Real World: Too Punk Rock For This

Well, here we go again Gasmii. I just want to clarify one quick thing regarding my attitude toward our resident Cliche. I realize that for many people, depression is a real problem and it can be hard to get motivated. However, my problem with her is not the lack of ambition. Hell, I graduated from college two years ago and I open mail at work, which is at least in part due to my own lack of ambition. The difference is, I don’t blame the world for being out to get me and not dropping opportunities in my lap. I interned, I applied for jobs, but the economy sucks and it didn’t work out, at least not yet. I know people who sent out hundreds of resumes to get only a few interviews and hoped to get one job out of it. And from what we’ve seen, she’s made maybe 2 attempts to do something and the second they didn’t work out exactly the way she wanted she acted like the world was against her.

But I digress. Previously on the Real World: Pandrew was a jokester and drew offensive cartoons that got him fired. Cliche was clingy with her long distance boyfriend via the phone and his voicemail. She also threatened to go home more times that I care to count, which upset Callie because they’re BFFs.

Apparently Pandrew has been just calling the Washington Post waiting for someone to answer the phone? Because that’s how the world works? I don’t know. Anyway, he ends up talking to a “prominent political cartoonist” who is going to meet with Pandrew and see his work. Emily wants to know if he’s going to show him the “clean things.” Being Pandrew, his plan is of course to show the raunchiest stuff he has to get a rise out of him. That’s what… she said?

And if you thought the other roomies dressed inappropriately for their interviews…

The cartoonist tells him his work is visually good and clean. I realize he’s referring to the drawing style, but that’s not going to stop me from pointing out that “clean” is not what Pandrew was going for. He seems pretty impressed with Pandrew’s work, and asks about where he is in school and if he’s going to continue his comic strip. Pandrew says he was fired and the interviewer, who was apparently fired twice from the same job in 4 months, welcomes him to the club. Well, this certainly seems to be going better than a certain someone’s phone interview. Maybe that was the key, she was the only one to have a phone interview. And seemingly the only one expecting a paying job. Well, damn, woman, MTV can’t afford to PAY you assholes to fuck up their product placements!

Anyway, the guy interviewing Pandrew talks about doors for a while, and in the end Pandrew decides he has a new sense of purpose. I guess he’s got to do something now that he has a girlfriend and isn’t desperately trying to get laid every night.

Cliche is back in what is apparently the only place she’s comfortable, in the phone room talking to EmoIan. Or is he more Scene? I’m ruling out Goth and Punk. I’ll go with SceIan, if that’s ok with everyone. Although he’s only here for this episode, so I don’t know why it matters. Anyway, apparently she’s horny, which I did not want to know. I guess SceIan probably did though. But the real reason for the call is so they can try to play matchmaker between Callie and one of SceIan’s friends. Oh, I’ll bet they are all just Callie’s type. That was sarcastic, and not just because I’m guessing they aren’t ducks.

Cliche calls Callie in, saying SceIan wants to talk to her, but surprise! It’s his friend, Evan! Poor Callie, I have been her so many times. Why do couples always think their friends should date? Does this happen to other people too? Anyway, Callie tells the guy they’ll have to go out and party hard because it’s been too much of the same people, drama, and people getting pushed off balconies. After a few minutes of small talk…

Plus, she’s practically foaming at the mouth for something to happen between Callie and this Evan guy.

Pandrew goes to meet with a guy at the Washington Times, sadly not dressed like Ms. Frizzle. He’s in awe of the big newsroom. Apparently Pandrew sees himself as a political cartoonist, and says he has no problem with deadlines. His first assignment will be to shadow a White House correspondent for a day to see what his life is like, and then draw a cartoon about it? Or something. He meets with the White House correspondent, who hilariously asks him, “What are you doing HERE?”

The guy asks Pandrew if he’s interested in going to the White House to “catch Obama.” Is that some kind of game? Do you chase him around with a net or something? Because it sounds kind of fun. Pandrew can only manage a shocked “OBAMA?!” in his confessional.

