I was so pumped up after the show last week that I didn’t sleep for like two days, I couldn’t eat, and I was sweating a lot. I was really excited to get back to it this week to get the same rush. It wasn’t quite the same feeling though, and part of me can’t help but wonder if some of that had to do with the lack of heroin running through my body. Ok, that’s a joke, I was just as high this week as I was last week. (Again, joking). Anyways, with all of the drama of last week’s show, and the cliffhanger they left us with, I was cautiously optimistic about some sort of exciting blow-up that would result in charges being pressed. Imagine my disappointment (and I assume all of yours) when we discovered what truly happened. So, without further ado, let’s find out what happened.
This week the show picked up where it left off last week, with everyone singing Kum Ba Yah around a campfire. Some cliffhanger MTV; really tense stuff. Actually, it started with the skirmish in the bathroom involving Tyrie, Jazalle, and basically everyone else in the house who wasn’t either in bed or passed out. Jenn had managed to get Tyrie to talk to her, and Tyrie just asked for two more minutes before everyone kept interrupting him. Of course, he still would have had to deal with Jazalle interrupting him, and generally looking frightened, but Jazalle managed to sneak by him out of the bathroom.
As Jazalle walked out, Jenn said something along the lines of “You don’t beat girls Ty,” (way to not implicate Tyrie for something he didn’t even do, Jenn) and then Stephen snuck in and blatantly asked if Tyrie hit Jazalle. Tyrie responded by either kicking or punching the wall in the bathroom, because it WOULDN’T SHUT UP! This made Stephen slowly back away, and he held up his hand as if to say, “You know what? I’ll just withdraw the question. Is that cool?”
Jazalle was outside crying with her cousin nearby, and she was hugging Jenn. Jenn for some reason felt the need to drive Jazalle’s entire body into the brick wall. Actually I think Jenn was just way too drunk (like that ever happens) and she stumbled and almost fell over. Then again, she was a Raiderette; maybe she just wanted to practice various tackling techniques she’d seen.
shhhh…its ok….wanna make out??
Jenn tells us that being yelled at and screamed at that way can emotionally damage somebody. And she also knows that from Jazalle’s past, a male yelling at her isn’t something that’s been easy. How has Jenn suddenly become Jazalle’s best friend? My guess is that when Jenn said “Jazalle,” she actually meant “Jenn.”
I know, I can’t believe this fight either. . .It’s crazy.
So, you guys wanna be the chocolate cookies
and we can make ourselves and oreo sandwich?
Jazalle agrees to talk to Tyrie alone, although I’m not sure exactly where in the house they are. (I don’t understand that house at all.) Jenn nominates herself to explain to Stephen and Darnell what happened earlier, because in case you forgot, Stephen had to run over from somewhere and Darnell was nowhere to be seen (probably having an intense inner conflict about making out with Jenn). Then, we hear Stephen say, “The cops are right outside.” I’m confused if Stephen was telling us that (he showed up in his confessional directly after that) or if he was telling Jenn and Darnell that. I believe he was telling them that, but it was definitely dubbed over what he actually said to them because his mouth didn’t match what he was saying at all. At least MTV pointed that out to us. And might I add, what the hell are the cops outside for?
So Tyrie and Jazalle are talking SOMEWHERE, and Tyrie is now sounding relatively calm, still drunk, but also relatively sensible. However, I think that Tyrie is confused about what Jazalle’s problem currently is. Big head is not the problem right now. Tyrie thinks it is, obviously, but not Jazalle. Her problem is that Tyrie said “Goddamnshit!” Why did he have to use such an awesome swear while yelling at her? She’s also upset that he yanked her arm pretty hard. I bet she wouldn’t be complaining if she was about to walk out in front of a bus and he yanked her arm so she wouldn’t get hit though. Maybe he was just practicing his life-saving techniques. Put things into perspective Jazalle, and cut him some slack.
The very next thing that happened was she walked out in front of a bus and Ty yanked her arm back to save her. Who’s complaining now Jazzy? Actually they continued their argument, which concluded with Tyrie saying “Dyou want to brerk up with me or not? Zhou want to brek up with me or not?” I’m not too good at spelling drunk-speak. Jazalle starts to walk away, Tyrie walks out of the gate, and Stephen answers a knock on the door. Bad timing Kicked in the Nuts guy. Not now.
Somewhere inside the house, Jazalle has been corralled by Jenn, and Jazalle is still crying. Jenn asks Jazalle if she’s ok. Obviously she’s not, and I doubt I can accurately express Jazalle’s reaction, but I’ll try. She points at what just happened with Tyrie, then she looks Jenn in the face as if to say “Are you retarded?” for like 5 seconds, then asks Jenn if she’s serious with that question and answers no. I was actually hoping for more of a violent or insulting response, but I was let down by neither.
I know, its so hard. . . these are tough times. . .
just kiss me. One kiss, oh god please!!!!
