Wow. I haven’t been this fired up about a Real World episode in quite some time. Sure, there was some dull stuff about Paula and Keith and mildew and flooding, but then there was Tyler. And Svetlana. And Svetlana’s mom. And the burn book. And Janelle. The entire second half of this show was ridiculous. In a good way. Or actually, a bad way maybe. I don’t know. It certainly incensed me. It took me literally an hour to get through the episode simply because I was pausing and taking notes so often. Tyler was out of control. Either you love him or hate him, and after seeing the way he treated Svetlana — and her mom — I’m inclined to fall in the “hate” camp. There once was a time when I thought he was capable of mature reflection, but ever since the Burn Book surfaced a few weeks ago, he’s been on a downhill spiral — a total high school, nay, middle school regression — and tonight, he finally hit a new low: telling off Svetlana’s mother, penning a nasty note, and essentially pulling the whole “I know you are, but what am I?” routine. I can understand some people really enjoying Tyler’s brash, outspoken self-confidence, but for the rest of us, I’m pretty sure we all were left thinking one word: jerk.We knew right off the bat that something terrible was going to happen this episode when the “Previously on The Real World” segment focused on Tyler’s notorious anti-Svetlana Burn Book. For those of you who may have missed it, the Burn Book was a growing archive of Svetlana’s most annoying moments, at least according to Tyler and Janelle (with a little help from Jose, but not really). The very creation of the book seemed hurtful and immature, and we all knew it would lead to bad things. Judging by its placement in the pre-show recap, we knew that tonight would be the night when the Burn Book would rear its ugly head again. I could not wait.
After the opening credits, we then found the kids holed up in a small hotel room in Orlando where they eagerly awaited a return to Key West. In case you forgot about last week, the gang had to flee the islands when Hurricane Wilma came to town, and unfortunately, their retreat to Ft. Lauderdale just wasn’t quite good enough. The storm managed to kick the city in the nuts, nearly destroying the roommates’ hotel in the process. Well, we assume it was the hurricane that caused all the damage. There’s still a large chance that it was merely Keith busting down walls in search of Paula.
Nevertheless, from their cozy outpost in Orlando, Zach told us there were rumors of Key West being totally devastated by Wilma — water had submerged cars, rains had flooded all the island, and giant pieces of styrofoam were still flying about the Home Depot parking lot. Sadly, Zach did not then share one of his Very Deep introspective musings with us, which meant we didn’t get any dumb comments like, “It’s ironic to me that a hurricane would hit us when all we were trying to do was live without a hurricane.”
Well, with nothing else to do, the roommates all hung out in their hotel room and waited for the call to go back down to Key West. Man, sucks for them. Too bad there’s like nothing to do in Orlando. If only there were a major theme park there. Or two. Or five, really. Oh well. That’s okay though. If there’s anyone who knows how to pass time, it’s kids on The Real World. All they have to do is talk about each other, and before you know it, fun times are had by all. Take, for example, Zach and John who giggled about how dramatic Svetlana was being with Martin on the phone. Apparently, when they had chatted, she had said something along the lines of “I can’t believe you weren’t afraid for me” and “I almost got electrocuted!” Zach and John couldn’t help but laugh, and when Svetty overheard them, she lightheartedly chided them, insisting that she never said any of those things. I didn’t know whether to believe her or not because apparently “Fitz” had a penchant for saying lots of silly things. John informed us that she even once asked, “Is the Everglades a mall?” Oddly enough, she thought the Mall of America was a nature preserve. Who knew?
Anyway, John and Zach were having a fun time laughing about Fitz, but then we cut to Tyler, and we could already tell he was pissed. In his head, “Is the Everglades a mall” probably sounded like, “Is the Everglades a mall? Because I’m young and spoiled, and I don’t have to worry about learning things like geography because no one’s ever going to tell me that I have to!”
