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At long last: a good episode of The Real World: Denver! Granted, everyone galavanted around like idiots and there really was no rhyme or reason to, well, any of it, but hey, there was some genuine suspense as a nonsensical argument escalated to potentially violent levels and then, inevitably, entered the sphere of overt racism. That’s the good stuff!This week’s episode started off on a promising note. Everyone was going out to Monark, which apparently is a local Denver bar that specializes in attracting sluts and ho’s (hence, the cast’s eagerness is going). As he ironed a shirt for the night’s big activities, Tyrie told Davis about his alter egos — or as I call them, “Red Flags.” Apparently Tyrie has three distinct personality. There’s Tyrie — the man we know and love. Then there’s Dark Kent, who I guess is Tyrie’s dorky side, but most importantly, there’s Leroy Jenkins — the Hulk to Tyrie’s Bruce Banner. Or, as he euphemistically put it, “My intensity side.” As we later saw, this was the understatement of the evening. Anyway, he went on to add, “Hopefully, Leroy Jenkins won’t make an appearance this whole time.” Yeah, um, don’t count on it. We all saw the previews…
While Tyrie did his best to suppress his “intensity side,” the rest of the roommates got in touch with their “drunken idiot sides.” Everyone — including some random people in the background — all partook in some tasty libations, and then everyone headed to Monark. And that meant one thing: time for Stephen to rock his idiot sunglasses at night. A Corey Hart for a new generation.
Well, it looked like it would just be a typical night out — Brooke’s feet were killing her, girls were doing shots, and Jenn looked about ready to hump anything with a pulse (and/or batteries). Feeling entirely too wasted to continue, Davis decided to leave Monark (I know what you’re thinking — no one leaves Monark!!) and head home and call his boyfriend PJ. Surely nothing could go wrong now!
After watching Davis hop the fence to his house, we then headed back to the bar where Colie seemed to be semi-crying outside. She just wanted to go home, she said. We didn’t know why she was crying — probably the vicious reality that she’s something of a slut hit her all at once — but what really was important was that Stephen of all people was ranting and raving about something. Turns out that some guy in the bar had called him the n-word. Who knew that Michael Richards hung out in Denver bars? Rimshot!
Sensing that this could turn into an ugly situation, the girls wisely decided to simply take the understandably riled up Stephen home. Jenn did her best to mollify the situation by saying, “Let’s go home to the privacy of our own selves and talk amongst our friends because we’re all cool people.” The “cool” part seemed quite dubious, and I wasn’t sure how talking to friend qualified as hanging out in “the privacy of our own selves.” I think this may have been Jenn’s ploy to somehow get into bed with Stephen. Nevertheless, as they all walked home, for whatever reason, Stephen then began spouting off about how he was angry at Davis for leaving early. SHAME ON HIM!!! Davis will leave a bar when Stephen says he’s damn well ready!
Meanwhile, back at the house, Davis was on the phone with his dearest PJ, saying that he got a whole lot drunker than he had expected. This led to some disapproving complaints from PJ (gotta love the boyfriends and girlfriends whose only role is to groan at everything that goes on in the Real World house). Well, despite his boyfriend’s crabbiness, Davis said, “I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I want to marry you.” Aww. So touching. Little did Davis know that his night was about to be turned upside down.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, let the idiocy commence.
The remaining roomies soon returned to the house, and Stephen was still furious; so Tyrie did what any good friend would do: he tried to bring Stephen down. Unfortunately, the more steam Stephen let out, the more it seemed to simply transfer onto Tyrie (memo to Tyrie: never become a therapist. Ever). Well, once again, Stephen continued to express anger about Davis leaving the bar early, saying, “I think it’s unfair for somebody to just leave!” Dude, seriously. I know you’re young and kind of dumb, but people can actually leave bars whenever they want. The buddy system isn’t a way of life.
Well, this whole Davis-leaving-the-bar-early mess was the straw that broke the camel’s back — or at least Leroy Jenkin’s protective bonds. Tyrie stomped over to Davis, who was now enjoying a hot tub with the girls (always smart when you’re wasted), and told him to get out of the tub. When Davis registered confusion, Tyrie asked again. And again. And then he took his shirt off. Did he want to rape him or something? What was going on?
