Last month, Michael Richards spurred a maelstrom of controversy when he bitterly used the n-word and several other racial epithets at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood. One of the many outcomes of this event was that it left many in the black community wondering when it was appropriate to ever use the n-word, if at all. Now comes The Real World, which dares to question to limits of tasteful comedy all over again. Forget the n-word. There’s a more pressing debate to be had: when is it ever okay to joke about Tyson Beckford? Apparently, the answer is NEVER!
Yes, in an amazing feat for reality idiocy, a joke about Tyson Beckford suddenly spiraled into a screaming match between Tyrie and Jenn, thus proving that no time is ever a good time for some old fashioned T-Beck comedy. I think we can all expect this episode to resonate in pop culture for years to come.This week’s episode began with the ominous image of the roomies all drinking at the house. Granted, almost every episode begins with these lushes downing some shots or wine, but we always know it’s gonna lead to bad times when the libations commence at Ground Zero. Pre-Party + Real Worlders + Party + Post-Party = dumb fights.
Nevertheless, Jenn quickly and lightheartedly scolded Tyrie for being five drinks behind her pace, and then a few minutes later, she caught him alone and confessed that he reminded her a lot of her ex-boyfriend, Doyle — or, as she then continually referred to him, “That Individual.” Bitch, you already told us his name. Don’t try to get all polite and technical sounding. Anyway, Tyrie and Jenn then engaged in a rather dumb conversation, which resulted in Tyrie saying, “You respect me as a person, I will respect you as a person.” Translation: “You will shortly be disrespecting me as a person, and I will therefore disrespect you as a person too.”
The two then laughed and joked about how they were certain to butt heads, but they assured each other that they weren’t going to try to do it — it’s not like it was a competition or something. Meanwhile, in Jenn’s brain, we could practically see her thinking, “I totally have to beat him in the butt-heads game.” Once all this social housekeeping was done, it was back to the group for a few more drops of booze, or as Jenn might call it, “Liquid life.”
The next day, we found a cute dog chilling out in a river. This was then followed by several other pooch images until the sight of Jenn gulping from a giant wine glass bucked the trend. (Were they implying that she was a dog! How rude!) Luckily, Jenn wasn’t the only one enjoying an oversized glass of wine this fine morning. Colie was also feeding her inner alkie, which was appropriate, seeing how Colie would need to train for Jenn’s eventual wedding. Anyway, I don’t know if it was the booze talking or just her usual idiocy, but Colie asked the group, “How does everyone feel about a puppy? Be completely honest.” Jenn was all for it (to be fair, she thought “puppy” was some sort of tequila beverage), but all the guys were kind of like “Eh.” Actually, they were outright against it, and for good reason. In case Colie hadn’t noticed, The Real World house isn’t what one normally considers a “healthy environment.” As much fun as it would be to get totally wasted and forget that the dog was stuck outside or unfed or being roasted in the oven, I just don’t think canines and Real Worlders should ever mix.
Of course, even though none of the boys wanted a cute widdle puppy, that didn’t stop Jenn from trying to convince them otherwise. The dog wouldn’t be messy, she reasoned, because it could go and poop on the fake grass. You idiot, that’s worse. Later on, when just the guys were hanging out, Stephen continued to roll his eyes at the idea, using some amusing logic to turn the puppy request into the downfall of moral society: “So can we bring in a circus clown?” he asked the guys, following up with, “What about a prostitute?” Hmmm… he had a point. I’ve heard many times that puppies are gateway animals to prostitution. I kind of wish he had kept going with his thought process. I could just imagine in: “What next? A prostitute? How about her pimp too? Or any criminal? How about a terrorist? Let’s just invite in Osama Bin Laden! Hey, I got an idea, let’s invite HITLER TO COME OVER!!!!” (Puppies do lead to dinner parties with Hitler’s corpse, btw).
Anyway, all this puppy discussion was noteworthy because it revealed to us the social separation in the house. The guys (excluding Davis) were pulling away from the girls a bit, and as a result, Stephen, Tyrie, and Alex had gone about calling themselves, “The Frat.” Basically, the only rule of The Frat was that they’d all have each other’s backs (at least, until they all started fighting with each other).
Well, if you have a Frat, what are you gonna do? That’s right: gotta have a Frat Party! Sure enough, Stephen’s random friend Rob called up and began talking about the glories of a party bus. A poll on the dance floor? Sign ‘em up!
That afternoon — or maybe it was another afternoon, who knows? — the partay bus showed up, but sadly, it was not blasting “The Venga Bus,” thus dashing my hopes for seeing the best party bus EVER. Boarding this mighty vehicle of inebriation and tomfoolery were none other than “The Frat” as well as guest star Rob and Jenn as the lone girl. Yes, this was a party bus for five people. ROCK ON!!!
Party of five.
