Recap: Real World: Swimming is LIFE

**Editor’s note: TreadingonMe has taken the summer off to get drunk and make out with chicks. Please welcome the talented, the lovely, HereKittyKitty!

I have a lot of love in my heart for MTV. They share my birthday, and have consistently given me shows that are such trainwrecks that I watch them for 14 seasons (see The Real World). This year, my tenth year of watching, they decided to give me the Real World Las Vegas Reunion. It’s almost like my own little personal Back to New York, except it’s Back to Las Vegas. Last episode we caught up with everyone and had what is sure to be the first of many dramatic fights. What can we expect tonight? Please tell me it’s gonna be more of this:

We’re less than one minute in and we’re treated to more product placement for The Palms Resort and Casino. We get it MTV. We got it five years ago; they are living in a casino. We are introduced to John Gray, a name you would forget if it wasn’t mentioned every 3 minutes for the rest of the episode. He tells the roommates that they get to spend the week treated like high rollers. First up, massages!

My weave doesn’t feel good.

Trishelle complains about missing her massage and mani pedi because she is nauseous. What, pregnant already? Seriously though, take some pepto-bismol and deal with it. You only get free stuff while you’re on the show, don’t let a little morning sickness ruin it. Evidently, it passes because after massages we see her relaxing with everyone else around the pool. Brynn’s baby shows up again and everyone oohs and aahs over him. Steven keeps joking that he’s so cute that someone is going to steal him. Comedy is obviously his strong suit.

Missing children are hilarious!

In the meantime, everyone gets good and drunk, which leads to Alton hitting on random women, and Steven dragging pool chairs with random women in them into the pool. Now in the infinite wisdom of the Real World editors, we don’t actually get to see this happen, but luckily for us John Gray (told you we’d hear from him again) calls and fills us in. His security guards say that Steven touched a hotel member, threw a cup of ice on her, and is banned from the pool for the rest of the visit.

In place of drunken revelry we get to listen to Frank and Steven talk to this guy on the phone forever. I guess MTV forgot that the reason that everyone watched Las Vegas the first time was it was INTERESTING. Less talking, more threesomes!

Alright you three. Put down the phone and do it.

We do get to listen to Steven moan for the next 15 minutes about how there is nothing to do in Vegas besides be at the pool. Uhhh, gambling anyone? I’ve obviously forgotten how important pools are to 10 year olds… who have lost all of their hair.

Steven lies down for a nap and Frank goes back to call John again. He cannot have his wingman imprisoned from the pool. I mean, they are celebrities! High rollers! It’s blasphemous. I’m sure that’s what Frank was thinking, but he was on hold for so long trying to talk to John that he gives up. He has a radical suggestion though… check the video instead of just asking witnesses. Frank, quit being rational, this is the Real World.

That night, everyone gets their own invitations to dinner… at three different restaurants. Clearly the directors over at the challenges have started writing for the Real World because that made no sense whatsoever. Steven and Frank are supposed to go to dinner together, Brynn and Trishelle and duh duh duh Arissa, Irulan and Alton. That wasn’t set up to create drama or anything was it? Irulan immediately begins freaking out, yelling and screaming about how she CANNOT go to dinner with Alton. Frank points out that if she can’t spend a night at dinner with her ex-boyfriend it might mean that she still has feelings for him. Again Frank, what is with this logical thinking?

Dinner? Noooo! I can’t take it! Waaaahhhh!

Irulan says that her man wouldn’t be comfortable with her spending any time with her ex. He wouldn’t be okay with dinner but he was fine her moving back into the same penthouse with him? Now that’s the type of thinking that will keep you on the Real World, Irulan. She also tells us that she wants to “make children” with this guy some day. Good thinking, skip that baby stuff and pop them out fully grown. Personally though, I’d be worried sitting across the table from Alton too; he’d probably still be able to impregnate you from that distance. Trishelle tells us that she’d be comfortable having dinner with any of her exes but I think she is confusing one night stands with ex-boyfriends. Everything is resolved when Alton says he’ll just go to dinner with the boys, and leave Irulan and Arissa to have dinner alone. Do I sense staged reconciliation?

Frank is still wandering around looking for John Gray. He keeps whining about not being able to drink at the pool with Steven. Okay seriously, there has to be something to do in Vegas besides swim at the pool. John Gray says that the video doesn’t matter, that he has to rely on the word of his security guards. Sort of like relying on your mom to tell you if something looks good on you instead of looking in the mirror. Anyway, John tells Frank he’ll do what he can to get Steven back into the pool.

Because we love staged awkwardness, Brynn and Trishelle go to dinner together. Why is this awkward? Turns out that Trishelle wasn’t invited to the wedding, and even worse had to learn about her baby over *GASP* MySpace. Trishelle admits that they weren’t that close, but says that she would invite her roommates to her wedding. I guess it’s easy to promise something that won’t ever happen. Brynn tells her that Irulan didn’t come either, and all is right between them. Not surprisingly, Arissa isn’t mentioned. No one wants her around anyway. Trishelle misses party girl Brynn and vows to throw her a bachelorette party.

Congrats on the baby! Now let’s get f***ed up!

Flip to the boys dinner. Frank tells us how great it is to be a celebrity and be recognized after the Real World. I’m not sure who he is fooling, other than the drunk bachelorette at the table next to them, but he’s definitely not a celebrity. Unless by celebrity he means someone who had his roommates make out on top of him once. In that case, you are a celebrity, Frank. I think Frank was the guy waiting to be called up for the Real World Las Vegas Reunion. The guys talk about how much closer they are this time around, and how Irulan reacted to her dinner date with Alton. Frank again points out that she probably still has feelings for him and they all have a good laugh.

Cut to Irulan and Arissa at dinner. Arissa says that they used to be close when they lived together, and that they just need to clear the water. And let’s clear the water by trashing Alton! Arissa points out that Alton isn’t exactly known to be a truth teller. They laugh that he still can’t admit that he had a threesome even though it was on national television. Irulan says that the past is the past and it doesn’t matter. Awwww, now both cliques of girls are back together.

Everyone heads for the bar, where Trishelle wants to cheer all of them being in Vegas together. It really is such a coincidence considering that MTV called them and asked them to live in the same house again.

OMG, you guys! It’s crazy running into you!

Alton runs away when he sees that little I and skinny A are back together. Well, Alton, you can run but you can’t hide. He runs into Arissa in the casino, and they both agree that they have their own version of events. Alton says they shouldn’t let that get in the way of their friendship and that he’s always down to get Arissa’s number and “hang out or whatever”. Also known as “come over and watch a movie”?

The episode ends when John Gray calls and says Steven is cool to go to the pool. I’m glad that it took what seemed like three days to straighten that out. Do you think Irulan and Arissa are going to gang up on Alton again? Will Trishelle act like her old self when she throws Brynn a bachelorette party?

Thank God. Now I can sleep at night.