“GET OUT OF THE FUCKING TUB!!!” Tyrie yelled, showing little patience for tub dawdling. Eventually, Davis realized he had a huge angry black man yelling at him and that it might be a good idea to, you know, GET OUT OF THE FUCKING TUB!!! At this point, Tyrie filled in some of the blanks for us as we learned that the reason why Stephen was so mad was because during the whole n-word debacle at the bar, he thought Davis had bolted to avoid a fight or confrontation or whatever. Basically, Stephen didn’t think that Davis had his back, and now Tyrie was all bent out of shape because of it. Where was Stephen during this brewing storm? Oh you know. NOWHERE.
Well, Davis told Tyrie that he came home to call his boyfriend, but unfortunately for Tyrie, Leroy Jenkins was now controlling his body, and he seemed unable to process this information. Instead, Tyrie kept saying, er, yelling, “I AM ASKING YOU IF YOU LEFT HIM!!!!” So what??? He left to use the phone! Now this is where Davis could have completely diffused the situation by saying “Yes” and then explaining the phone thing again, but instead, he took the “You are a drunken idiot” baton from Tyrie and decided to exasperate the situation by smirking in his face. As you can imagine, Leroy Jenkins did not like this one bit.
The two guys got in each other’s faces while everyone watched from the tub, and then finally, a lightbulb went off in Colie’s head that maybe someone should step in. She bravely intervened, but at this point, it was too late. Tyrie punched a wall (the wall CLEARLY left Stephen too) and then called Davis an “LFO wannabe fake ass N*SYNC punk ass Backstreet Boy looking bitch!” Or something like that. I gotta say, I was pretty impressed with the LFO reference, but what about BBMak? O-Town? 98 Degrees???
Well, you call Davis a boy bander, and you might as well be hurling the n-word! He will not be associated with the likes of Nick Lachey and Kevin Richardson and those kids from 5ive! Davis screamed that he wanted Tyrie out of the house, and this then led to both guys daring each other to hit each other (because as we all know, if you punch someone on The Real World, you’re out of the house).
So would this extremely idiotic argument come to blows? Well, before we found out, we had a commercial break, which gave us time to sit back and think about how dumb this whole fight was in the first place. Tyrie had gotten mad about something that wasn’t even his beef to have, and the beef itself was based on a major misunderstanding. But where Tyrie was burning coals, Davis was like a giant bellow, threatening to whip up an uncontrollable blaze in the house. Okay, I’ll stop with the metaphors. Point of the story: they’re both idiots. (And Stephen too for just hanging back while a shitstorm brewed around his yapping).
After the break, the guys separated. Colie dragged Tyrie away and tried to calm him down, and for a moment, it looked like it might just work. “I don’t start mess with anybody,” Tyrie said, clearly forgetting ten minutes prior when he, you know, started a mess with Davis. Unfortunately, the progress Colie had made with Tyrie’s temper all went out the window as a drunken, angry Davis suddenly reappeared and dared Tyrie again to hit him. Something tells me he wouldn’t be so liberal with the whole “Hit me!” solicitations if there weren’t a rule against punching. I’m pretty sure nobody has ever volunteered to be the punching bag for Tyrie.
Well, Tyrie yelled back at Davis, and when Tyrie’s mad, I’ll just say he is a very scary yeller. Emerging from probably a quickie with Jenn, Alex tried his hand at talking Tyrie down, saying, “He’s drunk.” But all this did was cause Tyrie to bellow, “I’M DRUNK TOO!!!” Well! Then by all means, carry on!
At this point, Stephen reemerged into the fray, trying to act like the mediator all of a sudden. Davis asked him what the hell was going on, and Stephen replied, “I was upset. I felt like I was by myself.” You were upset? But now everything’s fine? Hey asshole — if you were over it so quickly, maybe you should have spoken up, rather than let Tyrie bark up a mess in the backyard.
Anyway, Davis told Stephen that he totally would have been by Stephen’s side if he had heard that word, to which Stephen replied, “I know that.” What!?!? Then why the hell were you bitching so much? These people are making me lose faith in humanity.
Well, if Stephen were half the mediator he probably thought he was, he would have explained to Tyrie that everything was fine and that this was all a misunderstanding and blah blah blah. I guess he tried to a certain extent, but he also defended Tyrie, saying, “He’s protecting the sovereignty of this house.” Huh? And what “sovereignty” is that? Newsflash for future Real Worlders: you’re reality stars. The concept of “sovereignty” will never apply to you.
Anyway, Stephen then tried to calm that greatest defender of house sovereignty, Tyrie, but this just resulted in more yelling and tempers flaring. Tyrie and Colie then went outside where again, it seemed like this mighty beast might finally calm down. “All he had to do was talk to me straight,” Tyrie said, unwitting causing snickers all around (because Davis is gay! And he wants him to talk straight! Straight! Gay! Oh, I kill me).
