Recap: Real World: Cheap Date

Welcome back to the Real World Sydney! It’s a sunshiny day in the land down under, and we’re treated to the fabulous sights and wonders of the city – the opera house, the ocean…and Trasha, on the phone with her boyfriend back in Fresno. I have a feeling this is not the first phone call of the visit. Jarrod’s in hot water with Trasha, cause he hasn’t called or emailed her. He points out that they’ve never communicated via email before, to which she responds that she’s never been in Australia before. Come on Jarrod, get with the program. Trasha does what she wants while you stand by for phone calls. And don’t forget the constant email reminders of how much you love her.

OK, fine, he’ll email her every day, he tells her, but this isn’t good enough either. Now he’s “not being himself”, so she thinks they should take a break until he starts to be himself again. Well, now Jarrod’s mad, and he starts yelling too. I don’t understand this fight any more than I understand the dual toned hair. Trasha just likes to get into it with people, and I appreciate the effort, but sorry, I need a little more substance in my Real World arguments. Step it up, Trash.

Global Warming: True or False?

She slams down the phone and storms out of the room with KellyAnne trailing behind her. Was KA sitting there the whole time? Is Trasha so pathetic that she needs her best friend of five minutes standing by while she whines to her boyfriend who she left behind that he doesn’t email her enough? Where do they find girls like this? Oh right, Fresno.

Now remember, Trash was the one who was going to be sad if there were hot guys in the house, because she didn’t want temptation. So naturally in the wake of the big fight with Jarrod, she calls Alex who she met out a few nights earlier. She just wants someone to hang out with and take her mind off Jarrod. See Jarrod, this is all your own fault.

When Alex gets to the house, he and Trasha lay around in the loft with KellyAnne and Dunbar. They talk about relationships. You’ll be married from the time you’re thirty til you die, declares Trasha, clearly trying to justify cheating on her boyfriend.

Downstairs, Isaac and Cowhutta are cementing their positions as house narrators, as they sit around the kitchen table talking about how two-faced Trasha is with the boyfriend. Isaac offers up a stunning example – he was looking for butter in the refrigerator, and Trasha came up and told him a story about this one time when Jarrod was looking for butter in the refrigerator. Uhh, good point, Isaac. Now get off your ass and get in a storyline.

Did I tell you about the time I went to jail?

Trash loves hanging out with Alex. She LOVES being around him. She’s only known him for a night, but whatever. Now it’s Shauvon’s turn. She only wants to be single and she says it about a hundred times. Keep telling yourself that honey, maybe you’ll start to believe it. She also comments that she’s not too excited about kissing Isaac, cause she can kiss American guys anytime. Hey, no judging you, Miss Sex and the Sack State Football Team.

Trasha tells Shauvon she can’t think about Saturday night in California. It’s all too painful. Understandable, I’m so sure what’s happening back in Fresno is much more fabulous than what’s happening in Sydney. Shauvon wants to call a guy she met, but she’s not sure how to go about it. She was in a long-term relationship, you know.

Trash shouts some advise to just call him and not make a bigger deal than it is. I’m not, insists Shauvon as she continues to freak out about calling the guy for ten more minutes. Don’t people understand that she was in a LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP? I need to be a friggin’ dating doctor, even though I can’t handle my own relationship, Trasha informs us. Of course she should, Trasha knows everything.

Shauvon is the nice pretty girl who asks her loser friend along on Saturday nights, so Parisa now has an invite on the double date with Trasha and the Aussies, but she doesn’t want to come and be a fifth wheel. Shauvon tries to ply her wine and loosen her up, but Parisa will have none of it. Finally, Parisa tells us it’s soooo sophomore year in college, and she doesn’t want to get drunk right now, but since everyone else is acting like that’s the normal thing to do, so she’s going to try and be normal. And she’s not going to be at all condescending about it.

Congrats! You’re cool now!

