This week on the Real World Sydney, we get ready for a little action! Shauvon’s gone back to her boyfriend and the fab life in Sacramento, and no one was too sorry to see that whiny bitch go. We’ve got a new roommate to meet, new Parisa issues to address, plus Isaac’s gotten himself a girl and a story line! It’s a pretty lame romance, but oh well, it can’t be all girl fights over Dumby all the time. And now, for this week down under…
Thank God the wind came along and blew this candle out.
Isaac is on the phone with Noireen (the slutty Irish girl he picked up on his visit to Sydney’s Chinatown) filling her in on the latest gossip in the house, namely that Shauvon’s left. Noireen’s not sure which one was Shauvon – she ID’s her as “the one with the big boobs.” I guess that’s how Shauvon will go down in Real World history. The girl with the big boobs who went home to be with her boyfriend. When Noireen finds this part out, she replies, “what a loser!” Shauvon or the boyfriend? Oh well, either way, couldn’t have said it better myself! Isaac likes how Noireen says it like it is.
Over in the girls’ clubhouse, KA and Trasha are deep in discussion over what the new roommate will be like. Trasha thinks that she will come in and firstly make it clear that she will not be walked over. Say hello to Trasha’s time honored philosophy of entering all situations on the defensive and totally ready to throw the first punch. Just like Jesus would do.
Don’t f**k with me, bit**es.
But, Trash says she hopes the new person is someone she and everyone else will get along with. Cause the last thing they need, she continues, is more drama. Yeah, that would be horrible. On a DRAMA. Hating and hooking up are really the only two qualities I’m looking for in this roomie.
Later on, Noireen makes her appearance at the house. They’re all happy to see her, and KA sweetly comments that she never sees Noireen in the daytime. Meaning, that slut only comes round at the end of a drunken night. Meaning, bitchy, KA, I like it. But KA says she likes Noireen, and she thinks Isaac is more fun when Noireen’s around.
Isaac and Noireen go out for a daytime date, and in the light of day, it doesn’t seem like they know a whole lot about each other. It’s pretty awkward. She discovers that he’s from Ohio and he’s Jewish. He’s the first Jew the black Irish girl who hangs in Sydney’s Chinatown has ever met. Go figure.
Later that night, anticipation is building for the new roommate! And speaking of the new girl, she’s in the car on the way to the house. She’s another California girl, from Southern California though, and I am thrilled to report that her hair is all one color!
And now, drumroll please, it’s Ashli…with an “i”!
Ashli prances on into the house, and introduces herself to all the roommates. Cow doesn’t bother to get up to meet her, which I think is a little rude. She’s very friendly. She immediately tells us how cute Dumby is, and guess what? He feels the same about her! Ashli tells us she “single and sooooo ready to mingle.” That’s right – Ashli and her “i” have definitely come to party!
Ashli asks them what the plan is for that night. The roommates, who took weeks to leave the compound, sleep in daily until noon, and hit the same bar every time they go out, are surprised that she wants to out so soon. Well, I’m jet lagged, Ashli first demurs. But then…I’m up for anything, she bounces back!
KA tries to keep the party at home – clearly, this fellow perky brunette is going to be hoovering up house attention, and KA needs to get a handle on the situation before she takes the show public. But the boys insist on going out.
Parisa shows Ashli their room. Ashli asks if the empty bed is where the old roommate used to sleep. Duh. Ashli is worried that the roommates will already have a tight bond that she won’t be a part of. Parisa then takes her to a chalkboard, where they write “Ashli, California, 19″. So official.
Like dogs checking out a new puppy hanging out in their territory (oh, you know Trash loves those girls to dogs analogies), KA and Trasha head outside, for the inevitable gossip session. There’s a tension filled silence as they start their walk and you can practically feel the insecurity through the screen as Trash plays with her hair and KA looks at the ground. A new, pretty girl. How to react?
Let’s kill her.
They finally speak, and agree that Ashli’s very cute. Nice, fun, bubbly, outgoing, they tick off. Basically, me as a brunette, declares Trasha. No, actually. Nice, fun, bubbly and outgoing are pretty much the last words I’d use to describe Trasha. Fresno has a really distorted vision of herself. KA and Trash talk about the fact that Dumby seems to have taken to Ash as well, but once she gets a load of his temper, it won’t matter. Catty, catty. Keep it up!