Back at the house, he tells Mike about his interview. Apparently he met way too many people all named John, which I know is a lie even though I don’t remember the names of the people he met. He tells Mike he’s going to the White House, who’s all “WTF WAY TO STEAL MY DREAM JERK!” And if it were anyone else, I wouldn’t care, but Mike seems like the one person who has actually tried and shown an interest in politics and whatnot, so I do feel a little bad for him that Pandrew’s waltzing in after 5 minutes of effort. He can’t believe Pandrew is going to be the first roommate in the White House. Well, Odrama’s been missing for this whole episode so far, and she’s a super good creeper. She might have found a way in. And you just know she could annoy a Secret Service agent to death.

The Arrival of SceIan is upon us and Cliche is nervous and excited and needs this. She is also inexplicably shocked to find him on her front porch. They greet each other and she’s screeching for Callie like a banshee. Poor Callie is just trying to wash the stink off. Now she’s all awkward because she’s supposed to meet this guy but she’s indecent. So she wanders around the house in her towel for awhile.

Apparently your name must rhyme to be friends with SceIan, because from what I gather he has brought Evan and Aaron with him. Cliche gives them a tour of the house, including (of course) her SceIan shrine. They also bump into Callie in her towel. After she’s dressed, she awkwardly meets the Motley Crue, then immediately excuses herself. Cliche and Crue head out.

Callie tells Emily how awkward she feels because of Cliche’s high expectations. Emily confessionals that Cliche is putting too much pressure on Callie to have babies on the second date. Well shit, that’s just impossible!

Ty asks Emily what she thinks of SceIan, and says she takes too long to answer. Then he asks Odrama, who apparently answers too quickly. Easy, Goldilocks. Next he asks Callie what she thinks of Evan. … Long pause…. “He seems nice.” Yeah, she’s not fooling anyone. She confessionals that Evan is a nice guy who is friend-worthy, but there’s no spark.

Pandrew shows up for his White House day armed with an iced Starbucks drink, and nothing else. He plans to have a good handshake and not say anything stupid. Haha, I’ll believe it when I see it. We also learn that apparently Obama can handshake circles around McCain.

White House Correspondent (WHC) takes Pandrew to the briefing room (get your mind out of the gutter) and pretends to ask him questions. Pandrew’s views include keeping healthcare in the hospitals, handing out bandaids, and piling into Afghanistan since they love us so much. Haha, Pandrew, you made me chuckle. Thank you.

Then there’s an announcement for “final call for final gather” which apparently means here comes Obama in his helicopter!

The copter lands and Obama descends upon his kingdom. I mean, I don’t know shit about politics, but that’s still a cool moment. And love or hate Obama, this beats the shit out of watching Cliche cry into the phone or Emily and Ty have fightsex or Odrama quietly creep in on private moments between other people. Okay, actually I’ve kind of grown accustomed to that last one. It’s weird, but it keeps me amused.

Pandrew is generous enough to call it an entrance “almost on the level of My Super Sweet 16.” Dude, fuck that. Please do not compare our president to those bitches. He does call attention to the suit though, so he does Barney Stinson proud.

The press conference starts, and Pandrews yawning in about 30 seconds. Well, the poor thing’s had a big day. He says he’s overwhelmed and feels like an imposter. I’m sure Mike will be thrilled to hear that.

And right on cue, we’re back at the house so he can tell Mike about it. Poor Mike is like a kindergartner at Show and Tell, he’s so excited. It’s kind of adorable. And as I mentioned, I do feel a little bad for him because he seems to be the one person actually making an effort. It ends with Mike saying “I’m very happy for you, but I want to punch you… also.” It was funny the way he said it.

Out at a bar, drunken merriment ensues. Outside the bar, Cliche has to pee. Riveting. The bouncer cares as little as I do. She finally gets in and is apparently unhappy that she has to wait in another line to pee. Because there’s never a line to pee at a women’s bathroom in a bar. She hates DC, because that only happens there. Also, the universe hates her, have you heard?

Back at the house, Odrama says something and Cliche goes off and they’re fighting before I can even figure out why. Actually, I watched it back and I still can’t figure it out. Point is, they’re fighting. Oh, and I got confused when Cliche said “Ashley” because I forgot that Odrama has an actual name. Then Cliche brings up going home for the umpteenth time, which upsets Callie.

