YAAAAAAWWWWWNNNN

From the previews of last week’s episode, I knew that the group would be heading back to Outward Bound. I was fully prepared for absolute boredom. However, there are a number of things that would actually be more fun that watching this week’s snoozefest. Earlier today, while I was at work, I stared blankly at a white wall for about 45 minutes. That was less boring than this week’s episode. I’ve sat through some of the most monotonous lectures, some lasting two hours, on topics that are well over my head, where I’ve dozed off, and those were more thrilling than this week’s episode. I assume walking through the desert, dying a thirst with nothing but sand for miles around would be more exciting than watching this episode. At least then there’s a chance you could see a mirage or something. Nope, this week was one for for the ages in terms of boringosity, a term I’ve just coined specifically for referencing this episode. However, I’ll still try to do my best to make this at least a little entertaining for anyone fortunate enough to have not watched it. Find out if that’s actually possible after the jump…

This week we see Tyrie, Brooke and Chris from Outward Bound in the airport, picking up the Hurricane Katrina girls. Brooke tells us that this is their final week at Outward Bound, and I plan on having a party celebrating it later this weekend. We saw all the girls, and it looks like a few of the girls are going to HATE this trip. The rest of the Real World cast is already at the campsite, so there must not have been any shenanigans involved in their transportation this time. Apparently the third time really is a charm. And the first. But not the second.

The girls get out of the van, and we see a shot of Colie. I assumed that Colie was going to be all chummy with these girls, telling them how she was in Lousiana for Hurricane Katrina, and then they could be best friends forever!

Yep, nothing uncomfortable here . . .

That night the girls are gazing dreamily upon Alex as he’s explaining the itinerary for the next day. The main thing they’ll be doing is rappelling, and as we all know, Brooke HATES rappelling. You know what else she hates? BOWLING. I also assume she hates most, if not all types of work as well.

The next day, it’s time to rappel. Lori, another Outward Bound instructor, says rappelling is probably the most dangerous thing the girls will be doing. Then she asks if anyone has any questions. Well, Brooke says she’s nervous about doing it, but the last thing she wants to be is a problem. So just let her get out of it without any problems and then everyone will be happy. If she decides not to do the rappel, it’s going to look bad. I mean, these 14-17 year old girls can do it, but Brooke doesn’t need to. Brooke then gets a pep talk from Jenn, and holy shit Jenn looks shiny as she tells us something. I don’t even know what she said, I was blinded and dumbfounded by her gleam. Whatever she said to Brooke, Brooke says she’ll consider doing the rappel. Yeah right.

Brooke about to repel

These young girls are doing the rappel like it’s nothing, and Brooke tells us it makes her feel terrible that she can’t do it. How terrible? Probably not terrible enough to do it, but terrible enough to complain about it. Lots of things are that terrible for Brooke. Well, three girls go down, then guess whose turn it is.

Getting close to repelling

Chris straps in Brooke, and she says “You promise to take care of me?” I won’t go into how ridiculous that question is, but I did notice that Chris sounded pretty creepy in his answer. He was talking really softly to Brooke, and I just felt uncomfortable listening to his voice at that level.

Praying. . . but not repelling

Then Brooke begins her descent. Kind of. Wait, scratch that. She just took two steps backward, but she’s still on solid rock. I feel bad for the other four girls that haven’t gone down yet, as they watch Brooke completely freak out. I’m sure that will have no adverse effects on their desire to rappel.

Inches from repelling. .. .but not repelling.

Brooke backs up just a little bit more to the edge of the rock,

Inches from repelling. .. . but still not freakin repelling.

and she’s almost hyperventilating, and then she kneels over forward.

Quit Repelling

She can’t do it. Do you hear that Brooke? That’s the sound of failure. It’s also the sound of 4 teen girls judging the HELL out of you.

“Are you kidding me?

Do you know how many people I could have nailed in the time it’s taken you to not repel?”

As MTV went to commercial, we saw a scene of Alex and Brooke forcing dialog. Brooke’s new boobs are HUUUGE. It’s slightly a noticeable difference. They were talking about something stupid, and then they said there were outtakes at the end of the episode today. Whooooooo cares. Isn’t the best stuff what they show in the episode anyways?

Back from commercial, Chris still isn’t giving up on Brooke like the rest of us have. He’s giving her a pep talk. Brooke says she wants to do it nooow, so I guess before when she failed, she didn’t really want to do it. Then she tells the girls to not be like her, to which they responded they were way ahead of her. In unison. And then they laughed together because that was definitely not rehearsed. I may have created that last part in my head though.

Every time Brooke looks down, she let’s out some sort of “Oh gosh,” and despite everyone telling her to NOT LOOK DOWN she continues to do it anyways. Brooke actually starts on her way down, and she gets about 4 steps down the side, and she realizes it’s simple. She manages to get all the way down, having mini celebrations, yelling things. I didn’t really see what the big deal. Personal growth, shmersonal growth in my opinion. But, hell, whatever, good for her.

With every step it appears both her confidence and thighs grow exponentially.

Once down, Brooke tells us that she’s proud of herself, and now she knows that she has what it takes, and before she didn’t believe it. Now she knows! Everyone is proud of Brooke, and they’ve decided for now to look past how immature she normally is. Hooray Outward Bound!

