In case you haven’t noticed, it’s exactly seven days since the last Real World: Austin aired. And in case you haven’t noticed, the recap is going up today. Why the delay? Well, actually, I hadn’t even seen this episode until earlier this morning. Simple logistics, I tell you. But it actually works out okay because this latest installment ends with a cliffhanger of epic proportions, so if anything, this tardy recap will do nothing but whet your appetites for tonight’s big showdown. I hope. And by the way, I’m not really sure if the episode ended with a cliffhanger since the Tivo cut off the last minute, but with all the drama swirling around Lacey, I’d have a hard time believing anything could be wrapped up in sixty seconds. Then again, this is the Real World. Stranger things have happened.So this episode was the sort of show I love. Nothing too major happened, but the drama was petty, lighthearted, and enjoyable. No ponderous Danny/Melinda issues for us to labor through. The show opened up in the midst of the South by Southwest festival, and in case we had forgotten what this event was all about, the producers, who were probably contractually bound, slapped a nifty title card on the screen: “Now in its 18th year, South by Southwest showcases more than 1000 bands from all over the world.” Okay, that was nice and everything, but don’t try to make us think this episode is actually going to be a serious look at the SXSW festival. We’ve seen the previews. We know it’s all about Lacey talking smack behind people’s backs.
Nevertheless, we caught up with the gang amidst the chaos of the festival as they interviewed various bands and concert-goers on the street. “We just met Robert Plant,” said one happy person, to which Rachel smiled, “Great…” Okay, she has no idea who Robert Plant is. She only knows celebrities of the cotton candy ice cream world.
We then moved into a Halifax concert where camera man Wes explained the visceral joy of having the lead singer’s sweat and beer dripping on the camera lens. “It can’t get any more real than that moment right there.” And so began Wes’s pièce de résistance: “Liquids Falling On A Camera Lens,” — now showing exclusively at the Angelica Theatre.
Well, everyone seemed to be loving Halifax. Everyone but Lacey, that is. “I still think they totally suck,” she complained to us. Now why would she say that? Just because they are completely generic and forgettable? That’s cruel, Lacey. Afterwards, Rachel found the band outside and flirted with Tommy and Mike, the drummer and lead singer, respectively. Sorry guys. Before you get the Penny Lanes, you gotta start with the Real Worlders.
Anyway, the kiddos all went back to the house, and guess who came over to hang out and drink? Halifax! Lacey didn’t think it was very professional, and she was right, but hey, it’s not like this doc is going to be submitted to Sundance (sorry Nehemiah). As the booze continued to flow, the emotions ran wild, causing Rachel to tell us in the confessional that she might have the hots for lead singer Mike. “Mike and I have a lot in common and a lot to talk about,” she glowed. Cut to their conversation: “Your dumb girlfriend sent ice cream in the mail too?? Wow!” Actually, we did cut to them, but they were in the confessional, being drunk and babbling to the camera. “So this is my Jewish friend,” Rachel said. It’s already a match made in heaven. After all, according to her t-shirt, Everyone Loves a Jewish Girl! And Urban Outfitters!
Memo to all readers: stop wearing the “Everyone Loves…” t-shirts.
You can see how much he loves this Jewish girl.
Sadly, the romantic confessional was somewhat dampened by Mike’s pure determination to promote his band. Basically, he blurted out Halifax’s website. “You’re plugging? Oh my gosh, in the confessional?” asked an incredulous Rachel. Uh, you do realize the sole reason these guys came over was to clock in more screen time on MTV, right? As much as I believe they’d want to bask in the glow of such luminaries as Wes, something tells me that without the cameras, Halifax might’ve been chilling elsewhere.
Things suddenly took a dramatic, dramatic I tell you, turn when we found out that the mechanical basketball hoop game/machine thing was broken. Turns out that in a drunken haze of stupidity (also known as Tuesday), Rachel had actually hopped into the device. Of course, this royally pissed off Nehemiah, mostly because he’s pretty much spent the entire season standing in the corner, shooting hoops. And so we were treated to yet another Nehemiah/Rachel blow up. “I’m stupid,” confessed Rachel to guys. “That’s not good enough reason. Yeah, obviously. Is that cute? Is that attractive? Is that going to make him like you more?” seethed Nehemiah, who then turned his attention to Mike and yelled, “I don’t like you… you’re the reason why she jumped in here.” So let’s revisit some recent Rachel/Nehemiah history: this fight centered on a broken basketball toy. Their last fight centered on Rachel and a fajita. What will the future have in store for them? A heated interchange about AA batteries? Some near-fisticuffs about Hot Pockets? A veritable rhubarb about pencil sharpeners? The possibilities are endless.
Amazingly though, even though Nehemiah seemed completely full of rage, he then pulled the “I don’t see why they don’t get that I’m joking.” Oh. Clearly Nehemiah changed horses mid-stream. A little damage control, if you will. You know, because he was acting like a douchebag. Point being: this altercation ended peacefully with Neh and Mike laughing and dapping all the way home. Unfortunately, the emotions were too much for poor Rachel who holed herself up in a toilet stall and cried, cried, cried. See, she thought it was all her fault that the Halifax guys were going home, but no, you sillyhead! They weren’t going anywhere! The girls then all had to climb in the stall and give her exaggerated encouragement, kind of like when you’re trying to make a seven-year-old stop crying. “This is STUPID!” said Lacey, trying to cheer her up and make her realize everything was okay. But seriously, it was stupid.