Meanwhile, Ashli is back in her and Parisa’s room stirring up trouble. The wall is literally a shrine to Shauvon, so instead of painstakingly and reverently peeling Shauvon’s pictures down, Ashli just rips them off the wall! Well done! I have total respect for your old roommate, she tells Parisa, but Ashli’s not going to waste her time.
This is all very dramatic for Parisa. She can’t handle it so she has to sit down. She would love to have a cool girlfriend, she tells us. I sense a “but” in there. “But” she shredded pictures of a girl who ganged up on you? Good! Let Ashli be your redemption, Marge. Go on, she shreds, you burn. Throw some of Trash’s fake black weave in there, too.
KA comes in their room to fill Ashli in on the house gossip. Parisa is the girl who…doesn’t go out as much, she tells Ashli. “You don’t go out?” Ashli asks Parisa incredulously. Seriously? Doesn’t go out. Like, so crazy. Parisa just says she does her own thing.
Then Trasha joins the fun, and KA tells Ashli that Trasha has a boyfriend, and she does personal shopping. I’m still pretty confused by that. Who wants her look? But, it turns out Ashli loves shopping, so they three of them make plans to go shopping the next day. Nobody invites Parisa.
And Ashli, relieved to have found a shopping buddy, skips out of the room with KA. “Yay”, says Parisa to Trasha, “She’s perfect for you.” “I know!” replies Trash gleefully, checking herself out in the mirror. She comments that it’s obvious Parisa was hoping for a roommate who she related to more, but, oh well. Oh, poor left out Marge in your gray sweatshirt.
Maybe when you guys get back I can make you grilled cheese (with tomato?) sandwiches and hang up your new clothes! YAY!
The roommates head out for the night, which of course means a trip to Cargo Bar, and Trasha grabs Ashli’s hand and hits the dance floor. BFF alert! Trasha pulls Ashli aside to gloat about how sad Parisa is that the new girl isn’t her kind of girl, but totally Trasha’s kind of girl. “I know!” cries Ashli. “I know!” yells Trasha in agreement. It’s such, like, a moment.
While the girls are off sealing their clique by spitting in each others’ fruity well drinks, Parisa is sitting around with Isaac and Dumby. Dumby is talking about how hot Ashli is, and Isaac is meeting up with Noireen. She kept him waiting three hours, he complains, but it’s alright because Noireen’s a “straight up and down dime piece.” I have no idea what that means, but I’m guessing something like “super, super, super, turbo mega sexy” which is the description he uses a moment later.
Of course those two hit the bed together, and it seems like the slutty Irish girl has been hanging around the Real World girls too much, cause now as they roll around in his bed under either a dirty or drab comforter, Noireen wants to know if Isaac likes her. What happened to the confident ho that spent the night and casually strolled off the next morning? That was way more entertaining than this needy crap. Like all Real World boys, Isaac dodges the question, and tells her he’s enjoying what they have “right now”.
Now touch your ears with your ankles.
The next day, Parisa talks on the phone with her sister about how she’s writing in her journal, and singing, like all the deep, intense types do. She says how she’s actually happy to have a new roommate – because having a new person there distracts the roommates from their all consuming task of hating her. Her sister feels that she’s separated from the roommates. Parisa says that she loved spending time eating dinner with them and getting to know them. But she somehow ended up getting attacked every night. They show us an “I Hate Parisa” montage that ends with someone yelling, “THEY! DON”T! LIKE! YOU!” Ugh, it is a little harsh in Marge’s world.
Remember that time you cried so hard the world turned black and white? Aw.
She’s not shunning anyone, she’s just not overextending herself anymore, she clarifies. Her sister says she doesn’t sound like herself. She’s just tired from the trip…and from everything. I’m tired from all your issues too, Marge. Why can’t you just write a song and be done with it?
Later in their room, Ashli tries to get to know Parisa a little bit, but Parisa’s just being downright anti-social. Always a problem with this one. Always, forever and of course. Yes, it’s a pretty banal attempt at conversation, but it’s basically Ashli talking to herself. At least she’s trying.