I assume the rest of the girls made it down without a scene like Brooke’s, because the next thing we saw was the next day. Everyone was eating breakfast, but Chris and Colie were absent. They’re at Colie’s tent, which Colie is inside of. Chris asks her how she’s feeling, and she responds with “How do I look?” I didn’t wait for Chris’s response before I laughed, and laughed. “Not good,” was his comeback, but I was hoping for “ugly.” I mean, I know it’s the outdoors and you feel sick, but put on a little makeup baby. So Colie decided that she should go home, because she thinks she has mono again (seriously).

What I wish Chris said:

“Sure go home since you have mono.

incidentally I was born yesterday and Id love to buy

swamp land in Florida you droopy faced lazy twat”

Stephen and Brooke are leading the girls up to the height camp, and I think there’s thunder in the background. Chris, who is with the group, tells everyone that if lightning is within three miles, they have to go into lightning drill. One girl looks pretty scared (and 14), and then Brooke tells us that she’s also terrified of lightning. I would actually have been more surprised if Brooke said she WASN’T terrified of lightning at this point. Anyways, on the way up, one girl begins to get very short of breath. It just so happens that it starts to rain, and the group has to get into lighning drill. As this is happening, this girl is not getting any better. So what does Chris do? He straps her onto his back so he can get her quickly down into more oxygen. This leaves just Stephen and Brooke in charge, so I’m sure that that’s going to go over well, since Brooke is scared of everything.

It looks like it’s stopped raining, and the girls are looking nervous, but Stephen says that Brooke is doing a great job of being calm and taking charge, and he says she’s really confident. Shortly after that, Chris is back, sans Ashley (the short of breath girl). He’s rejoined the group, and as they continue on their trek up the mountain, he asks Brooke how she’s doing. “Ohhhh, okay” is her answer. Again, typical Brooke. But, at least she didn’t complain. Brooke just might be becoming a woman in front of our eyes. You know, a woman that’s not as crazy.

Chris shows off that he can run with a twixter on his back while the real world camera man continues to wonder why he couldn’t work the season where they worked in a coffee shop.

On to day 4. Jenn, Ty, Alex and Davis are taking the girls on the B-climb, whatever that is. The girls made it up to the summit with the Real Worlders following, so basically the girls did all the work themselves. But the Real Worlders will have you believe it was “supposed” to be like that. Yeah right, and I’m “supposed” to shower. As everyone got back down, there was Ashley! She was better, and she said that basically she was just hyperventilating. The highlight of her trip? She got ice cream. Those Katrina boys would be so jealous of her. You suck it Katrina boys (and girls who didn’t get ice cream)!

Brooke goes from her internship at outward bound, to her equestrian lessons.

So now on to day 5. There’s a group picture, and then it’s time for everyone to leave. Brooke tells us that she started out thinking that Outward Bound was a joke, and now she has a different attitude. She doesn’t tell us what that attitude is, so I assume it’s resentment for making her do “stuff.” As the van with the Katrina girls pulls away, Jenn yells out “Bye rock stars!” Idiot.

After those girls leave, Chris sits everyone down, and Brooke is already bawling. Chris feels like he’s friends with everyone after this adventure. Cut to Chris waiting for his phone to ring the following weekend to go out with the cast members. Sorry Chris, not that good of friends. Brooke then discusses her experience, crying in the process. Then it’s Jenn’s turn to cry, and she says that, “Getting Brooke to go off that rappel was the highest I’ve ever been in my life. Except for all those times I got really drunk and hooked up with those guys. That was pretty high too. But for (relatively) drug-free highs, this is top 5.”

Ty says the trip has been very beneficial. I was worried he might get as definitive as “good,” in his description, but he stuck with very beneficial. He then went on to say that he hoped the group could carry the cohesiveness that they have at Outward Bound back to the house with them, almost completely cementing the possibility that the exact opposite will happen.

Chris says that they’ve worked hard (lie), so do they want to take a vacation? I think there was a mumble, and no one realized that he was about to tell them something about the trip they get to take. So he tells them that they’ll find out about their trip on Tuesday, and Brooke makes a celebratory gesture. Brooke LOVES Tuesday!

Everyone then leaves, and Brooke tells us that she finally “won” Chris’s “respect.” And that’s what she really wanted. And that’s where the episode ends. BORING.

I would be remiss, however, if I didn’t point out the outtakes that I mentioned earlier. For the most part, they were dumb. However, with one, we hear Colie say she has to go to the bathroom. Then we see Davis, driving, Jenn up front, and Colie and Brooke in back, and Colie says “This will be my first time taking a shit in an envelope.” The following scenes involve Colie shitting in an envelope, and saying things relative to said shit. I feel like any joke I make here would take away from COLIE SHITTING IN AN ENVELOPE. (I hope Colie never finds out my address. She’s already got practice shitting in envelopes, I assume I would receive a full one.)

What did you think of the episode? Are you as glad as I am that this Outward Bound “job” is through? Do you think Brooke really learned anything that she will apply to future situations, or has she matured at all? And how many times have you shit in an envelope?

And don’t forget to catch Saul on the After Show. I’m praying that the next time Colie is on he asks her about it.