Before I even go into the D-R-A-M-A-! that was this episode, I’ll reflect a little. I’ve been watching the Real World for many many years, and I’d have to say that the last few seasons have declined into just arguing and stupidity from well… more entertaining arguing and stupidity. This episode is the reason that people used to watch the Real World. I broke into gleeful laughter no less than 5 times at the idiotic things that came out of these people’s mouths. As much as I hate Irulan and Arissa, watching Brynn smile sweetly while Trishelle throws her a bachelorette party just isn’t the reason that I watch the show. It’s so I can hear Irulan say stuff like ‘take responsibility for yourself.’ Really? I mean, really, did you just say that? I almost checked my dicitonary to make sure the definition for hypocrite hadn’t been instantly changed to Irulan from the Reunited Real World: Las Vegas. And on that note here’s tonight’s episode…Things start off innocently enough for this crew. Trishelle is planning a bachelorette party for Brynn, and all the other girls are on board. No surprise that it won’t be in the original Palms suite, I mean we’ve got a product placement quota to meet. Besides, if strippers showed up, Arissa might launch into a tirade about disrespecting communal spaces.
Anyway, the boys decide that the best thing to do is throw Austin a bachelor party the same night. At this point Steven again amazes us with his witty humor and makes a comment about Austin screwing any girls that might show up. If someone’s mom has died in the last 5 years I’ll take bets that he manages to incorporate it into his comedy routine in the 3 episodes left. Since Trashelle has been behaving herself, I’d offer longer odds on her taking off her clothes.
I’ll be here all week!
The girls have rented a suite with a name that I refuse to mention because I will NOT give them more free promotion. It’s quite nice acutally, and the most interesting part is that it has a stripper pole… in the shower. This could shorten the odds on Trashelle and her clothes. They surprise Brynn with some cake and a few cheesy gifts when…. why is that the door? Who could it possibly be? It’s strippers of course, two of them with towels(?). They drag Brynn over to the couch and proceed to strip. Well… sort of. I never actually saw any thing other than an undershirt, so I’ll chalk it up to bad editing. Another knock at the door and it’s more strippers! These two are cops and again, all I see is clothes. Not to worry though, because Trishelle has ordered even MORE strippers. Irulan complains that there are now more strippers than guests. But I mean, come on, it’s an easy mistake for any novice party planner to make.
Spazziest Stripper Ever
Just like Brynn five years ago! But with ginormous fake boobies.
After the strippers leave, Trishelle mentions that she had to take pole dancing lessons for her movie. My first thought is why would someone hire Trishelle for a movie, and my second is surprise that she didn’t already know how to pole dance. The girls beg for lessons, and the pants come off. She’s actually pretty good, not that I have any clue what pole dancing should look like. She coaches Irulan through it, but ultimately Trashelle keeps her clothes on.
I’m about to put my foot in my mouth.
The boys’ suite has a basketball court, 4 female bartenders included. The bartenders are tamely dressed, so it’s still possible there are no strippers at this fiesta. Knowing the set of brains that Alton has he probably mixed up the word naked and clothed when he ordered the strippers. Well, you can’t be blessed all over. Alton decides to challenge the girls to a basketball game, for the suite. Steven then proceeds to tell us that he is the only guy on his team that is good at basketball. Super athlete Alton not good at a sport? Blasphemy! Or another joke, Steven?
While the two parties are separate things are pretty boring. The boys finally beat the girls in basketball. The score was 15-2, which pissed me off. Why did I watch 5 minutes of Steven and Alton worrying they might lose their $40,000 suite if there could have been some more arguing? I’m quite gullible so honestly I was a little in suspense about them losing the game, but the girls leave without any debauchery.
Over in the girl’s suite the party is winding down too. The strippers leave, the pole dancing lessons end, and Trashelle puts her clothes back on (so close!). The girls decide to tramp on over to the boys suite to see what’s up. Brynn gives her best mommy look to the confessional and says how nice her bachelorette party was, but to be honest she looked sort of mortified the entire time. Man, that was some 12 step program that morphed a go-go dancer into minivan mommy.
