Was that a parade that just came through my living room? Nope, it was Willie and his storyline, proudly taking The Real World to places its never been: mainly gay sex. Actually, we’re not even sure if there was gay sex. We never really saw any of it. But what we did see what Willie getting nekkid in the shower with new paramour Daniel and then the two hopping into bed. MJ and Landon climbed over their female bedmates to witness this behavior because they thought it was “fascinating”. Apparently they also read Playgirl because they want to appreciate other men’s “fascinating” physiques.
Oh, but I kid. Gay or straight, anytime anyone has sex or at least makes out in a Real World house, it’s become tradition for the rest of the cast to sit and ogle. So who am I to deprive MJ, Landon and anyone else the right to gaze voyeuristically, especially when it’s for our own, uh, voyeuristic entertainment.Of course, Landon and MJ have been running in with gay culture so much this season that they probably could have spent the five months wrapped in a rainbow flag. In this week’s episode, their lazy afternoon was interrupted when Willie welcomed a posse of flamboyant guys into the house. Sensing culture shock, Shavonda scurried ahead of Willie and sent out what amounted to a distress signal. She rallied MJ and Landon and warned them that the house would soon be crawling with rampant gay men, possibly orgies.
Landon and MJ gulped hard as they tried to be cool with everything, but deep down you could sense their nagging fears. When Willie and his crew finally did arrive, the rest of the roommates stood safely on the second floor balcony, patronizingly pointing fingers at those crazy gay people! I’m surprised they didn’t request show tunes.
Now, when Karamo goes to a bar and picks up men (something we really haven’t seen yet), I imagine his discoveries are of a more, how do you say it, masculine variety. I feel strong in inferring this because when Karamo roamed through the gay festival that started all this, he was quick to comment that “this scene” was Willie’s, not his. What a shock — Karamo doesn’t like drag queens and small white men who wear makeup. This would therefore explain why after this admission, Karamo completely dropped out of the episode. Willie, meanwhile, took front and center as he and his new buddies overtook the Real World house.
Unfortunately, Willie’s friends didn’t go through the rigorous Bunim/Murray casting process, and therefore they were alternately boring or annoying. One guy, Jason, tried oh so hard to be witty and funny on camera, but Nathan Lane he was not. Another guy, “Diana”, tried a little drag queen out of costume schtick, but again, not very funny. The last dude, Daniel, thankfully didn’t try to be funny, but I suppose that’s due to his overall bland personality.
A little history on Daniel. He and Willie met a few years ago when they spent an intense five or six days walking together. Yes, those memorable walking relationships. They’re really unlike the usual sexual ones. Still, a walking relationship has its own dramas like “Should I try to make it before the Don’t Walk sign stops blinking?” or “Can you hold on a second? I need to tie my shoe” or “Man, I think I just stepped in dog poop.” Intense!
Well, after years apart, Daniel and Willie ran into each other at the gay festival. Goodbye Karamo, hello Daniel. The reunited friends caught up on old times, and after Jason and Diana left for their own walking relationship, Daniel and Willie became reacquainted in the sack. Okay, they just snuggled and most of their clothes were still on; so it really wasn’t that big of a deal. It was better that way because as Willie kept saying, he wanted to take it slowly. This of course meant that the next day Willie got drunk and hopped in the shower with his new boy toy. The two finished things off in the bedroom, which led all the girls to run for cover in the heterosexual beds of Landon and MJ.
Sarah seemed the least disturbed or shocked by Willie’s gay sex. Maybe that’s because she was preoccupied with her breasts again. You see, Sarah and her orbs of silicone had had a difficult episode. Prior to the gay festival, Mel threw a little passive aggressiveness Sarah’s way when she insisted over and over again that she would never ever get plastic surgery. To make Sarah feel better though, Mel tried to downplay it all by saying “It’s just like buying a car, except it’s breasts instead.” Oh, that was good. That was really good.
Sarah, who had claimed to be a super confident gal, appeared to be falling into a spiral of self-doubt, low self-esteem, and general insecurity as Mel poo-pooed the implants. Her face had this tragic look, not because she was offended by Mel’s passive aggression, but because she seemed to realize that implants hadn’t solved any of her deep emotional problems.
Sarah then revealed that she had struggled with bulimia since she was 17 (that was about six year ago, fyi) and she had finally just overcome it six months ago. Part of me was a little offended at how Sarah threw around this fact like some cool red badge of honor. The joke’s on her though because last time I checked, bulimia doesn’t just shut off. Oh, but how could I forget? The breast implants fixed everything! I’m sure any psychologist would prescribe physical augmentation to deal with self-image problems. I mean, what’s the point of adjusting your mental outlook on body image?
Later in the episode, Melanie hurled some more PA at her nympho roommate. After Sarah bought a pair of $150 jeans, Mel wandered around the house yammering about the expensive price tag and adding the usual “I would never…” comments. Understandably, Sarah became a little irritated about the situation; so she did what any good member of the Real World would do. She complained to her friends, went to the gym, and then had a lovely little “chat” that was high on rhetoric and low on understanding. Granted, Sarah and Mel reached some sort of faux resolution, but we know how these things work. After a bunch of “Oh honey” comments and “I know you didn’t intend it, but it’s just the way I feel” qualifications, it all inevitably reverts to hostility. It may have seemed like a helpful interaction, but there’s this little problem: Melanie has no respect for Sarah. I mean, it’s obvious. And until Mel revises her opinion, she’s going to be throwing out the passive aggression until the cows come home… or at least until the next big girl fight.
Gotta love The Real World!