You Better Piss On It

It’s vacation week on the Real World, and I was hoping that it would live up to some of the past Real World vacations. How could you forget Wes pretending to be Prince William, and the mention of the name causing a stupid fight between Danny and Melinda? Or how could you forget, uh, last season’s vacation. Ok, that one was pretty boring. But with so much to do in Taiwan, I mean Thailand, this week would have to be interesting right? Especially after the past few weeks had been so boring. There’s so much intrigue. Will Colie give out BJ’s left and right? How many people can Jenn find to make out with? Will Alex finally profess his undying love for Colie before a romantic sunset? Your answers: Yes, 13, fucking of course not. Find out what else happened after the jump. This week the episode started off with the crew arriving at the airport in Thailand. We see various shots of Bangkok, and then they arrive at their hotel for the evening. While they were en route to the hotel, Brooke asked if they’d been traveling for three days. No, two days. No, less than two days. Brooke is above dealing with time zones apparently. And international date lines. Anyways, shortly after getting to the hotel, Brooke gets out a phone and calls her mom. Immediately you can tell that Brooke is skeptical about this trip. But, she hates everything she hasn’t already done, so that’s no surprise.

“Mom? HEEEEEELLLPPP!!!!”

Twelve hours later, Colie is getting a snake placed around her neck. Alex also had a snake put around his neck, and then a snake was placed around both Colie and Davis. This snake had the misfortune into Colie’s nether-regions, and she screamed “There’s a snake in my vagina.” That snake was slithering in the footsteps of many, many men, and probably a few animals.

What’s one more snake up there?

There are more cultural shots of Bangkok, and then they all take a boat out to Koh Phangan, and their resort is beautiful, which makes Brooke appear to feel better about the trip. After they’ve been there awhile, everyone goes swimming, and Colie is doing so topless. Alex tells us that he wishes Colie would just cover everything up, and I second his opinion. Jenn then goes topless as well, and Steve says he likes what he sees. This is coming shortly after being told that Jenn and Stephen have become much closer friends recently.

Girls day out

While everyone is still hanging out at the pool, Colie and Davis wandered out a little ways into the ocean. Brooke said she was nervous about jellyfish stings and sharks, and Davis told her to shut up. Wait, that was me. He actually told her to stop worrying, and then, guess what, Brooke got stung by a jellyfish (allegedly). We went to commercial seeing Davis carry Brooke in. So, if you’re keeping track at home, the only thing of interest before the first commercial break was the actual arrival in Thailand. And that is it.

Someone’s been snooping through the International Male Catalogue!

Back from commercial, everyone was making fun of Brooke. Apparently I’m not the only one who thinks Brooke is annoyingly scared of everything. Eventually everyone walks out to meet Brooke and Davis, who are now at the edge of the water, and, uh, speaking of covering things up Alex. While I agreed with him, he is in no position to judge Colie while he’s wearing that swimsuit. Brooke asks if she should pee on her foot, and everyone gladly volunteers to help her out instead, with Alex specifically wanting to pee on her the most. So Alex pees on her, and then I guess it’s Colie’s turn. Now that’s just sexy. Gross! I mean gross!!

Crackin’ one case at a time

Once Brooke has been sufficiently peed on, everyone heads back to the pool. Brooke tells us that Jenn and Steve are now flirting more, which seems oddly placed in the middle of this episode, but whatever. Later, Colie asks a waiter when the food they ordered is coming, and Alex goes into some lecture about not speaking to someone that way. We didn’t actually see it happen though, so I assume the editors chose to edit out the actual incident to make it seem like it was a bigger deal than it was. Regardless, Alex told her to shut up and he walked away, leaving Brooke and Colie to bitch about how much of a jerk he is. Then Colie went to sleep with him. Maybe that last part didn’t happen.

That night there’s some party on the beach. Or, more specifically, there are probably a lot of parties on the beach all the time, but the Real Worlders went to one specifically. There was some sort of fire-walking setup, which is a tradition in Thailand. Brooke says if she did Outward Bound, she can do fire-walking. Not really sure I agree with her logic, but her, Jenn and Colie all go through holding hands and probably risking severe burns by doing so. Hooray female bonding! Later on, Colie sees a group of Australian dudes and goes to talk to them, and she sounds like she’s wasted. She’s also wearing a see-through dress, which, while in the dark may not be a bad idea, but in any sort of lighted area would be. I was cursing the lights on the cameras.