Parisa is one of those people who just can’t get it right. It’s normal to cocktail with the group, but getting drunk on wine while everyone else is getting ready for their dates, well that’s just sad. I would feel sorry for her, if she weren’t insulting everyone else in the process. She tells Cowhutta that while drunk, she acts like other do people sober, just how inconsiderate they are. “You callin’ me inconsiderate?” Cowhutta says, offended. No, Parisa, assures him, with her hand creeping up his knee. Seriously, what the hell is she doing?

Cowhutta jumps about a foot high, tells her that she’s a space cadet, and us that the house is a henhouse of mixed female emotion and a Georgia boy doesn’t want to get in the middle of it. Gimme a break Cowhutta, have you heard of Scarlett O’Hara? Like people from Georgia are so above emotions.

Trasha is unimpressed with Parisa’s drunken insecurity, she tells us all she has to say about Parisa is “Waah, waah, waah.” Then she makes a face that makes her look like a pissed off little bulldog. Trash is a pretty girl, but all the ugly inside really shines through.

Shauvon tells Trasha that she wants Parisa to see the good that she sees in Trash that she sees and vice versa. Trasha doesn’t even listen, just starts stubbornly shaking her head, like she disagrees even with the idea that Parisa may find something good in her. Apparently, Parisa (who remember, doesn’t like to live with girls because they’re too catty) had already told KellyAnne that Trasha was not a good person. So that’s why Trasha doesn’t care for her. Oh Trasha, you’d really, really hate me.

I think you’re a bad person and I think your hair sucks it.

Trash doesn’t see how she’s supposed to pretend to be Parisa’s best friend for the next three months. Who said anything about being best friends? Just keep starting stupid girl fights for the next three months. Seriously, I need material. The only person who has the right to judge anyone is God himself, Trasha loftily tells us. Then she looks defiantly at the camera. Saint Trasha NEVER judges.

The Australian guys show up for their dates, and holy crap, what is Shauvon’s date wearing? As I’m pondering this, Shauvon tells us that Ky has the style and look that she likes. Oh well, must be the look back at Sack State. Parisa tells us that she supports smart cool guys coming into the house. But they’re not there for you, babe. And given the ensemble, one of them really might be gay.

When the group leaves – oh by the way, now it’s a house date, so Parisa wouldn’t feel bad, and cause Isaac and Cowhutta needed a break from the kitchen table – Shauvon teases Isaac not to get too drunk and replay last night. Isaac tells her from what he heard, last night was fun. That’s what I heard too. Isaac looks ready for a game of golf with my Grandpa in a pink polo, madras shorts and a cap.

Jesus. Call a Mulligan and get changed.

Over drinks, Trasha, desperate, for approval, asks Dunbar what he thinks of Alex. Dunbar raises his glass. Trasha has her mile long nail tips clawing all over Alex. Meanwhile, Parisa is passed out on a barstool. No one else is even buzzed, and she’s draped over the bar. The guys start joking around about trying to find a stretcher or a wheelchair. Isaac mentions a golf cart, cause he’s already dressed for it. Isaac picks her up, and just when I think perhaps I misjudged and he’s not a total jackass, he tells her, “Please don’t yak down my crack”. See, I’m never wrong.

What can I do with a girl who can’t drink two glasses of wine, wonders Dumbar? Takes at least that much to get them drunk enough not to notice the teeth, and then he needs them sort of awake to have frat house sex with them so he can get them to slur “yes” at least once. Shauvon fixes Parisa’s hair and tells her she still looks hot. Shauvon’s a sweet friend. I’m sure Parisa will end up hating her.

Well, as we know, Parisa doesn’t want to play babysitter! Luckily, Dunbar doesn’t mind. He picks her up, throws her over his shoulder, and we see her flat 45 year old ass in some very unfashionable jeans. Dunbar carries her all the way back, saying he feels like he’s in battle.

Parisa my dear, karma’s a bitch and then Dunbar carries your drunk ass home.

As Shauvon and her date stroll along, I notice that Shauvon’s striped hair matches her date’s striped shirt. Later, in her bed (hey, no judging!) Shauvon tells him his eyes are pretty. They’re beautiful, they’re killing me, Shauvon tells him. I love hearing those cheesy lines being used on a dude. Cow and Isaac are back at their posts at the table. Come on boys, do something already. Isaac is regretful that he hooked up with a roommate. Way to turn the tables, Shauvon. I hope she keeps it up.

