.

Well, Rachel and Lacey showed up with the rough cut at the last second, and (fanfare please) it was finally time to screen this epic piece of filmmaking for the much-revered Austin Film Society. We then watched as the audience reacted to the piece. Will they like it? Will they like it? They do! Sort of. Not really.

Basically, anyone capable of reading between the lines could see that the Austin Film Society wasn’t that impressed with the project, but they understood it was essentially a rough cut made by non-filmmakers. The audience gave some constructive criticism and friendly encouragement, and then it was back to the Real World house where the roommates learned they had indeed earned their vacation!

As the plucky people from STA Travel descended on the mansion, Melinda explained how important this was to her: “This is the moment of truth that we kind of just worked our butts off for. I shouldn’t say ‘worked our butts off for,’ but we worked.” Well, maybe not worked, but got drunk and had sex. Same difference.

Well, when it comes Real World vacations, there’s always got to be one person who squeals out the destination as if it were a winning lottery ticket. This time around, it was Rachel who screamed, “I KNOW WHERE WE’RE GOING! TO COSTA RICA!!!” Yay! Hugs, screams, and general happiness abounded. As the show came to a close, Nehemiah gave us a taste of what’s to come: “Costa Rica is beautiful beaches, beautiful women. I don’t know what I’m gonna do when I get there!” Uh, you’ll probably just sit around and talk about all the hot girls you could get… if you wanted to to.

I guess we’ll find out tonight what exciting things are in store for our gang…

(More photos to come. A blackout in the TVgasm offices has sent me scurrying to the WiFi refuge of The Standard Hotel where two topless girls have made the pool area quite the exciting place to be.)

About

36 Comments

  1. 1
    Mullethead
    Posted November 1, 2005 at 3:46 pm

    B

    O

    R

    I

    N

    G

  2. 2
    The Dogg Pound
    Posted November 1, 2005 at 4:07 pm

    You missed the funniest quote of the entire season. “I never fail anything except math. Twice” — Nehemiah.

  3. 3
    The Svan
    Posted November 1, 2005 at 4:16 pm

    Well said, Mullethead. A week late and no real luster on this one B-Side. We know you can do better.

  4. 4
    kel
    Posted November 1, 2005 at 4:30 pm

    i really don’t understand why the roommates are given a vacation from the vacation that they are already on. will someone please explain this concept to me?

  5. 5
    Jen
    Posted November 1, 2005 at 4:38 pm

    Wes’ one-liners were more exciting than this recap… what gives?

    (the LB one was amazing though.)

    can’t wait to see what sorta antics go down in costa rica…

  6. 6
    alix
    Posted November 1, 2005 at 4:39 pm

    i disagree-b-side did just fine-i think it’s tough to recap so many shows and still keep bringing the funny, especially with this crappy season. maybe the svan should just svim away (sorry, couldn’t resist–it’s nothing against you)

  7. 7
    Kimistry
    Posted November 1, 2005 at 4:42 pm

    Hah! Hah! This was a hilarious posting. You guys should be thankful you even got anything. B-Side you’re my hero.

  8. 8
    The Svan
    Posted November 1, 2005 at 4:42 pm

    The purpose of the “vacation” is to yank the roommates out of their house and provide a new environment for conflict. So it really has no connection to the roommates work or lack thereof.

  9. 9
    The Svan
    Posted November 1, 2005 at 4:43 pm

    Nice one, alix. :)

    B-side is spread to thin, they need more writers or to quit writing about tripe such as Laguna Beach, The Apprentice, and The Amazing Race: Family Edition.

  10. 10
    Mullethead
    Posted November 1, 2005 at 5:20 pm

    I meant the show, not B-Side. B-Side always keeps it fresh, even when he’s off his game.

    “Consider it Netflixed” and
    “more impressive than the opening shot of Goodfellas” made me laugh, so kudos B-Side. But ” So with the humble pledge that the next recap will appear sooner than this one,”…umm, this one already appeared, so IT is sooner than the next one.

  11. 11
    alix
    Posted November 1, 2005 at 5:22 pm

    thanks, svan :)

    i mean, i understand why they send them on vacations, but thought it was dumb, since they’re all already on vacation anyways. now MTV is actually trying to make it seem like the Real World is actually work! oh, MTV,you can’t fool us!

  12. 12
    joslyn
    Posted November 1, 2005 at 8:41 pm

    No need to apologize, B-Side. This show sucks. You’ll get to it when you get to it.

  13. 13
    nuttypnik
    Posted November 1, 2005 at 10:25 pm

    Um, yeah. The expression “polishing a turd” comes to mind. How can one possibly write a good recap when the subject matter is so damn BORING! I actually laughed a few times at the recap; can’t say as much for the show.

    B-side, you give good recap ;)
    I LIVE for you Laguna recaps, seriously, so freaking funny…

  14. 14
    Andy
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 6:45 am

    This recap was as good as it can be, I think, b/c this cast seriously sucks…. They are beyond boring. I am over watching it and will just stick to the recaps. They are way better than this damn show. :)

  15. 15
    EdHill
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 6:45 am

    The more they take that stupid documentary seriously, the more I laugh. I can’t wait until they pick the drawer to keep their Costa Rican groupies. Then they can all stand around and talk about the drawer. And then Wes can reminisce about that time he got laid last month. Meanwhile Danny’s got a mouthful of Melinda in the other room.

    Hey, at least it wasn’t India. I can only take so many shots of real worlders giving candy to starving children (It makes them happy!).

    When do we get teh “re-cap” ofthe The Standard Hotel?

