RECAP: Around the World in 80 Plates- Mangia Italia

Recaps

By Jane and Blanche | Friday, June 8, 2012 | 9:00 am | 11 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Around the World in 80 Plates, Recaps

Foggywood- sit back and relax, the 2 Italian sisters got this!

We wanted to like this show. We really did. We love The Amazing Race, Survivor and Top Chef so a mash-up of the three couldn’t go wrong, right? Yeesh, who knew we’d miss Phil, Jeff and Colicchio so much. Are they trying to tease Cat Cora’s hair so she’s as tall as Curtis Stone? No self-respecting lesbian should be wearing her hair like that. We’re from Texas and we think her hair is too big. And is it written in their contracts that Curtis and Cat have to move in tandem at all times? Does it seem to you that Curtis tries not to blink to show off his blue eyes?

Anyway, Out of Africa and into the Tuscan Sun.

The prettiest thing they had on this show. Curtis is suing.

New teams! And  they’re picking the teams old school dodgeball style with a twist- whoever they pick goes on the other team. Gary is trying to get the best team while Nick is trying to play the best mind games. Nick puts Liz on Gary’s team and she feels like getting picked first is like getting picked last but she’s “MVC” so she’s not taking it personally. We think for Liz this title should now stand for “Motor Vehicle Collision” because watching her cook is like one big train wreck- you want to look away but you just can’t. Nick also sends loser John to Gary’s team with the parting shot, “John has lost every time so if he goes over there, their guaranteed to lose. I mean you’re super talented…” Wow, too bad this isn’t a competition for the best motivational speaker. Avery gets picked last, looks to be near tears and calls all the chef’s cowards. But if getting picked first is like getting picked last, and getting picked last means they’re all cowards and x equals y to the third degree… Christ! The strategery is giving us a headache.

Red Team: Gary the leader, Jenna salami, John the loser and Liz the wreck

Black team: Slick Nick, Nookie Red Sox, Nicole who and Avery the brave

The Good, the Bad and the Big ole Train Wreck 

They fly off to Italy and Avery poses the question: If we’re not here to cook against the strongest chefs then what are we here for? Jon answers, “I thought we were here to win $150,000.” Dear John, You have been in the bottom 4 times in a row. Do you realize you are on a cooking show? If you don’t want to be a loser, then you must cook. Sincerely, Jane & Blanche

Jenna just wants 2 glasses of red wine so she can be confidant in her Italian. Shit, after 2 BOTTLES of red wine we can speak any language.

Nookie confesses that he worked in Italy for 6 months and when the chef he was to work under heard Nookie was coming, he quit. To be fair if we heard a Red Sox fan was coming, we’d quit too (Rangers all the way, baby!!)

Gary confesses that he thinks Jenna is a great chef but just needs a muzzle and he asks, “How do you say that in Italian?” It’s “muso” Gary. See? 2 bottles of wine works every time!

Nothing says Italian like a good scavenger hunt. Jenna rocks the first clue, guiding the red team quickly to the right cafe to taste the ribollita- a reboiled seasonal dish (or as we say in America leftover veggie stew). The second clue is to figure out what tasty treat is commonly mistaken for cheese. Ummmmm, Velveeta? Cheese in a can? Cheez whiz? Ballpark nacho cheese? If this was in America we could go on all night, but in Italy the one answer is Ricotta. How boring.

Each team gets a map to go find Filipo and pick some olives. The red team has fallen behind and Jon feels defeated. Dear Jon, you’ve had 4 episodes to grow accustomed to being a loser. Please get over it, butch up and drive faster. Love you, mean it, Jane & Blanche.

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We grew up on the prairie; Blanche is older and became blind by her teenage years... Jane is the adorable younger sister, known as "half -pint." Ok, so that's not true but we were raised in Texas, so kinda close.

We're all grown up now and are official card-carrying members of the Asshole Social Society, it's kinda like an exclusive country club, but for snarky  people who have no money, and would rather stay home talking to the tv than to other people.

Growing up we fought like crazy but only during the commercials... Now we're sisters that love and respect each other, only on the 8's tho (kinda like the weather channel...)

We love all reality tv and meat products.

We will try to make you laugh but a majority of the time we just make ourselves laugh so you may get a raw deal.

People love us! At least to our face they do, which is proper southern etiquette .

11 Comments

  1. 1
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted June 8, 2012 at 10:32 am

    It seems to me that if you are on a team of 4, Gary stupidly voted. He should have voted for Jenna, just like Liz. I mean, at worst, you’ll force a tie, at best, John will also vote for Jenna, rendering her vote moot. I believe that Nicole Who would’ve voted for Jenna, if it came down to a tie between Jenna and Gary. I don’t understand what Gary was thinking and I don’t understand the decided lack of strategy on this show.