But whatever, then it’s time for spit sisters shopping trip. Ashli’s getting along just fine with her shopping buddies KA and Trasha, but she doesn’t feel like Parisa has made any effort to get to know her at all. Which of course leads to a gossip session about Parisa in the car, about how she isolates herself. Trash and KA fill Ashli in on KA’s vacation outburst on Workin’ It Marge, which KA appears to be remorseful for now. Parisa’s sensitive, they tell Ashli, but at the same time when she’s had fights with every person in the house, that should tell her something. Parisa is one complex, singing, songwriting cookie.
Ashli warns that she will have already formed a negative opinion about Parisa because she hasn’t been approached to learn otherwise. Uh-oh Parisa, you’ve been warned. This will be used against you later in your next battle against the clique that needs distraction from hating you.
I spy with my little eye something…let’s all hate Parisa together!
Later that night, Isaac is on the phone with Noireen. He finds out that Noireen isn’t going out that night, but Isaac still is. She tells him to be good. So, at Cargo Bar, where else, he hits on the most random, ugly chubbies, and then invites them home. How drunk was he? I’m a little embarrassed for him. When she gets a look at the visitors, KA suggests that they should go in the hot tub. Yeah, with those fat asses – I like the new bitchy KA! But, pretty much as soon as Isaac sees these sorry looking hos in the light of the house, he wants them gone. “Oops,” is his comment on the whole debacle.
Noireen had skipped the night out because she had to get up early for work. So what does this idiot Isaac do but immediately gets on the phone with Noireen, and tells her about the hussies he brought home. Noireen is not happy. She gets very cold to him, and tells him she feels weird. Then it turns into a really stupid conversation. You have me worried. No, you have me worried. What is everyone so worried about? It’s just a showmance. Why would I bring home a lesser version of her, he asks. But, hello, that’s exactly what he brought home from the bar, only times four! Well, all I can say is at least once he hit the camera lit house, he realized his mistake and got them out of there pretty fast.
Shoulda kept those hoods on, girls.
Then Isaac tells Noireen that she spoiled him by hanging out with him every night, and then she ruined it by not hanging out with him for one night, and it’s stupid. It’s just stupid, he repeats. Way to articulate. I wonder what Isaac’s raps are like? He wants Noireen to come wake him up the next day, and he’s gonna do all the lame sweet talking he has to make it happen. I slowly die when I don’t see you, he tells her. This is the least clever courtship ever, but she giggles, and finally gives in.
And she turns up the next day to wake his sorry ass up, probably around 2 pm. Every day he hangs out with Noireen, he has a good time Isaac, tells us. He is wearing a tiara. Whatever, I’m a fan of tiaras, so Isaac gets another quirky pass on that one. It’s raining when Noireen gets there, so she doesn’t really do so much waking him up, as just gets in bed with him.
KA tells Parisa about the conversation with Ashli and Trasha in the car, and how Ashli didn’t understand why she was asking Parisa questions, and Parisa wasn’t giving anything back. Parisa’s rational explanation is that when Ashli was asking her questions, it didn’t really feel like she was trying to get to know her. “It felt like she wanted my backstory to assess me better,” she complains. That’s right babe, all a big conspiracy to misjudge you.
Parisa tells us that she’s been attacked by the other roommates for being nice, and she doesn’t want that to happen again. Well, when Ashli picks up a hottie at Cargo Bar, stay away and it won’t happen again. Don’t play with fire, don’t get burned.
There’s some slow sad song playing, and Parisa heads outside, alone again, with her journal and her issues. She tells us there’s something nasty inside her, and she doesn’t like it. She’s never felt fear for a complete stranger before the way she does for Ashli and it’s all because of what’s happened with other roommates. She attacks her socialization problem by sitting outside and writing in her journal while everyone else laughs it up with the new roomie inside the house. It’s Marge against the world.
The Casserole Manifesto
And that was all for this week. The previews showed so much happening in weeks to come – fighting, cheating, pregancy scares, even death! Real World Sydney, bringing the drama back. Til next time…