The City: Fashion Whiplash, Fashion Backlash

This week on The Shitty: Houses of fashion fly by as Olivia is on the case to get some accessories for an Elle shoot; Whitney shows her fashion sketches to Kelly and then goes behind her back on Roxy’s suggestion, causing an epic, bi-polar tirade that only the likes of Kelly Cutrone can pull off.

Never trust a girl with this shiny of a face.

Erin and Joe Zee are at the Giorgio Armani cafeteria, where they serve Vaseline and Kleenex with a side of lovely olive tapenade. Erin and Joe are talking about some A to Zee (get it? Yeah, it’s dumb) fall fashion thingamajig and then proceed to have the Olivia argument for what is already the 1,000th time. Methinks that this is going to happen every episode. Joe once again sticks up for Olivia, and not just because MTV is forcing him to. No, also because Adam DiVello is kneeling behind him with a gun to the back of his head. Erin wonders if Olivia is up to the A to Zee workload, and Joe says that if not, maybe her future’s not at Elle. Credits.

This Kleenex is delicious. Now please fire the skank.

Erin explains to Olivia that the A to Zee thing means that they do the A to Zs of fashion, so they need 26 outfits/accessories/blah. Did I mention they’re riding in a car? Cuz they are. And not one that they’re driving. These bitches don’t drive, y’all. Erin goes on to explain that they’ll be doing part of it for Access Hollywood. Oh, awesome, so just as the lower-class is finishing up their spaghetti dinners, they can watch Billy Bush show them some clothes and belts they’ll never be able to afford. Fierce.

Whit and Roxy are at People’s Revolution and Whit tells Roxy that she’s brought in some fashion designs to show Kelly, and Roxy’s actually impressed by “half” her collection, except for some fabric that feels like “a couch.” Whit brings her sketches and swatches in to Kelly, who is also impressed, and gives her some advice, telling Whit that she needs to have about 25-31 sketches/designs for a fashion line. Whit only has 15. Kelly’s like, You have some more work to do, so “don’t show these to anyone else. You have what it takes and you already know that.” Is it just me, or would a compliment from Kelly Cutrone be one of the best compliments ever? Because you know that ho don’t bullshit, so it would mean a lot. She then goes, “I’m gonna be your loyal bitch – I’m in your corner.” Awwww! That’s the Kelly Cutrone equivalent of “I love you.”

This look means “I’m buying you a pony.”

Olivia and Erin are at Badgley Mischka. I thought these guys were fey Euro-Trash a-holes, but it turns out they’re just fey American snobs. I’m sorry, but $400 for sunglasses? How is that ever rational? One of the sunglasses has, hand to god, “inlaid feathers in the temple.” And, hand to god, they look like something you get for your niece’s birthday at the last minute in Dollar General.

Whit and Roxy meet Whit’s friend Samantha (from Bergdorf Goodman), and Roxy is like, Hey Samantha, get your boss to see Whit’s sketches! Samantha’s all, She’s really busy, and I’m sure that I could talk to her about it, but she’s really busy, like really busy. Busy! And Whit’s like, I don’t even know if they’re ready. I wonder if Whitney will stand her ground and not give in to Roxy’s peer pressure to go behind Kelly’s back. I’m sure she won’t. Real sure.

At the Roberta Freymann Showroom in the Fashion District of New York City, Olvia arrives to look at more expensive crap. Some of the stuff is pretty . . . but I’ve seen the exact same stuff in Target. The bags, though, are from $75 to $150, which I think is sort of barely acceptable. I mean, especially if the handles are inlaid with feather. The necklaces go up to $350, which, not so much. Olivia asks about the turn-around, because people need to be able to buy these things as soon as the Access Hollywood thing airs. Huh. That’s actually a good question. I bet Erin told her to ask it.

Most fashionable bullet proof vest ever.

Whit and Roxy are shopping for fabric, because god forbid we have an actual moment in this episode that doesn’t somehow revolve around fashion and actually deals with people’s own emotional relationships. This is like the parallel universe of The Hills: People work and never party. At The Hills, people drink g & t’s all day and night and never work, but still have mysterious “jobs.” I’m talking about you, Lo. What do you do, Lo?!

Roxy is trying to convince Whit to go to the meeting at Bergdorf, but Whit is nervous about meeting the woman. Even though Kelly told her not to show her sketches around, she knows that if she doesn’t take initiative, then nothing is going to happen with her line. Which is true. You know, I actually agree with both Roxy and Whit a tiny bit. You have to do what it takes to make your dream a reality, whether that involves showing your sketches when someone told you not to or giving the guy in human resources a handy j in the corporate bathroom.