Well, before Tyler could start spitting venom (don’t worry, it would come), the kids then learned it was safe to go back to Key West. Yay! Unfortunately, the island was a total mess. Boo! But at least the roomies’ mansion looked like it had survived. Yay! But not the fence. Boo! Yes, Key West was a disaster area. Trees were down everywhere, junk was in everyone’s yards, and any lingering hopes for Fantasy Fest looked to be completely dashed. Things got worse inside the Real World house as items were strewn everywhere and fake cobwebs dangled from the ceiling. It was then that I realized this had nothing to do with Wilma. The kids were just all major slobs.
My heart then skipped a beat as I began to fear for the fate of something very important. No, not the fish in the fish tank (although, I did wonder how they were — probably dead or massively confused). I’m talking, of course, about Tyler’s seminal piece of art, RED GOD! The house seemed to be in good condition; so chances were that the painting was safe and sound, but then again, you just never know. Keep an eye out, people. If anyone sees it in the background, let me know ASAP. Losing RED GOD would be like someone slashing the Mona Lisa.
After inspecting the house to make sure everything was intact, the group then went outside to the backyard where the pool was now filled with what looked to be nasty, black sludge. Everyone recoiled at this unsightly image, and ever the jokester, John grabbed Jose and pretended to throw him in the nasty waters. This was followed by light chuckling, and I was surprised that Jose didn’t then walk off screen, waving to the cameras and saying, “That’s all for tonight, folks! Thanks for having me! Goodnight!”
While everyone surveyed the house, Paula instead took a seat on a stoop and talked to Keith on her T-Mobile Sidekick. She was all sad because Keith was supposed to visit that weekend, and with the hurricane and stuff, all the plans had been put into question. Would Keith come down and visit? Of course. In fact, two seconds later, they were already planning a very special night out with just the two of them. Yay rebuilding relationships! Nothing’s quite as exciting as the joyful optimism that comes with the “forgiving” stage of an abusive cycle.
The kids then decided to go to the tanning salon, but one problem: their car was dead — another victim to the flood. Luckily, the group’s SUV was still intact, and so everyone except Paula and Svetlana headed into town to see what cruel fate may have befallen Mystic Tan. Tyler and Janelle happily took this opportunity to bash Svetlana as much as they could, with Janelle specifically harping on how Svetty had complained to Martin about him not caring that she nearly died (air quotes) in the hurricane. Janelle explained that Martin’s stoic behavior “wasn’t ’cause Martin didn’t care about her dying. It was because Martin knows that she was embellishing.” I don’t necessarily disagree with Janelle, but I think Martin’s reaction may have had more to do with some sort of coping mechanism in the wake of his father’s death. Of course, all this conjecturing is based on the assumption that Svetlana even said that she nearly died, and for all we know, Tyler and Janelle could be on the receiving end of a very long game of Operator (not that that would ever stop them. Rumor is fact).
Nevertheless, Tyler announced, “I believe twenty percent of what comes out of her mouth.” He then added, “And I am going to make a painting about that twenty percent and call it LYING GOD!” Okay, he didn’t say that, but he did suggest a new way to monitor Svetlana: CPM. Crap Per Minute. Funny, that’s similar to the gauge I use for Tyler: SBPM. Sanctimonious Bullshit Per Minute. What a coincidence!
The background music then came to the foreground, which was pretty amusing since the song was about talking behind people’s backs, the main lyric being, “That’s all so high school!” Ha. The producers were totally making fun of Tyler and Janelle. They probably thought they’d emerge from this episode as the heroes. Dumbasses. The scene eventually ended with Tyler pondering, “Maybe we can get her to go home. I wouldn’t mind.” Of course he wouldn’t mind. More spotlight for him.
We then went to commercial, and when we returned, we found the roomies entering the Mystic Tan salon with the help of their random forty-five year old friend. I didn’t know who the guy was, but I assumed he spent most of his time on a houseboat, throwing bread crumbs to sea gulls, smoking bud and telling stories about his old friend Carl from college (who probably died in ‘Nam). Anyway, the gang entered the salon and were met with the warm and comforting odor of damp carpet. And feces. And just nastiness in general. “The smells are disgusting: from mildew to sewage. It’s just disgusting,” Zach said, and no, he wasn’t describing his hair. Apparently Wilma had flooded the salon. It was sort of like Mother Nature’s passive-aggressive stance against artificial tans. It’s real sun or nothing, BITCHES!
