Pussycat Dolls cough up hairballs

With its stars described as “sexy,” “racy,” “wild” and “whorish,” you’d expect tonight’s premiere of Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for The Next Doll to be a by-the-numbers reality TV sleazefest. Fun to watch and dish.

Eighteen leggy young women compete for a spot in the manufactured singing-dancing-bumping-and-grinding troupe of would-be Carmen Electras that managed to sell five million CDs around the world, and has even four-year-olds singing “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me.”

But advance word on tonight’s episode (9 pm on the CW) is beyond bizarre. It’s scary– described in terms that downright disgusting.

And we don’t mean the host, poor Mark McGrath, completing his morph from pop star to Billy Bush.

WARNING: There’s a real EPISODE (and appetite) SPOILER… after the jump…Don’t take it from us. We’ll let the guy from The LA Times say it:

“There is contestant vomiting on the first episode of Pussycat Dolls.”

Apparently, a whole bunch of the girls are stricken with some sort of stomach virus. And there is retching, puking, medics, stretchers and IVs. Followed by the auditions.

The lady from The New York Times, who watches reality TV like a dowager watching a homeless person soil himself, says the show is “actually harrowing” and” grim”:

“Usually documentary producers are happy for spontaneity on camera, but scenes of the hopefuls vomiting in green-tinted bathrooms are probably not what they expected… Up until the last minute, there’s a refugee scene backstage: peaked-looking women lie supine, shivering together on plaid blankets and being pumped intravenously with fluids.

“It’s not inspiring — it’s grim — when the shivering hopefuls summon their empowerment, unhook their IVs, squeeze into their skimpy costumes and take the stage to try to become Pussycat Dolls.”

Top that, Tyra!

–Tabloid Baby