Whit’s like, Okay, I think you’re right. So, she’s gonna do it, folks. Which is good, except that Kelly told her not to, and I think Kelly probably knows how this will all go down and was trying to get Whitney to wait until things are more polished.

Ugh, we’re violently thrown into yet another scene at yet another house of fashion. At Rachel Roy, who I’ve actually heard of, Olivia tells Rachel herself about the A to Zee stuff and Rachel shows Olivia some jewelry. It’s priced from $40 to $200, retail. Not too bad, I suppose. Rachel asks Olivia about how things are at Elle. Did these two know each other previously? Possibly. Olivia says, “I’m a believer in always helping people –” Um, wha?! “– when people are new, giving them a chance to adjust” and that’s just not the way things “always are in my life.” Rachel tells her to stay refined and “the sweet person that you are –” UH, WHA?! “– as much as possible.” Okay, the reason these two are friends? They’re both equally deluded.

She must have really made the clerk at Orange Julius mad.

And now we’re at Bergdorf Goodman. Whit meets with Sunni, the buyer at BG, and shows her sketches. Are big-ass necklaces in this season? Because both of them are wearing one. Basically Sunni says she can see the designer in Whitney, but that she needs to take pictures and get a “look book” (which I’m assuming is a portfolio) because a lot of buyers ask for those. She goes on to say that Whitney has a lot of potential, and then leaves for a meeting. Well, that was completely lackluster. Also, boring. This is the high-point of drama in this episode so far, folks. Yup. Tension. I swear, the whole “meeting” lasted 2 minutes, even without weird time-sucking DiVello-style editing.

Back at People’s Revolution, Whit goes in to see Kelly because she asked to see her. Kelly is like, “I got an interesting phone call today. From Bergdorf Goodman. Been there lately?” Oh, dip. Whit totally looks like she got called to the principal’s office for making out with the assistant football coach under the bleachers. Whit says that she was at lunch with Roxy and Samantha and Roxy came up with the idea of showing her stuff to Sunni, and then Kelly. Goes. Off.

“It’s always good to take advice from a chick from California who’s been in New York for three weeks and knows fuck-all. That’s always a great way to start your fashion career.” Whoa. Harsh. I feel really bad for Whit. But not bad enough that I’m not enjoying this. Whit says, “And so I thought, ‘Why not? I have nothing to lose.’” Kelly interrupts and goes, “Except your reputation! Because nobody in their right mind would go with a DRAWING to Bergdorf Goodman. So how’d it go?”

When Whit says that Sunni basically said the same thing that Kelly’s saying right now, Kelly says that it’s all “ass-backward insane. We already talked about it, I told you not to go anywhere! I told you I’d do this for you because I love you and I believe in you and I think that you’re great, all right. You wanna listen to Roxy? Don’t do it in my office, my relationships, on my time. And it’s just not smart. You’re at a different place than her right now, you’re not the girl who just came off the boat from L.A. You’ve been here for awhile, you’ve paid your dues.” Kelly goes on to say that Whit is poised to go places, and she’s not exactly sure that Roxy has Whit’s best interests in mind, and basically says, Don’t listen to anything Roxy has to say when it comes to your career. Word. I have to say that it’s getting REALLY annoying watching Whit roll over and take it every week, taking people’s (by which I mean ROXY’S) stupid advice without thinking for herself. Am I right folks? Am I right?

Most entertaining hot flash of all time. At least on MTV.

Back at Elle, Erin comes into Joe’s office, where he’s looking at recent pics of Victoria Beckham and they blah about her for about 5 seconds, which is really all the time that’s needed when you’re talking about Victoria Beckham, if you ask me. Joe asks about A to Zee, and Erin says hopefully Olivia will come through. They talk about how if she comes up with nothing, then the shit will hit the fan. Speak of the devil’s daughter: Olivia shows up and blahs about meeting Rachel Roy and how “she’s such a dear friend” and ” her daughters are so cute.” Erin rightfully rolls her eyes during this. I love Erin. Olivia has tons of pictures of crap and when the Olivia Accessory Montage is over, Joe’s impressed and after Olivia leaves, turns to Erin and says, “Girl’s a star, I told you that.” Oooooh, burn, Erin. Ouch. Ouchies.

…but…

Next week: Joe makes Erin drag Olivia to a party; Whit says she needs to meet some guys and she meets one who looks like a hybrid between the only two types of (straight) guys on this show: A.) The Male Model and B.) The Scraggly Boho Musician. Also, The Stepfather will have come out and bombed at the box office so we won’t have to see those damn online commercials for it every 5 minutes. Yay!