Anyway, the kids then called Ricky and let him know the extent of the damage: mildew, debris, general nastiness. It was awful. Even I could smell the dank atmosphere. Oh wait. Those were my socks. RIMSHOT! Wait, I just dissed myself. That’s not cool. Stop laughing.
Well, Ricky told the gang to clean everything up, which sort of sucked for the Key Westers, but what can you do? Zach then asked if they should file an insurance claim, but Ricky notified him that there was no flood insurance in Key West. Doh! We then cut to an ironic sign that read, “Paradise. Nowhere like Key West.” And no, Zach didn’t illuminate us by explaining, “You see, that was ironic because it really wasn’t like paradise at all, even though the sign said it was paradise.”
Nevertheless, just because a cloud of depression and devastation hung over the island didn’t mean that everyone had to be so glum. Next thing we knew, it was nighttime and Johnny Bananas was walking around happily in a keg costume. Wilma may have been gone and Fantasy Fest may have been postponed, but no one was gonna ruin his Halloween. Joining him in the costume department was Tyler, who was dressed in some sort of professional bathing suit outfit, and Janelle, who opted for an uninspired set of fairy wings on her back — pretty much the staple costume for uncreative girls at Halloween.
Well, the gang all headed into town, and in the meantime, Paula was having an extra special night with her boy, Keith. Let it be known that his official title had changed from “ex-boyfriend” to “boyfriend.” Congratulations! To celebrate, you should get punch drunk! Uh, bad choice of words. Anyway, the two lovebirds talked about their relationship and how it was built on not such a great foundation. But that was okay because Keith then noted, “ours hit rock bottom and had no place to go but up.” Well, no place to go but up. And then down. And then up again. And down again. And so on and so forth. Some might call it a cycle. A special sort of cycle. A cycle of… I forget the word. I think it rhymes with “abstruce.”
Paula then spouted off some psycho-babble about her and Keith, saying, “He had to treat me the worst way to know now that he’s never gonna do that again.” Yeah, I’m pretty sure domestic abuse isn’t cured via Pavlovian conditioning. It’s not quite the same thing as touching a hot pot on the stove. Still, they both seemed to think they were on track towards a loving, healthy relationship; so who was I to pass judgment? Okay, I’m a blogger. Of course I’ll pass judgment.
“Wow. That felt like a fresh beating.”
Later on, the two met up with the other roommates, and Paula asked Tyler and Janelle if it was okay for Keith to stop by and see the house. With forced looks on their faces barely disguising their contempt, Tyler and Janelle both unenthusiastically said that it was fine for Keith to stop by. The only thing that could have made them look any more dissatisfied would have been if Paula had asked if she could invite over Hitler. Because this entire situation wasn’t already very comfortable, Keith then told Paula that he wanted to have a little talk with Tyler. Great. “This will be awkward,” Tyler said proudly. Awkward was an understatement. “I love awkward. Whatever,” he then said — right in front of Keith’s face. Okay, even I was feeling awkward. Seriously, I was cringing on my couch.
Well, after a bumpy beginning, the two began to talk about this and that, using all sort of convenient language to avoid the words “abuse” and “violence” and “punched in the face.” Keith explained that he wasn’t proud of what he’d done, and Tyler replied that he wasn’t sure if he wanted Paula hanging out with him. Then Keith noted that he didn’t create crazy Paula; he had “inherited” her. Well, in that case, punch away! Anyway, the two seemed to connect and come to an understanding, and Tyler said that he appreciated the talk and just wanted to make sure that Keith would help Paula in her upward growth. Well, we’ll see how that goes. I mean, I do feel badly because Keith does seem to be trying to make an effort to improve himself. It’s just that when it comes to writing jokes, he’s such an easy target. Much in the same way that Paula’s an easy target for his fists. Awwww yeahhh!!! STILL GOT IT!!!
