So, we left the Real World Sydney with that cute, bubbly, outgoing Trasha literally knocking Parisa down. I forgot one comment last week – what’s the deal with Trasha and her “personal shopper” gig? That drapey orange tank top thing was straight out of Walmart in 1985, and I do not mean that in a cool-retro kind of way. Off topic, I know, but she’s gone before the next thirty minutes are over, and I had to get that in. And now, back to the your regularly scheduled drama.
Get your umbrella. It’s spitting bitches and c words outside!
The moments after…and Trasha is now on the phone with Daddy Christian. “I just pushed a fat girl!” Trasha gleefully informs him, “That girl has problems!”. Mmm-hmm. Something tells me after this little incident, Parisa’s not the one with the problems.
Parisa yells from outside the phone room that she’s sure her family would be happy to know that she’d rather talk to her boyfriend then them. Trasha replies that she’s sorry she comes from a classy family. That’s right honey, two-tone haired bitches who hit when they’re mad absolutely reek of not only class, but Christianity too!
Trash yells at Parisa to go work out, cause she has a long way to go. What is she talking about? Underneath her JC Penny collection wardrobe, Parisa actually has a cute bod. More than we can say for Trasha, who Parisa points out has grown a disgusting gut while she’s been in the house. Then she calls Trash “Miss Piggy”. Loves it, Marge, I laughed out loud at that one.
This divorce is all your fault.
Back on the phone, Daddy Christian tells Trasha to tell Parisa that she’s sorry. “But I’m not!” she insists. Do you want me to lie, she queries him? Cause lying isn’t a very Christian thing to do. But Dad tells her that sometimes you have to be the bigger person, and put the olive branch out there. I personally don’t see how apologizing for something that you legitimately did wrong is “being the bigger person”, but I can see that the Christians sure have their hands full with this one. I can’t think of a bigger challenge for these parents than getting their hateful witch of a daughter to do the right thing.
“Sometimes you gotta swallow your pride,” Trasha’s Dad continues. And finally, Trasha gets it. “I know,” she concedes. “So do it,” Daddy Christian says firmly, no longer humoring his little devil. They probably had to call an emergency mass over in Fresno over this one.
But when she offers Parisa her phony apology, Parisa will have none of it. “Go fuck yourself,” she tells her. Rightly so, because Trasha’s bullshit apology is immediately followed by the insult that she has someone who loves her and friends. Proving without any doubt that Trasha is in no way sorry for what she did…she’s just sorry about the consequences.
I’m sorry you’re fat and friendless and desperate and going to hell right along with your Muslim family, whore face.
Parisa again reminds us of the no physical violence rule in the Real World house. Then we see KA telling Ashli that Trasha might have to go home. This is very upsetting to both of them. KA doesn’t think Parisa will do it, but Cow and his country wisdom think she just might. It’s a tough call, Cow muses, either she’s spineless, or a tattletale.
Parisa, who with the exception of the Miss Piggy comment, which I totally forgive her for cause I loved it, has remained admirably calm through all of the drama. She calls her sister Nikki, the big family road trip all but forgotten, who basically tells her to grow a pair.
Meanwhile, Trash is commiserating with KA, Ashli and Cow. She warns them that her delightful presence in the house depends on what they have to say about it, especially Cow. “Cause she won’t listen to me,” Trasha complains. Ugh, that unreasonable Parisa. Getting pushed down, and then refusing to listen to your fake apology.
KA reminds Trash that they had some mean words afterward, and Cow warns that if Parisa does allow Trasha to stay, she better keep her lips on Parisa’s ass. Even though I already know Trasha’s gone, I’m still sort of hoping that it goes the other way just to see how that one plays out. Kind of like in Titanic, when they’re turning and turning and there’s a moment when you think, well, maybe they won’t hit that iceberg.
I hope these two have a long, happy relationship.
Parisa ends the call with her sister with resolve. She calls a house meeting, and Trasha gives a “whatever” type eye-roll. She so deserves this. Ashli doesn’t think Parisa will go through with it, that she’s just on a “power trip” and only wants to make Trasha suffer a little. Yeah, clearly Parisa is the one with the power in that house. Ashli’s on a moron trip.
