Welcome back to the Real World Brooklyn! This week, war is bad, Chet wants to be famous, Scotty becomes a player and Devyn doesn’t like it. Sound exciting? Well, keep reading anyway.
Tall enough to ride. YAY!
This week, we’re going to spend a little time with Scotty and his abs of steel. Scotty’s goal while he’s in the big city is to pursue “modeling and acting”. How original! He goes off to have some photos taken…in his panties. Scotty talks a lot about the importance of “connecting” with various photographers. As he runs through a series of beefcake poses for a definitely creepy, older guy photographer, the “connection” thing’s got me concerned. Especially with the photographer cooing direction like, “Legs wider…you obviously love doing the body stuff”.
OMG I can see your soul through this lens. Oh wait sorry. Your chest was just shining. Come here and let me powder that for you tiger.
Scotty seems pretty sure that things are going great. With the undies modeling career, that is. Sadly, things with Marisa, the hometown girl, have fallen apart. She’s basically cut off contact with him. He tells JD that they’re “splitting” cause she won’t talk to him. But he bounces back pretty quickly, like in the next sentence, when he tells JD that he likes talking to girls and learning about things, and dating’s what they’re supposed to be doing at their age anyway, right? Well, I think so.
Back at the house, it’s fashion week! Before anyone gets excited about a DVF from The City crossover, we get a look at Sarah, who looks less fashion and more…goth? And then we learn that Sarah just loves dressing other people? Today’s victim looks like it’s gonna be Baya, who ends up in one of the same hippy dippy silver jewelry accessorized outfits that she wears every day anyway. Sarah, in addition to looking like a complete outcast, just comes off as looking like she’s trying way too hard.
Whoever sits behind her is gonna be really pissed off.
The “fashion show” turns out to be some kind of art-meets-fashion event that only a pseudo-hipster could love. Complete with cut up paper outfits and interesting looking models. And by interesting, I mean not hot. But that isn’t going to stop Scotty from hitting on them. Devyn, who’s the only one of the roommates who looks remotely fabulous, ruins it by caring far too much what Scotty’s up to. “I’m so happy for you, you had an excellent day!” she tells him fake-cheerfully later that night. But the facade fades fast, as she asks for a word by word replay of how he picked up his hos. Then she calls him a skank. Cause she’s pretty much over it.
Meanwhile, it’s prank time for Ryan. Today’s trick is to take everyone’s shoelaces, unlace them and tie them back up backwards. “That way their shoes don’t work,” he tells us excitedly. Anyway, he calls it a harmless prank and sets happily about the house “breaking” everyone’s shoes. Then he does his own to throw everyone else off the trail because Ryan is a very, very smooth criminal.
But JD’s an intrepid sleuth, and tracks down Scotty and Katelynn to get a revenge scheme going. And he’s also got a suspect. Of course JD thinks it’s his arch-nemesis Chet, but he’s wrong. He’s also got a pretty stupid revenge scheme involving shaving cream. That would have been a great plan if this was the Real World Summer Camp and everyone was five. But as it is, the shaving cream scheme does not go over so well. JD squirts it through the ceiling all over Ryan and Chet’s beds, while Katelynn is the voice of reason telling him that it’s stupid. JD ignores her and gleefully goes about getting his revenge on all the straight dudes who ever picked on him by covering Chet and Ryan’s beds in shaving cream. Then he runs off like a girl.
Chet and Ryan, who think everyone else is stupid for getting mad at their pranks, completely lose it. They fly out of their shaving cream covered beds completely infuriated and yelling at JD about how now it’s on! Then they choose an equally savvy revenge tactic, by grabbing probably the same can of shaving cream JD used and attacking him in bed. There’s a bunch of yelling. And Ryan is nice enough to throw in a, “Look at my fucking room! Get in there and clean it!” That was kind of rude. JD asks him why he’s “tripping”, and Ryan just rants and raves about how his precious beauty sleep was interrupted.
Clean my room now or I’m singing the tampon song until the sun comes up!
The nonsense ends with everyone cleaning up, and JD kind of marveling about how mad Ryan got. He thinks Ryan’s lost it. Meanwhile, Ryan details how he’s like to duct tape JD’s eyes, shut his mouth with a sock and tape him to his bed. Ryan’s kind of a, how do you say, sick fuck.