Later, Paula brought Keith to the house where they cuddled on a mattress. “Can’t wait till we get to do the home stuff,” Keith said. I wasn’t sure what “the home stuff” was. I assume it had less to do with shopping at Williams Sonoma and more to do with wild, crazy sex. But who knows? Paula then told us that Keith wanted to get married and have babies, which sounded all romantic and stuff until you remembered what sort of household these poor children would be growing up in. I can just imagine their first day of kindergarten. The teacher asks what their names are and the kids say, “My name is KISS MY ASS!!! KISS MY GODDAMN ASS!!!”
The next day, we gazed upon the still-messy backyard, and thanks to the unsettling music in the background, we could sense imminent danger. I didn’t know what was about to happen, but it couldn’t have been good. Sure enough, the camera then trained on Svetlana. Uh oh. That’s never a good sign. And then we saw the BURN BOOK. Oh man. This was about to get crazy. I could already tell. Anyway, since the roomies still hadn’t finished unpacking from their trip to Orlando, Tyler’s burn book was sitting out in the open on top of his bags. Why he felt the need to bring this juvenile volume with him during a hurricane evacuation is beyond me, but apparently one can never be too far from something that instills a false sense of superiority. Well, Svetlana saw the burn book, and being the curious creature that she is, she opened it and read all the nasty things Tyler and Janelle had written about her. We already knew this would lead to massive drama — not because Svetlana would be so devastated by the cruelty of the situation, but because Tyler was totally going to flip when he found out that Svetlana had invaded his privacy. You see, he’s the real victim here.
Anyway, Svetty told us, “The book was there; so I open it, thinking I’m just going to find a few quotes about me.” Wait a second. Did she just imply that she already knew about the burn book? She was already expecting the awful comments? Hmm… kind of undermines the evil-ness of the situation, but nevertheless, I was still intrigued about the outcome. I personally thought she was going to devolve into tears, lock herself in the bathroom, and yell at everyone to leave her alone. But then I realized that I had become so used to Paula’s lunacy that I half expected everyone to do that in any situation. Surprisingly, Svetlana dealt with the burn book rather well. She didn’t cry. She didn’t bawl. She didn’t go on a rampage. Instead, she vented to Paula, saying “I’ve maybe embellished. I’ve never fabricated.” This coming from the girl who allegedly claimed that her cat could say her name. But nevertheless, I understand the value of making hyperbolic statements for comedic effect (and I’ll assume that’s what she was doing with the cat story. Otherwise, well, I have no response really to that).
Well, Paula reminded Svet that Tyler just likes to make people look stupid because he was an insecure guy. She also warned Svetty not to open up to Janelle because she’ll always run back to Tyler. And so concluded Paula’s Obvious Advice of the day. However, Svetlana was still not contented with the situation and began toying with the idea of burning the burn book. Oh, Zach would have loved that irony! It is the burn book which receives the last burn! Such is the poetic nature of The Real World!
Before Svetlana turned the burn book into a flaming piece of irony, she decided to call her mom first, noting, “I usually don’t come to my mom and tell her about things because I know that she gets very dramatic.” NO! Svetlana comes from an overly dramatic mother?? I would never have guessed!
Well, Svetty told her mom all about the burn book and how Tyler and Janelle were being mean to her, and just when it seemed like this whole situation was heading into anticlimax territory, there stood Tyler, proudly eavesdropping in on Svetlana’s entire situation. You see, Svetty was talking on the T-Mobile Sidekick, and because the producers seem to have a speakerphone only policy (better for us to listen in), Tyler was able to hear everything. And yes, he certainly had quite the smug, prissy, and haughty expression on his face. By the way, I hoped he wasn’t about to chew out Svetlana about reading his burn book because he had now lost any and all right to accuse her of invading his privacy.