Parisa opens the meeting by filling the roomies in on the “altercation”. She tells them she already knows how she feels, but she will take into consideration how the other roommates feel about it. Which she must really regret about five seconds later, as the rest of the weigh in with the opinion that basically, Parisa should let it go.
That’s right, not one of them takes Parisa’s side. Dumby goes first. “As someone who’s hit people a lot…” he begins. I’m dying laughing at his reference point. He tells Parisa he’s always begging people to consider the intent, if it was a “crime of passion”, or whatever. Maybe that “passion” shit works on belt lacerated Julie, but I don’t think it applies at all here. Trasha’s been dying to knock Marge out since day one. Next.
It’s not like she chained you to the back of a pickup truck and dragged you around the block or anything. That would have been awesome.
Cowhutta says that everyone there knows who was in the right, so just do the “classy” thing and not retaliate. OK people, I think “class” left the equation long ago, can we please stop using it as the gold standard of Real World behavior? I mean, please. So what am I supposed to do for the rest of the time here, Parisa asks him? Country just shrugs. Not his problem.
Then Ashli chimes in with the rosy sentiment that if she allows Trasha to stay, it will be the perfect opportunity for both of them to start fresh. You would both grow from it, she lectures, as she literally snuggles up to Trasha on the couch. Shut up Ashli, you forfeited any chance at wisdom with your lame “i”.
And finally KA completes the circle by telling Parisa they’ve been through so much worse than this, and she would hate for Trasha to leave over something so stupid. So easy to judge from your safe perch with the mean girls. And it really is Marge against the world.
Parisa tells the camera that she wanted to hear what the roommates had to say, but I think she only did because she thought someone would back her. But, she realizes that they’re so happy in their cliquey little bubble, that no one is putting themselves in her shoes.
And then it’s Trasha’s turn. She tells Parisa she started crying afterwards, because she lost respect for herself. Nonsense, you started crying over the stupidity of giving Parisa the golden opportunity to send you home. Trasha is speaking in a soft tone of voice that I have never heard her use before. Then she tries to manipulate Parisa by telling her that they both said some ugly things afterward, and she doesn’t know if Parisa meant what she said, but she, Trasha, certainly didn’t. Nice try, sweetheart. But the college girl ain’t having it.
When I called you a fat looser I felt horrible about myself, you fat looser.
Parisa defends her position nicely. She points out that moments after the push, Trasha was back on the phone yelling about how much she hated Parisa. She points out the “apology” came with an “I don’t care if you accept or not.” She notes that Trasha didn’t look sorry – that’s cause she wasn’t. She was only sorry her fifteen minutes were getting chopped down to ten.
Dumby tells Parisa that in the end “our opinions don’t matter”. And then something so shitty, that I have to replay it like five times to make sure I’ve heard it correctly, happens. KA yells, “Yes it does matter, cause you’ll still have to be here for the next two months with all of us hating you!” I’m disgusted and appalled, and if withering looks could penetrate television sets, KA would be cowered in the corner like the pathetic junior high whore that she is.
Parisa is shocked too. She can’t believe they’re threatening her for sending Trash home. But she doesn’t falter. “I don’t hate you, but I don’t want to be around you,” she concludes And that’s that, dolls. Trasha’s out!
KA tells Trasha that she’ll help her pack, and her Trasha and Ashli go slinking off to Trasha’s room. Three little bitches, losing their leader. Trasha can’t believe it. Can’t believe what, dear? That actions have consequences? I’m sure Jesus is weeping.
Dumby and Cow can’t believe it either. Cow says he didn’t expect it, and now it will be unstoppable hell. Oh yeah, it will! Looking forward to it! Kisses and thanks!
Queen Bitch Thrown has opened up. Congrats, Ashli. You’re promoted!
