Welcome back to the Real World Brooklyn. This week, Ryan’s going to war. There’s nothing funny about it, but on the bright side, he wears his big blue cowboy hat a lot. The sexy blue flannel, too. Oh my. I just realized. The best things about this episode were a jumbo blue cowboy hat and a flannel shirt.
Well, we’re right back with Ryan and his bad Iraq news. He’s really upset and it’s breaking my heart a little. Yes, I have one. He’s crying and Scotty is being a little perfect, just listening, staying calm and playing pool with him. Then Chet comes home. You can tell it’s later in the season cause he’s added an ill fitting motorcycle jacket for some Brooklyn style emo street cred. I think when he finds out his husband is going back to the Army, he’s going to really lose it.
But I got a bike. A bicycle. I thought we could travel around the world on it and make up songs.
Chet knows something’s up, but Ryan’s not ready to tell him. That’s the hardest part for him, he says, how to tell people. And he’s more worried about his parents back home worrying about him than he is about going to war, it seems like. Bless his heart. Crap, it’s going to be one of those recaps. I’m sorry to everyone, including myself.
In the house, the girls are giggling and having a grand old time, while Ryan’s on the phone with his brother back home. It’s confirmed that he’s going back to Iraq, and also that the letter came on the same day that he was marching in the Veteran’s Day parade. The Army are total assholes. By the way, Ryan looks totally hot in a black t-shirt. What? Just trying to look on the bright side.
He talks to his Mom, and tells her that he thought about it and thinks he’s got another fight in him. He puts up the front so that no one will be scared for him if he isn’t scared. Then he goes to his room and breaks the news to his wife, Chet. Scotty wanders in for a little moral support, telling him not to give up on his dreams and whatever. Chet tells him the Army is lucky to have him.
And cinema is lucky to not have you.
He’s not looking forward to sleeping on a cot and living out of a bag again. Chet tells him he loves him, and gives him a big speech about how he owes his freedom to him. But Ryan can hear that it’s tough on him. And Scotty won’t stop yammering away about how Ryan needs to write down his goals.
Over in the kitchen, the girls are playing cards. Ryan breaks the news and they all immediately run over from the table and attack him with a big hug. The girls are upset. Baya promises him that he won’t go. Sarah makes dumb jokes about how he should break his legs. Dev doesn’t bother acting stupid, she looks deadly serious. They ask him what he’s going to do about Belle, cause they’re chicks, and Baya never gave up the torch, and he says he doesn’t know because he doesn’t want to have a girlfriend while he’s in over there. Katelynn says she can tell he’s scared. Wow, how intuitive. Going to war and scared.
Chet’s on the phone with Mama Mormon giving her the news. And JD’s telling Ryan to cry gay. “I’ll say I’m your boyfriend,” he offers sweetly. But that would be the easy way out, says Ryan. Also, he’s still kind of Pennsylvania mining homophobic, and would never be able to pretend he was gay, even to get out of the war.
Just show up in that hat and you’ll be home free.
“He’s an infantryman,” Chet informs Mama Mormon. “What do they do? Are they right out there?” Mama asks cluelessly. Ignorance is bliss in Utah. He brags about Ryan’s medals. Chet’s such a proud wife, it’s just adorable.
Ryan’s on the computer looking at the letter that his brother emailed him. It’s a year. It’s a Striker Brigade? You ride around in a Striker, whatever that is. Oh, it’s a tank. “It looks safe,” offers Chet. Baya doesn’t want him to leave and come back and be different or injured…or not come back at all.
And Ryan hits the phones. He calls one of his old Army pals. He wants to warn the guy, but there’s no need – he’s got PTSD, depression and he’s on pills for it. He’s not going anywhere. Isn’t war worth it.
But onto something fun, Dev, Baya, JD and Scotty go puppy shopping! They pick out a Yorkie and name him Brooklyn. Brooklyn is adorable. So cute. Katelynn points out that the puppy is a boy and shouldn’t be wearing a tiara dog collar. “What about gender identity, Katelynn? Why does he have to conform?” asks Baya. Everyone plays with the dog. But Sarah doesn’t think it’s a real dog because it doesn’t fetch or roll over.
This one with the spot on his eye is too cute. He’ll upstage us. Get the ratty one.
Sarah reports to Ryan and Chet, who are not happy about the new puppy. “Dogs are not accessories. They’re dogs,” says Ryan flatly, “They’re companions.” When he finds out about that the puppy’s got some new sweaters too, he heads over to Devyn to tell log a complaint. “But he gets cold. He’s too little,” she explains. Then tries to get him to wave goodbye in the confessional. I don’t even care, that’s how cute the puppy is.
Meanwhile, there’s a roommate caucus when they decide to take a trip! Hey, isn’t MTV supposed to give them a trip? Don’t we normally get to go to Mexico or something? Perhaps the whole do-gooder thing backfired. See, someone should have gotten arrested or had sex. Anyway, Niagara Falls is mentioned, and Katelynn throws in the Hamptons, but in the end it’s Atlantic City!
Baya calls the roomies into the kitchen and makes the big announcement. They’re going to the Borgata on a party bus. Oh, MTV totally paid. Ryan says it’s a good opportunity to shut up and have fun. He says it in his blue flannel that makes eyes look so blue and I want more than anything for him to just have a nice weekend.