Anyway, when Svetlana’s mom heard what Tyler and Janelle had been saying about her little babushka, she was angrier than Stalin after Trotsky had skipped off to Mexico. I couldn’t quite understand what Mom was saying (Russian accent + T-Mobile speakerphone = unintelligible. Seriously, I rewound about ten times at a high volume, and still couldn’t get it. Thanks for the subtitles, MTV), but whatever it was, it was not good. “Where does this woman come off saying these things about me?” Tyler asked us incredulously. I don’t know, Tyler. I CAN’T UNDERSTAND A DAMN WORD!!!
A few more rewinds later, and I think I could decipher Svetlana’s mother saying that the people who were being mean to Svetlana were morons and “You should treat them like low-lifes.” Personally, I didn’t see anything wrong with what this woman was saying, especially since most parents would probably disparage anyone who was mean to their daughter. Besides, I’m sure that when she told Svetlana to treat Tyler and Janelle like low-lifes, she was really trying to say “act above it” (it’s the same thing, really. Just said in a different way). Even if that’s not what Svetty’s mom meant, it didn’t matter because Tyler complained, “Her mother doesn’t know anything about me, Janelle, or the rest of the roommates!” Well, duh. Of course not. She’s just trying to make her daughter feel better.
Update: I just re-listened again. This time I heard Svetty’s mom say, “I’m sure they’ve been abused many times in their lives because usually something bad happened in their lives.” And “they’re two losers” and “they belong in a nut house, that’s the way I would feel.” Okay, that’s fairly rough, but again, it’s a mother trying to comfort her daughter!
WELL. No one calls Tyler a low-life! Would a low-life ever be able to paint RED GOD? I THINK NOT! Tyler could stand in the shadows no longer. He marched out, revealing his presence to Svetlana, and said loudly as to be heard on the phone, “Hey, um, does your mom want to talk to one of those low-lifes?” Totally unfazed, Svetlana tried to shoo him away, but personally, I wanted to see Tyler talk to Svetlana’s mom. As if he’d even have a chance going up against a stubborn old Russian lady. Those women don’t budge!
Tyler then barked, “No, if you’re gonna talk shit… talk to our faces!” Technically, I’m pretty sure Svetlana wasn’t really talking shit. And besides, this is a pretty hypocritical demand coming from the guy who’s been penning a burn book. Wow. I’m already getting fired up again just writing about this. Anyway, Svetlana explained to Tyler (again, surprisingly calmly and rationally) that she found the burn book, it made her upset, and now she was talking to her mom about it. No matter. Tyler was not going to accept that. He had a spotlight to shine in, and he was ready to take the stage!
“Hi Mrs. [whatever Svetlana's last name is],” Tyler said. “I actually have a lot of good stuff going on in my life. Before you make judgments, you should get the full story and listen to the lies that your daughter tells on a regular basis.” Oh no he di’int! Wow. He did just say that. Clearly this accusation of being a low-life truly hit a nerve. Tyler’s need to suddenly cluck about all the “good stuff going on” in his life coupled with previous boasts from past shows about all his great accomplishments led me to believe that perhaps Tyler had a massive inferiority/Napoleon complex raging within. But whatever. No time for psycho-analysis. Tyler was being a major dick and probably didn’t realize how dumb he sounded. I already feel bad for whoever will have him as a boss later in life.
I also was somewhat amused at Tyler’s constant harping on Svetlana’s alleged lies. Okay, she claims that her cat can say her name — fine. It’s ridiculous and dumb. But why did Tyler become so enraged that he felt the need to tell of Svetty’s mom? Perhaps he always wanted his cat to say his name. Jealousy? I think so.
Nevertheless, Tyler continued to harass Svetlana until finally she walked away and barked, “Get away from me! Go write about it!” Excuse me? Where would he write about it? In the burn book? Whatever. That doesn’t exist. It’s just one of those LIES you’ve been telling on a daily basis, SVETLANA!!! Besides, Tyler is not so much a writer as he is a painter. RED GOD!!