Back in the den of bitchy whores, it hasn’t taken long for Trasha to go from apologetic to righteously indignant. “I would never have done that”, she insists. At first I’m thinking, yeah right, you would have literally kicked her to the curb, but then I realize that she probably wouldn’t have. Trasha’s manipulative ass would have allowed Parisa to stay, and then made her life a living hell for it.
And speaking of a living hell, that’s Trasha’s hoping the other two will do for mean old Parisa in her absence. A request that comes on the heels of the proclamation that Trasha’s the bigger person, by the way. Proving once again that she’s not one bit sorry for what happened, she’s just sorry she’s going home. Living hell? Check, the whore minions assure her. “Where can you get itching powder,” KA giggles. What is this, Marcia Brady’s slumber party? Trasha continues her rant on Parisa, saying she has an “ugly heart” and lamenting that “I reached out, but I was right from my first instinct.” That’s right Trasha, you’re perfect. Never change.
Country tells us, “We’re a dying breed, the roommates.” Dumby tells us Trasha’s the most manipulative, conniving, calculating person in the house, so for her to leave is no skin off his pimply back. Shrug. Agreed, and glad to hear it, but if that’s how he feels, why can’t he stand by Parisa? Marge sits alone on the couch with her only friend left, an orange, while the rest of ‘em do a dramatic farewell to Trasha.
Orange, I totally have a crush on that apple you were seeing. You don’t mind if I go for it, do you?
And of course this angry, hateful little witch isn’t leaving without a parting shot at Parisa. You know, cause she’s sorry, and she’s a Christian, and most importantly, a bigger person. “All I can say, is you’re not sending me home because you feel I’m a physical threat, you’re sending me home because I’m the one who speaks what everyone else thinks – that you’re nothing,” she tells her. Awww…there’s that “class” rearing its head again.
Parisa tells us that every time she thinks she’s wrong about Trasha, that she has a good side, she realizes that she’s not wrong – Trash still looks at everyone with the same narrow-mindedness. Now I’m on Marge’s side today, so I’m not going to make too much of an argument, but I wouldn’t exactly call Parisa the model of open hearted joy. But she does tell Trasha to enjoy her flight. If the tables were turned, Trasha would have told Parisa she hoped the plane crashed.
No one can replace Trasha, cries KA. Amen to that, sister. Saying goodbye is hard. Trasha tells us – with no tears, by the way – she’ll miss Cow’s accent, Isaac’s rapping, and Dumby’s being set in his ways. If insignificant shit like that is all she’s missing, then it’s obvious she never really got to know them. She’ll miss KA’s friendship, and the chance to learn about Ashli. Well, a girl who will throw itching powder at your enemies is certainly a prize, and I think we learned all we needed to know about Ash today – she’s a bitch and a follower. Trasha’s kind of girl.
After the wicked witch of Fresno is shipped off, Parisa, having cleared that phone room for good, is back on with her friend. All she can do is take it one day at a time, she says. KA and Ashli hang over the side of the loft above the phone room, and talk about how they can’t believe Trasha’s gone and “that bitch” is still there. Then, they spit on the glass of the phone room, taunting, “Does she feel threatened?” They spit. I am nauseous. MTV, this was the best you could do? To call these girls wretched would be a compliment. And KA? It’s like they killed the Trasha serpent and KA’s head grew back in its place, only ten times worse.
Didn’t take KA long to get back into her most comfortable position.
The next day, the two couples, Cow and KA and Dumby and Ash, are headed out for a fun day in Sydney! Actually, they’re doing research for the Contiki project, but you know they would have left Parisa behind anyway. Parisa sits alone on the couch again, saying if they want to turn their backs on her for having principles, then she doesn’t want them as friends. It comes out in a very small voice, and I’m really feeling for you, Marge. And I wonder again if the tables were turned, would the roommates be ostracizing Trasha this way?
As they set off for the Sydney Aquarium, KA tells Ashli, “I’ll be mean for a day or two, and then I’ll just stop talking to her.” Well, that’s what Ashli’s already done, she tells KA. KA ups that with the news that she’s already written “Team Trasha” graffiti in the phone room. Good, fabulous, you girls are a real credit to the sisterhood. Where’s Isaac already? He might be able to add a little humanity to this mess.