Chet and Ryan gossip in the kitchen. First they have a little debate about Benjamins and Franklins, then Chet complains about the girls, especially Katelynn, who has no money but can’t wait to go gambling. Everyone’s partying on the party bus. Everyone except poor Ryan who literally looks like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Mama needs a new pair of _________.
They’re met by Jamie, who’s a total New Jersey casino hostess. She sets the roomies up in their suite, confirming that MTV indeed paid, even if they didn’t plan on it, and they sit down to a lovely brunch buffet. Ryan’s wearing his huge blue cowboy hat. Now that’s an accessory.
Devyn tells us that she can not breathe in the Borgata. Or go near alcohol. Or go near the carpet? I think it’s a Christian thing. Ryan trots downstairs, still in his big blue cowboy hat. He and JD play the slots, while Chet puts on some super cool sunglasses and plays blackjack. JD’s kind of winning a lot and Ryan’s not winning anything. “I have the worst luck in the world,” he grumbles. Awwwww.
Dev and Katelynn are shopping. Dev for religious reasons, but Katelynn cause she’s broke and Scotty had to lend her money and therefore she should not gamble. She should not gamble. She should not- oh, who the hell are we kidding. She rushes Dev through her doggy bag purchase and gleefully parks herself at the blackjack table. She has an awesome day, which means she’s sure to lose it all tomorrow. She goes back upstairs, and tells Scotty that she’s up by $600. That’s great, but if I were Scotty, I’d be pretty pissed that she’s gambling the money he gave her.
So can I borrow a 20?
That night they go out to a cheesy casino club, and we learn that JD’s won $3,000 that day! Scotty, who lent Katelynn $1,500 tells us that JD’s reached into his pocket more than anybody? And that he deserves to win it. Well, he did have that whole Dad ruining his credit thing. I’m fine with it.
The next day, Katelynn the moron goes back to the tables…and loses all her money. All Scotty’s money. Ryan and Chet stroll by and pretty much laugh at her. She gives some line about really wanting to pay Scotty back, so that’s why she’s gambling. Save it for the Gambler’s Anonymous, honey.
Then Ryan and Chet start feeling bad for Dev stuck in their room all day cause she can’t gamble. Or be near the casino carpet. So they go visit her upstairs in bed, pull her covers off, and discover she’s completely naked! Dev doesn’t really care that much, but Chet goes a little bananas. “That’s the first naked woman I’ve seen in the flesh!” he squeals. Was it scary? Do you like looking at naked Ryan better?
Then again, who wouldn’t?
Katelynn comes back upstairs and tells the group that she lost about $670. “Well, what else was I supposed to do here?” she asks casually. “Ummmm, not lose money?” Chet replies. But she says she had fun, and that’s what it’s all about anyway. “Not really,” interjects Scotty, but for some reason he’s not letting her have it.
She continues to recount her story, including at one point when her purse tipped over and her money fell in the trash can. Way to appreciate your roomie’s generosity. Then the roomies go to a big pool for a massage. The lie on lounge chairs, and Chet’s really excited because this will be the first woman who’s ever touching him. “It’s like Christmas!” he says. He’s excited for a hot masseuse, but the somewhat hot one goes with Baya and Chet gets the middle aged lady with the spiky dyed red hair.
The roomies head back to Brooklyn, and Baya tells us that she lost everything. Her children, her kidneys. They’re all broke. And their fridge is smelly. JD and Scotty are outside,and JD’s telling him Katelynn has to pay him back. Apparently, she was up by $800 at some point, and she could have paid him back. But Scotty’s super zen about the whole thing, and just says that people have to figure their own ways out.
Alright, Chet. Find your way out.
Then Scotty takes Ryan for a walk, and tells us that his best friend Bobby was killed in Iraq, and for that reason he wants constant communication with Ryan. Like poor Ryan doesn’t have enough to deal with his parents and his sappy girlfriend, now he’s got Scotty to nag him for not staying in touch. He calls Belle, and he tries to tell her, but poor sheltered Belle is having a rough semester being a full time college student, and Ryan can’t do it to her over the phone. And he tells us about it in the hot blue flannel, which makes it even nicer.
Then he starts training. He and Scotty go to Crunch – screw you, by the way, Crunch, I got tired of waiting for your asses to comp me a free membership and my then my new job gave me a free one at Equinox. I win. Equinox is heaven. Anyway, Ryan works out and tells us about all the questions going on in his mind. There’s a lot to think about when you’re going to war.
“When duty calls, people step up. This is what it is to be a soldier,” he tells us firmly. I can’t say I understand Ryan at all, and why he did any of this, but I’ve got love for him for it. And the roomies share the sentiment. They all write him some nice notes in a fancy notebook that Scotty bought. He was really not about to let that writing down your dreams thing go, and he wanted the roomies to write in it too. We get voiceovers of all of them, and it’s mostly sweet until we get to Sarah who’s sobbing about when he’s sad and lonely, to think of her. That’s actually not such a bad plan, cause thinking of annoying do gooder Sarah back in the US might make Iraq look not so bad.
This girl makes war look like Disneyland.
Scotty presents Ryan with his book, they all tell him how much they love him, Chet weeps a little because he doesn’t want to become a widow, and Ryan’s ready to go back to war. Next week, it’s all over and this is the most excited I’ve been all season. Kisses all over…