Anyway, as Svetlana hurried away, Tyler called out, “Bye Mrs. [Svetlana's scrambled last name]. It was nice talking to a low-life!” Wow. We’ve seen a lot of rude displays on The Real World, but this had to be one of the most despicable. You see, when Svet’s mom called Tyler a low-life, it came from a place of protection and motherly love towards her daughter. Actually, I take that back. She didn’t even call Tyler a low-life. She just said Svetlana should treat him like one. When Tyler, on the other hand, called the mother a low-life, it came from a place of anger, hate, insecurity, and hurtfulness. It was so truly obnoxious — like it revealed a dark portal into his soul — that I was way more revolted than I ever thought I would be (simultaneously, I loved it because it was great TV. But that’s just the cynical viewer in me).
Well, Svetlana wisely switched over to her native tongue and began complaining in Russian (something she should have done originally, but then again, from the first episode, we learned that Tyler speaks a little Russian, so I guess it wouldn’t have helped that much). “Now he will go back in the house and say dirty things about you,” Svetty told her mother. Sure enough, we then cut to Tyler who was furiously writing something down on a piece of paper. “It’s time for war, bitch,” he seethed, perhaps confusing The Real World house for his middle school cafeteria. He then took his note and attached it to the front door. What did it say? Oh, just the typical mature follow-up to a friendly spat:
“You should have stayed in Philly, you low-life bitch! Love, Low-life Tyler.”
On the one hand, I was laughing — I mean, how ridiculous could this guy be? He literally was regressing before our eyes. On the other hand, I was somewhat horrified. I mean, there seemed to be no limit to his hurtful actions. Well, we then went to commercial break, and when we returned Zach had come outside to talk to Svetlana about what had just happened. She described the scenario (with very little embellishment — except the burn book had now grown from four pages of evil to eight), and soon Svetlana began to sob. Big, shoulder-shaking sobs. I really did feel badly for her. Yeah, she’s a spoiled brat and something of a drama queen, but she really didn’t deserve the constant bashing from Tyler, and this latest incident just seemed to cross the line.
Well, just when the situation couldn’t get any more Mean Girls-ish, Janelle came strutting out of the house, and instantly, we smelled trouble. She had her most ticked-off bitch face on, and we just knew she was ready to bust out that palm for some emergency “talk to the hand” action. “Fitz, can I ask you a question?” Janelle said. “Does PR stand for Public Relations or Personal Relations?” Okay, she didn’t ask that. Instead, she said, “When you were on the phone, did you say anything negative about me?” Oh my god. Yes, Janelle literally asked that. Apparently, Janelle could happily contribute to the burn book, but hell to the no if Svetlana thought she could say anything negative to her mother.
“Um… you don’t mind if I act like a bitch to you, do you?”
Anyway, Svetlana denied trash-talking Janelle, but the diva was unconvinced. “From what I heard, something about me being a low-life,” she said, trying to sound all rational and level-headed, but clearly she was just restraining herself from clawing Svetty’s eyes out. Never mind that Janelle was basing this info on inaccurate gossip that Tyler had spread. Once again, rumor is fact. I was hoping that Zach would then stick up for Svetlana and tell Janelle to stop squawking about things she had no idea about, but clearly the conversation was moving too fast for him. He can only take about ten words per minute before the ol’ brain shuts down.
Nevertheless, Janelle then began attacking Svetlana, again accusing her of fabricating stories and embellishing and whatnot. She then said that everyone in the house has problems with Svetty. “It’s not just Tyler. It certainly isn’t just me. It’s everybody!” Janelle yelled. Yes, John, Zach, Paula, and Jose also had major problems with Svetlana — as demonstrated by them not talking shit about her behind her back all the time and not bashing her in a burn book. The evidence was overwhelming! Again, I still couldn’t figure out why Janelle and Tyler hated Svetlana’s embellishments so much. I mean, really. Get over it already. It’s one thing to poke fun at her, but quite another to launch World War III.