  16. 16
    Guac
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 6:54 am

    Yea, this episode pretty much sucked. I couldn’t even watch it twice…

    I haven’t seen last night’s episode yet but any time there’s drama you know it’s a fun time!

  17. 17
    subgirl
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 7:35 am

    good recap for a lame episode and lame show. i just can’t believe johanna was actually READING. she’s able to read??

  18. 18
    belinda
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 8:12 am

    They just keep getting more and more and moooorrrreeee booooorrrriiiinnnngggggg – zzzzzzz…….

    Oh, yes more boring.

    It’s sad when the recap has more pizzaz than the show! Love you B-Side!

  19. 19
    J
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 8:17 am

    Personally, I have always thought that B-Side’s Real World recaps were underrated. Not that I think he really gives much of a shit what we think anyway, ha.

  20. 20
    ha!
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 9:04 am

    Bats and Costa Rica seem to be the two main themes this week.

    No joke, just a random observation.

    ha!

    P.S. Tell us more about the two topless girls, please!

  21. 21
    spot
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 9:45 am

    lacey looks like that scary ass doll on the bike from saw

    http://media.collegepublisher.com/media/paper195/stills/c11yk664.jpg

    http://www.tvsquad.com/images/2005/08/lacey.jpg

  22. 22
    ivapbj
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 10:03 am

    B-Side don’t listen to Svan!!!
    Keep up with the AMAZING LAGUNA BEACH RECAPS!!! They really are your best and just take comfort in the fact that we understand that you really couldn’t dedicate too much energy to this recap because of the topless girls in The Standard Hotel!

  23. 23
    aeb
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 11:14 am

    um, does anyone else think this cast got screwed in vacations? i mean, fiji, greece – COSTA RICA?
    it’s a beautiful place – but you don’t hear cooing after coo about costa rica.

  24. 24
    MTVgetoffthe...
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 1:32 pm

    Jen — little preview for ya: in Costa Rica they go out drinking. In bars. Danny’s jealous of the attention Melinda gets, and they fight. So it’s real different from the other ass-crappy episodes.

  25. 25
    JLynn
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 2:10 pm

    Kinda funny you mentioned Quentin Tarantino because my boyfriend pointed out the uncanny resemblance btween Quentin and Lacey first episode this season. We’ve been calling her that all season!

  26. 26
    alix
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 2:21 pm

    OH MY GOD–the next episode is AMAZING, and by amazing, I mean horribly boring.
    nevertheless, wes DOES apparently “mistaken” a guy for a girl while in a cab with neihmiah, and he actually says “well, that was the hottest dude I’ve ever seen”..oh wes, stop pretending to be straight. we all know you like to be embraced in the large arms of a strong man..like clay aiken (no word on whether he and reality loser reichen are together)
    *oh, and wes/danny (what a douchebag, seriously)/neihmiah actually convince some brain -damaged americans that wes is Prince Harry..yeah. no word on whether or not they crawl out of their hole in the ground to do anything other than partying.
    can’t wait for the next recap, B-side

  27. 27
    Tara
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 2:27 pm

    You missed the funniest quote of the entire season. “I never fail anything except math. Twice” — Nehemiah.

    Posted by: The Dogg Pound

    I agree! Did you see The Soup? I love when Joel McHale makes fun of Nehemiah!

  28. 28
    Tara
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 2:30 pm

    This season sux!!!!! They should just rename it Danny and Melinda’s Reality Show. This cast is horrible…

    Wes – what a joke!

    Nehemiah – get real!

    Danny – stop being so jealous!

    Melinda – guys only stare at your fake boobies!

    Lacey – get a tan!

    Rachel – go back to war!

    Johanna – how will you ever get a job in your field of study now?!

  29. 29
    alix
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 2:40 pm

    tara- if you like joel mcHale, check out The Showbiz Show with David Spade on Comedy central..same funny one-liners about b-list actors and reality shit…it’s (thankfully) reminiscent of “Black Sheep” David Spade, not “Dickie Roberts” David Spade

  30. 30
    The Svan
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 3:40 pm

    ivapbj,
    Please go fuck yourself.

    Sincerely,
    The Svan.

  31. 31
    bacardi
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 8:51 pm

    Tara…

    When you said… Rachel – go back to war! …

    you should have added… and please step on a land mine.

  32. 32
    Jen
    Posted November 2, 2005 at 11:28 pm

    Another good recap!
    Thanks B-Side =)

  33. 33
    Veronica
    Posted November 3, 2005 at 5:09 am

    I Think I wanna send a letter to the Producers of The Real World and tell them that they need to re-evaluate the formula that they use to cast these people. I don’t remember one good cast since the Real World New Orleans. Everything else has sucked. They get young ignorant people who just make them selves look idiotic. It’s pathetic, If I ever saw any of them in person, I would probably laugh my ass off so hard at them, and ask them ” you know you’re an idiot right?”

  34. 34
    Catrina
    Posted November 3, 2005 at 7:04 am

    BARCARDI– AHHAHAHAHAH!

  35. 35
    Danielle
    Posted November 3, 2005 at 11:51 am

    Is it me, or are Wes’ one-liners becoming the most entertaining part of the whole damn show? I started off hating him, now I space out if he isn’t in the shot, ‘cuz I damn well know, I’m not going to get any laughs.

  36. 36
    B-Side's #1 girl
    Posted November 3, 2005 at 12:19 pm

    You must have PhD in Polishing the Turd-ology bcuz your recaps are WAAAYY better than the show. So sad. Can’t wait until next week’s Guna Tuna recap.

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