And JD can’t really get over Ryan’s outburst. He tells Scotty incredulously that Ryan was crying while he was yelling. Scotty mentions that perhaps Ryan was having some kind of flashback of being woken up by bombs in Iraq. “You think?” asks JD idiotically. Yes, dear. War isn’t just something for you and your self-righteous pals to protest about, there’s actually other guys your age over there getting bombed. And I don’t mean drunk.
This shaving cream bs happened while I was waiting for Saddam’s helicopter to land! I could have killed you!
The next day, the boys meet up to talk it out, cause that’s just the kind of Real World this is. Ryan’s anger is addressed, we all learn a valuable lesson about the difference between good pranks and bad ones, and Chet once again embodies fashion in a yellow pastel tee and controversial white scarf. In the end, JD ends up feeling bad, Baya and Devyn were scared of Ryan and Sarah the therapist, of course, sees a cry for help.
It’s not like I called you a second rate tranny. Jeeze.
So, back to Chet’s hosting career. Chet and Ryan are in the car on the way to Asbury Park, New Jersey to interview “breakthrough band” Hey Monday. What a stupid name. Hey Monday! I’m more like fuck off, Monday. Go find your pal Friday. Anyway, Chet’s nervous, but he’s here for a reason. Hey Monday is a trendy pop/punk band. Everybody gasp. I don’t get a look at their pants, put I’m certain they’re the peg leg emo type.
Anyway, Chet does a pretty good job on his interview. He becomes pals with the band, totally hits on the lead singer and according to Ryan “nails it”. All except the lavender sweatshirt, but that’s just my opinion. And then Chet gets in trouble by the producer, Dan who tells him not to make fun of the band. I think Dan the producer’s jealous. Chet wasn’t making fun, he was just having fun. Chet calls the band out on Dan’s accusation, and they all just laugh about it and that’s the scene.
What’s to make fun of? Besides the name. And the hair. And the songs.
Scotty the player, now that he’s single, is after some model ass. But remember, these aren’t really the hot models, just the “interesting” ones. Devyn has comments to make, about how Scotty’s on the rebound. Scotty shows off pictures of his abs to the “interesting” looking model. Devyn vows that someday, somehow, he will admit that he has a crush on her…but in the meantime, he’ll just finishing showing off his abs pic to the model.
And look, Chet wants in on the date too! Get a life, dolls. He lounges from the next bed over, and I’m not really even sure what he’s doing there cause they don’t even share rooms, but there he is yelling over to Scotty about how he’s “loving it”. Scotty continues to subtly try and get Chet to leave, but the airplane’s flying right over Chet’s head. Socially, Chet’s a little stunted. But he leaves. I think. Thanks for all the drama, Real World.
Hey you guys I totally did this hosting thing today. You guys. Hey you guys. Guys?
But here’s something, we move to the phone room where Ryan’s on the phone with his brother. Something about a gunshot and someone’s dead. “Shut up, shut up,” is all an incredulous Ryan can say. He freaks out, and then goes to his therapy, Bessie the guitar. His just good friend and nothing more, Baya, listens to his somber stumming as Ryan does a spoken word piece about post traumatic stress disorder and Iraq stuff. Simple things like garbage on the street scare him. Well, still no drama, but poignant nonetheless.
Back to a more banal topic, Chet wants to be the host of TRL! He also wants to wear some strange horn rimmed glasses. Both bad ideas, but mainly the TRL thing cause that show’s cancelled. Chet is pretty surprised at this news. Way to do your research, babe. Back at home, there’s some older guy there and talk turns to 9/11 and how that’s why Ryan joined the army. He was seventeen, but he got his parents’ permission. Now he has “emotional baggage” that that he tries not to think about.
Gosh, they’re sure bouncing around with this whole Ryan and Iraq thing. All I know is the next thing I see is Chet in a hat with CHET spelled out on it in huge letters. Chet makes some interesting fashion choices and I don’t know what this is. All I know is I’m literally dying laughing over it. And it’s now time for a visit from Scotty’s next model in line and that’s Jocelyn. Baya is amused, Devyn not so much. She runs to confide in Chet, although I’m not sure why. Then she tells us she’s sure Scottty’s not having sex with all these other girls, cause he’s not that “skankalicious” and how isn’t it weird that he’s only dating black girls. Clearly, he’s trying to make her jealous, she thinks. Time to get over it.