Jenn then boasted to us, “My tolerance is so high. I can hold a lot of liquor.” Yes, that’s what we normally like to call “sadly delusional.” Let’s not forget a few weeks ago when your “high tolerance” stuck you in a situation where oops, you suddenly realized you were having sex! Nevertheless, we found Jenn and the boyz over at Coyote Ugly, the preferred bar for skanks and tourists and skanky tourists. The buxom waitresses forced some tequila shots down the the guys’ throats, and once enough alcohol had been consumed, Jenn hopped up on the bar top and shook her bon bon like no other. Something tells me she’s been dancing on bars for quite some time.
It must be Christmastime because I see a ho, ho, ho!
Anyway, after the thrills of Coyote Ugly had run their course, the gang hopped back in the party bus and returned to the house to pick up Davis, Brooke, and assorted other strangers. Keep in mind, by the way, that this party had been raging since the late afternoon. Yes, the night was just beginning — although, judging by Brooke’s giant yawns and the bored-looking girl sitting all alone on the other side of the bus, something told me this wasn’t the most exciting party of all time. However, Jenn was all good and drunk now, and we knew one of two things was gonna happen: either she was going to insert the closest penis into her mouth or she was turn into a belligerent drunk. Well, the closest penis belonged to Davis; so we knew nothing was gonna happen on that front. Might as well go to option number two: start yelling like a crazy woman!
Now I have to provide a little disclaimer here. The following events are murky at best. I really had a hard time following this part of the show. You see, what happened (I think) is that everyone was chanting Davis’s name over and over again, and so Davis made a dumb joke, saying, “Tyrell Davis!” I think it was his attempt to make a pun out of his name and Tyrie’s name, but obviously it backfired because there is no Tyrell Davis, only Terrell Davis. Tyrie corrected him and then jokingly declared that not every black man’s name began with “Ty.” Laughs were had by all, except from Jenn who then chirped up and reminded Tyrie that Tyson Beckford’s name starts with a “Ty.” So, HA! In response, Tyrie replied, “Fuck that pretty boy!” — which was obviously a joke — but suddenly Jenn decided it was her duty, nay, her life’s calling to defend Tyson Beckford’s calling.
“Pretty boy?” she balked, “He has tats, and he’s been in a car accident and almost died!”
In response, Tyrie told Jenn to calm down because he was just playing, but he should have realized that you simply do NOT “play” with Tyson Beckford. Jenn shot Tyrie the finger and announced, “I’m done with you.” TYSON BECKFORD’S REPUTATION SHALL NOT BE BESMIRCHED!
Well, suddenly, this party bus turned into a short bus because things became really retarded really quickly. The two began yelling at each other, with Tyrie mocking Jenn’s dumb “ROCKSTAR!!! WHOO!!!!” bit. I swear I rewound the scene three times it was that funny. Of course, if there’s anything more offensive than bashing Tyson Beckford, it’s bashing’s Jenn’s prized gesture.
Thank you, Tyrie.
After that, it was on. Well, it was on anyway, but now it was more on. Tyrie continued his verbal assault, accurately declaring, “You’re just talking stupid for no fuckin’ reason!” Jenn clearly couldn’t deny this; so she came back at Tyrie with more idiotic charges. “Life isn’t about Tyrie!!!” she screamed. At this point, I had no idea what she was talking about. Heck, I had no idea what either of them were talking about. All we knew was that they were now in each other’s faces with the roomies using all their strength to pull them apart. Talk about a party pooper bus!
Once again, Alex is effective as usual.
Random aside: YES!
After the commercial break, Jenn finally huffed off the party bus, resolving to simply march around in her party shoes instead. The night wasn’t about to end for her. Just because she got off the bus didn’t mean she couldn’t pursue her goals of blissful alcohol poisoning. Meanwhile, back in the bus, Tyrie was trying to figure out what the hell had happened. “I just made a joke about Tyson Beckford,” he said, confused. Oh Tyrie. Your ignorance in this situation pains me. You think you’re just making a joke, but you have no idea the people you’re hurting! Listen to yourself for a second. You’re making jokes about Tyson Beckford. TYSON BECKFORD!!! That sort of talk can get you thrown out of college. Think before you speak, man. THINK.
Speaking of thinking, or a lack thereof, Jenn was still flying off the handle outside. Alex tried his best to calm her down, but if there’s anything we know about him, it’s that he’s completely ineffective in most situations. Nevertheless, an angry Jenn explained to him that regarding Tyrie, “You’re not the only person who has a dominant personality!!!” Um, it’s not a competition to have the most dominant personality (and this is precisely what’s wrong with The Real World these days, but I digress).
Jenn then tried to repress her rage by putting on a smiley face and saying, “He’s not ruining my night. I’m still smiling.” Seriously, just shut up already. She then flashed her signature “Rock On!” gestures and said, “Let’s do this [flashing the gesture] and party on our own.” I really loved how doing the Rock On would somehow change things.