The next morning, Rachel, Wes, and Danny were supposed to drive out to a campsite an hour away and film HelloGoodbye, but oopsy-daisy! In her drunken state, Rachel forgot to set her alarm clock. The three all headed out extremely late, and in the car, Wes and Danny continued to hound Rachel about the basketball hoop. Man, these guys really love this thing, but maybe I’m underestimating it. I mean, it was clearly the reigning story of the household. In fact, over at Gossip Central, Lacey was talking about it to her boyfriend Ryan: “Yeah, Rachel broke their basketball machine last night. They’re so pissed at her. She whale-dived on it, and it folded in half and broke the wire out of the machine.” Seriously Lacey, this is the most mundane gossip yet. Next she’s going to be regaling Ryan with tales of how the iron was really hot today and how the garbage kind of smelled.
Meanwhile, in the car, Danny, Rachel, and Wes kvetched about Lacey and her gossiping ways. Ah, would this be the episode where Lacey finally becomes the outcast? We’ve been expecting it all season. Has this golden moment arrived?? Well, Danny in particular really laid into Lacey, saying that all she does is talk about people behind their backs… unlike what he was doing at that very second. We then saw a flashback of Lacey saying, “Not that our roommates are super stupid, but they’re definitely not at the prime of their intelligence.” Look, she might be talking behind people’s backs, but at least she’s not lying.
For those of you who care about the saga of HelloGoodbye, Rachel and the crew arrived at the park but couldn’t actually find the proper campsite. This made Danny pissed, of course, so they all had to drive back home, thus wasting essentially two or three hours of precious drinking time. At the mansion, Rachel coordinated with HelloGoodbye to film them the next day instead, but since she was tired from all the extra work that her irresponsibility had wrought, she asked Lacey to do the shoot instead. Well, Lacey explained to us that her group was in charge of Enon while Rachel’s was in charge of HelloGoodbye; so while it sucked that they had arrived late and missed their shoot, it really wasn’t Lacey’s fault or responsibility. What the hell are you talking about, Lacey? Don’t try to be “logical” and “professional”! Rachel got drunk, missed her own damn appointment with the band, and now has to go back out there the next day. Clearly this is something you should be doing instead. Rachel’s already worked very lightly today. Gosh, you’re so inconsiderate sometimes.
That night, the whole gang went to see HelloGoodbye perform, and guess what? Lacey liked them! She really liked them! But seriously, they can’t be as good as Enon. NOTHING’s as good as Enon! Afterwards, Rachel and Danny bitched about Lacey some more, with Danny complaining, “I thought she was going to take this thing seriously.” This coming from the guy who blew off the Enon shoot so he could get drunk at the Spaghetti Warehouse instead. But I can’t expect rational thinking from Danny. After all, he is an IDIOT.
The next day, Rachel, Melinda, and Danny headed off to the campsite yet again, and spent most of the morning complaining about how Lacey had said this shoot was stupid. Actually, I’m pretty sure Lacey was saying it would have been stupid for her to go because, you know, it wasn’t her responsibility. Nevertheless, this powerful trio arrived at the campsite where they were shown a sizable cliff above a river. “I am going to jump off this cliff no matter what happens,” promised Danny. Uh oh. Will this lead to a freshly re-broken skull? I don’t know, but speaking of bashing faces in, that was my first impulse when we met the lead singer of Hellogoodbye and he began singing a stupid song on his banjo. It was not unlike that seminal scene from Animal House where John Belushi destroys that guy’s guitar. Nevertheless, with this guy crooning on the soundtrack, we then saw Danny and Melinda jumping off the cliff and then boasting about how symbolic it was for their relationship. The good news was that this Danny/Melinda bit was over relatively quickly. The bad news was the mild assumption that if we went an episode without getting an update on these two, we’d be furious.
This guy is just asking for a beating.
Anyway, as the roommates prepared to leave the shoot, Forrest (the lead singer) announced, “The only bad thing about Austin is that it’s surrounded by Texas.” Ouch. Hey, good luck landing a gig in Texas. You know, he may have had a banjo and a wimpy little voice, but this Forrest guy was a troublemaker. After he bashed the Lone Star state, he then stirred the pot by saying that Lacey talks a lot of smack. Man, if Lacey’s not an outcast by the end of tonight’s episode, I may have to reevaluate my theories on Real World politics.
Meanwhile, Lacey just could not understand why everyone thought she was a gossip: “I cannot figure out why my roommates think I talk about them, especially because I’m home by myself all the time.” Yeah, and as we all know, people with too much time on their hands are never prone to spice up their lives with idle gossip at every chance they get. Hey, did anyone see this week’s Desperate Housewives yet?
As the show approached the 30 minute mark, we found Rachel up in the editing suite staring agog at the monitors. Apparently she had just found footage of Lacey saying, “You’re going to cheat on your girlfriend… with Rachel?!?!” Dunh dunh DUNH! Well, this calls for a confrontation. To be fair, Wes and Johanna warned Rachel that Lacey was just going to say that she was reacting to the guy’s intent to cheat. And why the “with Rachel?!?!” — because it would be wrong to cheat with anyone. So be warned Rachel: Lacey might try to pull a fast one with her… true intentions and logic? Devious bitch.
Rachel then brought Lacey into the room, showed her the footage, and yup, Lacey did all the things that Wes and Johanna said she’d do. I didn’t get to see if this elevated to a full-fledged cat fight because, alas, the Tivo cut the show off, but I’m confident we’ll see plenty of fallout tonight. Or maybe none at all. The possibilities are endless!
What do you think? Is Lacey gossiping too much? And was what she said about Rachel good or bad?