The Snake Pit

She takes one of the Australians home and has sex with him, and no one can go to bed. Brooke says it’s typical Colie, it’s kind of sad and she’s sick of having to see it. If I’m this sick of seeing Colie having sex, I can’t imagine how sick Brooke must be of it. This is one situation where she’s more than justified of feeling IN HELL!!!

Too bad Australian guys are built to last.

The next morning, Alex, Ty, Brooke and Colie are sitting together at lunch or something and Colie said that she liked the Australian guys. It was nice of her to inform everyone, in case they couldn’t tell she liked them from the sex she had. Colie said she had fun last night, and Alex said they could hear it. “Hear what?” “The fun.” “What are you talking about?” That’s right Colie, deny the loud sex, it’s not like there’s proof that EVERYONE HEARD IT. Colie then tells us that she doesn’t appreciate Alex butting into her life. Yeah, how dare he, overhearing sex like that. What a jerk. He was so out of line. She’ll just have to have more loud sex again tonight. That’ll show him.

Later that day, everyone goes snorkeling, and surprise! Brooke is nervous about it. Everyone jumps in, but Brooke goes in slowly, and it takes convincing by the person on the boat for her to go in. Probably about 5 minutes after everyone else got in, Brooke finally got in the water, saying how beautiful it was. Of course, she still hadn’t looked under water, so Ty got her to do that. Look at how strong of a person Brooke is; she’s conquering all sorts of fears! Especially the ludicrous ones.

Who’s the biggest ass here?

Apparently Colie and Davis got drunk while they were on the boat before or after (or both) snorkeling, and now Colie is acting pretty obnoxious. She’s actually sloppy drunk. Very sloppy. Following snorkeling, everyone rides elephants, and Ty does not enjoy the ride very much. When they got off the elephants, there was some sort of waterfall. Everyone was hanging out, and Colie dropped her backpack (because she’s so drunk) into the water, which lands on some rocks (like two feet below). She goes to get it, but slips down the rocks. No one is concerned, again, because she’s crazy drunk. She even mentions that her toe is “gushing” blood, and you couldn’t see any from the camera. Way to not be melodramatic.

Call House!

Right after that, Brooke slipped and smacked her tailbone on the rocks, and immediately starts howling in pain. She complains that it’s the worst pain she’s ever felt, which I thought was how she also described the jellyfish sting. Regardless, she obviously does not have a high tolerance for pain, because she appeared to be fine. However, Colie was pissed. Her fall was eclipsed by Brooke’s fall mere minutes later. Why can’t everyone just focus all of their attention on Colie at all times? Come on people! Love her! Accept her! Alex tells us that now he basically just doesn’t like Colie, and Colie is trying to pick a fight with him as they’re on their way back to the resort. She just ends up looking like a drunk fool though, so I guess that was the theme of the day.

That night is the final night in Koh Phangan, so they’re all getting crazy on the beach again. Once again, Colie is shitcanned, and she’s with the Australians again. There isn’t much stalling before she takes the same dude back to her room. Giggety. Jenn and Brooke are walking home, and Jenn is pissed, but she says it’s ok that Colie is having sex because she needs ass. Brooke disagrees, and says Colie needs reassurance that she’s an ok person, and she finds it through sex. Damn, that’s some pretty impressive psychoanalysis from Brooke. I mean, it’s obvious to all of us, but she still nailed it.

Anyways, the next morning Stephen tells us that this was really the last hurrah for everyone since they’ll have less than a week together when they get back. Thank God. As the episode ends, everyone is riding back on a boat to Bangkok and Brooke gets a little seasick into a plastic bag. Apparently she’s too classy for over the side puking. Coincidentally, this episode also made me want to puke, so I know how she feels.

I barfed at the same time! Jinx! Brooke owes me a Coke!

So that was how the episode ended. What did you think? Will you be glad when this season’s over? Was this one of the most boring vacation episodes ever? Did Brooke get bigger boobs to conquer her fear of getting big boobs?

And don’t forget to watch the After Show to see Saul insult the lucky cast member joining him which they don’t understand.