Cliche wants to hang out with her friends, which is basically like saying Callie isn’t her friend, which makes Callie feel uncool. Then they head into the phone room so Cliche can blame Callie for being unfriendly and ruining the Great Love Story she planned between Callie and Evan. Cliche says she’s been standoffish, which sends Callie into a rage. She storms through the kitchen asking SceIan and Evan if she’s been standoffish, but really she’s just trying to convey how pissed she is that Cliche is ignoring their two month friendship. The guys are just like “Ugh, chicks. So much drama.”

Evan and Callie have a chat, and she tells him that she’s just a standoffish person in general, and it’s nothing personal. She has to get comfortable with people. He says it’s all good. Callie thinks Cliche’s going home, but Evan says she won’t.

Cut to Cliche telling SceIan in bed that she thinks she’s going to come home. Apparently she’s reached a point where staying will become destructive instead of constructive and she’ll revert. SceIan tells her he’ll support her either way.

Callie tells us that Cliche being around is dragging her down. She doesn’t have the energy to try and lift Cliche’s spirits anymore. Well, how could she? They must weigh more than Kirstie Alley.

Joe Scopin calls Pandrew (See? I knew they weren’t all names John!) to ask about his trip and tell him to get some drafts done by tomorrow. Pandrew is befuddled, to say the least. He was expecting more time.

Pandrea makes an appearance to cuddle with Pandrew in the Love Sacks while he tells her his worries. Awwww, Panda Love, happened so fast. He confessionals that he’s nervous because this is the big time, and “you have to pay to get it out of the little newspaper machines.” He puts his thinking cap on (literally) and stares at blank paper for awhile.

Cliche tells SceIan that she doesn’t know whether to stay or go, and he tells her she needs to make up her mind one way or another. Amen, brother. Apparently she feels coin flipping is the appropriate decision making method. Weak sauce. Rock, Paper, Scissors is much better. Hell, even Eenie Meenie Minie Moe. Then she even fucks up flipping the coin, and just drops it on the ground without calling it. SceIan tries to explain this to her and she claims the coin told her to go, but I call shenanigans. That does not count.

She tells Odrama and Callie, and I never noticed how dirty the phrase “come to a head” sounded before. Odrama doesn’t think she’ll go since she’s cried wolf so many times. Cliche confessionals that she wants to leave on good terms with no regrets. Callie believes Cliche really will leave because she doesn’t think Cliche can let SceIan leave.

The next morning, while Cliche and Crue are out, the roomies discuss her leaving. Pandrew wants to put money on it, and Emily says she kind of wants Cliche to leave since she’s said it so many times. Agreed, with both of them. They mention that Cliche and SceIan are out doing touristy things, and then Mike says what may be my favorite thing so far this season. “And I told her to go to the Holocaust museum, because if she felt bad about her life…” and then he’s interrupted by giggle, both mine and the roomies. I mentioned that in the About Last Night, but it bears repeating because, well, it was AWESOME. Also awesome is Pandrew(?)’s response: “Or she’ll just get REALLY depressed.” HA!

Pandrew gets a call because apparently he’s running a little late on his deadline. He makes up an excuse about scanner problems and tells us that pressure doesn’t really motivate him. Sex, candy, and treats do. Apparently yelling and mean words (which I heard absolutely none of, BTW) just make Pandrew sad.

Callie and Odrama go for a walk and discuss Cliche. According to Callie, everyone likes her and wants her there, but I’m not convinced of that. Odrama thinks the only thing keeping her there as long as she was SceIan’s visit, so he could see the house and whatnot. Callie thinks it’s a problem because if you’re too devoted to someone you can’t give yourself to the experience. Cliche tells SceIan that he knows her better than anyone, but he tells her the roomies probably know her better than she realizes.

Odrama points out that if this is Cliche’s last day in DC, she has chosen to spend all of it with SceIan and none of it with the roomies. Good point. It also makes her mad because Cliche is doing all of the touristy stuff with SceIan that Odrama has been begging the roomies to do. Haha, another good point. She can be tolerable in small doses. Yes, she’s trying to get Callie on her side, but she’s not entirely wrong.