Janelle then managed to blame Svetlana for why she and Tyler had ganged up on her. “You gotta think why isn’t anyone else in this situation and you are?” Janelle asked. I think the easy answer to that would be because Janelle and Tyler are bullies, and Svetlana is their punching bag. That’s why she’s in that situation. Of course, you could always take Janelle’s logic and say, “You gotta think why isn’t anyone else all fired up and you are?” Again, if I may do some armchair psychology, I think the reason why Janelle and Tyler were acting so evil was because they knew they were busted with the burn book, and it’s easier to lash out at Svetlana than to accept the reality that what they did was wrong and obnoxious. You see, they’re not bad people. Svetlana put them in a situation where they had to do bad things. That’s why the low-life comment hit so close to home. They knew they were acting like low-lifes and couldn’t deal with it. Wow, I’m so taking over for Dr. Phil when this is over.
Well, tempers soon calmed down, and everyone went inside. Luckily, Svetlana didn’t see Tyler’s little missive on the front door, but Zach found it and was repulsed, saying it almost made him vomit. He then showed it to John, who was equally disgusted, and finally, Zach showed some small balls and confronted Tyler about it. For whatever reason, I expected Tyler to be calmer, rational and apologetic now, but instead, he snipped that Zach didn’t know the whole story — much in the same way Tyler rarely knows the whole story (like when he overhears only one side of a telephone call or like when he passes judgment on Svetlana’s tales, despite knowing whether they’re true or not).
Tyler then complained, “She lies and manipulates!” Who cares??? MOVE ON!
Nevertheless, Tyler’s false sense of responsibility in “fixing” Svetlana reached new obnoxious lows when he told us, “Svetlana’s like that bad puppy that pees on the carpet. She needs to be punished. And that’s why I punished her.” Okay, whoever beat Tyler as a little boy, please step forward. You’ve clearly screwed him up interminably.
“You are twenty-three years old. She is a nineteen year old child who we all know is immature and young and has been spoiled her whole life!” Zach yelled. Unfortunately, he yelled it at us, not at Tyler. Damn. It was a good rant too.
Ultimately, Tyler showed no remorse, even when Zach tried to talk some sense into him. The only thing Tyler regretted was never being able to see Svetlana’s face upon seeing that note. “She’s a little baby whore, and she deserves every tear that she’s crying now,” Tyler scoffed. But seriously, he’s not a low-life.
Later on, Paula and Zach had dinner, and the two talked about how much they loved, loved, loved Fitz. Not only that, they believed that Tyler had a fond place for Svetty too. “He doesn’t hate her. He just thinks she’s an idiot,” Zach said. Oh. Okay. Of course, if Tyler thinks Svetlana is an idiot, it still doesn’t grant him the right to be totally obnoxious and condescending to her all the time.
“It’s not his right to say, ‘Your life plan is stupid,’” Paula then said. I agreed with her… and then I felt shame in knowing I had spent the past seven or eight weeks condemning her relationship with Keith. Awkward guilt… Hey, maybe I shouldn’t be so mean to Paula. Looks like I’ve learned a little something from today’s episode! Thanks Real World!
Well, with all this craziness going on, the show came to a screeching halt as we headed back to the house and listened to Jose babble on about the cleaning plans for Mystic Tan. Fascinating! Way to kill all the momentum, Jose. Hey, I thought you already said your two lines of the episode anyway.
Nevertheless, the big plan was that a professional cleaning crew would come into the salon and take care of bidness. Sounded great, right? Well, there was a catch. The next day, the kids went to the shop and called up Ricky to let him know what was going on. He said he admired all their hard work and dedication but… he was closing down shop! HAHA! That sucks! I mean, we knew it was going to happen (thanks to Reality Blurred), but I always figured it was because the idea of having a tanning salon in the Keys seemed somewhat redundant. I didn’t realize it was because of all the hurricanes. Well, the kids all dropped their jaws in shock and then on the bottom of the screen, we saw “TO BE CONTINUED”! Oh my god!! What will happen!! The fate of the Mystic Tan salon will haunt my thoughts all week long!!!!
“But I was going to do Personal Relations!”
So what did you think about this turbulent episode? Did Tyler cross the line? Or did Svetlana deserve a good scolding? Shouldn’t Tyler just get over it already? Oh, and what about Paula and Keith? So much to discuss!