The City: Dates With D-Bags

This week on The Shitty: Whit goes on a bad blind date with a d-bag; Roxy fights with another d-bag; Kelly has to call Whit out on her crap again; and Olivia and Erin don’t get along. Did you guys know that? That they don’t get along? News to me. Also, for reasons I can neither explain nor comprehend, Cobra Starship (the band, not an actual starship of cobras) meets with Elle. Which is the closest thing to a music video MTV can do at this point.

I am SO sorry about the lateness, guys! Usually I like to have my recaps up ASAP (because in my opinion, the longer people have to wait, the less they care, ipso facto, the less they read and comment). But this week has been weird. Anyway. Whit and Roxy are eating outside, and are talking about calling pest control. Apparently they have a squirrel in their apartment. Seriously? If this really happened, then why aren’t they showing Roxy and Whit freaking out in their apartment? Ah, because that would have been interesting. Instead, I really hope they show us the same old crap they always do: Whit going on a date, and Erin and Olivia working. Roxy has a date with that douchey Zac guy from a couple episodes back. Although, isn’t every guy on this show douchey? And Whit’s going on a blind date with some guy who works at Bergdorf with Sam. Roxy’s like, Ohmigod you know what that means – he’ll know more about fashion than you! Also, he’ll be gay. I’m just saying! Also, we desperately need the bitchiness and awesomeness of a gay BFF on this show. They work in fashion. I’ve seen them — I watch Project Runway. Or at least, I did the first season. I don’t get the lack of gay dudes on this show. Credits.

At Elle, Joe says there’s a big photo shoot coming up, and he needs Olivia to eff it all up. Or in his words, “Help out.” Um there’s this actual part of a conversation that goes like this:
Joe: I love a man’s watch on a woman.
Olivia: Me too, love it, love it, so sexy.
Joe: So sexy.
Okay, what? Seriously? Erin comes in and Joe asks her to come down to the photo shoot later on. Then there’s about 7 seconds of needlessly awkward silence.

It’s time for Whit’s blind date in Tribeca. Whit’s date tonight will be Patrick.

Whit asks Patrick if she kept him waiting a long time, and this is his reply: “You did, but it’s all good.” He follows this suave statement with something even suaver: “I see you’re rocking some bling this evening.” And then Whit’s reaction is priceless: “I . . . gueeessss.” Hee. Then there’s this discussion of the ridiculous abbreviation of phrases (a particular pet peeve of mine) that Patrick thinks sound cool and interesting. Like “5F” for the fifth floor at Bergdorf. Or “L.V.” for Louis Vuitton, which Whit doesn’t get until Patrick explains it. Turns out he called his female roommate to meet him at “LV” and the stupid idiot had no idea what it was! I mean, can you believe it? And do you even care? No. Whit asks him for advice about getting some sneakers, and then asks if he’s been on blind dates before. He has. Shocker.

Meanwhile, Roxy meets “Too Cool For a H On the End” Zac for a date at a bar that is, according to Zac, “the coolest shit.” Any bar that serves alcohol is “the coolest shit” to me. Roxy asks about Zac’s girlfriend. They broke up. Roxy says her last relationship was freaky, and the guy like, “ended up sleeping outside her apartment.” Now, I have nothing to base this on, but I’m gonna call bullshit on that. I just think Roxy’s lying right now. And, you know, always.

Back on the blind date, Patrick gets the bill and says they should split it. Whit’s not impressed. I don’t know. For me, first dates are always (well, almost always) dutch. Right? Am I the only one who goes by this rule? That’s why I like to just have sex on the first date — skip the dinner. And the talking. That way I don’t spend any money, and I get a little exercise. Win win. I will say that Patrick’s phrasing of the handling of the bill (“Let’s join forces. Team up.”) and his little “what the fuck do you care?” nod to Whit, could have been more polite, and that may be Whit’s problem. So, that’s the end of the date. Whit and Patrick head for home.

It’s the next morning at Whit’s place, where Whit tells Roxy that her date was “kind of a nightmare.”

Whit does a really cute and spot-on rendition of the date where she says “he complimented me on my ‘bling,’ [complete with awesome finger quotes],” then talks about how lame the abbreviations were (specifically “L.V.”) and then says that he wanted to go halvsies on the check — she says it wasn’t the fact that he wanted to split the check that was bad, it was the douchey way he brought it up. Aw, yay! You guys, I really wouldn’t mind having Whitney as a friend. She seems like she’d be so much fun in these kind of moments. Yeah, girl desperately needs a gay BFF. Maybe when Patrick stops sabotaging blind dates with women because of his discomfort with his sexuality and finally comes out of the closet, he and Whit can patch things up and laugh about it.

Roxy tells Whit that she likes that Zac is “grounded” in NYC and that she likes him, but she doesn’t know if she like-likes him. She asks Whit to come out with them so Whit can be her “wing-man.” Yeah, because THAT worked out GREAT in Miami, didn’t it, Rox? Whit says that she needs to work, but Roxy convinces her to go out, so Whit says that she’s gonna get some work done right now. Is it Saturday on the show? I think it is. What does Whit have to work on? Does she have a blog? Maybe she’s working on that long-forgotten clothing line. Whatevs. Let’s move on to something else.