Tyrie is walking down the street outside and Stephen is calling after him. (Sidenote: through all of this, we don’t see Davis, Brooke, Colie, (I think she was in bed last week) or Alex. Poor Stephen, dealing with this alone.) Stephen has apparently just finished talking to the police (I think they knocked after the Kicked in the Nuts guy) and now he’s chasing down Tyrie. Tyrie won’t stop walking until finally Stephen starts yelling. I was actually refreshed to see Stephen act like a man for a second. Then he pulled down his pants to show his blue underwear for no reason, and I lost all respect again.
Stephen tells Ty, “I just got done talking to the Denver P.D., not about you acting up, but about Jazalle and her appearance.” So does that mean they don’t care about Tyrie, but they think Jazalle is a prostitute? (That was seriously the first thing I thought of.) He then goes on to explain that the cops don’t care about Tyrie and Jazalle working it out tonight, and then I understood a little bit more. But do they still thinks she’s a prostitute? Some things we’ll never know. (Sidenote: why did I actually think that? I think I’m crazy.)
So with Tyrie realizing the enormity of the situation, he starts walking back to the house, but I think he actually walks around the block for a second. Apparently he suddenly realized he had to go to the bathroom. If only he was close to somewhere where he could actually go. You know, like the Real World house or something. Unfortunately, he was at least 25 feet from the door of the house, so rather than go inside, he decided to piss on the fence. And don’t think for a second that he tried to be clever about it. MTV did its damnedest to show that he was pissing too, by adding sound effects and the camera getting a clear shot of the trail of urine flowing under his legs. Seriously Ty, you don’t stand in your own piss. Apparently he’s got some things to learn about public urination.
Remember those cops out front? Yeah, they hadn’t left. As Tyrie opens the fence to go inside (post-urination), we see an officer walk up. Ty asks what’s wrong, and the cop says that he’s under arrest. Seriously? For public urination? THAT’S what he got arrested for that MTV drew out for a week?? He could have at least gotten his money’s worth and pissed on the cop car or something if that was going to happen. Or the cop!
How could this get any more humiliating for poor Ty?
Well, I guess some asshole blogger could pull a close up
of his still steaming hot piss by your feet and post that online.
Stephen walks up as Tyrie’s getting cuffed and he can’t believe Ty is getting arrested for not doing anything. Ty tells Stephen it’s ok, and then the cop tells Stephen that he just urinated in the street. Stephen just can’t believe it. Absolutely completely bamboozled. He’s pacing around, puts his hands on his hand, pisses in the street. Everything I do when I’m speechless.
After the commercial break, the cops put Tyrie in the backseat of the car. I didn’t know public urination was cause for arrest in Colorado, so I thought they’d just write him a ticket. If he wasn’t so close to home it would have been $250 well spent in Illinois. But, nope, off to jail he went. As the car pulled away, Ty was pleading with the cops and said he’s never been to jail in his life, but those cops had black hearts of stone. They ran over 4 children’s bicycles as the drove away. Those poor little kids.
Apparently the Principal Feeny from BOY MEETS WORLD is now a cop in Denver
Inside the house, Jenn seemed to know what Tyrie would be going through. She actually knew pretty well. “When you get arrested for drunk in public, you sit in the drunk tank for 15 hours so you sober up; he’s gonna get dinner, he gets to meet Officer Harris, she’s a nice lady, just got a manicure; he’s gonna get breakfast, he’s gonna get some cornflakes and some milk, it’s gonna be disgusting, he’ll get to read some of the messages I’ve left on the walls, he’s gonna get a bologna sandwich at noon tomorrow from Oscar the kind of slow but amazing head cook, and then they’ll let him go.” I wonder if she’s done this before…Also, how fitting was it that she gave that spiel (the parts I didn’t make up at least) while sounding INCREDIBLY drunk herself?
This reminds me of a skinemax movie called Prison Girls
….Oh, and Jenn’s a whore.
Jenn tells us that she’s been in the drunk tank before (surprise!), and that it sucks, but that’s the only way you learn. You also only realize that you shouldn’t get too drunk that you suddenly realize you’re having sex if you’ve done it before, and if someone tells you they’ve got the herps, sometimes getting them is the only way you’re going to learn. Great words of wisdom from the erudite Jenn.
The next morning Stephen calls the Detox Center, speed dial #2 (Monarck is #1), to check if Tyrie is there, and he’s just been released, so Stephen guesses Ty went to Jazalle’s place. Stephen and Alex jump in the car and head over to Jazalle’s place to pick up Tyrie. On the way, Stephen likens Ty and Jazzy’s relationship to Bobby and Whitney because Ty got arrested in front of the house and Jazalle was the first to pick his sober ass up. If Tyrie had done coke the night before, the similarities would have been frightening. Also, I have noticed that Jazalle does say “Hell to the no” a lot.
The guys get to Jazalle’s place, and out walks Tyrie, hanging his head low as the theme song from the Charlie Brown Christmas Special plays in the background. It was actually funny how despondent he looked. On the ride home, Tyrie breaks down crying because he looks like a “woman beater” now. Stephen tells him it’s not that bad because people get arrested all the time! Cheer up! You’re now like other people! The words of encouragement (read: poorly thought out and poorly phrased encouragement) failed to help Ty too much, and Ty said he didn’t want to be there anymore.