Parisa’s on the phone with her Dad, and I think that’s good. Mom seemed to really embrace that “everyone’s against you” philosophy, and that wasn’t doing our Marge any favors. Dad tells her the girls are acting like little kids, which I think is an extremely nice way of putting it, and to let them calm down. He tells her that it won’t be nice for a while, but not to regret the decision she made. I like Daddy Parisa.
When the cute couples return from their trip to the aquarium, Parisa sucks it up, and tries to make conversation with them. They’re assholes to her. It comes up that with Trasha gone, the Contiki teams are now the couples vs. just Parisa and Isaac, who still isn’t home. They wonder if Sara, the Contiki boss, will be reassigning the teams.
Cow, having spent the day with KA and Ashli, is now on board with the sixth grade mean clique – “I don’t want them splittin’ my team up,” he whines, “I’d hate for what I have planned to leak.” Damn, can no one help this girl out? Yeah, she’s brought a lot of her isolation on herself, but even I’m feeling sympathy by now. KA and Ashli complete the sentiment with statements like, “I don’t want to switch over ’cause of a decision YOU made” and “I hate her, she ruined everything for us” and “I don’t want to be on her team. She’ll ruin our trip to Europe”. Why don’t we just blame global warming and Iraq on her while we’re at it?
Sara summons them over to the Contiki offices, and indeed, the teams are to be split. What?!? NOOOOOOOOO!!! Ashli is moving over to Parisa and Isaac’s team. The looks on both girls’ faces are priceless. I snicker madly. Furthermore, Ashli will be the team leader! Parisa tells us she’s not writing Ashli off, but…funny Marge, but isn’t that just what you said you were doing when Ashli first moved in? She tried with you, she even mad a little sad face when informed that you were the outcast, but you flat out admitted that you didn’t want anything to do with her. It’s a chicken / egg thing. Would Ashli have been nicer to Parisa now if Parisa hadn’t been such a pill to her in the first place? I guess we’ll never know.
Let’s put her underwear in the freezer! And then when she’s asleep we’ll put her hand in a bowl of hot water and make her pee herself! Tee hee hee hee!
Ashli is predictably miserable at the prospect of being on Parisa’s team. She makes a huge deal of it, desperate to prove to KA that her hatred of Parisa is worthy. Oh well, KA consoles her, at least you’re the team leader, so she can’t boss you around. Ashli sighs about how the situation is so horribly unfair, and now the pressure of team leader to boot? What’s next, she wonders aloud, in front of Parisa, will she break a leg to finish off the week? Well, I’m not wishing her a broken limb, but I just read one of those celebrity quote things in US Weekly that are usually taken way out of context, but this one was wasn’t – someone was saying that when they wish people ill will, they wish them acne on the butt. It’s something you can get taken care of, but it’s embarrassing and hard to get to. I like it. Pimples on the ass, Ash. Here’s hoping!
At home, it’s Dumby and Parisa in the kitchen. First he blames her for taking Ashli from their team cause “she’s a smart chick.” Dumby, I know they start and end with the same letter, but “smart” and “slut” don’t mean the same thing. Then, out of the other side of his mouth, he tells Parisa she made the best decision, and “I kinda like you for it.” Kinda like her? What a sweetheart. But Parisa, at this point beyond desperate for a remotely kind word, laughs gratefully. She says she’ll be alright, and life will go on. Chin up, P. It’s four assholes who hate you, versus the rest of the planet earth who loves you for kicking that self righteous, hypocritical, mean-spirited faux Jesus freak back to Fresno. Kisses, Marge.
So, all in all, I’m sorry to see Trasha go, cause you can’t say that she didn’t bring the drama, and she was never boring, but I’m glad Parisa did it. Next week, Isaac and his jumpsuit return to Sydney, and I’m hoping he brings his voice of reason with him too. Til then, my little marsupials…
Not a moment too soon.