Maybe I should have specified that I wanted to move on to something actually interesting, because now we’re at the photo shoot for the person who’s going to be wearing that sexy men’s watch (that no one who sees the photo will notice). The celebrity/photo person/model is named Brooklyn. Ugh. Barf. Blah. Or maybe they’re in Brooklyn. I don’t care. Up on the roof, where the photo shoot will be taking place, Joe tells Erin that Olivia nailed the photo shoot styling. Joe’s not sure if it’s because she knows the “WASPy, preppy lifestyle so well” or whatever. Nail on the head, Joe. Nail on the head. Erin’s like, Yeah, well all she did was pull one outfit “that looked exactly like her,” which is true, but I think Erin may need to reel in the Olivia hate for a little bit. The negativity around your boss may have an adverse affect, E-Dawg. They then continue to argue about the same old shit, and Erin says that no one held her hand when she started at Elle, so it’s unfair for Olivia to expect someone to do the same. Yeah, word on that. I mean, Olivia has to pick out watches for pete’s sakes. Has there ever been an easier job in the world? No. No there has not.

We’re still at the photo shoot. I know you thought a new paragraph would bring something fun, and I’m sorry to disappoint you. Let’s compare Olivia’s outfit with that of the model’s shall we?

Joe says that there’s a dinner party with . . . are you ready for this, chickadee2586? . . . Cobra Starship! I don’t know, I think I’d rather have a dinner with Jefferson Starship, but whatevs. I don’t know how this came about, and I don’t know why someone from Elle is having a dinner party with some new rock group (I’m sorry, I have a complete lack of knowledge of contemporary music), but let’s see what happens. Olivia’s totes excited, and I’m surprised that she didn’t yell, “I know them! I totally do. Totally.” Chickadee2586, I’m counting on you to comment on this with more information than I can give, okay?

Music is playing in the background. Is it Cobra Starship? I have no idea. Roxy, Whit, and Sam (and some other girl) are at a club waiting for Zac, who brings in his “friends,” which is basically The Mascara and Cleavage Pride Parade. Zac tells Rox that they should get a table, and that there’s “a guy in there somewhere” with his party, and Rox is like, Yeah we’ll catch up later. Not impressed. Basically Roxy, Whitney, and Sam hate Zac, and Zac’s friends are kind of bitchy, but one of them does ask if Roxy thought that that she and Zac were dating and not just hanging out with drinks (which is the fundamental difference between men and women). So, Zac comes over, and Roxy’s like, I invite you out with my friends, tell you to bring hot guys, and what you did was rude. Zac’s like, Don’t yell at me, this is stupid! Then he skulks off and Roxy give him the double flip-off. Classic. But my favorite part about this whole interaction is Whit’s reaction:

I know I already used this pic once, but it’s just so hilarious. So here it is again.

Over at Rouge Tomate (seriously?) Cobra Starship and the Elle people (again, why?) are eating at a table. Gabe, the lead singer, talks about writing a song with Kara DiGuardi, of American Idol fame. Oh, Chickadee2586, I feel this strange need to protect you from this part of the recap, but . . . What Gabe just said there sounded incredibly lame. I’m sorry! I know neither the context nor the band, but there you go. Knee-jerk reaction. Then the most incredibly boring conversation begins, having to do with some Elle head-lady needing a dress for the Women in Hollywood function. Joe talks about Olivia and Erin helping her pick out a dress, and Joe says they’re a good team.

So, Olivia (I think) brings the conversation to music, and says she loves house music and has “always loved hip-hop.” Gabe asks her if she likes A Tribe Called Quest, and Olivia says she’s never heard of them. Erin goes, “Oh my goddd.” And the other dude from Cobra Starship kind of smirks. And then Olivia leaves, and literally everyone else at the table is like, It’s obvious Erin hates Olivia. Erin then goes on a mini-tirade about how Olivia sucks and messes up, but there are never any consequences. Gabe’s reaction to this? “Well . . . she’s a babe.” Ha! And then everyone except Erin agrees and all things are right and good in The City universe.

Is THIS song a Cobra Starship song? I feel bad that a.) I have no idea, and b.) I really don’t care about finding out. Over at People’s Revolution of Fashion Conformity, Whit asks Roxy about what happened with Zac, and JUST when I think to myself, “Didn’t Kelly tell you LAST WEEK to cut the personal drama out of work?” I see this:

Roxy tells Whit that all the models with Zac were like, “old models,” (e.g. 23 year-olds) and that was just tacky. They go on and on (loudly) about this, and literally everyone in the office can hear them and thinks they’re being vapid and unproductive. Ooh, Kelly is simmering. And then she has enough and asks Whit to break up “the quilting circle” and come in to her office, where she tells Whit that she doesn’t want to hear that crap, because it’s “bad enough that I have to hear Roxy’s voice in this office.” Ha! Kelly says that she doesn’t want to hear people gossiping about boys when she’s “trying to run a freaking company in the middle of a recession.” This is the second time Kelly’s mentioned the economy in 2 episodes. I wonder if People’s Revolution is being affected directly? I don’t know. But it’s nice to have a voice of reality on this show. Kelly goes on to tell Whit that she wants to work in fashion, so it’s time to get her nose to the grindstone, and she hasn’t shown Kelly any sketches since those ones she showed her awhile ago, so get on it. And also, she needs to watch out for “kooks.”

Next week: I was hoping they’d take a week off for Thanksgiving, because recapping two shows each week can suck sometimes, but no. This show refuses to take a break. Also, there are only 2 episodes left! What the crap?! So here’s what you’ll see next time: Whit has a photo shoot, Roxy is supposed to help which causes some obvious friction. Oh, and hey, did you know that Olivia and Erin don’t get along? Because next week we’ll see some of that — finally! Happy Thanksgiving you guys! If you’re not in America and/or don’t celebrate the holiday, have a great next Thursday!