Panic sets in for Pandrew and he ends up drawing something about how Obama’s troubles are not that different from Joe the Plumber’s. He sends it over with a big sigh of relief.

Pandrew’s at the office with Joe, going over his cartoon. Joe says he had his concerns, but he got more than he expected. Apparently it ended up getting published as a subtle MTV ad.

Back at the house, Cliche’s packing party is underway. It is rather gloomy as the girl roomies and Ian sit around while she yammers about a puppy. The girls take turns tentatively calling her out for leaving because of SceIan. She says she could stay, but her heart’s not in it. Emily says her heart is with SceIan. Cliche claims it’s with her friends and family. She says DC isn’t where you go to start a music career, but as Callie points out, you can pretty much start one anywhere. SceIan shows a remarkable amount of self-awareness and decides to leave them alone.

Callie tells us again that she takes Cliche leaving personally, since Cliche apparently feels there’s nothing in DC for her. Cliche says the only reason she feels like she can leave is because she’s in a good place with everyone in the house. Emily confessionals that she feels like the girls in the house are BFFs and she doesn’t understand how one of them can walk away so easily. Cliche still tries to say she’s not leaving because of SceIan, but Odrama points out that she’s going back to his home, because he’s visiting, and she spent her last day with him instead of the roomies.

Cliche says they’re making her feel bad, but Callie says they’re just trying to tell her what a good friend she is and she shouldn’t feel bad. Cliche soundbites that “I wanna go back to being my normal self!” Then she blames them for not being about to “go out in a positive way.” That sounds like Challenge talk to me. Is it Challenge time yet?

The remaining girls decide to go play in the rain. Awww, my college roomies and I used to wander around campus in the rain. Also, too bad Pandrew finally got laid or else he’d be there judging like it was a wet t-shirt contest.

Then SceIan tells Cliche that she has no good reason to go. No one wants her to leave, she’s risking friendships, and sometimes you have to work through shit to be happy. Now that the things her roomies have been saying for weeks are coming from the Almighty SceIan, she’s suddenly confused and wondering if she should stay. In all seriousness, though, SceIan earned my respect.

Cliche goes to talk to the girls (it should go without saying by now that none of the guy roomies seem to give a flying fuck about any of this), hoping they will beg her to stay. Then she tells them she’s staying for them, which immediately causes Odrama to flee from the room. Awww, wish I could do that. She doesn’t want to engage this unhealthy behavior, she much prefers her unhealthy behavior take the form of creeping up on people, especially couples.

Cliche says she needs to put her own happiness aside and stay. Wow, she’s over here and the point is waaaaaaaaaaaay over there. What I’m saying is, she missed the point. Emily just can’t believe she cried wolf again. Oh, oops, just realized Mike’s part of this conversation too. Anyway, apparently since SceIan wants her to stay, she’s considering it now. Emily tries to tell her the point is her, not SceIan.

Cliche leaves and tells SceIan that they don’t want her to stay. Apparently since they weren’t doing backflips over her offering to grace them with her miserable presence, she’s going to leave FURR REALZ THIS TIME.

So like Frankie from Real World San Diego, Cliche has decided that she’s just “too punk rock for this.” She says she’ll miss everyone, she’ll keep in touch, and they’ll see her thrive. Mike thinks as soon as she gets home and realizes what happened, she’ll regret it.

Callie says the goodbye is bittersweet because she’ll miss Cliche, but now she won’t be dragged down quite so much (I may have rephrased that last part). She hopes Cliche finds her own happiness that doesn’t revolved around SceIan (again, I may have rephrased).

The remaining roomies go out to eat while Cliche sings a goodbye song in the music room. Apparently she wants peace. Not for the world, just for herself. Way to be selfish, even Yoko sang about peace for everyone.

Emily confessionals that all of the negative energy is gone now. Well, until next week when Odrama picks a fight with a cactus. Speaking of Odrama, she thinks it’s “terribly unfortunate” someone had to leave for everyone else to get happy again, but apparently now that the joy sucker is gone everyone’s laughing and being merry.

Next week: Douche sucks, but his band doesn’t. Tanner finally comes to visit! Awww, drama for poor Mikey when Tanner’s family doesn’t approve.