Anyway, I guess I could kind of empathize with Tyrie’s frustration, but at the same time, Davis had talked straight to him (giggles), and Tyrie had chosen not to listen. Then again, Davis did act evasive with the whole “Did you leave Stephen?” question. Oh, I don’t know. It was all ridiculous.
Well, just like last time, Davis immediately exacerbated a cooling situation by again getting right in Tyrie’s face (as in inches) and crying and yelling and asking to be punched. Honestly, at this point he deserved it. Tyrie may have started this lunacy, but Davis was all too happy to keep stirring the pot. Somebody please clock him in the face.
We knew things were bad when suddenly “Real World Producer Jim” got involved. Davis bawled to him, “I don’t want to live with somebody who’s gonna hit me!” Hey idiot, the only reason he was going to hit you was because you’ve asked for it repeatedly. Luckily, Jim said quite matter-of-factly: “You understand you are out of control right now.” To which Davis replied with a perplexed look, one that seemed to say, “Huh? What is this ‘out of control’ concept that you speak of? I am unfamiliar. Does that mean I’m hungry? Because I’m not.”
Well, just when things couldn’t be any worse, Davis announced that he was going home, kicked off the show. “I’m going home, everybody!” he yelled as he got on the phone to call his mom. “Nice to meet you! I’m going home tomorrow because some nigger wants to kill me!”
Saturday night. Call for tickets. No camera phones allowed.
Cut to Michael Richards cheering in Los Angeles. By the way, I’m sure that as soon as this line aired, Gloria Allred was already arranging a conference call with Tyrie and Stephen.
Anyway, as you can imagine, this fight went from awful in a dumb way to awful in a despicable, ugly way. This was bad. This was very bad. Even poor Brooke looked totally shocked. You wanted a gay roommate? WELL CONGRATULATIONS!
Well, Stephen and Tyrie went absolutely nuts — rightfully so — and poor Jimbo the producer looked like he was way in over his gourd. He pulled Davis away from the others and ordered (or actually, politely asked) him to pack some clothes for a night in a hotel.
“Do you think I’m legitimately wrong tonight?” Davis asked, somehow overlooking his not-so-friendly deployment of the n-bomb. But then again, was he really wrong about the way the fight began? No. Yes. No. I don’t know. They all were wrong. I feel safe in saying that.
The next morning, things were kind of — how do you say — awkward and strained at the house. Tyrie told us he simply could not believe Davis had used a racial slur, and Brooke noted, “Everyone knows. You use that word, you use the n-word… you just can’t do that!” Cut to Michael Richards scratching his head and pondering, “But then how do I address black people? This makes no sense.”
Well, Davis returned humbly to the house where Jenn gave him a big hug and excitedly chirped that now they could have a discussion. Yay! Awkwardness!
First things first, Davis marched right up to Tyrie and apologized for the way he had acted, and in response, Tyrie said, “Yeah…..” I really couldn’t blame him, but I sure wish Davis hadn’t been such a racist idiot the night before because honestly, Tyrie wasn’t totally innocent in all this also.
Anyway, Davis announced that he was gonna go home because he was entirely too embarrassed about his behavior. He also said that he had a drinking problem (just a tad) and that the previous night was like a nightmare come to life. Ever the politician, Stephen said that he had forgiven Davis, on account of him being “an quick forgive” (and a quick idiot). Tyrie, however, said that he didn’t care if Davis left.
“If you do stay, we can probably I think we can work everything out,” Tyrie said. Awww! Glimmer of hope!
Later that day, Davis and Stephen walked around the city, and Stephen told us how he wanted to teach Davis about black culture. After all, as Stephen reminded us again, “I’m a quick forgive.” Seriously. Stop saying that. It’s driving me nuts. And no, I am not a quick forgive about that.
Well, realizing that going home meant less attention could be doted on him, Davis was now rethinking this whole “leaving” thing. What would he do? Stay or go?
Tyrie then informed us that he was really impressed with Davis’s acknowledgment of a drinking problem. “I’m an asshole, but I’m not a dick,” Tyrie told us before he sat down with Davis and said, “All that anger is gone.” Yeah, I’m not sure Leroy Jenkins is gone. Maybe he’s off taking a shit or something. I think he’ll be back.
Nevertheless, the two settled their beef amicably, and Tyrie sealed the deal by saying, “I want you to stay.” Awww. Resolution! Hugs all around! It’s a beautiful world after all! Yay!
What did you think about this episode? Who was right? Who was wrong? Should Davis have gone home?