Just looking at the water. Not you. Go ahead and keep cuddling with that whore you’re using to get me more interested.
Actually, all of the roomies have a comment to make about Scotty and his women. That’s probably cause none of them have anything to contribute. In fact, they have diligently taken the time to construct the Official Guide to Scott Dating. They say he meets a girl, then talks about himself. He says he does a lot of listening too, though. Scotty’s kind of annoyed that everyone’s messing with him but he’s not not mean like I am so he doesn’t tell them to just get a life.
Back to CHET. He sends an email to Doug, the producer who’s pals with Pete Wentz. From Fall Out Boy. Oh, and conveniently enough, the owner of Angels & Kings, the only bar that will let these Real Worlders in! And where they met Doug! Wow, this is all so coincidental. And what do you know, Doug is able to set up an interview with Chet and Pete Wentz! The okay thing about it is that at least Chet admits that he’s lucky for the connections.
And Devyn’s still carrying on about Scotty. He thinks she’s jealous cause he’s been spending time with other girls, and all Devyn can do is accuse him of being a player. Scotty tells Devyn to let it go, and then she makes fun of Joeclyn for talking too much. That’s kind of it. Just trying to include all the info, even though no one could possibly care about this part.
Meanwhile, CHET is getting ready for his big interview with Pete Wentz. Baya quizzes him on Pete, and Chet knows everything. It’s an impressive breadth of knowledge about an incredibly stupid topic, but if it helps in the interview, then good for Chet. Baya, naturally, is super supportive. She thinks he’s gonna do great! And then Chet appears in his interview wardrobe, which the roomies liken to a Orville Redenbacker ensemble. Complete with bow tie, sweater vest and the stupid horn rimmed glasses again. Oh, but it’s all okay cause according to Chet, “my roommates don’t understand fashion”. Also, he really doesn’t see the resemblance. In his estimation, Orville had buck teeth and a cheesy smile. And Chet’s still not getting it.
This screams I’m not screwing you til we’re married.
At Angels & Kings, it’s finally interview time. In comes Pete Wentz, all five feet of him swathed in a bunch of layers and a wool cap, and meets up with Chet for an interview in the kitchen. Chet’s interview with Pete starts off rocky, but he finally sucks Pete in with some comparison between Fall Out Boy and Illinois? I know, but Pete kind of likes it, and they both agree that the interview went well. He even asks Pete his opinion on the Orville Redenbacker outfit, but Pete sees Buddy Holly. Then Pete hilariously mentions to Chet that hey, he knows someone over at MTV! And perhaps can help Chet out! They exchange emails and take a picture, and Chet’s on his way.
And again, Devyn is mad at Scott. He wants to know why she’s bent out of shape and she’s up on some soapbox about how all he’s doing is going from girl to girl. Yeah, so? She tells him he needs to put it in check and that it’s quality over quantity. But also that he’s a grown man. Scotty’s basically sick of dealing with it and vows to be more aggressive. This is the big story today. This is it.
Wanna hear a monologue?
And now for a patriotic end to today’s show. Ryan wants to go see the 9/11 ceremonies in NYC with his army pal, Darren. 9/11 is the big day for Ryan, it was his first day in the army, it was his first day back after a year in Iraq – I don’t know why some people latch on to tragedy like that, but 9/11 is Ryan’s life. He and Darren reminisce on traumatic times, and some street where they used to hang out where the mosque was. They look at a commemorative wall and Ryan talks about how only a select few people will pick up arms and go overseas willingly. I’m not really sure what the message is here. War sucks? We already know.
Back at the house, we waste just a few more minutes on Scotty who needs a “cuddle buddy”. I think Devyn might have played her last hand with this game, cause now Scotty’s looking for cuddles with Baya. He wants to get his name and his face out there, he confides. He needs to focus on the very important business of abs, and Baya wholeheartedly agrees.
And then we bounce back to Ryan for a quick minute for him to be sad outside with Chet. He makes one more speech about how 9/11 was the Pearl Harbor of his generation. He feels like a weight has been lifted. Then everyone sings God Bless America to the accompainment of Ryan’s guitar. Not really, but may as well.
Depression causes baby baldness.
And there you have it, another fascinating week in Brooklyn. See you for more next time…