Before and after.
The girls arrive and the boys are running around being crazy. Frank is really drunk and begins “gleeking” on Irulan. Bring the drama! Irulan fails to see the subtle difference between gleeking and spitting and proceeds to chase Frank around the house until she falls on her ass. She immediately starts yelling at Frank about respect and pretty much completely overreacts to the entire situation. She then utters the fabulous line “take responsibility for yourself.” Weren’t you the one running indoors, Irulan? Aren’t you responsible for falling on your ass?
You’re totally responsible for my broken butt bone.
Irulan then goes crazy, not allowing anyone to help her. Alton wanders after her like a lost puppy with an ice bag, but she is having none of that. The situation must be milked of all the drama before she let’s it go. She tells the confessional that this situation is unnatural. Seven complete strangers living together and having their lives taped, unnatural? I defy you to find a more natural situation, because this one has national parks beaten.
Jump forward to Irulan and Alton arguing in his room. (Side note: have y’all noticed that when Alton is in bed he has to pull the covers way past his stomach?) How DARE he try to help her!? Imagine! The audacity! And here comes the second one liner of the night, “I understand, you’re a big big star and I’m not”. WTF?? Unless Alton’s entire half of the conversation was edited out, I’m pretty sure that he never mentioned anything about he being more famous than Irulan. Not that it matters, because Irulan has already headed straight for the phone to call the producers. She’s going HOME!
Irulan breaks down about all the innocent people dying in Iraq. Woops. I mean, Irulan breaks down about falling on her bony ass.
At this point Trishelle walks in drunk and confused, and tries to calm Irulan down. Irulan can’t take all of these people trying be nice to her and storms out of the suite. If anyone ever proposes to her she’s probably going to punch him and yell “THANKS FOR CHEATING ON ME!” then walk out of the restaurant. Trishelle comments that she figured she would be the one leaving. Really? In the same house as Arissa?
She’s just mad cuz I’m the biggest star here. Did I mention I’m in a movie? I pole dance in it!
Everyone else is off having fun, including Frank. Frank has found himself someone as drunk as he is to hook up with him. He takes her back to the roommate’s suite and then like any gentleman, offers her the dishes to smash. Now, I seem to remember a conflict between Frank and Arissa previously about “communal spaces” that I somehow think will also apply to “communal things” (i.e. plates) in the “communal spaces”. Hurricane Arissa is surely brewing. Frank leaves with his drunk friend and Arissa comes home to broken dishes all over the floor. Again, a hilarious and very drunk Trishelle tries to reason with the Hulk, but The Hulk has already ripped off her clothes and started yelling and stamping around the apartment. Trishelle’s comment? “I didn’t do this, and I don’t care.” Keep it up Trishelle, you’ve managed to make yourself likeable this episode. Will Arissa leave?! Commercial break…
And we’re back. Seriously Arissa, it’s not like you get to keep the dishes, so who really cares if they are smashed? Also I’d like to point out that you are living in this place for 3 weeks and somehow I doubt that you will be cooking much or using said dishes at all. Silly me, Arissa cleaned the whole apartment at 6:30 in the morning, and that is why she is mad. I’m gullible but not that gullible. There is no way Arissa was up at 6:30 in the morning. She tells us that things are going to have to change if she is going to stay. YOU ARE LIVING THERE FOR THREE WEEKS!!! If you don’t like it, wait a week and, oh wait your second 15 minutes of fame will be over.
Trishelle tries to tell Arissa as much, even going so far as to stay neutral and say that she’s a wingman to the guys. The Hulk explodes and goes running out of the apartment into the casino where she flops down at a slot machine veeeeeeeeeery undramatically. And by very undramatically I mean she probably broke her tailbone. She says that she just has to get out of the suite for the night. And that’s the end of the episode. What do y’all think? Enough drama for you? Will Irulan and Arissa leave or stick out the grueling 10 days left?
I’m so mad I’m putting a quarter in this machine. And then I’m gonna do it again! And AGAIN! AAARRRGH! I’ll show them!