Well, as Jenn headed off to Monarck (surprise, surprise), Tyrie apologized to the rest of his buds in the party bus. He accepted full responsibility for his part in the fight, causing Stephen to announce that Tyrie was thus a real man. Since when did this turn into the Mature Bus? Lame.
Later on, when everyone had returned back to the house, Jenn was still mighty pissed at Tyrie for sullying the good name of Tyson Beckford. She flashed him the finger behind his back and then muttered that she wanted to sock Tyrie in the face for being so “fucking ignorant.” Ignorant of what? Tyson Beckford’s feelings, CLEARLY!
Jenn then ranted, “Don’t judge me, don’t evaluate me, and don’t tell me who the fuck I am!” That’s right, she’s allowed to call Tyrie “fucking ignorant” for no real reason, but God forbid he ever judge or evaluate her! Jenn then hilariously congratulated herself for being the allegedly rational one in this fight, saying, “I left the bus before I got inappropriate.” Hmm… was that before or after you spat in Tyrie’s face because he made a joke about Tyson Beckford?
Finally, she concluded her night of drunkenness by saying, “Welcome to the world of reality. When you’re ready to learn about people other than yourself because you’re so self-indulged, I can teach you. If you’re ready to learn, I can teach.” Yes, going to Jenn to learn about reality would be like me going to a carpenter to learn about open heart surgery. Not smart.
The next day, Jenn and her herpes lips finally sobered up, but that didn’t mean she was any less defensive. She called her sister up and said that Tyrie was just like Doyle. Rather than being empathetic, her sister seemed somewhat confrontational, and we soon learned that she thought Jenn had a drinking problem. Hmmm… nah. Just because Jenn gets into the same sort of fights every time she gets wasted (which is every night), that doesn’t mean that Jenn has a problem. It’s everyone else who has the problem, and they just happen to pick fights with her over and over and over again in the exact same ways every time. Clearly, this is Doyle’s fault somehow.
As for Tyrie, he was just going about his business as usual, and he certainly wasn’t going to go out of his way to make nice with Jenn. He had a serious case of Real World-itis going on — meaning that he was not going to apologize “for being me.” Normally, I’d roll my eyes, but in this case, Tyrie really was in the right. He shouldn’t have had to hang his head in shame just because he made a dumb Tyson Beckford joke. Although, some sensitivity training wouldn’t hurt (you just can’t go around civilized society making thoughtless Tyson jokes).
Actually, I think what Tyrie was really saying was that just because he reminded Jenn of her ex-boyfriend didn’t mean he was going to apologize for it. Those were her issues, not his, and on that front, he was absolutely correct. Nevertheless, when we returned from the commercial break, we found Jenn walking with Brooke, trying to justify her rampant drinking habit. The reason why she was such a lush, it turns out, is because she’s single and has nothing better to do. Well, in that case, drink ’til you vomit, party girl!
Jenn then made a few passing comments about how she should probably cut back on the drinking. Lofty ambitions that were quickly undermined by the sight of her dancing on a table at a club again. Soon, she was babbling to some random corporate guys who clearly were not expecting a drunk floozy to be suddenly venting/slurring to them about her roommates. Even though they probably didn’t care, Jenn told them about the whole Tyrie situation, saying how in the fight, he kept telling her to shut up over and over again, and was she gonna take that? Hell to the no!
Amusingly, she then tried to backtrack by saying, “He’s a good guy. I won’t talk crap.” She then added, “But seriously, here’s another reason why Tyrie sucks so much…”
Davis then appeared on screen and told us, “Some people know their limits, and I don’t think she’s ever learned hers.” And as we all know, Davis is an expert when it comes to knowing his drinking limits.
Nevertheless, Jenn continued to party on, and much to my delight, she made a total ass of herself by, well, falling on her ass. Yes, Jenn was so out of control that she literally fell over on the dance floor, thus proving that she was both a lush and tragic.
The blurry mess of legs down there? Yeah, that’s Jenn.
Soon after, Davis asked someone, “Are we going to Monarck tonight?” Um, how could you not be? You guys go there every single episode. It’s like the return of the Dizzy Rooster.
The next day, Jenn admitted to us that she had a drinking problem (not that that’s going to change anything), and then she wandered over to Tyrie to have “a talk.” She told him that she simply could not separate him from Doyle; so the two came up with a foolproof system. From now on, whenever they started to get heated, Jenn would now say, “I’m having a Doyle moment,” and then Tyrie would shut up, swallow his pride and be quiet (which is pretty much what he should have been doing anyway, considering he was dealing with essentially a slutty oompa loompa).
On that note, the episode came to an end. What did you think? Are you as happy as I am that we finally had the long overdue dialogue about inappropriate Tyson Beckford jokes? And how do you feel about “Having a Doyle moment.” Should these Real Worlders have “an idiot moment” instead?