    @J&B, do you guys only pinch hit for the regular recappers who aren’t able to complete their assignments? If not, when are you two getting your own show? Please tell me you’ll be recapping something like “True Blood” or “Big Brother” later this summer. You definitely deserve it after incluing a Super Mario Brothers reference and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reference in the same recap.

    Keep up the GREAT work!

  2. 2
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted June 8, 2012 at 10:48 am

    We agree on the strategy! It’s so frustrating lol
    We will be recapping Hollywood exes, starts June 27, weekly! :) thanks for the support @derek hazelton!

  3. 3
    Mummy Butterfly
    Posted June 8, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    I despise Avery. Didn’t like her last week (and the whole “my beets were stolen” crap) – REALLY can’t stand her whining this week about being picked last. DUH! That means they wanted you for THEIR team, so they didn’t pick you for the OTHER team. She * Just * Annoys * Me!

    Jenna also annoys me, I want to slap her silly. Or muzzle her. Or shove a stolen beet in her mouth and duct tape it there so she can’t talk (in ANY language).

    I loved Gary. :( WTH? Force a tie! This is a game! PLAY IT! :( Sad to see him go.

    Great recap! :D

  4. 4
    Foggywood Foggywood
    Posted June 9, 2012 at 2:04 am

    J & B – I’d let you cook me dinner anytime! I love “Jenna salami” with no other context. Not Jenna the Salami, just Jenna salami. HEE!
    Thank you guys so much – Lurved the whole thang. Am in Asia right now and can’t get the stream, so you two saved me.
    xoxoxo –
    Foggywood

  5. 5
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted June 9, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Thanks, Foggy! We love you, too! Come back quick and don’t forget to bring us something purty ;)

  6. 6
    Another World
    Posted June 9, 2012 at 11:16 am

    Gary was my favorite! Waaaaaa!

    @derekhazelton, I agree. The outcome could have been wonderful if he’d gone with your logic.

    Funny recap, Jane and Blanche! I’m enjoying yall filling in :)

  7. 7
    caligal
    Posted June 9, 2012 at 11:40 am

    I still don’t get what Gary did to be voted off. John destroyed the main dish and Gary had to start all over. But then I thought about it, and if Gary was stupid enough not to throw another vote to someone who already had a vote, he deserved to be voted off.

    I really expected better from Magical Elves.

  8. 8
    Sel
    Posted June 9, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    Why do they have Cat AND Curtis? They both do the same thing, together. Cat in particular is extraneous… I actually like her although her personality is not evident on this show at all. Maybe they wanted to have 2 hosts so they could talk in case the locals weren’t chatty?

  9. 9
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted June 10, 2012 at 1:40 am

    First off, thanks @Jane and Blanche for the great work! It was so extremely funny, and I’m looking forward to your recaps of Hollywood Exes!!

    Secondly, I don’t understand what happened here. Gary is a sweetheart and I will miss him terribly, but he clearly has zero sense of self-preservation and may also be incapable of basic arithmetic. A modicum of either would have told him to vote for fucking JENNA. What am I going to do without Gary? The only person left that I like is Avery and Nookie is actually growing on me, but neither one can serve up bitchy wit the way that Gary did. And there’s not enough Curtis. What are we supposed to do now? I hate this show. *throws glass across room*

    John is such a sad sack. When that shelf fell, I started laughing so hard that I almost choked to death on nothing. Like of course out of everyone, that would happen to him. He is the Charlie Brown of the show, except for that even Charlie Brown has a good day every now and then. John is just…no. I did think he was adorable with his parents though, and I appreciate that he clearly felt like shit over the great ribollita disaster of 2012. Oh John…the sun will come out tomorrow. Maybe. But probably not.

    Also, I tried to google salami ring or whatever the fuck that ugly ass shit was because I had never heard of it and didn’t understand why anyone would give that to someone as an engagement ring, and the only thing that popped up was Jenna’s annoying know-it-all blog that she has with her equally annoying and pretentious fiance. Of course.

  10. 10
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted June 10, 2012 at 2:02 am

    Also, I’m kind of irritated at the eurocentricity of this show. They’re supposed to be going “around the world”, but so far, it’s been all Europe, with one stop in Morocco. And they keep on referring to Morocco as “Africa”, which drives the geographer in me mad.
    It’s Marrakech or Morocco, not Africa.
    They call all their other destinations by their specific names, so why call Marrakech Africa, like it’s the whole continent and not just a teeny tiny piece of it? God.

  11. 11
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted June 10, 2012 at 7:19 am

    @Chaosbutterfly, I was thinking the same thing about the European focus of the show. I am looking forward to Asian travel or some non-European locale where Jenna’s language skills won’t keep her around for another week.

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