Notice the very different physical dispositions of a white guy
driving to jail vs. a black guy driving to jail
Ty tells us that he’s most upset about having to tell his family what happened. Tyrie gets on the phone with his dad, tells him the story, but his dad didn’t sound too supportive. At all. Which may be why Tyrie calls him sir. We also hear Ty’s dad reference Tyrie’s possible political aspirations when he asks how Tyrie will answer questions about this in the future, if he’s campaigning for something. Thanks for your support sir. Talk about your tough love. How would Tyrie’s dad act if he legitimately did something wrong? You know, something worse than urinating.
Later, Jenn is on the phone with Jared. Again. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m already sick of the whole Jared thing. Anyways, Jenn finally tells him she heard about him. Apparently “people” have called her and have witnessed Jared “kissing” and “hooking up with girls.” I wasn’t aware that her sister constituted “people”, and that “kissing” was the equivalent of hooking up, but I guess that’s what “reason” gets you: not understanding Jenn. Jared tells Jenn that, hypothetically, if he’s been kissing other people, he’ll kiss who he wants, but he’s not having sex with anyone. You could see the shock on Jenn’s face when he said that, which was pretty priceless. So she played holier-than-thou and said Jared could do what he wanted, like she didn’t just make out with Darnell, and like she didn’t just have sex with Alex. Jared then went on a rant and hung up on Jenn, which, again, I found pretty awesome.
Why will no one bone me today?
While that was going on, Darnell has joined Alex, Ty and Stephen for lunch. He asks what the story is on Jenn, since he doesn’t know her at all. “Don’t need to,” says Stephen, in what may be the most accurate statement ever said on this season. Get it? You don’t need to know her to sleep with her? (Because she’s easy!) Then he tells Alex to chime in, and Alex, reluctant to voice his opinions on Jenn, says he thinks Darnell should. I assume he means “should do Jenn.” I wonder why Alex would suggest that. If you’re thinking it’s because he wants to be with Colie and this gets Jenn off his back, I doubt it. Also, if you’re thinking that, your name is probably Colie and you’re actually on the show. Welcome.
After the commercial, we see everybody (who was in this episode at least) out at some bar, and Jenn is trying to suck Darnell’s face off, or at least ingest his tongue. Darnell then wanders over by Alex and asks if he is imposing by hooking up with Jenn. Alex’s response? Exuberant laughter. Alex tells us that he doesn’t have any regrets or issues about Darnell hooking up with Jenn, then we see him tell Darnell, “You’re good.” I also would like to point out, I think Darnell is pretty drunk, so that’s probably THE way to be if you’re about to hook up with Jenn. Maybe all the alcohol will keep some of the diseases away.
Say what you want about Jenn, but one thing you cannot say is that she sends mixed signals. She tells Darnell he’s hot (but she doesn’t like hot guys, remember) and that she wants him, so they go back home. Jenn tells us there’s something about Darnell’s “energy” that is amazing and she really has an attraction for him. I always thought it wasn’t the size of the energy, it was how you used it.
The next day, Darnell, Stephen and Alex all went out to lunch. Darnell apparently is one to kiss and tell, because he pretty much started describing in detail what happened last night. “I don’t even know. Seriously. I blacked out when we were at the bar and I woke up naked with a ballgag in my mouth and two dead goldfish in the bed. But I seem to remember a third goldfish at some point.” Alex said he felt the same way when it happened to him. Don’t we all Alex? Darnell concluded by saying that Jenn is a fun girl, “you know, because she’s easy. I think that’s fun.”
Tyrie and Jazalle also went out to eat, and Jazalle apologized for getting mad about the Big head thing. But then Jazalle said she wished Ty was more sympathetic to her feeling sensitive around Big head. So, it’s Ty’s fault for Big head (why start calling her Ashley now?) working at the bar they were at? He was supposed to know she worked there, and know where her section was, and then stay away from it? I side with Ty on this one. Also, whatever happened to all of that trust Jazalle supposedly had in Tyrie? Remember that?
Later that night Tyrie and Jenn are talking about the whole Jazalle situation again, and Jenn says that Jazalle is probably not the most stable when it comes to emotions. If I heard Jenn describing someone I was dating that way (unless it was Colie, because we all know that one’s true), I would dump that chick yesterday. Tyrie accepts responsibility for what he did, but he says he’s never done anything in his life as damaging to his reputation as he’s done in the past 8 weeks (so is that MTV admitting they’re stepping backwards the show’s timeline?). So, again, he mentions leaving the house, saying he doesn’t have a reason to stay. My question to him is, what is the reason for going into the Real World house anyways? Because that reason is probably also the reason you stay. And Jenn, ever the supportive friend (has she ever been the supportive friend?) says that if he wants to go, then go. And we hear her inner monologue: “Maybe they’ll bring in another roommate I can drunkenly have sex with.”
So that was the show this week. Kind of boring in my opinion, and we were totally misled with the whole arrest thing. Basically it was the letdown I think most of us were expecting.
What did you think about the episode? Colie and Davis: Remember them? Will Darnell ever leave the house? Do you get arrested for public urination in Denver even if you’re not drunk? Did you remember to watch the after show?