Cow comments that Ky will probably spend the night, but he doesn’t. Later that night, after she kisses Ky goodbye, Shauvon cries over the meaningless sex or whatever, because she’s used to having someone there with her all the time and she tries so hard to be independent and she knows that she isn’t. I pity her, but I pity the poor students of Sack State even more, taking their sex advice from a hussy who has yet to figure out that it’s no substitute for love.

Well, back to Trasha and Jarrod. If anyone cares, they’re sort of on a break. She talks to Cowhutta and tries to blame the whole thing on Jarrod, but Cowhutta’s not desperate to be her BFF the way KellyAnne is, so he’s not buying it. Cowhutta points out that she wants the “on a break safety net” while she’s out of the country. I just feel weird, says Trasha vaguely. Well, you don’t feel that weird, Cowhutta tells her. He tells her he just doesn’t get it. There ain’t no bullshittin’ you, Uncle Jesse.

Trasha tells us she needs to take a step back and slow down. So, for reasons that don’t relate to that at all, she writes an email to Jarrod telling him everything, including how attracted she was to Alex. I know it’s only the second episode, but is this really the most exciting thing that happened over there?

While Trasha’s obsessively checking her email for Alex’s life changing response, Parisa wants to log on to get her friend’s phone number. She doesn’t have anyone’s phone number! Two huge information crisis’s, two reactive reality show girls, one computer. Guess what happens. KellyAnne tells Parisa to check it, just check it – she thinks Parisa doesn’t realize that Trasha is in a dire boyfriend situation. Oh no, Parisa gets it, she just doesn’t care.

So of course it gets ugly and petty, and of course it comes down to Trasha and her standby “only God has the right to judge” speech. It is then that I recall that Trasha’s family are some of those Super Christians, and they gave her one of those creepy promise rings that are supposed to keep girls virgins, so that’s where she must be getting all this judgmental shit from. Well, Trasha, you may not have done so well with the purity part, but you’ve sure have got your self-righteousness down.

This girl has pledged to be on her knees forever.

To Parisa’s credit, she does try to end the argument and just ignores Trasha. Looking for safety in numbers, she pseudo-casually walks over to where Shauvon and Isaac are eating pineapple, and asks for some. Doesn’t stop Trasha though, she storms the pineapple party and tells Parisa if she wants to be immature, she can play that game as well. No, really? You want to act like your two, said Trasha, I’ll act like I’m one. Well, that settles it for me. You win, Trash. Brilliantly argued.

Parisa and Shauvon go outside, and two-faced Shauvon tells her that she can’t believe Parisa didn’t say anything more to Trasha. Parisa, conveniently forgetting that she was the other half of the stupid argument, airily tells her “She’s not worth it.”

KellyAnne comes outside and wants them to talk about it so she can be happy. And by happy, she means with the drama focused back on her. Who knows where Dunbar is during this whole episode, but my guess is probably on the phone with Dunbar’s Girlfriend Julie telling her that two girls were fighting, most likely over him.

Meanwhile, Trasha is commiserating with the other two boys, and unlike back at the Fresno Mall where she is the Queen, no one is taking her side. She’s full of excuses. She’s never had a serious boyfriend ever, so she’s vulnerable. What the hell does that have to do with anything? Isaac and Cowhutta call her out for being hateful. They point out that she told Parisa to “grow a personality” about four times, and that all they ever hear from her is about her boyfriend or stupid girl drama.

Trasha is clueless as to how to turn this around without being loud and unreasonable. So she tells the boys she wants to get past her issues and be friends with Parisa because she knows she is a good person. Then, to prove her point, she demands to know if Isaac likes her as a person. Isaac tells her, “I don’t know.” Trasha is shocked and affronted! Honey, you are so not in Fresno anymore.

Well, you’re kinda hot…

Kisses til next time mates, when Dunbar and his snaggletooth lure Parisa and KellyAnne to his bed, and Isaac ventures away from the kitchen table…